Mind Games Women Play (& How to Beat Them)

games women play

Women play all kinds of games on mem:

As a matter of fact, this whole website teaches you about games and how to win the game.

But stay with me here for a second before clicking on those other posts.

In this article, we’ll give you the quickest overview of games women play, plus, you will learn how you can play them back.

games women play to gain the upper hand
“Mommy’s so sick and tired of wearing panties”

Let’s begin:

1. “Look At Me” (While I Don’t Look At You)

Games start early in seduction.

Before a single word has been exchanged, women are already making sure that he is chasing.

And the very first game to frame him into the chasing position is to get his attention while pretending she hasn’t even noticed him.

More often than not, women don’t want men to realize they are looking at men while at the same time trying to get men to look at them.

Some women keep playing this game long after the two have first met.
Have you ever noticed that some women bury their noses in their phones at your agreed meeting spot or always fail to see you first?

And maybe you’ve been wondering:

Clueless guy: Gosh, I wonder how could she not see me

Well, if you have been wondering that, here’s the news: many women play games :).

You don’t need to take my word anyway, just look at this scene from Sex & The City and then look at the comments below the video (in case you don’t want to do that I’ll tell you: plenty of women comment how she plays the game well):

Carrie: (speaks and looks away)
Mr. Big: (looking straight at her) Anywhere you want. Just you and me.
Carrie: (look at him) Call me (breaks eye contact first, moves away)

Notice how Carrie often looks away as they talk.
By making him look at her more often than she looks at him, she frames him as the one who wants something from her (chaser), which gives her power.
Well played.

The “Look At Me Catwalk”

The crown for the “look at me game” goes to the lady whom I dated a couple of times a few years ago.

She was a real champ :).

She came out of the metro, dressed to the nines, and walked two meters beside me with a long stride and an erect spine.
Like a catwalk model who was overdoing her catwalk.

Then she stopped 3 meters in front of me, emphatically looked left and right as if she were looking for someone, and then stopped there.

I laughed, and immediately proceeded to knock a couple of points off of her for being such a game player.

Beating “Look At Me” Games

You can let her play this game and let her “win” it.

As long as she likes you and she doesn’t exaggerate, a prey/predator dynamic is good for seduction (and if you do it well, it helps seduction).

Just make sure that you:

  • Don’t stare too much before approaching
  • Are not staring at her when she turns to look at you during your approach

Also read more in: a scientific guide to approaching a girl.

2. Feigning Disinterest (AKA: Chase Me Some More)

The female dating literature sounds like a big choir whose refrain is: “make him chase you“.

And making him chase starts by feigning disinterest or, at least, showing less interest than he does.

Beating the “Feign Disinterest” Games

This is one of those games that risk derailing the interaction if any of the two overdoes it.

How you handle it depends on the stage and the dynamics, but a high-power approach is to go direct and blow the game out of the water with high-power honesty.

For example:

Her: Well, I don’t know if I will have time to be honest
Him: Look, it’s fine either way. Nobody dies if you don’t. But I like you. And maybe we can get along well. But to know for sure, we should find the time for a coffe.
So I propose this: we exchange contact, I’ll give you a call and we’ll try to find some tie. Are you in?

That’s high-power stuff.
If there was any interest, that would amplify it 10x.

3. “Invest in Me” Games (Ie.: I’m Higher Value, Pay The Difference)

Some women make it a point to make men pay for and invest in them.

Gold diggers are an extreme example, but normal women who seek a provider also play this game.

“Invest in me” games include trying to make the man:

  • Pay for the dates
  • Buy gifts
  • Run to support her
  • Emotionally support her (commiserate with her woes, rail against her enemies, etc.)

Making him invest in her increases her power because it shows that she has a higher sexual market value and the investment serves to “pay for the difference”.

This is how it works:

The more you invest, the more you sub-communicate that she is more valuable than you are.

So, what does this game look like in real life?

You know the most stereotypical example:

Her: will you buy me a drink?

Or here is a real-life texting example from an online dating match before even going out:

text example of game women play
I was getting a terrible impression of her. I threw her a lifeline with that last message, but she was sinking in value in my eyes (P.S.: “two* people”)

Most men are happy to accept that frame and invest because, on average, women are more valuable than men in the dating marketplace.

Beating “Make Him Invest” Games

This depends a lot on your background and dating culture.

Investing in a woman before marrying is just how dating goes in some conservative cultures.

Even in libertine cultures, it can be OK to invest as long as she’s being kind and/or gives back.

It’s when investing becomes “over-investing” and when you’re getting little back that this game women play becomes really nasty.

A relationship where one gives and the other only takes is a sucker relationship.

I advise men to stay away from women who ask without giving and I advise women to stay away from “make him invest games“.

Most cool and well-adjusted guys don’t like it anyway.
Example from “How I Met Your Mother”:

Her: Okay, well, what about me? Aside from the cats, how did I come across?
Ted: That’s right– the check. The check came and, of course, I was going to pay, but you didn’t do the check dance

This is basically saying:

I didn’t like you because you didn’t even pretend you wanted to chip in and you acted like it was owed to you.

4. Delay Responses Games

The first time a girl messages a boy is the first time she will start thinking about delaying response games.

It’s that natural and it’s that common that we don’t need to discuss it further

Beating the Delaying Response Game

A common response is to let her wait as well.

It’s a solid response.

In this example, she was very warm and quiet chasing me in person.
But her message came with a delay and with a very snubbing tone:

text delay games

So I let her wait and kept it short and snobbish as well.

But don’t overdo it.
If all you do is wait longer and longer, you’re doomed.
Either vary the response time or change the dynamics from a vicious cycle to a virtuous cycle.

I recommend the following:

  1. The first time she does it, waits even longer
  2. Don’t invite her out if she avoided your invite of course
  3. Keep your text shorter
  4. As soon as she replies, reply within a day

The last point is the most important.

See it this way: one of you must eventually be an adult about dating and relationships.
And let it be you.

Great leaders always move first when it’s time to stop the games.

5. Wait For Me Games

Similar to delaying responses, “making him wait” is the old power move in the world.

No self-respecting woman would show up early to a date and wait for him.
Many women will show up late and some will show up late on purpose.

The “make him wait game” sub-communicates that her time is more valuable, that she has more power, and that she can let you wait.
And when you wait, you confirm that frame.

Beating “Making Him Wait” Games

If the tardiness stays within 10 minutes it’s OK.

Longer than 10 minutes she must write to you.
If she is not apologizing, consider it a very bad sign and a strike against her character.
If she is also not responsive, consider the date off and move.

Often women will chase you when they realize you’re not waiting around for them:

text example of late on a date

10 minutes of delay, no writing, no apologizing… I took the date off and moved for better prospects. I met her later, after power dynamics were rebalanced

6. Cancel The Date Games

Here is another old trick.

The person who cancels sub-communicates cares less about the event, meeting, or date.

Robert Cialdini explains in Influence that we want what we can’t have.
So canceling a date can work in making men want her even more.

However, as with most games, it can also specularly backfire:

mind games women play example

Of course, at this point, I could not be sure whether she had a real reason to cancel or not.
But since she canceled on the same day of our scheduled date, I reacted the only way possible (read below).

Beating “Date Cancelling” Games

How do you recognize a real need to cancel a date from a game women play?

Simple, you look for the following:

  • Is she telling you well in advance?
  • Is she apologetic about it?
  • Does she propose alternatives?
  • Does she show a willingness to make up for it?

If she does any of the above, great news, It’s probably true and you can reschedule (just a bit later, not right away).

If she just drops a shi**y text like the one above on the same day, without any apologies, she doesn’t deserve your time.
Let it die.

And if it was true, it’s up to her to re-initiate.
And if she reinitiates with a lame excuse, you know she liked you, you know she feels guilty and you know she knows she misbehaved (and, likely, you know that she was playing a mind game):

text example to handle games women play
Then she chased for that date. But by then, I really lost most of my interest in her.

7. Prove Yourself to Me Games (AKA: Dance Monkey Dance)

This is what in the past we called “jump through the hoops” and it’s a soft-power type of game.

Many smart women play it instinctively and most normal guys fall for it… Equally instinctively :).

The games women play that fall under the “make him prove to her” are varied and almost infinite.
And sometimes they can be subtle.

Look at this example from a Tinder conversation:

mind games women play text

It would seem natural here to follow up her joke with “I’m crazy smart” or “our babies would be smarter than Einstein”.
But, even if said jokingly, I’d still followed her in her frame, and, most of all, I’d have been proving myself to her.

My reply instead actually says:

Lucio: Nono lady, you prove yourself to me

And in this case, it worked like a charm:

text against female mind games
She got this 🙂

Many advanced dating games and power moves belong to this group.

And learning to deal with them is all about increasing your power intelligence, guys, There is no shortcut—actually, there is one: Power University.

Also, check this forum entry for the perfect execution of the “dance monkey dance”:

8. Sex Withholding Games

AKA “Sex blackmailing”.

The “withholding sex game” is encouraged and recommended by several dating coaches, including in the popular “The Power of The Pussy“.

The author recommends women use sex as a bargaining chip to get whatever they want.

And that’s what the game is all about: she refuses him sex until he gives her whatever she asks for. Or some women just play it for power, really (like Margot Robbie in the very first picture of this article).

If her biggest bargaining chip is spreading her legs you should play at another table (the stakes are low here)

Dealing With Sex Withholding Games

Never give in.

Men who give in to sex blackmailing communicate a host of bad traits, including:

  • He can’t get sex elsewhere
  • He is easy to manipulate
  • She doesn’t really enjoy sex so much
  • She is the (sexual prize) of the relationship

A good answer is to shame her.
Such as, you tell her you’re disappointed she’d even stoop so low.

And then you can even invite her to leave (or leave yourself if you’re at her place):

Her: No, I don’t feel like doing it… (if you don’t do X)
Him: You know what, I really don’t have time for this.
It feels to me like you’re playing a bartering game or something.
The relationships I seek are supportive and you don’t seem to want the same.
I should get to work now, and you should probably go

Then watch her chase you (as she should! She has to make her up for her manipulation).

Manipulation: Techniques, Strategies, & Ethics

9. Damsel in Distress Games

It was far more popular in the old days of romanticism.

Today, with feminism and the pressure on women to be strong, we don’t see it nearly as often.

But you’d be mistaken to think it’s completely gone.
The smartest women indeed know better than to drink the manipulative Kool-Aid and still use it.

Of course, not all do it this obviously, but the psychology behind is actually this one:

Her: Aaah! A spider (runs behind him)

Make him feel strong and powerful, and he’ll move mountains to protect you.
This is actually a high-quality woman type of game.

10. “I’m Not That Kind of Girl” Game

AKA: “I’m relationship material”.

This is part of the more general “Madonna games”.

Such as women seek to position themselves as “serious” and “relationship material” by making him wait for sex.
So it can involve winning and dining before he can get to the cake (read “Madonna-whore dichotomy” because this is important in female and dating psychology).

Of course, sometimes women truly want to wait or need some more time.
But still, there are also a lot of games around it.

Indeed, some women play this game even when they’re being open and forward about sex (for a woman!).

Look at this example: this girl invited me to go to her place before going for lunch, and I wanted to make sure I was going to go there without “wasting a trip” if you know what I mean.
So I joked a bit about “coming”, but that was too much, and pushed her into the Madonna game:

text example of madonna game women play

Typical Madonna game to avoid looking slutty. It’s often up to the men to help her get rid of Madonna games.

Beating Madonna Games

See “Seduction University”.

Also read:

games women play

Getting His Commitment Games

The games women play don’t stop at seduction of course.

As a matter of fact, they switch to an even higher gear when things get sexual.

You can read more commitment games here, but some of the most popular include:

  • “You can’t control me… Unless you become my boyfriend”

Here is what this game looks like in real life:

Her: I am going to party with my girlfriends
Him: Aren’t you partying a bit too much recently..
Her: Well, you’re not my boyfriend, so you can’t say anything..

This one basically says: start to get serious or I am drifting away and might meet someone else.
In a way, she is giving you more control over her… As long as you give commitment.

It’s not the nastiest game as it’s a type of barter game and she is giving you something back.

  • Triangulation Games

Her: My new teammate Marco is sooo nice to me. Today he invited me for lunch and he taught me so much about..

This is a threat of triangulation, an old seduction technique Robert Greene talks about in The Art of Seduction.
It’s a veiled threat that if you don’t hurry up, she might find someone else.

Adelyn Birch considers triangulation emotionally manipulative behavior, and while I would normally agree with her, you must also ask yourself if you are not wasting her time.

Here is another example of a triangulation game:

triangulation game women play
  • Ultimatum Games

Women usually play the ultimate game when they’re looking for a relationship:

Her: Either you get serious, or I’m outta here

All threats, including breakup threats, are, of course, nasty games.
I highly recommend men not to get into a relationship under any type of threat.

Not only it would give all the power to her, but it also says a lot about what she thinks of you (not so much) and provides a preview of how she might behave in the relationship.

  • The gentle ultimatum game

This one looks like this:

Her: I don’t do sex without relationships

This is a good type of ultimatum game actually.
There’s still a slight threat of possibly abandoning the relationship, but it does so in a very tactful way.

Relationship Games

Games diminish in relationships but do not disappear.

Relationships games start with her rewriting the history of how you two met and, somewhat magically, it always ends up looking like you chased her far more than you actually did :).

Relationships have very different games and power dynamics and men and women play different games because of their different needs.

Nasty Games Women Play

woman in a red skirt holds a knife behind her back

Not all games are created equal.

Some can even be helpful.

But some others can be very nasty and lead to highly toxic relationships.

I’ve done a whole article on this, so read it here:

Bonus: These Are Not Games Women Play

Sometimes people list these as games women play.

But most often, they’re not:

  • Let’s just be friends

No, sorry, women who are attracted to men rarely use that as a game.
The only exceptions are with coworkers and when other people are around, in which case she might be trying to protect her reputation.

  • I like you more like a brother

Similar to the above: this is rarely a game or a shit test, as it’s often listed.
Women simply don’t say this kind of stuff to men they are attracted to.

  • Make up / enhancing appearances

The APA Handbook on relationships lists this as a common “lie” for women.

It’s not.

High-quality women DO take care of their appearances.


The old pick-up artists used to ask as a conversation starter if men or women play more games.

Sure men do play games as well, but the games women play are, on average, far more numerous and far more advanced.

This article gave you an overview of the most common mind games women play and how you can confront them as a high-quality man.
Now you don’t need to fear women’s games anymore :).

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