Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
My Journey to Power
In the “game”/seduction community back in the 2010s I understand that the goal was for low-status men to mimick high-status behaviours. This always existed (lie about one’s job, etc.) hence why women are looking for honest signals.
This is totally different as what TPM teaches: to become high status.
So mimicking high status is a low status behaviour as only low status would mimick higher status. Moreover if one got caught in mimicking high status behaviour it’s doubly low status at is slimy which is low quality behaviour.
Because when you are high status people and things come to you. So if you’re low status and pretend to be high status you can get the people and things you did not deserved by hijacking the social perceptions and behaviours. And now you’re on a roll: due to inertia even if you’re a shit person bringing no value whatsoever people will seek you out because people sought you out. Basically what the small time one time fame people do. They get famous for providing dopamine hits and low quality entertainment. Like fast-food it’s fast consumed fast forgotten.
Nothing to compare with the value Socrates or Marcus Aurelius gave with their wisdom that one does not forget for a whole lifetime. Ultra high value -> Ultra high status.
So now with TV and social media it’s much easier to manufacture and manipulate status out of thin air. With big boobs, stupidity, sex and so on. The terrible part is that we don’t even get real value from it. It’s vicarious: we’re being spectators of other people’s lives.
Sure it’s great this reality TV guy gets to bang these hot chicks. It does not make him high status in the deep sense of it. Even taking into account that status is relative. His status is inflated by the sheer fact he’s on TV. He’s not on TV because he’s interesting. He’s interesting because he’s on TV.
Another manipulation.
He’s not a great thinker we don’t know how good at his job he is or what king of friend or brother he is. He might be shredded and dominant and a great seducer. Props to him for that really. Let’s not confuse apples with oranges though.
I understand my social strategy to build a social circle was bad.
I made a group composed entirely of French people. So who's the odd one out: me. They have more in common between them all that I have in common with them.
Yep, I could have seen this. I wanted so bad to not be with Swiss people that I shot myself in the foot. I changed my mindset now.
Moreover, most of them are in the same house. So they have strong ties and communicate more often. They can organize stuff just by talking to one another in the living room (low effort). For instance when they rejected "en bloc" my invitation for my Bday (It's in Amsterdam I can understand it's high effort). One of them proposed me to come with them in a month. That is to be part of their group.
We do share the same sense of humour, love for board games and party. But I see now we lack commonalities for deeper friendships.
So back to the drawing board for a social group. With commonalities as a starting point.
Who am I? A swiss guy with mixed origins. I noticed that I do share a common mental vocabulary with people from mixed origins or with roots in another country and growing up in another.
So I'm considering inviting people more with mixed origins. Food for thoughts.
I'm not going to burn this group down. I'm just less interested of doing stuff with them. Just a matter of interest.
Yep, those all sound like great (and true) observations/analyses, John.
As a matter of fact, a Mach approach may be to avoid having one's friends all too (physically) close.
The extreme of that, isolating others, often overkill and definitely a more toxic approach.
But not wanting all your friends too close / with a lot more in common than you just seems a smart approach.
Thanks Lucio!
Reading PU I now understand that the leadership challenges I encounter come from me. I was behaving in a manner that is too submissive. I think that it is also why I encounter challenges in my friendships. I can see it now.
However, the advantages of being a dominant male are huge. So when one becomes a dominant, high-status, warm, high quality individual the sky is the limit. That is why it is so represented in the movies. It's unconsciously what most people respond to the most: a strong, caring, smart and popular man with resources. The ultimate father figure. Or on the downside what some people will unconsciously rebel against.
To prove my point (very short video):
I want the alpha and a I want the beta cause I think the beta male is going to cater to me, nurture me. The baths with the flower in it. The flyouts to the islands and stuff. But I want the alpha because that's the person who's going to know how to fuck me.
Yesterday I organized a picnic with my co-workers.
They were all happy. They thanked me to which I answered (thanking back topic):
Thank you, I'm glad to spend this time with you all.
At the beginning, we were only 2 me and my colleague and the power player female resident (26 years old) comes in as I was sitting behind a tree:
Her: You're hiding behind the tree
I was a bit taken aback. Basically yes I was not in line of sight from where people were coming from. But my other colleague was and I sent live location + 2 photos. So it was a jab.
Next time
Her: You're hiding behind the tree
Me: What a strange way to say hello
Light shaming and surfacing.
Talking about a river which I did not know. People told me we can see it from the train. I was not sure what they were talking about. She said:
Her: don't sleep in the train
and short after
Her: you must not always have the nose in your books
Some people laughed a bit. So it was social climbing. The whole group was there: she could not help her in typical manipulator fashion.
I was taken aback since I did not have my defenses up and was thinking about the river. But nasty people like her, their mind is filled with nastiness so they just have to get it out.
Next time
Her: don't sleep in the train
Me: it's not about that. At what point in the train journey can we see it?
Frame rejection and tasking.
Her: you must not always have the nose in your books
Me: it's not about that. At what point in the train journey can we see it?
Frame rejection and tasking same as above.
It was a friendly conversation and she got her nastiness out. It's a person just her voice you can know she's someone one does not want to deal with.
The trick with the one above is that it's a backhand compliment with a double bind:
- If I say I don't have my nose in the books: then I'm not reading to learn (bad image)
- If I say I have my nose in the books: then I'm a nerd unable to see the obvious river that everyone knows and is easy to see from the train (I thought they were talking about a different location so I could not picture the river in town).
When I finally could picture it I said: "Ah I see now" but it was too late, people had moved on and even thought I was pretending to picture it.
Yeah definitely not a cool lady. Take this with a large grain of salt because I'm not very good at dealing with these social attacks. I m like you are more of a host type concerned that everybody else is having a good time.
You're hiding behind the tree.
And hello to you too
You shouldn't always have your nose in books
Waving your hand around: Do you see any books here?
And then if she attacks for a third bloody time Amp it up.
look at the rest of the group and say: " there s Amy being her usual friendly self. Anyway .."
And then you change the topic and start talking about something else.
Hello Transitioned,
happy to see you back. :)
Thanks for your answer: yes definitely good options I can use next time. In my notes.
The burden of masculinity
I watched the “masculinism” channel and another dating one from a female. I’ll post both soon.
I am currently focusing on power, money, physicality. All external things yes. Of course I continue self-development and stuff.
I mean that these are the things I neglected for too long. I come from a family where spirituality and religion were the main values. So it was basically demeaned. I was not aware of it until a couple years back. My belief is was “it’s only money” so I would waste it. Just like my time. It’s quite a late realization for my age but what matters is that I see it now.
These things I considered either superficial or not to be pursued in order to be a “good person”. I already knew I wanted to pursue power a few years ago. At the time it was in order to influence people to make positive changes. I still want that. What I learned is that it is pervasive and it affects everything: from our income, to the respect people give us, to our friends, family and romantic partners. So it is definitely worth pursuing as a means to an end. To avoid ending up in an endless pursuit for power and letting the things pass us by.
I now see the difference with things like values our mission or our inner self. These external things have an opportunity cost: acquiring power, becoming physically fitter and acquiring money.
That’s the choice alpha males make (among others): it’s ok I have few friends, it’s ok I don’t have a hobby. But I crush it on the socio-economical ladder. There is no right or wrong way of living (as long as we’re not hurting anyone). To each their own.
I was envious that my French friends had more free time and a better social life, more leisure generally speaking. But this has a price.
Now that I go hiking once a week it fulfills my need for friendship, nature and physical activity.
So it’s about balance and no leisure at all is bad. 5-10% leisure is fine. It does not always have to be social events (which I love). It’s about doing something in our free time that is fulfilling for us.
Let’s take bars for instance. I spent I don’t know how much time with random people in bars. I don’t think it was so useful. I learned better social skills yes and I needed it. However I now prefer to do things that are more meaningful to me. I still love bars but now it has to be worth my time.
Going back to the main topic before I digressed.
After digesting the alpha male article from Lucio having watched a few videos on YouTube it’s now clear to me:
As a man, I cannot afford to be sloppy, late, procrastinate. These are the things of boyhood and teenage hood.
Actually maybe that is what I like with my French friends. We get to be children and teenagers together again. And it’s fine from now and then. It’s necessary for mental health. We are not robots. As a lifestyle it has too many cons and not enough pros.
So yes I would like to have more free time and play more. The thing is that it’s not compatible with reaching my most important goals.
That’s why our free time is really important. To use it to do something that nourishes our soul. And we’re all different of course. Then it becomes memorable and meaningful. Then we can get back in the arena recharged.
To be clear: women have their own burden as well. I’m aware of it and have tons of respect for it.
As men the number 1 quality that is socially expected of us is strength: mentally, physically and emotionally. So we have to pursue this strength as it is a social duty. We can live our whole life being weak and it’s ok. However we won’t get rewards from it and our sense of self will be affected.
Of course men are people. So we do have our doubts and weaknesses. However we are expected to keep it to ourselves or share them with 1 maybe 2 close male friends who won’t judge us for it.
I now accept that women will support us and at the same time expect us to be strong. They’re ok with us showing a little doubt or little weakness rarely. But not often and not a lot.
It’s a harsh truth but better know it now than never.
Just as women are expected to be pretty. They deal with it: makeup, dresses, diets, etc.
Sometimes they complain about it. And what most people think: “what is she talking about? Of course she has to do that”. Same with men.
However most of these things are unspoken social taboos. Very few people will come to you in the culture I live in and say: “you have to be stronger dude”. But people will shame you for doubt and weaknesses. Same for women about their appearance and youth.
To be clear character matters a lot: kindness, wisdom, etc. However they are secondary characteristic.
For men for instance we have to be strong and powerful. Then our kindness is appreciated.
If we are weak the kindness has very little value.
These are my current thoughts on this topic.
Something else with time. Lucio was right in PU: the more your value/quality increases the harder it is to get value from other people. So many people end up being takers relative to you. It’s not arrogant it’s my experience. For instance: yesterday I paid a visit to my friend owning a bar. He was busy so he had little time to speak with me. I had a Coke Zero. However now just waiting for him to be available for a 2 min chat is not worth my time at all. That is why I did not go for months there.
When I was lower quality/value, being there was valuable to me when I was feeling lonely. But now that I don’t feel so lonely it feels like a waste of time.
After having thought about it. This is what I would change with breaking up with the girl I thought was too fat for my tastes.
I would sent her a text saying that I think we’re not compatible. We were not advanced in the relationship enough to have a 1-to-1 talk. And as I said I did not want to hurt her with the real reason.
However I could have manned up and tell her that instead of ghosting her. At the time I did not think of this option as I think breaking up through text is weak. But ghosting is weaker.
I know better now.
