Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on October 8, 2023, 1:12 pm

Yeah, there is definitely an impact for race.

Most people don't say because they're (rightfully) worried of being labeled racist, so you'll rarely hear that.

Culture and society definitely impact this.
And, if I had to guess, current events or generally held belief that are on the rise may negatively contribute to it, including:

• Anti-immigration sentiment
• More press coverage for immigration-related issues
• Right-wing popularity and higher power of those groups and their ideas

And more related to the public perception (and also true in some cases):

• Sectarianism and anti-integration of some cultures/religions
• Hostility of some cultures/religions for the host's culture/religion
• Female repression of some cultures/religions

So anything that self-frames as the opposite of those may help.

Quote from Kavalier on October 8, 2023, 11:10 pm

Hello, John, Lucio

I agree with Lucio on all the points he raises. Just to elaborate on Lucio's "Female repression of some cultures/religions", I think it's indeed a general tendency in those societies. There's indeed a mismatch between current muslim cultures, which are, on average, more conservative in terms of gender relations, and current european cultures, which emphasize men-women equality. The reason for this I believe is that feminism was able to carve a room for itself in the west, all the while has been effectively repressed in the muslim countries. Now European men on average expect women to be (somewhat) independent (or at least have to "endure" some degree of independence, if they're conservative), and muslim men on average expect women to be dependent and subservient.

The result is that, even they were not racially or culturally biased, and tried to enter a relationship with men of such cultures, many women I know had bad experiences with north African/middle-eastern men. It sucks for them, being raised for demanding equality, suddenly having to deal with overt sexism that's so prevalent. So I understand their caution, all the while it seems - and is - unfair for more progressive, egalitarian types like you.

But I don't think it's a hard "no", either. The simple fact that women I know at least tried showed that race/colour was not a barrier. I believe you are doing what is most effective for dating in these circumstances. First show your progressist, egalitarian, non-religious side; and only then, you show pride in your culture and heritage (which is something I believe many will find very attractive, after they' ve seen they have nothing tp worry about).

Quote from Kavalier on October 8, 2023, 11:56 pm

By the way, forgot to say: congratulations, man!!

Quote from John Freeman on October 9, 2023, 7:41 am

Thank you very much Lucio and Kavalier!

@lucio:

Thanks for these categories, it's helpful to know what's in people's minds in order to (subconsciously) address it.

@kavalier:

Thanks for elaborating and sharing your friend's experiences. Yeah that's what's frustrating to me. It's like I look like a duck and I'm actually a dog. So I have to find ways to say that I'm a dog (or not a duck). And the problem is that there are negative stereotypes about the duck.

And yeah that's exactly right: some women had bad experiences with Arab men/muslim men. And now they look at me and think I'm the same. I'm not the same AT ALL!

I've been 3 times in Marocco in my whole life, I don't speak arabic, my father was not muslim, my mother neither. But still I have to fight against these negative stereotypes.

It's all good as it's life and I'm lucky to have this heritage as it opened my mind 10 fold.

Alright, your post gave me an idea for my profile. I'll experiment and let you guys know.

Quote from John Freeman on October 25, 2023, 7:38 am

Alright, after the coaching call yesterday with Lucio it helped me see clearer. So here are my new dating goals/strategies:

Strategies

After 2 years of experimenting, using dating apps as a primary strategy has been a failure for me. I’ll keep it as a passive strategy, it’s the fisherman strategy: I’ll lay my net and see what fishes I have caught.

My main strategy will be social circle. I learned yesterday that it’s not realistic to copy Sartain’s whole method. I agree and therefore will use it more as an inspiration and take bits of it. I’ll take the Instagram approach: show I’m a high status man with pictures. That will also help me to invite people to my events. I’m going to specialize in 2 kinds of events: charity events and karaoke events. Current ideas. I did this in 2017 for a charity bringing clowns in hospital for children. So I’ll do it again. I have better social skills and social intelligence. So I think I can make it better. The sky is the limit. Also in my city it’s not a common thing so there is the novelty factor to it. I’m also going to do as he does and have more female friends. The advantage of social circle is that it has added benefits other than hooking up. It allows to increase also the quality of friends and curate our social circle.

My secondary strategy will be cold approach. I don’t mind it. The limitation is that I found it’s an issue of quality. The highest quality and most beautiful women have a high quality life and are already so in demand that they have more than their shares of suitors. I noticed this when I travelled but I could be wrong.

Quote from John Freeman on October 25, 2023, 10:44 pm

A little disappointed.

So got two numbers on WA from Bumble in a very short amount of time.

With Lucio's, Transitioned and Michael Sartain's advice I upped my game on dating apps. It clicked.

So it's about being dominant... That's it. Don't let her one-up you. If she can one up you then it's toast.

Then low investment, some teasing, not letting her task you, frame control...

So stupid but so easy. She wants an alpha male... That's it.

Quite disappointed now that I understand the game.

So basically it's about behaving as a high status high value male. That's it.

Maybe I'll change my opinion but so far that's my understanding.

And the girls I got in the past it's because I was behaving like that.

The ones I did not it's because I was not behaving like that.

Quote from John Freeman on October 25, 2023, 10:53 pm

Now I see it clearly: people want to have as a friend, as lover, as employee, as bosses high status high value (dominant) high quality (value adding) males.

So once you're it. Then people want you.

That's what it was all along... I'm quite disappointed.

Quote from John Freeman on October 25, 2023, 11:00 pm

That's why women used to task me at work and one-up me.

They thought that I'm not dominant not alpha. So they treated me like a beta guy. Same with guys.

So stupid. So animalistic behaviour. A hard pill to swallow.

All along it was about this. Now that I got it. Game changer.

Tough realisation.

Quote from Power Duck on October 26, 2023, 12:27 pm

Cheers John.

Yeah, agree, I think it's quite animalistic, the reason for why I think one could consider it a hard pill to swallow is because we've been told since children by society and media that we will be loved for who we are no matter what. If one finds a way to make oneself into that kind of man then he would be loved for what he is, as a result of his effort.

I believe that since we have that knowledge about psychology we should use it for the betterment of others (as well as ourselves for sure), I recall hearing somewhere that the king is the loneliest man in the kingdom. Definetely food for thought.

Kind of funny, in dark fantasy settings, those who gaze in the abyss of dark knowledge lose their sanity after discovering the nature of mankind/the universe. I firmly believe that maintaining ones sanity after such a discovery is a proof of ones mental strength and ownership of his nature.