Former Community – We Moved
🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.
My Journey to Power
I changed my whole approach to working out. Before I had too high expectations. Now my goal is momentum so I lowered the bar of my daily workout to make sure I can do them 6x a week. Consistency matters more than intensity.
Inspired from 21 laws of leadership, thanks Lucio. I’ll write a bit about it when I’m done.
Sharing some thoughts:
About becoming an executive
The only issue I see with being an executive is that you get even further from the field than low level manager (my current state, team of 7). I went into pediatrics to serve the children so I would serve my mission by being an executive. However I also love to interact with children, especially infants and little children. They’re in the present, always happy, very funny. The 3-5 years old have always little stories to tell about what happened to them at the kindergarten. Who did what. Who took their favourite toys, their best friend, etc. I don’t get tired of it even if it’s not high lecel cognitive abstract conversation. It’s their joy of living that is inspiring.
So I think that being an executive (even if medical) would take this away as you spend most of your time in an office. A solution would be to do it part time. But for the moment I prefer to be close to the team. If I was in the army I would prefer to be a sergeant or a lieutenant than a major or an admiral. Both are exciting as you get to have the strategic thinking and the politicking, the negotiating. But I’m the kind of guy who’s made to be in the trenches. My mission is also to relieve suffering I did not write it last time. So it’s to be with the children and parents in their suffering and guide them out of it as much as possible.
That’s my current opinion and it’s too early for me to become an executive I think. I’m also saying this because thanks to PU, I have now several feedback from the staff physicians that they think I’m executive material. Who would have thought? So it’s a testament that these skills are learnable and I just started in a leadership role at the hospital. I think I need at least 3- 5 (I would say 5) years of experience in my current role before climbing up anyway for me to feel competent.
I’ll make another post for readibility.
Becoming rich
I used to want to become rich when I discovered self-development because why not? It was more of a way to disprove my family narrative that we don’t have money. I do earn enough money for my needs so it’s not an issue. I don’t have any complex regarding that either. However I think i that for the amount of work, training and responsibility I feel we’re vastly underpaid as pediatricians. It’s well known but still. What we do for society has huge value. The amount of years gain by early interventions and treatment amount to huge monetary and non-monetary gain for society as a whole. Compared to my friend who earns more than me has regular schedule does not have the same training nor the same responsibility and manages the computer network of a school. That’s my thought on it.
So I let go a couple of years ago to become rich as I found the price is not worth paying. My plan at the time was using MJ DeMarco’s idea. Basically becoming rich without a scalable business is very very hard in my position. So that would be the way. At the time my idea was to make a pediatrics course. The number of customers is more limited as it is niche. However it’s where I feel I can bring the most value. In the mean time I got inspired by Lucio’s commitment to excellence and continuous improvement of his course. If I do it I would do it the same. I would do more videos as Lecturio does but the way I would do it the same. However I feel I don’t have enough experience yet to do it. Of course I could contact experts (Professors, etc.) to help me but at the beginning stage as Lucio said you want to go as little expenses as possible. So I think I can still do this idea but in 5-10 years. So I have more value to give.
I want to raise the level of the whole field of pediatrics so pediatricians are the best physicians humanly possible. No business plan yet sharing thoughts as I said.
With Lucio and Transitioned's recent answers, I understand there are 2 techniques I must master:
- Frame buffet
- Frame reset
I noticed in many movies when there is a dialog with one powerful person or between 2 powerful persons this is what they do. They set their own frame no matter what the person has said before. So it's like a back and forth of frame reset/setting.
Quote from John Freeman on October 4, 2023, 2:34 pmI’m also saying this because thanks to PU, I have now several feedback from the staff physicians that they think I’m executive material. Who would have thought? So it’s a testament that these skills are learnable and I just started in a leadership role at the hospital. I think I need at least 3- 5 (I would say 5) years of experience in my current role before climbing up anyway for me to feel competent.
I’ll make another post for readibility.
Rock on, John!
Yeah, your train of thoughts on that "becoming an executive ASAP or in the future" seems good to me.
At least, that's how anyone who appreciates advancing personal competence VS "just focus on the the title/rank and money" would agree with.
Hello Lucio,
Thank you! I'm glad that we're on the same wavelength I was not sure where you would stand on that.
Yeah in "Stealing the corner office" they talk about focussing on career advancement instead of results.
However, if one does a lot of effort to succeed in finding something they love I think it would be a waste to advance, get all the perks but realize that one does not like the actual new job AKA daily activity. So yeah not for now, I'm not in a hurry we'll see. But I want the money!!! :D
I don't put any title to leave the surprise at the end on purpose.
I sent a message to the head nurse of the ER a week ago. The one I had a difficult interaction with when I started. Basically we had children coming to the wrong level of emergency sometimes (too low) and then it's difficult to move them to a higher degree of emergency. So we discussed it a month ago and the ER head nurse spread the word to make a positive change. That is to bring them into higher level of emergency and then lower it if the child is not in a serious condition after evaluation at the higher level of emergency.
It's a really good nursing team in the adult ER. So they implemented the change right away.
So since I had 3 situations with this new change (not going into details) and it worked well I wrote an email. I wrote it to my bosses with the other pediatric attendings in CC and also the head nurse in CC.
I basically told that the new system worked well in these 3 situations and that the collaboration with the medical and nursing adult team in the ER was always excellent.
No news from anyone.
Then today a nurse: "Thank you for your message the other day".
I tell her: "what message?!".
Yes you guessed it. The head nurse sent my message to all her nursing team (and maybe the staff physician team).
What a way to gain status through a whole team. What ROI in terms of status. 1 email and now they know that I think highly of them.
If I would have wanted to craft this I could not have done it. But now I know it's a possibility.
So today the nurse I was working with, she was extra-helpful. I don't mind but I did not ask anything. She came to help me spontaneously. So I had gained status through this email. And this status turned into influence. And this influence turned into power.
What a lesson!
I wrote this email genuinely. For me it's all about continuous improvement. So it's logical: we had an issue, people fixed it, I see the fix works well, I feed back this info to the decison-maker. Basically: your decision worked as intended. To me that's normal. I'm an engineer before a doctor that's how I think.
So another success for TPM! It's again through studying PU, power dynamics and writing on the forum that I learned how to write such messages. It makes no sense to write it here as it is a bit of lingo. What matters is that I highlighted the "always excellent collaboration with the nurses and doctors from the adult ER". Collaborative frame at work.
Yesterday I had an interview for the pediatric intensive care in Geneva.
Unfortunately it did not work as intended. Basically the first spot is in November 2025. In between she want me to already train in pediatric intensive care or adult intensive care.
The male staff physician to whom my sponsor sent a recommendation for me was not present. There was only a female staff physician who was not really friendly. That’s an understatement. She was 5 min late so I sent an email at the 5 min mark to prevent her to say I’m the one who was late. When we connect I wave at her and smile, no wave back and no smile.
I prepared with my preparation sheet (my cursus in the form of a story and answers to the question she could ask). I also re-read and memorized Transitioned’s article. My sponsor who sent a recommendation to the male staff physician recommended me to read articles about pediatric intensive care before the interview. Hopefully I did not. We did not talk about it at all.
I think she’s one of those person who had a straight line medical cursus. So I make these people uncomfortable with my uncommon life path. They don’t see the value of it or my life experience. In their minds I’m a loose cannon or a lost soul. Something like that. They’re conformists so don’t understand people who are not. That’s a supposition but she gave me this vibe I got before. Also the fact that I’m a male. It’s an advantage with males and feminine females. But with masculine females like her it’s a minus. They are the ones who had to fight teeth and claws to get there with them being female as a disadvantage. So they hide it but they dislike men. That’s what I also felt from her. This is another supposition. Also the people who gave everything to their careers don’t always have the best mental health in my experience. In short I think she disliked me for some reason.
The interview was the shortest I have ever had: 11 minutes. She’s a very time efficient person. You have to be in those field. So she got the information she needed and gave me the one I needed and we ended up there. Even if she was alone I felt she was more looking for reasons to disqualify me than to qualify me.
The only moment she smiled is when I mentioned my sponsor. He has a sky high status among them. For good reasons he’s one of the best hospitalist pediatrician I encountered.
So right now I feel a bit frustrated and bitter. The post-interview syndrome as Roberto described. But it’s ok and it was worth taking the interview as I got tons of intel. Basically what to do if I want to be hired there and the date where they have spots.
I could apply to the other university hospital where I live and did my training for pediatric or adult intensive care. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to be bullied and mobbed again. I don’t want to work with assholes. Maybe I’ll still apply but this is how I feel right now.
So I could see that as @transitioned said in his article having a recommendation is power neutral. The current job they came to get me through a recommendation yes but still they actively recruited me. Totally different dynamics.
I already knew Geneva’s pediatric department is like a fortress: very difficult to enter.
Also it’s good because the way I work this anger is a motivation to succeed. “F*ck you energy” if you want. Anyway life is a long journey. It’s not the first closed door and not the last. Also it’s closed for the moment.
Another success to share:
On Bumble, I used the principles you teached me @lucio : hooks, and @transitioned: don’t be boring. And from both: frame buffet.
I combined it with moving her to WA when I go to bed. Basically first she wanted to give me her IG. I don’t say anything and banter around say good night. Then she sends me her number.
The thing is that now I do feel superior to women in a way. They want us to be superior to them. So they only submit when they feel it’s the case. That’s why not caring subcommunicates high power. You’re so high that you don’t care about her specifically (in the seducing phase). I was too kind (again). I’m not being a dick but I don’t care. And I see how much more attractive it makes me. But in a way it makes me lose respect a bit for women as in: so this is what it was all about? A bit disappointed.
Vito Corleone was right: as men we cannot allow ourselves to be careless, children and women can but we cannot. In the sense of we have a high duty of responsibility.
If we don’t we are not strong men and women are not attracted. They want to be able to look up at us. Hence the parallel with children. Things I did not want to be true some years ago.
The way we add value to women is with our (emotional) strength, leadership, sense of direction (among other things). So if we lack those we don’t bring what they’re looking for.
I did not change my goal: I want to be a great seducer. Now I know it’s about being a great hunter and fisherman.
PS: the word « superior » here means superior in some capacities not superior as a human being.
Follow-up on the post above.
It hit me: I was loving and respecting women more than myself.
Now I understand why Lucio would have been straight with the big Irish girl. I was afraid to assertively prioritize my needs.
Same with the polish girl. That’s why I accepted her letting the dog in the room while we were intimate. It was a humiliating and degrading experience. But I prioritized her needs above mine: nice guy syndrome.
Better late than never.
