Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 3, 2021, 2:25 am

Hey Matthew,

Was he a team member?
Did he do it via email?

And was the "great job" towards you in person (worse) or towards the team in general (not as bad)?

If it was via email, I'd ignore it.

If it was in person, maybe something like:

(does not say "thanks", ignores the comment)
This team did a great job, well done guys (repeats what he's already said: it's you who complimets the team, not the other way around).
Many more of these to come.

Your reply is OK, the issue I see with it is in moving away from that "congratulatory" thread, you also lose an occasion to give credit to the team. And you might not want that.

A bonehead move by someone in the team shouldn't let you veer off the course you have set as the leader.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on February 3, 2021, 3:29 am

Thanks a lot Lucio, I'm taking some time to think about your advice.
I realised that I should have provided more context and details.

He was another team member, a business partner.
It was via the group chat of partners on Skype. (only 3 people)
The "great job" was directed towards me.
This is the person who likes to portray a leader-like perception by summarizing and evaluating other people's ideas.
But the lacking part is moving things forward productively.

We share small updates there via that group chat instead of email.
I am working with him to launch a new service in his country.

In this case, I personally did the execution in this case and built the WordPress website. (Groundwork with the planning beforehand)
Keeping everything lean for rapid tweaking from user feedback.
I haven't formed a larger team in this case.
Intending to keep costs low to explore a new area.

In a way, what he brings to the table is that he understands

• The industry in his country better - but not a veteran so his network is not fantastic
• The above comes with slightly better domain knowledge in the industry
• The culture in his country better

Now he is focusing on raising funds via grants to test out the idea further.

What I bring to the table is

• Paradoxically, I have more experience selling to people in that industry
• Have an intuition on how to plan, build, test products because I have built and iterated previous products before
• Social media marketing - ads, analytics, content
• Technical skills

On the second point, I drove the importance of getting out to talk to end-users and understand the problem we are solving.
He initially thought in terms of a more linear process: build the product, then sell the product.
This assumes that we know how the solution fits the problem really well right from the start.
I championed the customer-centric idea with the relevant plans and ideas.
Now he tries very hard in meetings to casually champion this iterative, customer-centric viewpoint.
I'm not sure if fighting for credit in the team would be a good use of time.

What I realised is that people in this industry are trained to give advice and evaluate ideas but not necessarily come out with actionable plans and execute.
They are able to come across as "an expert".
They can execute but, in social situations, sometimes they default to the evaluation behaviour.

My Thoughts in the Larger Context

As long as the whole team is moving forward productively, I think it's generally okay to let these remarks slide.
If I did not own this venture, then this would matter more because I don't automatically get the benefits of seeing this venture succeed.

In terms of credits for my own ideas, I see the most important thing is that it translates into tangible business success.
Then this business success would translate to my personal success.
The downsides of losing the reputation of being the person who takes the credit are the reputational aspects and potentially status with clients & other people.

But I shouldn't let these remarks make me lose my positive influence on the team.
So there are some boundaries that should be set.
Especially since the team would be expected to grow in the future and more & more politics would come into play.

Personal Development

I believe if I continue to work my executive demeanour, this would help in persuasion and fend off power moves by people.
And of course power dynamics awareness through the materials on this website.

Misc

Maybe I can share more about the nature of people in this industry under the private section.
And more personal stories as well.
I have found it interesting how the nature of an individual's profession can affect their social demeanour.

Quote from John Freeman on February 3, 2021, 6:44 am

Hello Matthew,

I'd like to reflect on this:

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on February 3, 2021, 1:53 am

Me: Check this out. I have only done the home page.

Why did you show him your work? It's important for me to understand in order to give you some feed-back.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on February 3, 2021, 6:58 am

Thanks John.

The website is an important portion of moving this project forward for the whole team.
It builds credibility for the entire team and showcases what we do.
People can also contact us through the page as well.
We are also considering the website to be the main product in the long run.
It is where the functionalities and services are offered through.

My objective is to gain feedback through their thoughts (his and others) and let them know that the website has been launched so that we can move forward by directing our users to the website.
We are working as a small team, so I'm going for a transparent culture.

The issue is that he likes to give power compliments instead of useful evaluations towards improving the website or some other work.
Or he mixes in power moves with useful evaluations.
So a combination of value-adding and value-taking behaviours.

My approach to giving feedback on his work is more towards objective feedback and gratitude like "thank you".
Following the advice from the book "Radical Candor".
However, this dynamic seems to be not so advantageous for me because of his occasional power compliments and power moves.

Quote from John Freeman on February 3, 2021, 7:06 am

Thanks for your answer.

I'll ask again, maybe I was not clear: why did you show it to this particular individual?

Also: how many people in this group? Are you the leader of this group?

 

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on February 3, 2021, 7:19 am

I'll ask again, maybe I was not clear: why did you show it to this particular individual?

I showed it on the group chat of partners.
This person was the first to jump on my sharing of the new website.
The other person did not reply.
It is important for this person to know because he is applying for grants.

Basically, it's like if I share something on this forum.
And someone just remarks "This is great. Great job.".
With little actionable feedback.

We are on paper all equal.
3 people.

So far I've been making more detailed plans and leading more initiatives in the team.
There is no official leadership in the team.
I'm trying to push towards assigning different areas of responsibilities to delineate this better.
It is taking some time.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on February 3, 2021, 9:09 am

Quote from John Freeman on February 3, 2021, 7:15 am

I think that Power University 2.0 is much better than 1.0 which was already outstanding.

I especially like that you wrote about manipulation in module 2. Module 1 and 2 are more coherent and compact than before. Great job, Lucio!

The "great job" here has a similar vibe as in my example.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 3, 2021, 3:46 pm

To go back to the original question, I think it depends a lot on:

1. How it's said (via text you can't assess this, but on the negative side, see how Trump did it with Comey, a 100% power move)
2. The personality of the individual (a known power scalper, or a generally collaborative guy?)

For example, I could totally see myself telling someone "great job man", and if it's in my team, the meaning would be in a larger context, such as "great job that you've done for the team".
In that case, it would combine the compliment of "great job" with an (unstated)  "thank you for the value".

To make sure your "great job' fits in the collaborative frame, you might add something more, for example how it helps, or what's good:

Great job man, this looks really nice, a few tweaks and I think it will help us secure those grants

Or one could combine both the assessment + the thank you to make it crystal clear:

Great job man, thank you for this

I think "great job", if combined within a larger collaborative frame, can be good for the team, as it shows that good work is appreciated, and rewarded by the others (it can become a positive judge for all, where everyone also makes good work to achieve good standing in the team, an added win-win incentive).

So I wouldn't be necessarily too quick in considering it a value-taking move.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on February 4, 2021, 12:08 am

Thanks Lucio for taking the time to explain the dynamics.

Now I understand how the compliment can be collaborative.
And how it can be used to show that good work is appreciated.

In this case, he is generally collaborative, meaning he adds value to the team.
At the same time, sometimes he makes remarks to increase his own status while potentially decreasing others.

Through his actions, he is overall value-adding.
But I feel that his mannerisms are often power-scalping.
Not all the time, but occasionally I notice.

Additionally, I feel that I have put in the most effort and delivered the most results in the team.
As such, "good job" may frame me as a solid individual contributor but take away my leadership points.
The scenario is that we are both the individual contributors and the planners in this small team.

I am concerned that "good job" carries a power-dynamics element to it.
In the sense, it is value-adding because it can be collaborative and denotes appreciation for good works.
At the same time, it gives the complimenter power solely for judging while I am the receiver who puts out "good work".

For example, this compliment

Great job man, this looks really nice, a few tweaks and I think it will help us secure those grants

has a different vibe from the compliment of

Thank you for this, a few tweaks and I think it will help us secure those grants.

That is personally how I feel about the dynamics in these 2 specific statements.

I do see how "great job" can carry with it automatically the "thank you"

Great job man, thank you for this

As such, an in-between statement would be

Great job man, thank you for this, this looks really nice, a few tweaks and I think it will help us secure those grants

Not sure if I'm reading too much behind this and making too many assumptions.

I'm thinking about this thread that we discussed earlier:
Compliment Power Moves: Compliment Them for Fitting Your Frame Or Framing a Remark as a Compliment

"Great job" in this case frames what I have done as a job. (If he pays me, then this is okay)
Afterwards, the appreciation of "good" solidifies the frame further.

I feel that we should evaluate one another's ideas and results as objectively as possible without pulling these judge frames.
At least, what I mean is that the judge frames of "good" and "bad".
The judge frame of whether it achieves this result or heading towards this objective would be better.

Personal Note

I think personally away from all the business/work environment, I don't like dichotomic judge frames

• positive or negative
• good or bad
• easy or hard

I feel that, if I buy into the frame, I become a dichotomic person, and it limits my thinking.
I don't like to limit my thinking.

So consciously or subconsciously, I get an adverse reaction to these kinds of judge frames.