Please or Register to create posts and topics.

Intentional forgetting, delaying and faking not receiving e-mails and phone calls; "I'm sorry" power move

There is one more reason why going cooperative is a strategic sound choice:

Some takers and manipulators start playing it (more) straight AFTER they see some strength in you -including spotting their games, playing it back, pushing back, calling it out, defending boundaries, demanding proper behavior, etc. etc-.

It's possible that this lady is -or will- play it more straight after you showed some skills and bite.

Stef and Bel have reacted to this post.
StefBel
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

She sent me the data Monday evening, with this message:

"Hi..., sorry for the delay. Send me the invoice and I will forward it".

She is just keeping up her power moves all the time.

In situations like this with other people, I am starting to do the same back (i.e. delay responding to them or just plainly fading them), but without saying "I'm sorry". Here, I felt I had to not react for the moment; I think this is also the reason why I sent her the reissued invoice one day later, but I'm wondering if I'm missing something else that I could have done here. This is probably a consequence of some boundary I failed to impose on her a long time ago.

As you said, I should not overanalyze things here. It's maybe even better if I let her think she has the upper hand for the moment.

Guys: success! I was paid today.

This is unexpected, but in line with what you said about some people being able to play straight after they see a reaction. My frame of reference so far was, instead, "once a taker, always a taker". I am now even starting to wonder if my initial reaction was too strong.

Though the most important thing here is not payment, but what I could learn from your invaluable help and suggestions. Thank you Matthew for your support and precious involvement, and thank you Lucio for your invaluable suggestions, first of all about not creating open enemies and reacting proportionally: you not only helped me avoid continuing to make serious mistakes here, but more importantly opened my eyes to new possibilities for the future, which I just couldn't see and would have probably taken me years to understand alone.

Lucio Buffalmano and Matthew Whitewood have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood

Thank you for sharing your update, and happy on your behalf for getting the payment!

This is unexpected, but in line with what you said about some people being able to play straight after they see a reaction. My frame of reference so far was, instead, "once a taker, always a taker". I am now even starting to wonder if my initial reaction was too strong.

For some individuals, it's obvious that we should exclude them from our lives.
And for some others, we should definitely include them.

Then, there are many others in the middle.
This woman would probably lean towards the exclusion.

That being said, she eventually made the payment.
And it's in a competitive, cut-throat industry.

I think it's okay to work with her in the future as long as you take upfront payment.
Now she's beginning to change her behaviour, so you can potentially test out the relationship on a small project.

But maybe she's not worth the time or trouble at your discretion.

Bel has reacted to this post.
Bel
Quote from Bel on November 26, 2021, 12:05 pm

Guys: success! I was paid today.

This is unexpected, but in line with what you said about some people being able to play straight after they see a reaction. My frame of reference so far was, instead, "once a taker, always a taker". I am now even starting to wonder if my initial reaction was too strong.

Though the most important thing here is not payment, but what I could learn from your invaluable help and suggestions. Thank you Matthew for your support and precious involvement, and thank you Lucio for your invaluable suggestions, first of all about not creating open enemies and reacting proportionally: you not only helped me avoid continuing to make serious mistakes here, but more importantly opened my eyes to new possibilities for the future, which I just couldn't see and would have probably taken me years to understand alone.

Boom!

Happy and proud to hear that :).
Big win: you avoided getting embroiled in legal battles, you didn't make an outright enemy, you stood up for yourself -including in a challenging call- and you got to your goal in the smoothest way possible.

Now she has no leverage on you anymore and any future involvement is wholly up to you.
If you want, this game player is out of your life for good -or for as long as you want-.
Plus -and most of all, as you say- you learned a bunch.

Rock on, more of these to come :).

Bel has reacted to this post.
Bel
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Processing...