My journey to assertiveness
Cool, glad you're well John!
And those 2 weeks at home... Sounds good, can be a great opportunity for fixing your new flat, and catching up on self-development, future strategies.
---
(Book a call) for personalized & private feedback
Definitely! Currently recovering, cleaning the old flat and arranging the new one.
Have a speedy recovery John!
Thank you JM!
Hope you're recovering well John!
Thanks, I'm getting better each and every day!
Hey man just wanted to say thank you for nudging me in the right direction. Therapy has been pretty helpful.
Well done, JM!
Been planning to do some sessions for a while now, but always had something that was higher priority from my point of view.
---
(Book a call) for personalized & private feedback
Hello guys,
There was friend's GF at my place, R. quite a narcissistic person, judging and controlling my friend all the time. I already tried to tell him to think well before having children with her and it ended up him remembering it as a slight to him. That's the context of the person.
Context: I'm organising a board game night at my place and cooked food for them. My fridge is open and she sees all my protein yogurts (like 10 of them) and she says:
Her: they're good? (Implying they're not or that I'm stupid to buy protein yogurts)
Me: No they're awful that's why I buy them (agree and amplify)
Other friend: hahaha
So my other friend did laugh (I "won"). The problem is that I agreed and amplified. A better answer would be:
Her: they're good? (Implying they're not or that I'm stupid to buy protein yogurts)
Me: What do you think?
- It implies her question is stupid because it's obvious.
- If she answers she starts to justify herself whatever the answer
Her: they're good? (Implying they're not or that I'm stupid to buy protein yogurts)
Me: What do you think?
Her: well I don't know that's why I'm asking (justifying: power is on my side)
Me: (look at her with incredulous look: shaming her for implying that I buy shit food)
The frame is: it's so obvious that there is nothing else to say.
I'm going to write more in my journal. I'm going to analyze every interaction where I feel I missed something or could have done better. I thought about doing a "What do you think power move" thread but I changed my mind. It's not always easy to know if a new thread brings value or if it belongs in my journal. I'm happy to hear any feed-back about this of course.
This journal was about assertiveness. In this new phase it will be more about power dynamics and frame control.
Cool John, feel free to open a "part II" if you prefer.
That situation is interesting and thread-worthy in my opinion, but I think you handled it very well.
Agreeing and amplifying isn't always bad -but my bad for not specifying that better-.
It works well:
- IF the initial joke, frame, or question had no legs to stand on or made no sense -which is seldom the case in dating and "shit tests" where most coaches / authors have espoused it-
- if your reply clearly frames the initial question as nonsense (which is what you did)
So if a girl says "will you buy me a drink" and you say "just a drink, no, I'll buy you the whole bar" it often falls flat or backfires because the initial request is common and "fair" and because many guys do throw all their money to pursue a woman.
But in your case, it made no sense that you'd buy so many of them if you didn't think there was anything good with the yogurts.
Plus, the way you answer it has a one-up embedded into it that says "it was a stupid question, of course I do like them".
---
(Book a call) for personalized & private feedback