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Journey to becoming socially adapt
Communication isn’t something I particularly was good at but was something I’ve rather developed.However their is always room for growth in my journey of communication.Moreover I live to communicate since it’s one of the ways I explore externally.
One of my big communication mistakes so far that I can learn from:
When I tried supporting a friend who was coping with certain “issues”.I took a rather critical and judgmental stance when he turned for me for help which is a terrible move on my part since he wanted emotional support.
What I’ve learnt(particularly from the book “people skills” -link to Lucio’s review
To use reflective listening to recognise their key emotions rather than having a critical stance which hurt someone I cherish.It ends up being extremely effective on when they are encountering a problem in life and want your help.
Reflective listening is essential rephrasing what the speaker said but noting
Extract from the book on reflective listening:
1.Focus in the feeling words
2.general content of message
3.Observe body language
4.Ask yourself “If I were having that experience, what would I be feeling?”
It’s hard to explain why that’s why I strongly recommend the book reading this book.(Amazon link is in Lucio Review) people skills review by Lucio
reflective listening has literally changed my life 180 and has allowed me to have more deeper conversations and truly support my friends when I need.I have tried this on classmates who have come to me for solutions or counselling, it works wonders since it allows for them to find their own solutions and recognise their emotions.
Thanks Lucio for the book review/recommendation
Rock on Dre!
A seemingly small shift, but that will make a HUGE difference in your ability to attract and retain close friends and make people want to spend time with you.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 14, 2020, 4:00 pmRock on Dre!
A seemingly small shift, but that will make a HUGE difference in your ability to attract and retain close friends and make people want to spend time with you.
Yep,I've definitely noticed that people are more willing to open up to me including some classmates that I don't really know as weel but more importantly a close friend of mine.
Using "please" as a power moves?:
I've found that people are extremely resistant to commands but framing a command as a question definitely reduces resistance and the added "please" in my opinion makes it more easier for the other person to comply and save face.It also allows more leverage in my opinion just rather indirectly. just my 2 cents...Feel free to disagree
It's like
"put my bottle in my bag for me" Vs "Can you put my bottle in my bag for me please?"
Being more assertive:
In the formula of: Behavior (what you don't like)+Feeling+effect [from the book "people skills"]
Basically what happened was a classmate took a photo of me in the wrong moment and meme it as a joke to show to others.
What I did:
"Can you please delete that photo of mine because it makes me feel rather uncomfortable to show an photo framed in a bad context"x2(rephrased due to resistance)
(along those lines)
I expected resistance towards my assertive message
him:"It's a joke"
me:"How would you like it if someone showed a bad/embarrassing photo of you as a joke to others that is demeaning?"
This lead to compliance where he took out his phone and deleted it right in front of my face just to show that he did it.
