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Power Move: Empty tasking
Hello guys,
Here is what I mean by "empty tasking": a task you were going to do anyway. In this particular case, AFTER you declared what you were going to do. It's quite a common power move. Here is what my supervisor is doing:
Me: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch (and add some filler sentence, for instance: "and I'll meet you later")
So far, I ignored it. But it's a common pattern, so I think it's worth exploring. It's a bit different than someone tasking you BEFORE you were going to do it anyway.
I think the potential answer is:
Me: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
Me: Yes, that's what I said. (with a smile: re-building report)
However, since she's my supervisor I'm a bit afraid of her reaction. What do you guys think?
Cheers!
Tricky - they playing the have the last word game
One safe way is just continue the conversation. When do you think you ll grab lunch?
What are you going to have today?
Said very softly and low key with a smile.
Takes the focus away from their subtle tasking and rebalances power a little by having them answer
Hello John,
Since she is officially your supervisor, such behaviour is not very disempowering when it is followed by a filler sentence i think.
When there is not any filler sentence your potential answer seems appropriate to me.
A potential re-empowering answer to a non-supervisor with the filler sentence example could be:
You: I'm going to lunch.
Her: Go to lunch and I'll meet you later.
You: Yeah, we will discuss project X when i will be back.
Instead of 'discuss project X' whatever is planned to be done with her in your meet could be added. As a way of re-gaining leadership for what will happen after your lunch.
I think XHs suggestion is great. You ccould mix up both suggestions to keep the conversation natural. And probably sometimes just smile and nod. As long as it's not an 'always' dynamic I think your not losing power.
As you picked up this is a delicate situation. Because it's a subtle move and probably unconscious by now. It's just become part of 'who she is'.
Subtle moves are always tricky because they might not think they're making a move at all and if challenged, they can easily label you as paranoid or too sensitive and to other less power aware folk that accusation will ring true.
I would have to tweak XHs words a little for my work culture:
You: Yeah, perhaps we can discuss project X when i will be back.
Or
You: Yeah, and if you ve got time it would be great to discuss project X when i will be back.
I wonder is it worth letting the initial incident slide and focusing instead on gently building power in the relationship on an ongoing basis... for me at least, when it comes to people like coworkers who I have an ongoing relationship with, it's the overall trajectory and tenor of the relationship that I prefer to keep my focus on... trying to get the upper hand in some relatively inconsequential exchange can seem petty (although people certainly do it all the time!)... but rather than be pulled into their game, I try to focus on the bigger picture of the relationship... all that to say, I might instead seek ways to build power in other exhanges with the person, rather than in the moment itself... just my two cents ;)
BTW you could do a 'perfect' or 'sounds good' too
Good post John thanks for sharing. I think these subtle exchanges are where the games won and lost.
Lucio advised me on one thread to keep emails short and clean and in another thread to keep things friendly and light any time there s tension. I think all of those principles apply here so ignoring or a very casual few words answer seems best to me.
Subtle responses also give you a reputation for subtlety. And that seems to be valued over open communication in most workplaces unfortunately.
I hope @lucio can find some time to drop by the thread at some point.
Quote from John Freeman on January 19, 2022, 4:53 amHello guys,
Here is what I mean by "empty tasking": a task you were going to do anyway. In this particular case, AFTER you declared what you were going to do. It's quite a common power move. Here is what my supervisor is doing:
Me: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch (and add some filler sentence, for instance: "and I'll meet you later")
So far, I ignored it. But it's a common pattern, so I think it's worth exploring. It's a bit different than someone tasking you BEFORE you were going to do it anyway.
I think the potential answer is:
Me: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
Me: Yes, that's what I said. (with a smile: re-building report)
However, since she's my supervisor I'm a bit afraid of her reaction. What do you guys think?
Cheers!
I think your proposed solution is good if you have a good relationship. Maybe slightly risky for very power craving individuals.
Another way is to directly disobey their tasking, and instead of going to lucnch you first go somewhere else, like the toilet:
Them: "Go to lunch."
You: "Indeed, after I got to the nearest toilet! Excuse me, I have to mark my territory - and fast!" *big grin*
An option that is nice and even simpler is a dismissive but still friendly delivered:
Them: "Go to lunch."
You: "Of course, I'm hungry." *smile*
You share the reason for why you go to have lunch, and of course it has nothing to do with their tasking.
If someone with the same status as you said it, especially if it happens regularly, you could simply go meta:
Them: "Go to lunch."
You: "Man you looove trying to tell others what to do, don't you! (Be honest [name]!)" *big grin*
("Why is that?")
"trying to tell others" to make clear those are mere attempts on their end, and "others" instead of "me", to make it more effective and less about -you- vs -them- specifically.
Of course this wont go well with someone actually having power over you. But if you have a nasty tasker in a group of friends, it could call out their game. They might try to backtrack or hit back though, as it is an attack (so was their tasking though):
Them: "I was just joking Michael, why are you allways taking things so seriously?!"
You: "So was I yo little shit!" *laughing*
Quote from Transitioned on January 19, 2022, 10:02 pmI hope @lucio can find some time to drop by the thread at some point.
I can only guess, but you have to keep in mind that if Lucio comes in, the topic is often times seen as "closed", because it is kind of accepted as the solution (and of course there are legit reasons for that). And I assume Lucio doesn't like to be tasked either ;)
So it's fortunate, because there is a chance we wouldn't have had all the perspectives from you guys.
I think the redirecting is also a great way as suggested by @XH:
You: Yeah, lets discuss X when I'm back.
But the smoothest one of them all I think is:
Quote from Transitioned on January 19, 2022, 1:30 pmOne safe way is just continue the conversation. When do you think you ll grab lunch?
What are you going to have today?
Said very softly and low key with a smile.
Takes the focus away from their subtle tasking and rebalances power a little by having them answer
Love the brainstorming, it seems like there've been some good ideas shared here already.
Wanted to give you guys a heads up though: what you're referring to as "empty tasking" Lucio refers to as "tasking of your own tasks" in PU. And, later, he simply refers to it as "manipulative tasking" and "hollow tasking."
The strategy Lucio shares to deal with it is to make it hard and unpleasant for them to play this game.
You: "OK, I'm going to lunch now."
Manipulative Tasker: "Yeah, go to lunch and I'll meet up with you later."
You: "Sara, wait!"
Manipulative Tasker: "What."
You: "Why do you that?"
Manipulative Tasker: "Do what."
You: "Make commands out of things I'm going to do anyway. It’s like you’re playing power games here man, jostling for status over me or something. It creates a bad vibe."
Manipulative Tasker: "Uh? No, I was just reminding you."
You: "Reminding is good, but it’s annoying reminding people of things they'll do anyway. Imagine if I started reminding you to run the financials everyday, you'll probably find it annoying, right? You’d probably say, 'Why the hell is he reminding me to do what I do anyway every single day.'"
Manipulative Tasker: "I don’t know, John, I was just saying, don’t make it so difficult."
You: "I agree. Let’s also agree to stop playing 'command and remind games' then. Cheers."
As Lucio notes, ideally, they'd backtrack rather than hold their ground like in this example here. But, at the very least, your minimum goal is to make their game so painful and embarrassing to play that they will soon drop it.
Next time they play that game again you can just add, “Oh-oh, there she goes again,” and they'll know you caught them.
Keep doing it a few times and chances are you won’t have to do it ever again.
Yes I think that would work well at the same level or with an undermining subordinate. I m wondering if this might be a bit risky with your manager?
Yeah, I agree with you, Kevin.
I think that in cases where it's someone below you or on equal footing with you, the above can work well.
For a supervisor though, I think it'd be effective to handle hollow tasks the same way you'd handle "hollow" encouragements because they have a strong similarity here:
- Hollow tasking power move: you're being given a task you don't need (because you were going to do it anyway)
- Encouragement covert power move: you're being given encouragement you don't need (because you were already fine anyway)
So, a couple of ideas specifically for a supervisor (pretty much copy/pasted from Lucio):
#1. Don’t confirm you will heed their task
Don’t say, “Yes, I will go to lunch,” or whatever, since that confirms that their task was, at least, fair to give.
#2. Watch out for directly fighting their task
Yes, saying “I’m not going to lunch right now,” is powerful and can work, so don’t necessarily avoid it.
But, there is a downside: it can come across as overreactive.
#3. Ignore / make little of it.
Standard and evergreen technique. Let it drop, don’t reply, ignore it.
Also, a very detached “yea,” said without looking at them, will work. You say “yea” as if you’re actually meaning “that was unneeded horseshit.”
#4. Disempower their task by indirectly showing their game.
Imagine this dialgoue:
You: "OK, I'm going to lunch now."
Manipulative Tasker: "Yeah, go to lunch and I'll meet up with you later." (hollow task)
You: "Yea, I wasn’t actually planning on not going to lunch after I just said I would, but yea (pronounce that “but yea” as if to say “I’m just saying this out of politeness, but it was unneeded”)."
