Quote from John Freeman on October 10, 2023, 9:24 pm

21 laws of leadership

What a great book! Thank you very much Lucio. A manual of principles for leaders. I extracted from my notes what I have to focus on:

1. Law of navigation: anticipate
2. Law of connection: believe in them: to lead yourself use your head to lead others use your heart
3. Law of picture: lead by example, a leader can be uncertain but not unclear. People are always looking at you as a leader. People imitate you. People do what people see people buy into you before they buy into the vision. They follow leaders who pursue a cause.
4. Law of buy-in: every message is filtered through the messenger’s credibility. You have to believe in them first.
5. Law of Victory: leaders don’t accept defeat
6. Law of big mo: momentum. Momentum is a leader’s best friend.
7. Law of Priority: use Pareto’s law
8. Law of Timing : right action at the right time. Wrong action at right time: mistake. Right action at wrong time: resistance.
9. Law of explosive growth: add followers to increase capacity. Add leaders to multiply your capacity. Develop leaders
10. Add value to people

I recommend it warmly to every aspiring leader.

Quote from Power Duck on October 10, 2023, 10:37 pm

Quote from John Freeman on October 10, 2023, 3:43 pm

On overachiever/tasker power player resident

So basically after a period of calm and cooperation, she's back to one-up and tasking.

I never let my guard down with her so it's ok.

Some background about her: her dad died when she was young. So I think she somehow is looking for a strong father figure (overly strong).

I'm saying this because what she responds to is when I over-power her. I don't like it but that's the only way.

So I make her invest by asking questions, I correct her, I increase my dominance around her, I task her as much as possible even for small things she was going to do anyway (if you have questions let me know), I grill her with questions. In short I dominate her.

I don't like it at all. However that's what she responds to. As sad and stupid as it sounds. I think she only respects people stronger than her. So this is typical of manipulative people. And I even think it makes her feel secure.

But as I said in the above posts it makes me lose respect. So you respect me when I'm more in my animal/asshole self? It's a pity...

That's why Lucio is right: some people don't deserve your best self. Some people actually deserve our worst self. When I'm nice, respectful -> one-up, tasking, etc.

When I'm dominant she runs to me to make me happy.

I'm shaking my head as I'm writing this. I don't even know what to think about it. I'm a bit disappointed and confused.

In terms of social dynamics the problem is that in public it makes me look overly-dominant so I extend myself too much publically. That's the trap with these kind of person. The level of dominance they respond to is a level of dominance that is too high to be socially acceptable.

So they kind of sabotage you:

Either they one-up and put themselves above you

Or

They make you look like a bully by drawing this aggressive side out of you when you try to get the respect you deserve.

I already talked twice with her and it had an effect but no more. So no more talk. I don't feel any hard feeling now. I view it as a game when I have to one-up her every time she ones-up me: "Perfect" -> "Very good", "very good" -> "Perfect". She takes any space in the interaction to take the lead when I leave space in the interaction. So I leave as little as possible. I fill them with questions and command, thank her and move on.

I'm baffled at what I have to do as a leader to get respect and compliance. Maybe I'll adjust and learn more later. At the moment that's what I'm experimenting with.

Also she's French so we see here again a cultural clash: consensual swiss leadership vs "aggressive" french leadership.

Man that's crazy. Specially the trying to qualify/prove herself when you're dominant.

I always wonder where are all those crazy people when they become old. I'd like to think they end up alone/they change (which is very very unlikely), but unfortunately they probably end up with children and or very dysfunctional relationship. Unless their submissive or extremely antisocial I've seen that crazy people rarely end alone.

But back to main topic I think you did good.

That's why Lucio is right: some people don't deserve your best self. Some people actually deserve our worst self. When I'm nice, respectful -> one-up, tasking, etc.

I think this is golden advice, so thanks for sharing in your journal and to Lucio for sharing it too 🙂.

Quote from John Freeman on October 10, 2023, 10:51 pm

Thanks for your answer Power Duck!

I'm glad we see it similarly. I do think it's crazy. Crazy people respond to crazy behaviour it seems.

Lucio was right I learn a lot working with her. As I will meet other people like her in the future that's for sure.

What is challenging is not to make an enemy out of her. My strategy now is not to teach her too much. I make sure to keep her dependent on me now. Not my favourite approach at all but hey you gotta do what you gotta do.

I know she will climb hierarchies so I know one day she'll be in a position of power. If I make an enemy out of her now maybe in 5-10 years I'll regret it. But maybe she will be crushed by people similar to her who will beat her at her own game.

I'm saying this because she's going to go to Geneva as a resident. I'm still 4 years ahead of her but you never know. She can spread her poison and it can prevent me from climbing up hierarchies there.

The thing is that I cannot make a friend nor ally out of her.

So basically the strategy is not to make to much of an enemy out of her. Keep her at bay somehow. Annoying as f*ck but I haven't found a better way yet.

I congratulated her for her work some time ago but now she's back to her crazy self so no more compliments from me. It's really reward/punishment with her.

Dangerous individual as she's great at manipulation, smart and is a high performer. But Karma is a strong force in the Universe. I know hope is not a strategy yet I there are some things out of my control. So I let it up to the Universe to do its thing while I do mine.

Quote from John Freeman on October 12, 2023, 10:26 am

Today I’m grateful to all the people who put obstacles on my way.

Thank you, without you I would not be the man I am today. My allies are my allies and my enemies are my secret allies.

"The mind adapts and converts to its own purposes the obstacle to our acting. The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way." -  Marcus Aurelius

What stands in the way becomes the way.

I’m eager and looking forward to the next obstacles.

I’m also grateful to Marcus Aurelius. A man who’s  lived 2000 years ago. And still his thoughts carried through time and space to me, to us. I’m able to have a teacher who’s been dead for a long time. Thanks to the technology of writing.

Quote from John Freeman on October 12, 2023, 8:28 pm

Today, we had a meeting with management to talk about the residents.

The goal is to identify who needs help and in what way.

I prepared it for 1.5 hour before the meeting that was supposed to happen 2 months ago and got cancelled. The head of pediatrics department prioritzed another meeting. So finally she decides to do this once 2 weeks before 3 of them leave the hospital. So a little late, it's a euphemism.

Basically I was very disappointed. Now I know they are good doctors but they don't have any training in management. My goal is to lift up the residents. My goal is also to bring to their attention the people who are all nice and good with them but not with us.

I took the minutes as well.

The head of pediatrics basically framed me as being too negative too critical. Another one framed me as speaking too much and not being synthetic enough (thanks to my psychologist now I know that she has perverse defenses: too long to explain here).

So basically, very light and not very structured. Amateurish to me.

Since the meeting felt not of high quality enough I sent the minutes as is since it won't be that useful anyway.

The other 2 attendings were way more political than me and did not speak much. So basically I took a few bullets to say the truth in order to improve the residents' performance.

I got to practice my office politics in meeting though.

I realized the head of pediatrics is too much laissez-faire. So I don't project myself in the future here. They're not focussed on excellence enough. I'll bring my leadership for 6 more months and then I'm out.

So very disappointing. Now I understand why I did not get the quality of training I wanted. It's because they promote doctors that don't have the necessary background for leadership. It happens in other professions of course. But now that I got a look at the inside of these meetings about residents I'm very disappointed.

They don't understand that residents are the business card of the hospital. So the reputation we have is relying a lot on their training. And we are as much responsible for it than them.

Also they don't realize how much effort I put in their training. I teach them as best as I can everything I know. Also I wanted them to see what we're dealing with the residents on a daily basis. How they really are when they don't show a front. That failed. They don't see and are not interested in having all the details. For them I badmouthed the residents.

Same for meetings when there are no minutes taken. So amateur.

So I don't know where I'm going next. I'm going to apply like a machine since I got rejected from my past 2 applications. Like dating I feel like people don't see or appreciate enough the value I can to bring.

I've got TONS to learn and I'm not the best pediatrician at all. However I'm looking for a leader who can help me develop my potential to the max. I learn in this hospital but I haven't found it yet. I found sponsors and mentors on my journey. However I did not find a place where I feel I want to stay long term because I look up to the leader and trust she/he will bring me to the next level.

Quote from Roberto on October 12, 2023, 9:27 pm

Hello John

I hope I can make your bad day better by telling you how many people respect your profession and you as people! Many of my acquaintances and friends would definitely call this one of the most honorable professions there is & I can only agree. This applies especially to the German part of Switzerland.

"Quote from John Freeman on October 12, 2023, 8:28 pm

So I don't know where I'm going next. I'm going to apply like a machine since I got rejected from my past 2 applications. Like dating I feel like people don't see or appreciate enough the value I can to bring."

It's always bitter when people don't recognize the value you bring to the table. I have recently experienced this again and again.

Maybe we should make a thread about this?

As always, feel free to ignore if it doesn't do u any good.

Hello John

I hope I can make your bad day better by telling you how many people respect your profession and you as people! Many of my acquaintances and friends would definitely call this one of the most honorable professions there is & I can only agree. This applies especially to the German part of Switzerland.

Quote from John Freeman on October 12, 2023, 10:14 pm

It does feel good Roberto, thank you very much.

It's true we do a lot of sacrifices and we must uphold high standards. So the reward is growth. However, the recognition you talk about and that warms my heart is not often found within the profession. It's a lot of dog-eat-dog.

I talked about this with my psychologist today and he told me he finds healthcare quite violent. And I agree. People care about patients but not so much about one another. He told me about the psychological defense mechanism that people have in place. So learned a lot but it was disappointing again.

Basically he taught me that the middle upper class and the upper class (he was part of it) often have rigid personalities structures in order to fit in their social order. Now on top of that you add medicine and you have high-functioning people with poor inner life. From the outside their lives look impressive. From the inside they need to feed narcissistically on others in order to feel good. So power and status in order to feel good. Addicts to approval and admiration but unconsciously so. So you cannot bring it up as they hide it to themselves.

What really disappointed me in this meeting is that the staff physician were basically defending certain residents as if we were attacking them. And also it did not show empathy towards us. How we feel as attending physicians towards them. When they disrespect us or when they don't do their job. So I did not feel protected by them. I did not ask them to say anything but empathize. They did not. So I lost a lot of trust in them. They won't have my back in case of conflict. I saw it twice now.

It's always bitter when people don't recognize the value you bring to the table. I have recently experienced this again and again.

Maybe we should make a thread about this?

That's a good idea. To me the challenge is finding the people who see the (potential) value in us. If you start the thread I'll contribute.

Quote from John Freeman on October 14, 2023, 5:18 pm

Since I’m focussing  on my goals I don’t feel the need so much for a social life or hobbies.

So I’m ready and willing to go monk mode again.

Yes my love life won’t be my priority but if I chase women then I’m doomed. I must climb the social-economic ladder and that will be through skill acquisition and politics. I will still improve my attractiveness but focussing on my transformation is the goal.

I want to win.

The subliminals and the story kicked in. I’m back to my warrior self. I’m grateful. It’s been a long time.

Quote from John Freeman on October 14, 2023, 8:09 pm

I understand the mistake I was doing with my friends who rock climb.

I wanted to be part of their tribe.

Now I want to be part of my tribe. I’m a water person not a mountain person. That’s why I don’t enjoy so much rock climbing. I did scuba diving once and I’m hooked. Going to build MY life again. Not from scratch (previous mistake: destroyed everything) but from its current state.