Games women play… Gosh, that would take an encyclopedia more than a post :).
But this post will give you a great overview.
We will classify the mind games women play in a few high-level categories that will help you understand the female psychology behind dating.
- #1. Look At Me (& I Don’t Look At You) Games
- #2. I’m Not So Interested Games (AKA: Chase Me Some More)
- #3. “Invest in Me” Games (Ie.: I’m More Valuable, Pay The Difference)
- #4. Delay Responses Games
- #5. Waiting Games (Ie.: The Longer The Wait, The Bigger The Chump)
- #6. Cancel The Date Games
- #7. Prove Yourself to Me Games (AKA: Dance Monkey Dance)
- #8. No Sex Games
- #9. Damsel in Distress Games
- #10. “I’m Not That Kind of Girl” Game (AKA: Relationship Material Games)
- Getting His Commitment Games
- Relationship Games
- Nasty Games Women Play
- Bonus: These Are Not Games Women Play
#1. Look At Me (& I Don’t Look At You) Games
Games start early in seduction.
Far before a single word has been exchanged, women are already making sure that he is the one who is chasing.
And the very first move to slot him into the chasing position is by attracting his attention while pretending she hasn’t even noticed him).
More times than not indeed women don’t want men to realize they are looking at men while at the same time trying to get men to look at them.
Some women keep playing this game long after the two have first met.
Have you ever noticed that some women bury their noses on their phone on your agreed meeting spot or always fail to see you first?
And maybe you’ve been wondering:
Clueless guy: Gosh, I wonder how could she not see me
Well, if you have been wondering that: wake up and smell the coffee my friend: many women play games :).
You don’t need to take my word anyway, just look at this scene from Sex & The City and then look at the comments below the video (in case you don’t want to do that I’ll tell you: plenty women show they think in the exact same way):
Also notice how Carrie often looks away as they talk.
That way, making him look at her more often that she looks at him, she positions him as the one who wants something from her, which gives her power.
The “Look At Me Catwalk”
The crown for the “look at me game” goes to the lady whom I dated a couple of times a few years ago.
She was a real champ :).
She came out of the metro, dressed to the nine and walked two meters beside me with long stride and erect spine like a catwalk model who was overdoing her catwalk.
Then she stopped 3 meters in front of me, emphatically looked left and right as if she was looking for someone, and then stopped there.
I laughed, then immediately proceeded to knock a couple of points off of her for being such a game player.
Beating “Look At Me” Games
You can let her play this game and let her “win” it.
As long as she likes you and she doesn’t exaggerate, a prey/predator dynamic is good for seduction (and if you do it well, it an be great).
Just make sure that you:
- Don’t stare too much before approaching
- Are not staring at her when she turns to look at your during your approach
Also read more in: a scientific guide to approaching a girl.
#2. I’m Not So Interested Games (AKA: Chase Me Some More)
The female dating literature sounds like a big choir whose refrain is: “make him chase you”.
And making him chase starts by feigning disinterest or, at least, showing less interest then he does.
The approach in the movie hitch is all about playing disinterest game:
It’s easy to play this game wrong and end up with a nasty combative relationship.
In the movie, it looked cool, of course, but in real life it rarely ends that way simply because most strangers don’t meet a second time in real-life big cities.
Beating the “Feign Disinterest” Games
This is one of those games that risk derailing the budding relationship if any of the two overdoes it.
I recommend that you break this vicious circle not by calling her game out, which risks of pushing her on the defensive and denying, but by making the first step towards a more constructive relationship where adults with a secure attachment style have the courage to be honest.
Her: Well, I don’t know if I will have time to be honest
Him: Look, it’s not like you must find the time. Nobody dies if you don’t. But I like you. And maybe we can get along well. But to know for sure, we should find the time for a coffe.
So let’s do this: we exchange contact, I’ll give you a call and we’ll try to find some tie
#3. “Invest in Me” Games (Ie.: I’m More Valuable, Pay The Difference)
Some women make it a point to make men pay and invest in them.
- Pay for the dates
- Buy gifts
- Run to support her
- Emotionally support her (commiserate her woes, rail against her enemies etc.)
Making him invest in her increases her power because it shows that she has higher sexual market value and the investment serves to “pay for the difference”.
See an example here:
Most men are happy to invest because, on average, women are more valuable than men in the dating marketplace.
Beating “Make Him Invest” Games
Depending on your background and dating culture investing in a woman might actually be fine and might also be the safest way to eventually get her (also read: how to date, a scientific look into dating).
It’s when investing becomes “over-investing” and when you’re getting little back that this game women play becomes really nasty.
A relationship where one gives and the other only asks indeed is a very poor one.
I advise men to stay away from women who ask without giving and I advise women to stay away from “make him invest games“.
Most cool and well-adjusted guys don’t like it anyway:
#4. Delay Responses Games
The first time a girl messages a boy is the first time she will start thinking about delaying responses games.
It’s that natural and it’s that common that we don’t need to discuss it further
Beating the Delaying Response Game
A game of tit for tat where you make her wait longer and longer can be dangerous because it can turn into a slippery slope where you simply abandon each other.
In this example, she was very warm and quite chasing me in person. But her message came with a delay and with a very snubbing tone:
So I let her wait and kept it short and snubbish as well.
I recommend the following:
- The first time she does it, wait even longer
- Don’t invite her out if she avoided your invite of course
- Keep your text shorter
- As soon as she replies, reply within a day
The last point is the most important.
As we mentioned before, your objective here is to break the vicious circle of game playing.
Because there are some games which help the two of you and can actually add value.
But the delay game women play does not help.
It’s juvenile and it’s the equivalent of dating abortion: it doesn’t even give you two a chance (I recommend women not play this at all)!
See it this way: one of you must be adult about dating and relationships.
And let it be you.
Leaders behave like adults, so don’t be shy of being the first of stopping the games.
Great leaders always move first when it’s time to stop the games.
#5. Waiting Games (Ie.: The Longer The Wait, The Bigger The Chump)
Similar to delaying responses, “making him wait” is the old power move in the world.
No self-respecting woman would show up early to a date and wait for him.
Many women will show up late and some will show late on purpose.
The “make him wait game” communicates that she has more power and she can let you wait.
And when you wait, you communicate that it’s true and you agree with it.
Beating “Making Him Wait” Games
If the tardiness stays within 10 minutes it’s OK.
Longer than 10 minutes she must write to you.
If she is not apologizing, consider it a very bad sign and a strike against her character.
If she also not responsive, consider the date off and move.
Often women will chase you when they will realize you’re not waiting around for them:
10 minutes delay, no writing, no apologizing… I considered the date off. And moved to look for better prospects.
#6. Cancel The Date Games
Here is another old trick.
The person who cancels communicates he cares less about the event, meeting or date.
Robert Cialdini explains in Influence that we want what we can’t have.
So canceling a date can work in making men want her even more.
However, as with most games, it can also specularly backfire:
Of course at this point, I could not be sure whether she had a real reason to cancel or not.
But since she canceled on the same day of our scheduled date, I reacted the only way possible (read below).
Beating “Date Cancelling” Games
How do you recognize a real need to cancel a date from a game women play?
Simple, you look for the following:
- Is she telling you well in advance?
- Is she apologetic about it?
- Does she propose alternatives?
- Does she show a willingness to make up for it?
If she does any of the above, great news, It’s probably true and you can reschedule (just a bit later, not right away).
If she just drops a shi**y text like the one above on the same day, without any apologies, she doesn’t deserve your time.
Let it die.
And if it was true, it’s up to her to re-initiate.
And if she reinitiates with a lame excuse, you know she liked you, you know she feels guilty and you know she knows she misbehaved (and, likely, you know that she was playing a mind game):
The problem with many games women play is that they work with the most undiscerning men.
But with cooler guys, they just hurt everyone. Starting with the woman herself: in this example, I really lost most of my interest in her.
#7. Prove Yourself to Me Games (AKA: Dance Monkey Dance)
This is what in the past I have also called “jump through the hoops” and it’s more of a soft-power type of game.
Many smart women play it instinctively and most normal guys fall for.. Equally instinctively :).
The games women play which fall under the “make him prove to her” are varied and almost infinite actually.
And sometimes they can be a bit subtle.
Look at this example from a Tinder conversation:
It would be easy to keep the joke up here by saying “I’m crazy smart” or “our babies would be smarter than Einstein”.
But, even if said jokingly and seemingly good for our seduction, it would have still been me proving myself to her.
My reply instead actually says:
Lucio: Nono lady, you prove yourself to me
And in this case, it worked like a charm:
Many advanced dating games and power moves belong to this group.
And learning to deal with them is all about increasing your emotional intelligence pals, there is no shortcut (Social Power course is your best shortcut).
Also check this forum entry for a perfect execution of the “dance monkey dance”:
#8. No Sex Games
Withholding sex is an example of social games which I call “bartering games”.
The “withholding sex game” is actually encouraged and recommended by several dating coaches, including in the popular dating book for women “The Power of The Pussy“.
The author of “The Power of The Pussy” book recommends women to use sex as a bargaining chip to get whatever they want.
And that’s what the game is all about: it consists of not letting him enter her… Unless he does something that she wants (and it’s the game Margot Robbie plays in the very first picture of this article).
If her biggest bargaining chip is spreading her legs you should play at another table (the stakes are low here)
Dealing With Bartering Games
Men who give in to the bartering game of withholding sex are communicating a host of bad traits, including:
- He can’t get sex elsewhere
- She doesn’t really enjoy sex so much
- She is the sexual prize of the relationship
That is why you must always refuse to even entertain withholding sex games.
A good answer is to get offended she’d even stoop so low and invite her to leave (or leave yourself if you’re at her place):
Her: No, I don’t feel like doing it if you don’t make me that gift
Him: You know what, I really don’t have time for this. The relationships I seek are supportive and you don’t seem to want the saem. You seem more intent in playing nasty games here and I’m not up for that.
I should get to work now, and you should probably go
Then watch her chase you (as she should! She has to make her up for her manipulation).
#9. Damsel in Distress Games
The “too girly for this life” is a game women used to play much more often in the old days of romanticism.
Today, with feminism and the pressure on women to actually be the opposite, such as strong and independent, we don’t see it nearly as often.
But you’d be mistaken thinking it’s completely gone.
The smartest women indeed know better than drink the kool-aid on the “strong women lies” and they still use it.
Of course, not all do it this obviously, but the psychology behind is actually this one:
Make him feel strong and powerful, and he’ll move mountains to protect you.
This is actually a high-quality woman type of game.
#10. “I’m Not That Kind of Girl” Game (AKA: Relationship Material Games)
This is part of the more general “Madonna games”.
Such as, women seek to position themselves as “serious” and “relationship material” that he must wine and dine before he can get to the cake (read out “Madonna-whore dichotomy” because this is important in female and dating psychology).
Women play this all the times, in different formats.
Women play this game even when they’re being open and forward about sex (for a woman!).
Look at this example: this girl invited me to go to her place before going for lunch, and I wanted to make sure I was going to go there without “wasting a trip”, if you know what I mean.
So I joke a bit about “coming”, but that was too much and pushed her into the Madonna game:
Beating Madonna Games
The old pick-up artist mantra of “plausible deniability”, such as pretending that you’re not going to have sex but “just spend 5 minutes for a drink”, works well.
But if you can’t manage to move her out of the Madonna games and you only wanted short-term sex, then… Run for the hills.
You’ve been doing everything wrong, she’s taking you for a ride or… She thinks you’re quite some dumbass.
Or maybe all three of them combined.
No shame though brother, there is plenty of fish in the sea :).
Getting His Commitment Games
The games women play don’t stop at seduction of course, but actually switch to an even higher gear when things get sexual.
You can read more commitment games here, but some of the most popular include:
- “You can’t control me… Unless you become my boyfriend”
Here is how this game looks like in real life:
Her: I am going to party with my girlfriends
Him: Aren’t you partying a bit too much recently..
Her: Well, you’re not my boyfriend, so you can’t say anything..
This one basically says: start to get serious or I am drifting away and might meet someone else.
In a way, she is giving you more control over her.. As long as you give commitment.
It’s not the nastiest game as it’s a type of barter game and she is giving you something back.
- Triangulation Games
Her: My new teammate Marco is sooo nice to me. Today he invited me for lunch and he taught me so much about..
This is a threat of triangulation, and old seduction technique Robert Greene talks about in The Art of Seduction.
It’s a veiled threat that if you don’t hurry up, she might find someone else.
Here is another example of triangulation game:
- Ultimatum Games
Women usually play the ultimate game when they’re looking for a relationship:
Her: Either you get serious, or I’m outta here
All threats, including breakup threats, are, of course, nasty games.
I highly recommend men not to get into a relationship under any type of threat.
Not only it would give all the power to her, but it also says a lot about what she thinks of you (not so much) and provides a preview of how she might behave in the relationship.
- The gentle ultimatum game
This one looks like this:
Her: I don’t do sex without relationships
This is a good type of ultimatum game actually.
It’s still a slight threat of possibly abandoning the relationship, but it does so in a very tactful way.
Games Women Play to Get Commitment
Finally, once you’ve already been intimate and you have bee dating for a while, women will play “commitment games”.
I describe 3 “commit to me” games in this video:
And of course, there are the games that women play in relationships. But that’s a whole different ball game fellas, and I recommend you check “female relationship control techniques“.
Games diminish in relationships but do not disappear and Eric Berne describes some of them in “Games People Play“.
Relationships have very different games and power dynamics and men and women play very different games because of their very different needs.
It’s important you understand the difference if you want to have great relationships and I recommend you check the relationship section.
Nasty Games Women Play
Not all games are created equal.
Some games women play, same as for some games men play, are actually helpful for the relationship and can even be the signs of a high-quality woman.
Bonus: These Are Not Games Women Play
As usual, I have read other articles before writing this one and there is some incorrect information around.
The following are commonly listed as mind games women play, but they’re really not:
- Let’s just be friends
No, sorry, women who are attracted to men rarely if ever will tell them they are just friends.
The only exceptions are with coworkers and when other people are around, in which case she might be trying to protect her reputation.
- I like you more like a brother
Similar to the above: this is rarely a game or a shit test, as it’s often listed.
Women simply don’t say this kind of stuff to men they are attracted to.
Sure men do play games as well, but the games women play are, on average, far more numerous and far more advanced.
This article gave you an overview of the most common mind games women play and how you can confront them as a high-quality man.
Now you don’t need to fear women’s games anymore :).