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My Journey to Power

#351 · July 31, 2023, 10:17 am

Talking about gaslighting, just see this now:

Her: Have you slept with anybody since August?
Him: what does slept mean?

Here he's playing dumb. As a grown adult he does not know when his ex-girlfriend is asking him this question? Does he really think he's talking about a nap next to his brother or a co-worker on a lazy Sunday? Or maybe she's thinking about falling asleep while commuting on the subway with other people around?

Her answer follows in this frame:

Her: have you fucked anybody since August?

That is she goes with the idea that he did not understood and explain more. It's good in the sense that now there's no wiggle room. Well, he can still ask: is a blowjob the same as fucking? Actually watching the rest of the video this is exactly what he did:

Him: When you say fuck...

He's being playful and somewhat face saving (and does not look like a manipulator on first impression) them but still it's a good example. It proves that when you buy into the "dumb" frame it allows the person to maintain it.

So I think here she could have challenged the frame

Her: Don't play dumb with me. I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. Answer the question.

If the person won't answer or ask more question, well they answered the question by dodging it. No need for more answers. Hell, just the tone of her question proves she already knows the answer.

Lucio Buffalmano and sillygoose9845 have reacted to this post.

#352 · July 31, 2023, 8:54 pm

Quote from John Freeman on July 31, 2023, 8:54 pm
Regarding my self-development, after having worked on self-esteem, I see 4 axes now:
Self-respect
Drive: I did my "story" again (that is what I want my life to look like) and read it every morning. I also printed my ideal women and put it near my bed close to my ideal body (what I call "my transformation"). I did it in the past and it's powerful. It's a way to access the subconscious. I know it works. At some point it was working so well that I actually stopped because I could not stand emotionally the rate of change. I felt like my life was on steroids. That's when I understood what the life of very high status people look like: a lot of things going on and a lot of stimulation. It might look appealing on paper but one has to be able to withstand the stress level that goes with it. I realized that what gives me drive are dreams. Not the daily tasks but the bigger dreams stir my emotions and make me want to act. I also have to improve my sleeping habits: to stop napping during the day and go to bed earlier. Otherwise I'm all de-synchronized.
Weaker self: writing about the "Innerer Schweinerhund" made me realize that I gave way too often to my weaker self. Not in terms of morality but in terms of drive. I feel quite lazy these days and it has been a few months it's like this. It goes along with unhelpful habits. I prefer not to make an effort to change them. I know I could I just choose the easy way. So it's helpful for the mind to have one concept under which every of these behaviours fall under. That's helpful because now there is only one goal instead of many.
High-value: I do feel enough of a high quality man now. Not boasting here. I mean that through your help here I'm happy with the way I behave on a daily basis with other people. After having watched Lucio's latest shorts I want to be more sought out. It's totally egotistic and I acknowledge it. I noticed people invite me more than before. I notice people like me more than before.
The thing is that these days, having better self-esteem I don't need people as much as before. I'm an extrovert (at least last time I checked). However I don't feel like I need as much social stimulation as before. So it's an obstacle because to be higher value I have to give more value. That's why in winter since I'm the "board games" guy people are seeking me out more. Like for rock-climbing I prefer to go on my own schedule than to meet people on a common schedule. So I'm actually happy being more alone. I always enjoy meeting people and spending time with them. However, at this level of development I'm missing people able to stimulate me and make me think more and/or laugh a lot. I feel people around me are good. I was too harsh with them in the past. I enjoy spending time with them. I think it just misses the "Oompfh" that I find here in terms of mental stimulation. Anyway it's ok since now that I'm a sports guy (espoused the identity. In the past I tried the "athlete" one for identity change and it was too much of a stretch: did not work) I do more activity with them and it's good. What I miss is the mental stimulation.
To be higher value it's about giving more value. For me it's about organizing events outside of board games night. I organized hikes recently so it's good. I think organizing parties/night out would bring more universal value such as fun. Food for thoughts. I know that when one is higher quality one gives more value (humour, wisdom, listening, support, etc.) in interpersonal interactions but I think it's not enough to be sought out.
So all in all I'm in a period of habit and personal change that I will talk about in a few months when it's more cemented. I made the mistake in the past to talk about it too early and I stopped so it failed. I'll keep it private for now. There's no secret these are simple things. I prefer to share them when they became a habit.

Regarding my self-development, after having worked on self-esteem, I see 4 axes now:

Self-respect

Drive: I did my "story" again (that is what I want my life to look like) and read it every morning. I also printed my ideal women and put it near my bed close to my ideal body (what I call "my transformation"). I did it in the past and it's powerful. It's a way to access the subconscious. I know it works. At some point it was working so well that I actually stopped because I could not stand emotionally the rate of change. I felt like my life was on steroids. That's when I understood what the life of very high status people look like: a lot of things going on and a lot of stimulation. It might look appealing on paper but one has to be able to withstand the stress level that goes with it. I realized that what gives me drive are dreams. Not the daily tasks but the bigger dreams stir my emotions and make me want to act. I also have to improve my sleeping habits: to stop napping during the day and go to bed earlier. Otherwise I'm all de-synchronized.

Weaker self: writing about the "Innerer Schweinerhund" made me realize that I gave way too often to my weaker self. Not in terms of morality but in terms of drive. I feel quite lazy these days and it has been a few months it's like this. It goes along with unhelpful habits. I prefer not to make an effort to change them. I know I could I just choose the easy way. So it's helpful for the mind to have one concept under which every of these behaviours fall under. That's helpful because now there is only one goal instead of many.

High-value: I do feel enough of a high quality man now. Not boasting here. I mean that through your help here I'm happy with the way I behave on a daily basis with other people. After having watched Lucio's latest shorts I want to be more sought out. It's totally egotistic and I acknowledge it. I noticed people invite me more than before. I notice people like me more than before.

The thing is that these days, having better self-esteem I don't need people as much as before. I'm an extrovert (at least last time I checked). However I don't feel like I need as much social stimulation as before. So it's an obstacle because to be higher value I have to give more value. That's why in winter since I'm the "board games" guy people are seeking me out more. Like for rock-climbing I prefer to go on my own schedule than to meet people on a common schedule. So I'm actually happy being more alone. I always enjoy meeting people and spending time with them. However, at this level of development I'm missing people able to stimulate me and make me think more and/or laugh a lot. I feel people around me are good. I was too harsh with them in the past. I enjoy spending time with them. I think it just misses the "Oompfh" that I find here in terms of mental stimulation. Anyway it's ok since now that I'm a sports guy (espoused the identity. In the past I tried the "athlete" one for identity change and it was too much of a stretch: did not work) I do more activity with them and it's good. What I miss is the mental stimulation.

To be higher value it's about giving more value. For me it's about organizing events outside of board games night. I organized hikes recently so it's good. I think organizing parties/night out would bring more universal value such as fun. Food for thoughts. I know that when one is higher quality one gives more value (humour, wisdom, listening, support, etc.) in interpersonal interactions but I think it's not enough to be sought out.

So all in all I'm in a period of habit and personal change that I will talk about in a few months when it's more cemented. I made the mistake in the past to talk about it too early and I stopped so it failed. I'll keep it private for now. There's no secret these are simple things. I prefer to share them when they became a habit.

Power Duck has reacted to this post.

#353 · August 1, 2023, 1:21 pm

Quote from B on August 1, 2023, 1:21 pm
John, thank you for the quotes you posted on my journal here.
Quote from John Freeman on July 31, 2023, 7:54 pm
Yes, true.
This reminds me of a quote:
Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters. - Victor Hugo
Of course, it's a simplification. You see the point of course. Looking for other quotes, I'll pepper them if you don't mind maybe you will like them as I do:
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”- Murakami
“Adversity introduces a man to himself.” – Albert Einstein
And of course I have to quote the stoics:
“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.” ― Lucius Annaeus Seneca
"The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." – Marcus Aurelius
This one above never fails to give me the chills. Marcus Aurelius is next level in wisdom. Like this one, about anti-fragility:
Just as nature takes every obstacle, every impediment, and works around it—turns it to its purposes, incorporates it into itself—so, too, a rational being can turn each setback into raw material and use it to achieve its goal. - Marcus Aurelius.
Constant misfortune brings this one blessing: to whom it always assails, it eventually fortifies. - Seneca
I know there are many. I could not help myself: I love adversity and stoicism. I hope you will as well.
Your post made me remember of other ones, that I am sure you being on a similar path will like as well.
The best one:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
― Theodore Roosevelt
Truly the greatest quote of this kind.
And these came to mind as well, and I find them very fitting here as well:
“There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.”– Malcolm X
“We don't develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”– Barbara De Angelis
“You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.”– Rabindranath Tagore
"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”– Kenji Miyazawa
“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”– Robert Kennedy

John, thank you for the quotes you posted on my journal here.

Quote from John Freeman on July 31, 2023, 7:54 pm
Yes, true.
This reminds me of a quote:
Adversity makes men, and prosperity makes monsters. - Victor Hugo
Of course, it's a simplification. You see the point of course. Looking for other quotes, I'll pepper them if you don't mind maybe you will like them as I do:
“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”- Murakami
“Adversity introduces a man to himself.” – Albert Einstein
And of course I have to quote the stoics:
“Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.” ― Lucius Annaeus Seneca
"The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." – Marcus Aurelius
This one above never fails to give me the chills. Marcus Aurelius is next level in wisdom. Like this one, about anti-fragility:
Just as nature takes every obstacle, every impediment, and works around it—turns it to its purposes, incorporates it into itself—so, too, a rational being can turn each setback into raw material and use it to achieve its goal. - Marcus Aurelius.
Constant misfortune brings this one blessing: to whom it always assails, it eventually fortifies. - Seneca
I know there are many. I could not help myself: I love adversity and stoicism. I hope you will as well.

Your post made me remember of other ones, that I am sure you being on a similar path will like as well.

The best one:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
― Theodore Roosevelt

Truly the greatest quote of this kind.

And these came to mind as well, and I find them very fitting here as well:

“There is no better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.”– Malcolm X

“We don't develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.”– Barbara De Angelis

“You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.”– Rabindranath Tagore

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”– Kenji Miyazawa

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.”– Robert Kennedy

John Freeman has reacted to this post.

#354 · August 1, 2023, 1:42 pm

Thank you Bel, I saved them all. This one is definitely one of my favourites of all times, I knew part of it but not the whole quote.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
― Theodore Roosevelt

#355 · August 2, 2023, 10:52 am

Quote from John Freeman on August 2, 2023, 10:52 am
I understand where I am currently: at the end of a life/self-development cycle. It more or less started 5 years ago and/or when I came here 3 years ago.
So time to look back. As usual it started with a
I had tried to work in German-speaking Switzerland since I could not stand my current environment anymore. I failed due to not speaking the language well enough. I came back to my city. I had little money left and it was painful. I was socially isolated. I had to start from scratch. I advanced in my training program and found TPM when I googled “social power” I think. At first I wasn’t sure it was not a scam as so many self-development programs are. Then I saw it was the real deal. I could not believe it at first. That’s when I started to work on my social life 2 years ago. I was able to create a social circle from scratch and ostracize a value taker thanks to Lucio’s advice (one of the things I will always be proud of). I achieved my pediatrician’s degree and now I’m an attending physician. In the mean time I could repair the relationship with my sister and find the right distance with my difficult mother. I have been able to remove so many unhelpful mindsets and behaviours and add new empowering ones. I could improve my self-esteem and become higher quality. So I made some significant progress and again I’m really grateful to TPM community without whom I would not have been able to achieve all of that or at least not to this degree. For real.
Where am I right now? A new beginning.
That is I’m working on new dreams and new goals. Professionally I’m challenging myself to do harder stuff (emergency and intensive care I applied yesterday to one and the other today).
Socially (and this why I thought about all of this) I worked hard to build a group and lead it. I also learned here that a social group is led in turn and I did that which is more effective and less energy consuming. At first I was lacking social skills to defend myself and despite leading I was being social climbed sometimes. Now it’s totally different and I feel like I improved by much. Anyway now I feel like going through a period of intense self-development and professional progress. These social moments are satisfying but not as much as before. Maybe I got disappointed with seeing that we had different values with some of my friends (thinking humans are cancer turned me off and the not recognizing one’s dark side I cannot deal with the hypocrisy of it anymore) or that some friends were feeling like they are in a competition with me. Also improving my self-esteem makes that I actually love spending time alone now.
Romantically I still have my dream woman in mind. Not the prefect one but the perfect one for me. I’m ok with flaws of course. Human nature. I’m not interested in hook ups with low quality women or women I’m not compatible with anymore. I’m grateful to all the women I loved and still love for all they gave me and taught me. It’s time for me to go for what’s good for me.
So a short summary of the last 3-5 years.
I feel like I’m someone who thrives on pushing himself. I learned how to relax and love and need to relax. However not withstanding the inner critical judge I’m unhappy when I feel I’m stagnating regarding what I’m capable of. I’m not happy when I’m not doing my best regardless of the results.
So now is the time of integration: integrating all I learned to find a new life rhythm that fits me better. I’m working on it and doing it. As I said I prefer not to write about it yet until it’s solid enough.
Edit: something that also influenced a lot my mindset is the recent change to becoming an attending. Going up the hierarchy does change one’s mindset and perspective. I cannot say more as I don’t have enough perspective yet it’s too recent.
Edit: so I understand I did a full cycle of the “hero’s journey » so it’s time for new adventures. That’s exciting.

I understand where I am currently: at the end of a life/self-development cycle. It more or less started 5 years ago and/or when I came here 3 years ago.

So time to look back. As usual it started with a

I had tried to work in German-speaking Switzerland since I could not stand my current environment anymore. I failed due to not speaking the language well enough. I came back to my city. I had little money left and it was painful. I was socially isolated. I had to start from scratch. I advanced in my training program and found TPM when I googled “social power” I think. At first I wasn’t sure it was not a scam as so many self-development programs are. Then I saw it was the real deal. I could not believe it at first. That’s when I started to work on my social life 2 years ago. I was able to create a social circle from scratch and ostracize a value taker thanks to Lucio’s advice (one of the things I will always be proud of). I achieved my pediatrician’s degree and now I’m an attending physician. In the mean time I could repair the relationship with my sister and find the right distance with my difficult mother. I have been able to remove so many unhelpful mindsets and behaviours and add new empowering ones. I could improve my self-esteem and become higher quality. So I made some significant progress and again I’m really grateful to TPM community without whom I would not have been able to achieve all of that or at least not to this degree. For real.

Where am I right now? A new beginning.

That is I’m working on new dreams and new goals. Professionally I’m challenging myself to do harder stuff (emergency and intensive care I applied yesterday to one and the other today).

Socially (and this why I thought about all of this) I worked hard to build a group and lead it. I also learned here that a social group is led in turn and I did that which is more effective and less energy consuming. At first I was lacking social skills to defend myself and despite leading I was being social climbed sometimes. Now it’s totally different and I feel like I improved by much. Anyway now I feel like going through a period of intense self-development and professional progress. These social moments are satisfying but not as much as before. Maybe I got disappointed with seeing that we had different values with some of my friends (thinking humans are cancer turned me off and the not recognizing one’s dark side I cannot deal with the hypocrisy of it anymore) or that some friends were feeling like they are in a competition with me. Also improving my self-esteem makes that I actually love spending time alone now.

Romantically I still have my dream woman in mind. Not the prefect one but the perfect one for me. I’m ok with flaws of course. Human nature. I’m not interested in hook ups with low quality women or women I’m not compatible with anymore. I’m grateful to all the women I loved and still love for all they gave me and taught me. It’s time for me to go for what’s good for me.

So a short summary of the last 3-5 years.

I feel like I’m someone who thrives on pushing himself. I learned how to relax and love and need to relax. However not withstanding the inner critical judge I’m unhappy when I feel I’m stagnating regarding what I’m capable of. I’m not happy when I’m not doing my best regardless of the results.

So now is the time of integration: integrating all I learned to find a new life rhythm that fits me better. I’m working on it and doing it. As I said I prefer not to write about it yet until it’s solid enough.

Edit: something that also influenced a lot my mindset is the recent change to becoming an attending. Going up the hierarchy does change one’s mindset and perspective. I cannot say more as I don’t have enough perspective yet it’s too recent.

Edit: so I understand I did a full cycle of the “hero’s journey » so it’s time for new adventures. That’s exciting.

Lucio Buffalmano and Power Duck have reacted to this post.

#356 · August 3, 2023, 11:03 am

Correction: “started with a failure”.

I started to listen to “Attached” since I see I still have anxiety around relationships. That is now I can identify that I have an anxious attachment style in certain friendships and an avoidant attachment style in romantic relationships.

I now understand that seeking approval is actually a behaviour to make sure that the relationship is good and that I am still loved. It’s a second degree behaviour from the attachment style.

My most recent idea about learning self-development is to find a common concept under which many mindsets and behaviours fall under. From there it’s easier to tackle as there is only one root cause to work on. I find it more effective.

So the question is: what do all these behaviours have in common?

Working towards the secure style.

#357 · August 8, 2023, 6:48 pm

Yesterday as I was going out of the railway station, a random totally drunk guy who was smoking a cigarette before getting into a woman's car (GF?) told me:

"Hey brother I'm allowed to smoke a cigarette or not?"

He was referring to probably his GF saying that he should get in the car or something.

He was both too familiar, totally drunk, his tone was aggressive so I look at him, raise a thumbs up with a stone face and continue on my way. To me it's a counter-power move to his aggressive approach.

Then as I'm continue walking he shouts:

"Hey I'm nice to you and you.... (did not get what he said) you're a motherfucker, motherfucker!"

I continue on my way, so far so good.

Then as I'm waiting at a bus stop, a car passes, he's halfway out of the right-front window and shouts:

Shitty motherfucker, shitty motherfucker!

I did my best to stay unreactive but I have to say that the powerful negative energy that he put into his words got to me a little bit.

I thought: "I'm not giving this asshole any mental cycle" but I see that this level of mental control is not easy to reach. I've still got work to do.

Having written about it is always good to clean one's mental space though.

Lucio Buffalmano, Roberto and Power Duck have reacted to this post.

#358 · August 8, 2023, 7:57 pm

What I could have done better:

A simple smile and a warm: "yeah nah sure it's ok, sorry I have to go".

But then he could have insisted as I don't know why he was quite invested in getting my attention. And I was not in the mood. He had written "asshole" all over himself.

So I chose the "leave me alone" way.

I'm working on my alpha maleness since thanks to Lucio I have now a working roadmap. Before I had either the "alpha male does not exist" BS or "alpha male is this .... stupid list of things".

What I'm seeing is that if one wants to live as a dominant male there is a price to pay: conflict. As people challenge the person who dares be dominant and want to get higher. To be in a higher position, that is a superior social position, a higher status one has to be able to have a certain level of dominance. And of course who likes someone to be superior to them: no one. Except if the person recognizes the right of this person through their attributes (knowledge, resources, strength, etc.) to behave in a dominant way.

That's where the warmth comes into play, it helps smoothen the dominance. Of course it's about being a smart human and a smart human adapt to circumstances.

On my side, what I have to learn is dominance and invest in my physical development. I spent my whole adult life working on my mental, spiritual and emotional development (much work to do still) but the physical is where I'm lacking the most.

However, the advantages of being a dominant male are huge. So when one becomes a dominant, high-status, warm, high quality individual the sky is the limit. That is why it is so represented in the movies. It's unconsciously what most people respond to the most: a strong, caring, smart and popular man with resources. The ultimate father figure. Or on the downside what some people will unconsciously rebel against.

Roberto and Power Duck have reacted to this post.

#359 · August 8, 2023, 10:36 pm

Hey John,

It seems to me you did fine: low investment, largely ignoring.

The one thing there seems to me is that he thought he was being warm, and he felt slighted.

In that same scenario, I personally may have said something like:

Yes bro, cigarettes are all health

A kind of hilarious approach that at a higher level takes the piss out of him for all of those who actually don't think cigarettes are good.
But it's still kinda supporting him, as he was looking for that type of support.

You say he was quite aggressive though, so that feels odd.
He may be one of those people who sees enemies everywhere.

When he kept yelling, I may have just waved dismissively without looking as if to say "shut the fuck you drunk, you're being a nuisance".

John Freeman, Roberto and Power Duck have reacted to this post.

Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

#360 · August 8, 2023, 11:08 pm

Quote from John Freeman on August 8, 2023, 11:08 pm
Thanks a lot Lucio.
Yeah I'm experimenting with new ways of being high power. So it still needs some calibration definitely.
I do admit I was too dismissive. There was 3 interactions:
First one when I crossed his path. I also have to say that I entered his space, there was about 1 m between him and the wall and I pass through as to say: "I'm not afraid of you and this is not your space". As you guys know these people block the way in an anti-social way. So here I could have been just a tad warmer yes and yeah he was actually looking for support. When people are that drunk (he could barely stand) it's difficult to say if they are engaging you for real or just babbling nonsense and if you start to answer you're stuck in a nonsense conversation with a drunk happy to have some attention.
When he yelled at me as I was walking away. Again you're right: Not addressing him was a second slight. Even if just a handwave could have improved the situation. What I did sometime in the past was to say some token excuse and continue walking: "I have to go" with a smile which is face-saving. Experimenting with dominance I have to find the right balance. The charmer's approach always works and has been helpful for me a lot. People like people who like them. Have to be careful not to throw the baby with the bath's water.
Then when he passed with the car it was already too late to mend anything. I had created an enemy. And his revenge had to come. Aha I forgot how easily the ego gets triggered when drunk. I myself almost got into fights being drunk. Just for the sheer animal reaction of feeling attacked/competition for a mate. The next day I was: "how stupid was this?"
He looked like the guy who's emotionally disturbed: he's in his 30s drunk like hell at 8pm in front of the main railway station and his GF comes to get him. The car was parked in an odd way. So several things were off. To me it felt like the emotionally/psychologically unstable or immature guy. Not the cool guy who's just drunk out of his mind. I would have answered differently.
Anyway that's not the point it's about me I'll do better next right.

Thanks a lot Lucio.

Yeah I'm experimenting with new ways of being high power. So it still needs some calibration definitely.

I do admit I was too dismissive. There was 3 interactions:

First one when I crossed his path. I also have to say that I entered his space, there was about 1 m between him and the wall and I pass through as to say: "I'm not afraid of you and this is not your space". As you guys know these people block the way in an anti-social way. So here I could have been just a tad warmer yes and yeah he was actually looking for support. When people are that drunk (he could barely stand) it's difficult to say if they are engaging you for real or just babbling nonsense and if you start to answer you're stuck in a nonsense conversation with a drunk happy to have some attention.

When he yelled at me as I was walking away. Again you're right: Not addressing him was a second slight. Even if just a handwave could have improved the situation. What I did sometime in the past was to say some token excuse and continue walking: "I have to go" with a smile which is face-saving. Experimenting with dominance I have to find the right balance. The charmer's approach always works and has been helpful for me a lot. People like people who like them. Have to be careful not to throw the baby with the bath's water.

Then when he passed with the car it was already too late to mend anything. I had created an enemy. And his revenge had to come. Aha I forgot how easily the ego gets triggered when drunk. I myself almost got into fights being drunk. Just for the sheer animal reaction of feeling attacked/competition for a mate. The next day I was: "how stupid was this?"

He looked like the guy who's emotionally disturbed: he's in his 30s drunk like hell at 8pm in front of the main railway station and his GF comes to get him. The car was parked in an odd way. So several things were off. To me it felt like the emotionally/psychologically unstable or immature guy. Not the cool guy who's just drunk out of his mind. I would have answered differently.

Anyway that's not the point it's about me I'll do better next right.

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