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My dating app process

Hello everyone,

as said elsewhere I now have 2-4 dates a week from dating apps and see a girl I met on Tinder regularly. So I structured and streamlined my process so I’m confident to share it at this point in time.

Context

The more dates I have the more I realize how many women are bored and lonely. Their main goal is to meet a high value high quality guy to no avail.

App selection

First my own context on Tinder. I am shadowbanned. That means that I’m deprioritized and do not see all the likes I’m due to bad behaviour according to Tinder. In my case I swiped right too many times a few months to a year ago. So my Tinder score is dropped. The only way out of this is a “hard reset” (see google in case) which I’ll do soon.

I discovered Bumble through a friend and I have had better success with. Massively so.

So it’s worth testing different apps (and paying for them) to compare in your local context which one gives you the best results.

Profile

This has been talked at length. Massive importance. Seduction university has an excellent section about this.

I also like what “Mate”’(the book) has to say about it. Too many guys (including me) focus too much on displaying one aspect of their life (adventurous, nice clothes, etc.). The idea is to showcase several aspects of your life. So it’s about having one picture for each category:

Main picture: portrait with a genuine warm smile, mine is a professional one that I use for my CV

  1. Tender defender: cuddling a pet
  2. Athletic proof: doing a physical activity
  3. Resourcefulness: somewhere exotic
  4. Social proof: being with friends having fun
  5. Aesthetic proof: dressing stylishly
  6. Willpower: doing something productive, material proof

Bio: I think it's worth getting inspired from other people. I will soon check out guys profile on Tinder & Bumble. It's said that it's better to use identities and I agree. For now, mine is a mimic of a friend where I just changed the identities. I think it's not 90% good yet, but it's 70% ish and much better than my previous ones.

Physician, Engineer, Adventurer, Physician. I'm here to make encounters 🙂

Texting process

My process is quite simple and replicable.

  1. Greetings
  2. Connection
  3. Interests
  4. Switch to WhatsApp
  5. Exchange on WhatApp
  6. Set a date

Greetings

A simple "Hello!" is enough in my case. I know it's been advertised to go for shock factor. I prefer the socially adequate route. I'm not claiming it's the best. That's what I currently do.

Connection

I ask one of 3 questions:

  1. How was your weekend? If we are at the beginning of the week
  2. How is your week? If we are in the middle of it
  3. What are your plans for this weekend? If we are at the end of the week

How was your weekend?

It also allows you to display how cool your life is when she asks you back. Not showing off but sharing: "Concert, escape game, board game. Quite eventful"

How is your week going?

This is simple way to build rapport. This also allows you to share how much you like your job for instance when she asks you back: "Great!"

What are your plans for this weekend?

For most girls and guys, people think that you're going to ask her out and are screening your agenda. You are not. It's a way to build rapport and also to display what you're going to do when she asks you back: "Restaurant, concert, family time :)"

Interests

It's an easy one. After she answers the first question. Then you look at her profile, choose any category she likes and you're interested about (Museums, concerts, etc.) and say:

I see you like X. What kind?

Or

I see you like X. What is your favorite?

This puts you in the chooser/selector/judge position while getting to know her. You have to know your value to pull this off as it will feel natural to ask her.

Switch to WhatsApp

After a few messages, on a high point, I say:

Let's exchange phone numbers, it's easier to exchange on WhatsApp

I only had 1 girl out of maybe 20 who refused because she was stalked in the past.

Exchange on WhatApp

Here, I chat, getting to know her better, vibe, the usual stuff. I don't even flirt yet.

Set a date

After a few messages/days, on a high point I tell her on WhatsApp:

Let's have a drink if you feel like it

So far all the girls I proposed accepted.

Strategy

On the app you want to be selective as the algorithm will apparently rank your attractiveness on this criterion as well. My current strategy is also to go on as many dates as possible. I want to improve my dating skills so this is practice. I think this is a good overall strategy.

Mindset

Basically, what comes through in real life will come through in the app. So if you feel you are high value it will shine through. So the self-development work comes first of course.

Comments and Questions are welcome!

My dating process coming soon...

Cheers!

Lucio Buffalmano, Ali Scarlett and 2 other users have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoAli ScarlettMist1102Kavalier

Time passed for editing so I'm putting this here:

Her profession

After or before asking her interests, I ask them what they're doing in life. It is important and valuable information. What I found out is that it's also the opportunity to display your status when she asks you back: "Pediatrician". When they know my profession, they are right away more interested. High status in males is like big boobs in women: it's an attractive signal.

As I got to understand better female psychology this is a key information to them. So it's important to drop it quite soon IF that gives you higher status. If it does not you can spin it in a positive light or not mention it. I think it's better to spin it in a positive light: not "student" but "working on my finance diploma" or something like that, you see the Spiel.

The tone

High power high warmth of course. A key idea here I think is to mirror her tone. She's excited, using emojis and exclamation point you do the same. She's low key no exclamation point short texts you do the same. Full chameleon here.

Investment

It's better for her to have higher investment than you. I don't personally manufacture it. However I take advantage of it. If the girl starts to invest a lot in her answers, I make sure to keep my answer short and judge-like: "Cool or Cool!" depending on the tone of the girl for instance. So it's more a gauge of her interest than something else to me.

I'll update this thread as I get new ideas/experiences.

Lucio Buffalmano, Ali Scarlett and 2 other users have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoAli ScarlettMist1102Kavalier

BOOM!

Awesome stuff, John, thank you for sharing!

And 2-4 dates a week in a challenging market is MASSIVE.

Ali Scarlett and John Freeman have reacted to this post.
Ali ScarlettJohn Freeman
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Thank you very much! 🙂

 

Mist1102 has reacted to this post.
Mist1102

This is nice!

May I ask how you are structuring your dates?

Is it attuned to the girl, something standard, how flexible is it and what frames is it allowing you to set?

Physical activity date could be interesting depending on the girl with your profile

John Freeman has reacted to this post.
John Freeman

Hello Mist1102,

Excuse me I forgot to answer: I adapt my behaviour to the situation. I also have a process. However, I think it's not solid enough yet so I feel I'm not ready yet to share a dating process that could be valuable for the community. As you can imagine, it's in the back of my mind though.

The power to walk away (and gaining one self-respect)

Here is a "technique" (or a phenomenon) that I observed that I want to share with you. I'll explain below the reason of using quotes ("").

Situation

It is when one starts to chat with a woman on a dating app and one is awaiting for an answer from the woman. The cases I found myself in were:

  1. She agreed to meet up and one is waiting for her confirmation for the day
  2. One proposed to meet up and is waiting for an answer
  3. One has proposed to exchange phone numbers, she agreed and asked for one's number. One sent his number and is now awaiting to be added in WhatsApp

Reasoning

Mentally, as I'm waiting for her answer there is an open loop in my mind. I have a desire to close this mental open loop.

Emotionnally, I want to have some self-respect as I extended myself for an invitation I think it's normal to get an answer, even if negative. I have also have an expectation, even if low. So I'm emotionnally invested even if it's low depending on the woman.

In summary, my motivation/intention for writing this answer was:

  1. To have self-respect as I was respectful to her, so my request deserve an answer even if negative
  2. To close a mental loop

My options

I could have not answered. However, for me this would have been the passive road. I could have let go mentally, but emotionnally the self-respect aspect would have missed.

I could have answered in a passive-aggressive way, which I don't consider for obvious reasons.

So I chose to answer in what I consider an assertive and respectful way.

Action

What I did was to write after waiting 5-6 days:

Without any answer, I propose you to leave it at that. That being said, I wish you an excellent 2023 year!

Analysis

Without any answer

Stating the current situation

I propose you to leave it at that.

"I propose": to keep it collaborative, it's an open proposition: she can say "yes" or "no." I'm not deciding unilaterally to stop the starting relationship.

That being said, I wish you an excellent 2023 year!

I stay positive as I'm not bitter nor angry, so I prefer to spread positivity than negativity. I prefer to keep this a positive experience for her and for me even though nothing would happen out of this virtual interaction. I move on, she moves on and that's it.

Outcome

Out of the 3 women, 2 of them apologized and got back to me. I met one of them and am currently chatting with the other one and will soon propose her to meet up. The third one never answered but I'm taking responsibilty for it as I was a bit too dominant and pushy in my last message when I proposed to meet up.

They both explained to me that the absence of answer came from being busy, which I addressed in the usual way ("I had a lot of work well, I totally understand", which was true BTW)

Conclusion

At the beginning of this post, I talked about a "technique" with quote. The reason is that I did not use this sentence in a machiavellian way to get an answer. Each time it was for me to be able to move on mentally and emotionnally. I was actually quite surprised to get an answer from both of them. The apology from them also suprised me and it taught me something new.

However, the new compliance shown (from not answering to agreeing to a date) shows the power dynamics component of this interaction. This is why I titled this "the power to walk away". Apparently, by displaying a (real) willingness to walk away, I displayed a high power trait which made me more interesting it seems.

So to me, it's mostly a way to gain one's self-respect, by sending the message:

If you're not interested, I'm cool with it. If that's the case, I'm going to move on and direct my energy in other directions. I wish you the best despite your non-interest and there are no reasons for us to feel bad about it.

I think this kind of message is best expressed in a genuine way, not in a machiavellian way. It's also a good feed-back on the woman's interest. Two of them were genuinely sorry and wrote a long message and the last one never answer. The two also maybe answered also because their behaviour conflicted with their self-image and felt some kind of cognitive dissonance (it's a hypothesis, I don't really know). Anyway it gave me good intel about them as well as persons.

Edit: corrections

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