My Journey to Love
And one more thing:
Since we're concerned about dealing with how things here rather than complaining about it, the stigma is there, and we're likely not going to change it with some posts, so the good strategy is:
- Move, if it makes sense for you
- Own it, be cool and happy about it within yourself
- Don't say it, but say that you moved for life circumstances, culture, good job opportunity, you liked th place and the culture, "because it's just happened", etc. etc. (but ideally pick whatever else is true, so you can also tell at least a partial truth)
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One word: Brilliant!
And thank you very much of course!
Yes, there is definitely stigma around this and also an underestimation of the importance of a happy love life.
If we do the thought experiment of using the extremes to highlight the value hierarchy: what would you rather be: rich and lonely or poor and in a fulfilling relationship? To each one their own of course! I respect everyone's hierarchy of values (within ethical boundaries of course).
I tried the lonely: well, it got old for me.
From “Askwomen” on Reddit on the topic of western men with foreign wives:
I feel like it's cheating the system. Undesirable people with too high of standards should be lonely and depressed. Thats the way of the world.
But if they have money in their pockets, they go to these impoverished nation's and get with young attractive singles. It's like using a cheat code
I've seen men do this in the Philippines and women do this in Kenya. It's usually heavier older white people going after younger people of color. There are documentaries on it. Pretty gross.
It validates what Lucio was saying about intersexual competition between women in PU/SU.
The frame is: “deal with your local market, if you cannot/won’t there is something wrong with you and what you’re doing is morally wrong” (like it’s hurting anyone (local woman?) but the person is also deemed undesirable, contradiction anyone?)
To be fair many of the posts in the thread were reasonable. But we can see the stigma that Lucio was talking about as this woman is speaking her mind freely so we get to know what she’s really thinking.
From the “selfish gene” there is also the bias that local people are at an advantage because they were there first so they protect their advantage. So if someone can go somewhere else to get something not available there it feels like something were taken from them (a local opportunity). This is a conjecture.
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on August 23, 2022, 10:30 pm
- Don't say it, but say that you moved for life circumstances, culture, good job opportunity, you liked th place and the culture, "because it's just happened", etc. etc. (but ideally pick whatever else is true, so you can also tell at least a partial truth)
Some feed-back on this. I used it with success.
Context
I was at a party and there was a Sri Lankan guy (very cool guy BTW). He actually worked in Norway. Right away we exchange contact.
Him: why are you interested in Norway?
Me (thinking about this): Because of culture, I love the culture. (which is true)
He did not ask more and we continued the conversation. He later told me that his cousin is head of psychiatry in Bergen. He's going to ask her if she can help me. Moving forward 🙂
Short update.
I’m organizing a party for my birthday. I’m looking for a place. A friend is a bar owner. I negotiated from 500 for the night for the room and 30 per person (drinks unlimited) to 300 for the room and 25 per person.
Thanks to negotiating power secrets that I listened to (and Lucio who curated it). I’m still a beginner so to a master negotiator it might be shit. To me it’s great. I’m practicing.
Technique used: start with a lower price (I was thinking to spend 300 max, true).
Mistake to correct: too much enthusiasm. Could have used the flinch or external authority.
Hello everyone,
As I finished my exam, my current priority for the next year or so is my love life. I can finally focus on that!
I'm happy as I found a new goal for me regarding my love life: Becoming an "advanced" seducer by May 2023.
I'm currently an "intermediate": low momentum, inconsistency in quality and quantity of women.
Now, thanks to The System, I see now how it looks like and I see it's a goal I can and want to attain.
If I have a happy love life and good friends and good career I'm happy. I don't need an extraordinary career. If I have it cool, if not cool as well.
Edit: I agree with you Lucio, Todd is wickedly smart.
My ambition is to be happy, not to beat some arbitrary metrics or be "above" other people whom I don't even know. I can do tons of good to people without being in Harvard, publishing in Nature, etc. It's quite clear to me now.
I want to thank you Lucio for the technique of not trying to kiss the girl on the mouth on the first date (as you kiss them in the neck).
First, there is the power dynamics component and second they expect you to go for it.
So if you have a variation of it you're not "Just another guy".
Yesterday I was at a date with a funny Irish redhead (overweight but I have to start somewhere to get some momentum going).
First, I went to my favourite bar and it's true it's a status booster as I'm greeting everybody. Now I see the next level: having high status at a high status place or attributed as such (Classy cocktail bar lounge type, I know one). However, this is not my universe so it would require some effort as I would not go there just to hang out opposite to my favourite bar.
Anyway, it was a great date. I could apply stuff from the System. I was more aware of who was evaluating who. As the game is about who's the judge. So I started with a body language of being far out (on purpose) and animated but not too much. After she touched me I touched her. So it was smooth escalation in the sense that I was not going dance monkey mode or showing too much interest. I was showing interest gradually and reciprocally. Where I would have said: "This is great!" or "I love this" (which I did say), I was more saying "This is good", "I like this" so as I was not too impressed (which I was not but my enthusiasm used to get the best of me in dating).
We drank several beers and at the end I kissed her on the cheek. Much smoother, thanks!
There's a trick I learned is to hint at your future encounters within the date: "There's this story, but I'll tell you another time" which is the main brick. "That's a long conversation, let's keep it for another time" for instance. It worked quite well. Actually she used it first so I learned it from her and used it on her in the same date (Yep, I'm the learner, the only thing I'm arrogant about). So it hints that I will see her again. Simple and effective.
Long story short: I'm back in the game.
Now it's all about momentum: action and studying on top. Also redo my dating application profiles.
Hello everyone,
I just had a strategy session (10 min) on the phone with a coach from Todd Valentine dating.
The coach advises me since I am intermediate to do the mentorship program rather than a bootcamp (learning to approach, $4500, with Todd and an assistant coach). I agree with him, so I could fix specifically my sticking points. It is:
- Every week 2 sessions with Todd in a group call, 10-15 guys total
- Each month an hour session with a mentor
The price is $ 3000 for 6 months or $1500 for 3 months.
I could negotiate the payments: either 3x500 for 3 months or 3x1000 for 6 months.
He recommends me to use a recorder to record my interactions to talk about them with a coach (more effective) or to write them down.
I tried to negotiate the prices: he started at 3000 CHF, I said my budget is 1500 CHF so he proposed me 3 months instead of 6. They would not do a discount as I asked later.
$1500 I can afford, I told the truth. $3000 is a lot of money. I could pay it, however I'm wondering if it's worth it. I would have to budget tightly.
I think this could help me go to the next level of my game as I'm motivated, it's my current priority and I committed 10 years ago to be an excellent seducer. So that actually aligns with my goals.
I asked him if I could do the 6 months in 2 stretches (other negotiation): he said no, it's either 3 months or 6 months.
What is your opinion on that?
Cheers!
I'm quite biased on this because I believe in the following:
- Black box quality issue: the fact they work for a guy who's good at verbal game is no guarantee whatsoever they're also any good
- Remote coaching is poor coaching: I personally don't believe much in phone coaching when you can get anyone in person at the same or less price
- Group sessions with the teacher are low value since you it's not much different than hearing any of the teacher's videos, so it's more like a marketing tool than any real added value
So for me, it would be a no.
That being said, I tend to be mistrusting of many coaching offers and see many of them as poor deals, so I may not be the best guy to take advice from.
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Thank you for your answer, it’s helpful for me. I agree with all of it. What I’m looking for is more of a teacher than a coach I realize. I think your bias is fair, knowing the quantity of scammers/marketers out there.
I will list pros and cons
Pros
The opportunity to get in touch with a master, there is an osmosis effect even if remote
The opportunity to address particular sticking point
I have not found another (nor looked) for a coaching opportunity close to me
Momentum effect: for the sheer fact that there is the group and the calls, there is a social effect to be more involved. Like with TPM.
Cons
Phone coaching : not as good as in person
Coaching in a group: people will compete for attention
Price: which is really more of an opportunity cost. I could improve my wardrobe 2-fold with this money or travel.
Utility: I’m not yet at a point where I’m thinking: “I’m stuck, I don’t know what to do next.”
Time zone and schedule issues: if they do the calls when I’m not available then it’s wasted money. They’re not going to find a time slot that works for 10-15 people.
Refund: if I’m not happy is there a refund policy?
So based on your analysis and mine, I would say that the gain expected from this would be moderate.
I think the best gain is to be part of the group to have some momentum and emulation going.
I would need to read some reviews and look at their refund policy. So my final opinion is that now is not the right moment: I’m not stuck and I need this money for something else.
Using it as a crutch is like paying someone at the gym to tell you to push harder.
I’m not writing it off. However I would not invest more than $1500.
Thank you very much it helped me to make a decision. It helped me to better evaluate the value of the program. If it was a third of the price then I would go for it as I’m ready to lose this money but more I don’t want to waste it.