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Learning: Is this a Power Move?

#1 · January 1, 2023, 9:47 am

Quote from John Freeman on January 1, 2023, 9:47 am
Hello everyone,
sometimes we have a doubt something we or someone else did and we wonder if this is a power move. There are levels to learning about power moves and I still have much to learn I realized. I think it can be useful to have a place where we can ask about this. As said here, I think it's important to have a format or something like that when answering to the questions here. Also as usual to try to answer the questions ourselves first. That can help the person answering to see what the person asking is not understanding/not seeing.
Label it if possible from a category of PM
Explain in what way it is a power move
(Propose a different way if possible/adequate/warranted)
I'm putting here again the definition from the TPM Dictionary (credit: Lucio) as it is always helpful for me and a good reminder for everyone I think:
Power Move: in social dynamics and in general terms, any action that affects the power dynamics of interaction.
In more lay terms and in more common parlance, it’s an action or verbal expression that abruptly and sometimes unexpectedly changes the power dynamics of an interaction. A well-placed power move can turn an individual who was previously defensive or under assault into the one with power.
Power moves are one-off actions, while power moves that repeat over time are “games”.
Covert power move: a power move that is delivered with a mix of friendliness, professionalism and, sometimes, even submissiveness, but that in truth empowers the agent and disempowers or shames the receiver.
Micro-power move: small scale, daily power moves that impact the power dynamics and social status. Many people fail to see and properly address the micro-power moves, which can leave them down in power and status.
I will start and here are my questions which I want to clarify it for me:
Are the following power moves?
Insinuations
Provocations
Attacks on character
Attacks on self-esteem
Manipulative tactics in general (added as writing this post see below): minimizing (not as used for power protection), gaslighting, guilt-tripping, etc.
I think they are. However I want to be sure of it and would like your feed-back on it, here are my thoughts:
Insinuations
I think it is as in this case they are negative assumptions about the persons and are unsaid (covert aggression). In this case there is a negative assumption about the person so I think it's a power move in the shape of pushing down the other person. Example: "Well, I'm not surprised coming from you". This insinuates that one has a general bad character and that this behaviour is expected. Therefore this person is of lower moral/behaviour.
Provocations
On this one I'm not that sure. I'll go back to the definition from Oxford dictionary for better understanding: "action or speech that makes someone angry, especially deliberately. example: you should remain calm and not respond to provocation". So I think it's more of a manipulative emotional tactic to make the other person angry. If one can control another person's emotion, then this person has won in terms of power dynamics (this person controls the other one so they have power over their emotions). Also, when someone is angry they go on the defensive. As we learned here when you are on the defensive it looks like you're justifying yourself therefore you must have something that you think you're guilty/shameful about. So from the outside you look power-down. Also when you react it means you have already entered the frame of the other person: it seems that this person has a point and now you're trying to defend against it (I made this mistake recently). So again from the outside you look as you are actually guilty of what the other person is accusing you of. Finally, when you're angry you think less straight have less distance and therefore the arguments will be generally speaking weaker. All in all, I think it's more of a manipulative tactic than a power move. The next question is "is a manipulative tactic a power move?". This just popped-up now I'm adding it to the analysis.
Attacks on character
I will assume here that it is done publicly. I think it is a power move. When one attacks another character: "You're so lazy", then one is depicted as having a negative trait(s). Therefore it does "abruptly change the power dynamics of an interaction" by depicting the person as "less than" the other one. Therefore, it pushes the person down and by contrast pushes the attacker up. Edit: Also attacks on characters remove social status and therefore the social support the person could benefit from (why would someone support a bad person?). So I do think it's a power move.
Attacks on self-esteem
This one is more subtle. It is embedded in another attack I think. It's about attacking someone on (what you think) is one's insecurities. In the "you're so lazy" if the person does not perceive themselves as lazy, they will not feel a drop in self-esteem. However if they do, then they will. By feeling "bad", they will feel shame and therefore feel inferior to the person launching the attack. So attacks on self-esteem are actually shame attacks I realize now. So I also think it does affect the power dynamics in the same way as above. The subtelty is that from the outside it won't show (if no change in body language/tone). Only the person attacked will feel the blow and the attacker can detect it by reading the body language/tone of the person. It's easier for the attacker to notice it than an outside person as the attacker can look for signs as he/she launches the attack. The causation can be more readily established. Example: "you're so lazy" other person: "1 second of silence" -> attacker: "Alright, we have an insecurity here". From the outside it could look as the other person is thinking. Not the best example but you see what I mean. So I think attacks on self-esteem are power moves if they work AKA if the person does feel a drop in self-esteem. And this could not be seen from the outside. It's like when someone is in an abusive relationship. Everybody goes: "leave him/her". What they don't see is the psychological/emotional hold that the other person has on this person. It's invisible (most of the times for most people). Only the two people in the interaction are aware of it.
Sarcasm
I think it is as it is a subset of attack on character. It is a covert attack of character I think. A few definitions from Oxford dictionary for better understanding:
Sarcasm: "the use of irony to mock or convey contempt. example: she didn't like the note of sarcasm in his voice".
Irony: the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect. Example: Don't go overboard with the gratitude,’ he rejoined with heavy irony"
Contempt: "the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration. Example: "Pam stared at the girl with total contempt".
Mocking: "making fun of someone or something in a cruel way; derisive. Example: he got jeers and mocking laughter as he addressed the marchers".
Mockery (for completeness): "teasing and contemptuous language or behaviour directed at a particular person or thing: Example: stung by her mockery, Frankie hung his head".
Where we see that mockery is linked to contempt.So from all the definitions, we can see that sarcasm has definitely a negative connotation. If you convey contempt it means that you convey "the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration". So this is definitely a power move as you put someone beneath you.
Manipulative tactics in general
This one is tricky. For instance, when someones guilt-trip you is it a power move? As in "action of verbal expression that abruptly and sometimes unexpectedly changes the power dynamics of an interaction." I would say yes. However it's not that clear cut for me. Yes because as in attacks on self-esteem if one feels shame and therefore inferior. Or if this allows the person to control your behaviour (you're guilt-tripped so you change your behaviour: they successfully controlled you), then yes it is. So on this one I don't know if it's another category (manipulative tactics) by itself or if it's a subset of power moves.
Happy to read your thoughts/comments/criticisms/questions/feed-back on this!
Cheers!
Edit: added "Also attacks on characters remove social status and therefore the social support the person could benefit from (why would someone support a bad person?)." in "Attacks on character".

Hello everyone,

sometimes we have a doubt something we or someone else did and we wonder if this is a power move. There are levels to learning about power moves and I still have much to learn I realized. I think it can be useful to have a place where we can ask about this. As said here, I think it's important to have a format or something like that when answering to the questions here. Also as usual to try to answer the questions ourselves first. That can help the person answering to see what the person asking is not understanding/not seeing.

Label it if possible from a category of PM
Explain in what way it is a power move
(Propose a different way if possible/adequate/warranted)

I'm putting here again the definition from the TPM Dictionary (credit: Lucio) as it is always helpful for me and a good reminder for everyone I think:

Power Move: in social dynamics and in general terms, any action that affects the power dynamics of interaction.
In more lay terms and in more common parlance, it’s an action or verbal expression that abruptly and sometimes unexpectedly changes the power dynamics of an interaction. A well-placed power move can turn an individual who was previously defensive or under assault into the one with power.
Power moves are one-off actions, while power moves that repeat over time are “games”.
Covert power move: a power move that is delivered with a mix of friendliness, professionalism and, sometimes, even submissiveness, but that in truth empowers the agent and disempowers or shames the receiver.
Micro-power move: small scale, daily power moves that impact the power dynamics and social status. Many people fail to see and properly address the micro-power moves, which can leave them down in power and status.

I will start and here are my questions which I want to clarify it for me:

Are the following power moves?

Insinuations
Provocations
Attacks on character
Attacks on self-esteem
Manipulative tactics in general (added as writing this post see below): minimizing (not as used for power protection), gaslighting, guilt-tripping, etc.

I think they are. However I want to be sure of it and would like your feed-back on it, here are my thoughts:

Insinuations

I think it is as in this case they are negative assumptions about the persons and are unsaid (covert aggression). In this case there is a negative assumption about the person so I think it's a power move in the shape of pushing down the other person. Example: "Well, I'm not surprised coming from you". This insinuates that one has a general bad character and that this behaviour is expected. Therefore this person is of lower moral/behaviour.

Provocations

On this one I'm not that sure. I'll go back to the definition from Oxford dictionary for better understanding: "action or speech that makes someone angry, especially deliberately. example: you should remain calm and not respond to provocation". So I think it's more of a manipulative emotional tactic to make the other person angry. If one can control another person's emotion, then this person has won in terms of power dynamics (this person controls the other one so they have power over their emotions). Also, when someone is angry they go on the defensive. As we learned here when you are on the defensive it looks like you're justifying yourself therefore you must have something that you think you're guilty/shameful about. So from the outside you look power-down. Also when you react it means you have already entered the frame of the other person: it seems that this person has a point and now you're trying to defend against it (I made this mistake recently). So again from the outside you look as you are actually guilty of what the other person is accusing you of. Finally, when you're angry you think less straight have less distance and therefore the arguments will be generally speaking weaker. All in all, I think it's more of a manipulative tactic than a power move. The next question is "is a manipulative tactic a power move?". This just popped-up now I'm adding it to the analysis.

Attacks on character

I will assume here that it is done publicly. I think it is a power move. When one attacks another character: "You're so lazy", then one is depicted as having a negative trait(s). Therefore it does "abruptly change the power dynamics of an interaction" by depicting the person as "less than" the other one. Therefore, it pushes the person down and by contrast pushes the attacker up. Edit: Also attacks on characters remove social status and therefore the social support the person could benefit from (why would someone support a bad person?). So I do think it's a power move.

Attacks on self-esteem

This one is more subtle. It is embedded in another attack I think. It's about attacking someone on (what you think) is one's insecurities. In the "you're so lazy" if the person does not perceive themselves as lazy, they will not feel a drop in self-esteem. However if they do, then they will. By feeling "bad", they will feel shame and therefore feel inferior to the person launching the attack. So attacks on self-esteem are actually shame attacks I realize now. So I also think it does affect the power dynamics in the same way as above. The subtelty is that from the outside it won't show (if no change in body language/tone). Only the person attacked will feel the blow and the attacker can detect it by reading the body language/tone of the person. It's easier for the attacker to notice it than an outside person as the attacker can look for signs as he/she launches the attack. The causation can be more readily established. Example: "you're so lazy" other person: "1 second of silence" -> attacker: "Alright, we have an insecurity here". From the outside it could look as the other person is thinking. Not the best example but you see what I mean. So I think attacks on self-esteem are power moves if they work AKA if the person does feel a drop in self-esteem. And this could not be seen from the outside. It's like when someone is in an abusive relationship. Everybody goes: "leave him/her". What they don't see is the psychological/emotional hold that the other person has on this person. It's invisible (most of the times for most people). Only the two people in the interaction are aware of it.

Sarcasm

I think it is as it is a subset of attack on character. It is a covert attack of character I think. A few definitions from Oxford dictionary for better understanding:

Sarcasm: "the use of irony to mock or convey contempt. example: she didn't like the note of sarcasm in his voice".

Irony: the expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect. Example: Don't go overboard with the gratitude,’ he rejoined with heavy irony"

Contempt: "the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration. Example: "Pam stared at the girl with total contempt".

Mocking: "making fun of someone or something in a cruel way; derisive. Example: he got jeers and mocking laughter as he addressed the marchers".

Mockery (for completeness): "teasing and contemptuous language or behaviour directed at a particular person or thing: Example: stung by her mockery, Frankie hung his head".

Where we see that mockery is linked to contempt.So from all the definitions, we can see that sarcasm has definitely a negative connotation. If you convey contempt it means that you convey "the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath consideration". So this is definitely a power move as you put someone beneath you.

Manipulative tactics in general

This one is tricky. For instance, when someones guilt-trip you is it a power move? As in "action of verbal expression that abruptly and sometimes unexpectedly changes the power dynamics of an interaction." I would say yes. However it's not that clear cut for me. Yes because as in attacks on self-esteem if one feels shame and therefore inferior. Or if this allows the person to control your behaviour (you're guilt-tripped so you change your behaviour: they successfully controlled you), then yes it is. So on this one I don't know if it's another category (manipulative tactics) by itself or if it's a subset of power moves.

Happy to read your thoughts/comments/criticisms/questions/feed-back on this!

Cheers!

Edit: added "Also attacks on characters remove social status and therefore the social support the person could benefit from (why would someone support a bad person?)." in "Attacks on character".