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Power Move: Empty tasking

#11 · January 20, 2022, 3:48 pm

I agree with all suggestions here. Two additional ideas that popped into my mind while reading the thread:

a) you could not anticipate what you are going to do:

You: See you later [gets up to go to lunch]
Supervisor: See you later

b) or you could invalidate the order while complying with their filler request:

You: I'm going to lunch
Supervisor: Go to lunch and I'll meet you later.
You: Let's meet later, but now that I think of it today I won't have time for lunch. Thanks anyway.

And then of course, you go to lunch.

This is something I used to do unconsciously when someone was power-playing me in front of other people and I didn't consciously understand what was happening. For example, at dinner:

Power-player: "Can I pour you some water?"
Me: "No thank you" [I wait a bit, then pour myself some water]

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#12 · January 20, 2022, 5:15 pm

By the way, small note here: I'd say this is all about calibration.

This initial approach to handling hollow tasks feels more on the assertive side. And, this latter approach feels less assertive.

So, I think that what approach you go for depends on:

The type of relationship you have with your supervisor
The type of personality your supervisor has: do they prefer more indirect or direct communication?
Your supervisor's potential for change: how well do they accept feedback, if at all?

OFF-TOPIC

By the way, I'm not a huge fan of calling hollow tasking "manipulative tasking" because I think there are cases where it can be a high-quality move for a more win-win situation.

For example, when someone asks you if you can take their picture — which would be tasking you with taking their picture — you can demand compliance back by saying, "Stand over there," pointing right to where you know they were going to stand anyway.

And, assuming they were nice in how they asked, I think it can be a nice way to help them out while still keeping things fair and power balanced (see "can you please take my picture" power dynamics).

OFF-TOPIC

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#13 · January 20, 2022, 7:12 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 20, 2022, 7:12 pm
Some great stuff here already.
When you combine as many great minds as in this thread, you're bound go get some good sh*t :).
Generally speaking, this is a challenging one.
Both because it's not easy, and because it's a supervisor.
As Ali correctly pointed out, there are specific references to this power move in PU for colleagues because it's relatively common among political players and quite damaging if it happens over and over and you do nothing (plus, super annoying to be "empty-tasked").
Some other solutions:
You: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
You: yeah (<-bridge to maintain rapport and make it smoother),
as I was saying (<- power move, the sub-communication is "I said that already, stop being an idiot")
going to lunch now (<- self-tasking, the sub-communication is "I decide, not you")
to Mario's place, see you later (a "softener")
"As I was saying" is mellower than "as I just said", so it's less likely to push the supervisor towards enemy territory.
And when you add a specific detail about your plans it feels more natural and less like you only replied for power reasons -which, of course, would be totally fair and good to do if there were no political considerations-.
Power-Aligning
This isn't highest power for the simple fact that you align with her.
But it's good for more despotic and egotistic bosses who need as much power differential with their reports as they can get:
You: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
You: yeah, that's what I was thinking as well. See you later
This one maintains some of your power by adding some agency into the decision.
To make it a bit higher power, swap "what I was thinking" with "what I was planning".
The "Affectionate Tasking"
Some of you may recognize the overlap with "affectionate dominance" already.
Affectionate tasking is more niche and probably not John's situation, but worth mentioning.
Some women -more rarely guys- are sometimes a mix of high dominance and caring.
So they say "go to lunch" with an intonation and meaning of "you've been working a lot, go to lunch now, rest a bit and take care of yourself".
They still say it dominantly, sometimes even loud, and that might still disempower you. But not too badly. Plus, it comes from a "better" place of more value-adding intentions.
Affectionate tasking can also be used as a power-protecting technique though if YOU take that role:
You: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
You: yes, thank you, you also get something good, it's still a long day ahead of us
You task her back.
But you dilute the power component with a caring angle, which makes it far more acceptable.
Welcome back!
No, this one is not a response to the power move :D, but:
Quote from Anon on January 20, 2022, 11:04 am
I can only guess, but you have to keep in mind that if Lucio comes in, the topic is often times seen as "closed", because it is kind of accepted as the solution (and of course there are legit reasons for that). And I assume Lucio doesn't like to be tasked either 😉
So it's fortunate, because there is a chance we wouldn't have had all the perspectives from you guys.
LOOOL, came back in style!
Man where have you been, I wrote like a year ago:
Good to see you around, and I take it as a sign things are good/better.

Some great stuff here already.

When you combine as many great minds as in this thread, you're bound go get some good sh*t :).

Generally speaking, this is a challenging one.

Both because it's not easy, and because it's a supervisor.
As Ali correctly pointed out, there are specific references to this power move in PU for colleagues because it's relatively common among political players and quite damaging if it happens over and over and you do nothing (plus, super annoying to be "empty-tasked").

Some other solutions:

You: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
You: yeah (<-bridge to maintain rapport and make it smoother),
as I was saying (<- power move, the sub-communication is "I said that already, stop being an idiot")
going to lunch now (<- self-tasking, the sub-communication is "I decide, not you")
to Mario's place, see you later (a "softener")

"As I was saying" is mellower than "as I just said", so it's less likely to push the supervisor towards enemy territory.

And when you add a specific detail about your plans it feels more natural and less like you only replied for power reasons -which, of course, would be totally fair and good to do if there were no political considerations-.

Power-Aligning

This isn't highest power for the simple fact that you align with her.

But it's good for more despotic and egotistic bosses who need as much power differential with their reports as they can get:

You: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
You: yeah, that's what I was thinking as well. See you later

This one maintains some of your power by adding some agency into the decision.

To make it a bit higher power, swap "what I was thinking" with "what I was planning".

The "Affectionate Tasking"

Some of you may recognize the overlap with "affectionate dominance" already.

Affectionate tasking is more niche and probably not John's situation, but worth mentioning.

Some women -more rarely guys- are sometimes a mix of high dominance and caring.

So they say "go to lunch" with an intonation and meaning of "you've been working a lot, go to lunch now, rest a bit and take care of yourself".

They still say it dominantly, sometimes even loud, and that might still disempower you. But not too badly. Plus, it comes from a "better" place of more value-adding intentions.

Affectionate tasking can also be used as a power-protecting technique though if YOU take that role:

You: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
You: yes, thank you, you also get something good, it's still a long day ahead of us

You task her back.
But you dilute the power component with a caring angle, which makes it far more acceptable.

Welcome back!

No, this one is not a response to the power move :D, but:

Quote from Anon on January 20, 2022, 11:04 am
I can only guess, but you have to keep in mind that if Lucio comes in, the topic is often times seen as "closed", because it is kind of accepted as the solution (and of course there are legit reasons for that). And I assume Lucio doesn't like to be tasked either 😉
So it's fortunate, because there is a chance we wouldn't have had all the perspectives from you guys.

LOOOL, came back in style!

Man where have you been, I wrote like a year ago:

Good to see you around, and I take it as a sign things are good/better.

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Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

#14 · January 22, 2022, 11:25 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 20, 2022, 7:12 pm
Welcome back!
No, this one is not a response to the power move :D, but:
Quote from Anon on January 20, 2022, 11:04 am
I can only guess, but you have to keep in mind that if Lucio comes in, the topic is often times seen as "closed", because it is kind of accepted as the solution (and of course there are legit reasons for that). And I assume Lucio doesn't like to be tasked either 😉
So it's fortunate, because there is a chance we wouldn't have had all the perspectives from you guys.
LOOOL, came back in style!
Man where have you been, I wrote like a year ago:
Good to see you around, and I take it as a sign things are good/better.

Thank you very much for the warm welcome!
I really appreciate it!

I have responded in depth here, to not cause more OT here

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#15 · January 23, 2022, 12:19 pm

Thank you Lucio, ZenDancer, Transitioned, Anon, Bel and Ali for your help. I greatly appreciate it!

Quote from Transitioned on January 19, 2022, 10:02 pm
BTW you could do a 'perfect' or 'sounds good' too
Good post John thanks for sharing. I think these subtle exchanges are where the games won and lost.
Lucio advised me on one thread to keep emails short and clean and in another thread to keep things friendly and light any time there s tension. I think all of those principles apply here so ignoring or a very casual few words answer seems best to me.
Subtle responses also give you a reputation for subtlety. And that seems to be valued over open communication in most workplaces unfortunately.

I'm quoting this again. It's important: Social finesse and friendly approach.

In my case it is a case of affectionate tasking with a the component of power higher than warmth. I think she wishes me well. She also has little power despite having a lot of experience. So sometimes tasking somebody to go to lunch is one of the little power they have.

All in all, I learned a lot!

Here is what I would say to her now with all you guys feed-back. Specifically for her as she's a great woman who is really an ally, almost a friend.

Me: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
Me: yes, thank you, are you going to heat your lunch? (I know she will. Just as she knows I'm going to lunch, so I rebalance power while being affectionate as well. It's an empty communication there but it rebalances power)

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#16 · January 23, 2022, 5:40 pm

Great thread! Another idea that popped up while reading this was:

Complimenting their (your) idea:

You: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
You: That's a great idea! (delivered with a smile for rapport)

Here you're pointing out that her comment was unnecessary, but by saying it in a joking manner with a smile you avoid making her look stupid.

If you want to make it even more obvious you could add some sarcasm:

Her: Go to lunch
You: That's a great idea! I wish I'd thought of that.

You could also try to reframe her comment as a suggestion rather than an order:

You: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
You: That's not a bad idea! I think I'll actually do that

By using words like "I think" and "actually" you reframe it as being your own choice.

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#17 · January 23, 2022, 6:06 pm

Lot of ideas here. I couldn't have put it any better than all of y'all.

I do have something to add.

With the example of empty tasking I find it the best to retask them back. (Plenty of examples already in the thread).

In this case of tasking you to go for lunch. My response would be.

You - I'm going to lunch.
Her - Go to lunch.
You - (Re-tasking) + I'll be seeing you later.

The 'I'll be seeing you later' puts you in a dominant role. (So unless it's a colleague or a subordinate it's best to not use it)

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#18 · January 23, 2022, 9:10 pm

Quote from Mats G on January 23, 2022, 5:40 pm
Great thread! Another idea that popped up while reading this was:
If you want to make it even more obvious you could add some sarcasm:
Her: Go to lunch
You: That's a great idea! I wish I'd thought of that.

This one had me laugh out loud :D.

Jokes aside, I really like your first option.

Quote from John Freeman on January 23, 2022, 12:19 pm
Here is what I would say to her now with all you guys feed-back. Specifically for her as she's a great woman who is really an ally, almost a friend.
Me: I'm going to lunch
Her: Go to lunch
Me: yes, thank you, are you going to eat your lunch? (I know she will. Just as she knows I'm going to lunch, so I rebalance power while being affectionate as well. It's an empty communication there but it rebalances power)

Thank you for the update, let us know how it goes.

Another possible variation on the theme:

You: It's that time of the day, can I bring you something?

You add value here, no games, but you also brush off and break the task-executing chain with a random comment and by retaking the lead.

The difference is that instead of "just asking a question", you ask a "value-adding question".

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#19 · January 23, 2022, 9:20 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 23, 2022, 9:10 pm
You: It's that time of the day, can I bring you something?
You add value here, no games, but you also brush off and break the task-executing chain with a random comment and by retaking the lead.
The difference is that instead of "just asking a question", you ask a "value-adding question".

Great answer I think. I often ask her if she wants something but this has built-in power protection in this instance.

I also like the "I think" and "actually" from Mats G is a good example to take back agency.

I will definitely give you some real life feed-back on this situation.

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#20 · January 30, 2022, 5:53 pm

Quote from John Freeman on January 30, 2022, 5:53 pm
Real-life experience feed-back:
Your perspective helped me a lot. Now I can differentiate when she's being affectionate dominant (she's quite mother-like) and when she's power-moving. So this helped me to improve my power intelligence as this is a subtle difference. It allows me to display more social finesse.
Real-life example 1 (affectionate dominance)
Me: I'm going to get a lunch
Her: Go to lunch
Me: yes, thank you, do you want something?
Her: No thanks, I already have my lunch (I already know she does)
Real-life example 2: power-moving
Her: "I'm ready to eat in 10 minutes"
Me (doing some task while she's finishing hers).
He (finishes her tasks, jumps and warms her meal in the microwave before me. I was done before her and could have warmed it before her but I was waiting for her).
Me (countering the non-verbal power moves): Please go ahead and warm your meal (empty tasking: she's already doing it, in a warm voice of course).
So here I used empty tasking as a defensive power move. She kind of "stole my turn" so I power-protected. It's a small thing but she noted it and later she was waiting for me and telling me stories as a way to build back rapport.
It's not that important of a situation. I think that if we feel a loss of power, it's important to rebalance it. If only for our self-esteem and self-confidence. It's a self-message: "I'm not someone that people can take advantage of". Even if small. It's a matter of 5 minutes, but still.
I think with empty tasking generally speaking (not this particular instance) as in many power moves, it's important to have the habit to :
Defend
Build back rapport
Then we don't have to fear to be isolated, rejected of gossiped about. It's the social finesse way of handling value-taking power moves.
It also goes back to the concept of "strokes" from Eric Berne:
'positive psychological strokes', which are 'units of human recognition'.
If you exchange strokes to make up for the defence, you're all good. The defense has an aftertaste of "foe", so it's good to re-build "friend" with friend signals.

Real-life experience feed-back:

Your perspective helped me a lot. Now I can differentiate when she's being affectionate dominant (she's quite mother-like) and when she's power-moving. So this helped me to improve my power intelligence as this is a subtle difference. It allows me to display more social finesse.

Real-life example 1 (affectionate dominance)

Me: I'm going to get a lunch
Her: Go to lunch
Me: yes, thank you, do you want something?
Her: No thanks, I already have my lunch (I already know she does)

Real-life example 2: power-moving

Her: "I'm ready to eat in 10 minutes"
Me (doing some task while she's finishing hers).
He (finishes her tasks, jumps and warms her meal in the microwave before me. I was done before her and could have warmed it before her but I was waiting for her).
Me (countering the non-verbal power moves): Please go ahead and warm your meal (empty tasking: she's already doing it, in a warm voice of course).

So here I used empty tasking as a defensive power move. She kind of "stole my turn" so I power-protected. It's a small thing but she noted it and later she was waiting for me and telling me stories as a way to build back rapport.

It's not that important of a situation. I think that if we feel a loss of power, it's important to rebalance it. If only for our self-esteem and self-confidence. It's a self-message: "I'm not someone that people can take advantage of". Even if small. It's a matter of 5 minutes, but still.

I think with empty tasking generally speaking (not this particular instance) as in many power moves, it's important to have the habit to :

Defend
Build back rapport

Then we don't have to fear to be isolated, rejected of gossiped about. It's the social finesse way of handling value-taking power moves.

It also goes back to the concept of "strokes" from Eric Berne:

'positive psychological strokes', which are 'units of human recognition'.

If you exchange strokes to make up for the defence, you're all good. The defense has an aftertaste of "foe", so it's good to re-build "friend" with friend signals.

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