Mist's Journal
This is a journal.
Welcome 🙂
I'll generally be doing as Lucio is with this
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on July 10, 2020, 3:40 amSince I still take notes of my life, I decided I might as well do it here.
I will write about social strategies, lessons learned, psychology, and personal reflections.
I will include seduction here and there too. Here's a mini about me section.
Sometimes on some Superman-Clark Kent shit I'll take off my glasses and it feels like a boosts my ego. Tapping into the part of my identity that feels more exciting, seductive, smooth, and edgy.
When I was in elementary school I proclaimed I'd be president of the USA. Not sure if I still want that haha, but I have always had a draw towards power in all its manifestations. Specifically attaining it and utilizing it.
This interest has both burnt and built beautiful things in my life.
Currently has burnt more, but heat is excellent for forging my friend.
I intend to have everything that happens in my life ultimately have made it better no mater how bleak.
I’m the architect of my reality. I will become a top performer in this game we call life.
This journal will help me monitor my growth and and assess feedback when provided on the growth I'm experiencing or that needs to be experienced.
Have a good one! Until next time 🙂
Rock on, Mist! 🙂
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I also broke some plateaus in my dating life though. That was bittersweet.
I'm in a very ambivalent stage of my life. Some good and some in need for improvement.
Right now I'm writing a schedule. This will assist me in my goals and strategies for all my goals.
The one thing we all have is time. Everyone has at least 30 minutes of dead space. If not that, then I'd be completely shocked if you don't have 10. ( Even then use commute time. Make progress if you want a higher probability of your desired outcome. Otherwise don't complain that your chances of success are slim. Accept it or change it)
Regardless if there's anything abundantly clear to me it's that consistency, even if it's only small, pays off.
Your life is feedback. Your inputs in life will return back to you in one form or another.
I could think about this stuff all day. Thinking is cool. Action is cooler though 😀
Peace
My Position On Number Closing
For the rest of this year I'm not asking for a number anymore.
If she asks me for mine. I might give it to her. I might just say no at this point.
I'm going to push this interaction right here between us as far as I can. I need to stop having numbers cuck me. My game isn't high enough to maximize this avenue.
I don't want a number.
I don't want your contact info.
I want an interaction that goes somewhere decisive.
I'm past the point where I'm learning anything from getting a phone number I can't yet convert into anything.
Time to change my aim.
There's no contact information to fall back on anymore. There's no later.
It's here and now.
We're here and now. Let's get this moving.
Pushed two interactions pretty far today.
- I got an objection from one and got pretty shaken by it mentally. Been an exhausting ass time in my life. I was really hoping she'd just come. It really got in my head. The whole day I was interacting a bit differently than usual.
- The second set actually went everywhere with me haha she was like " If you kill me I'm calling the cops." Then in the car she went everywhere I wanted. We had a couple moments, but I was still pretty shaken by the objection earlier. It wasn't even a big objection really, it just scrounged up my doubt. Doubt in myself. Anyway I was a hairpin away from taking her to my place but when she asked where we were going I asked " Do you want to go to your dorm or hang out with me?" Even though I had already asked that and she said she wanted to hang out with me. I can't remember my tone of voice.
Regardless I'm proud of myself for pushing these far and now know the power in playing the numbers game and pushing an interaction far. I know I can eventually get a girl to drive around with me now. With that knowledge the next goal would be to bring her back to my place.
I already plant seeds like my piano, a decoration, my music. I just don't pull the trigger.
Well it's time.
My desire is starting to overpower my fear and concern for everything.
My life is starting to really matter to me.
My consistency on the question of " If I'm laid?" is very consistent.
Running into the same shit. Which means I'm not learning something/not doing enough.
Which can only be mended by consistent and clear action.
I gotta get with a program. I don't want to be an internet expert. I want to get laid and live.
Follow a structure. Follow success.
I only have myself to blame for whatever comes. Might as well throw it all at the wall.
What does it really matter anyway?
Just trying to get laid and build a business.
For better or worse I think getting laid is higher on my list.
Not sure if it should be, but when am I really going to be sure?
Whether you're sure or not action is always the determining factor.
Could think all day about it. That'd be cool. Action is cooler though.
Perhaps I gave myself too much credit when I said I was high consciousness low competence.
I'm going to demote myself to low consciousness low competence until further notice.
Just feels right for now. Gotta rebuild.
Peace!
That made me smile, but in a good way:
- It's very antifragile (and thus strong) of you
- It's better to learn, as it's a generally safer approach to underestimate oneself, than to overestimate
It leads you to seek more wisdom, to ask yourself more questions, to refine your method more.
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A few days ago I got demoted.
I'm not surprise I saw it coming in fact I had already been demoted. So more accurately
I got demoted again. It's nothing personal. It's about performance. Even still my trajectory in my current location is most likely shit for the remainder of my tenure.
It's really interesting being at the bottom. I've been here before, but this time it feels way different. Feels like an opportunity and a blessing.
Getting firsthand experience with frustration, stagnation, complacency, pride, loathing, ego, triumph, heartbreak, money worries, grief, gratitude, calmness etc. A lot has happened this year.
New acquaintances consider me warm af. Old acquaintances see me as WAY chiller than I was. A lot has happened this year.
I've been at the bottom, in the fuzzy middle, and among the top.
I don't know it all, but I have some experience. Shit, if life gives me this every year I might look age 50 by 22 haha
Except life isn't giving me anything but feedback. I'm designing the life I'm living right now. Everything around me and in my life right now is something I have added and or neglected to remove if unwanted. Everything not in my life is something I haven't incorporated into my life.
It's my life. Now that I've moved away from my family I truly see and feel it 100%. Funnily enough it clicked when I was buying groceries.
I broke out of autopilot and asked " Why am I buying this food? This food does not align with my goals. I'm putting my money towards something that does me more harm than good currently."
I was buying it because that's what I grew up around. That's what I've neglected to remove. I didn't question it. I've questioned things, but I didn't question this.
Which is a huge hole as food fuels your body and mind. I've been aware of this, but I did not steadily apply this in my life.
Life was not and is not holding a gun to my head to buy or remove the things on my grocery list. It simply gives feedback.
Especially after a bowl of ice cream.
Especially then.....
But yeah, a few days ago I got demoted.
Again
Dealing with a higher up who is very condescending. It's pretty shocking to me. I know my performance has been not unto par, hence why I am where I am, but to have someone take it so personally and have every interaction not be a conversation but merely another chance to unload on me is irritating to say the least.
I can feel my testosterone falling out of my ears. Just diminishing by the second.
Sometimes I just want to say " This isn't even a conversation. Why are you addressing me like this? Is this doing anything for you? What is your aim?"
I don't think she is a bad person, but she is very irritated with me.
At this stage I fear our relationship is only being held by my stoicism and being quiet.
I don't want war, nor do I particularly desire respect, I don't really care about her opinion at this point.
Outside of this place I'm sure she is a fine person. In fact she usually is.
I don't really know what she is doing with these passive aggressive public moves and outright aggressive private moves, but I'm sure it'll be interesting to look back on. Just seems unstable to me. Like I'm under her skin.
Right now all I can think is... Why do you care so much? I'm already down. Sure I've messed up, but does this necessitate every time we're around each other being tense.
I think she is emotional, has a very bad impression of me that causes her to feel morally justified in whatever she does.
I think we're both nearly done with eachother. I'm going to rebuild, but I'm definitely curious about how I'm going to deal with her. As it's at the tipping point, but not yet.
As a side note: All this poking and prodding is annoying as fuck. I also sort of feel like I deserve it though. I feel weird.
Being the falling star is wild. I wonder how future me a couple months from now will look at this.
Maybe he's laughing. That'd be cool. Just better be working as well. Laugh all you want as long as you're kicking ass my friend.
Peace