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Power Sentence: "that's not what I said"
This is really good in debates.
You can see Jordan Peterson using it a lot, and it makes him come across as highly intelligent, with superior verbal skills and generally higher IQ (that's also power).
But it's also high power in normal conversation.
I realized yesterday on a date.
A girl said something about her period, and I said something like:
Me: That's interesting how some women are very open and straightforward about their period, while some others avoid mentioning it
She got defensive, saying something like:
Her: What's wrong with saying it, there is no shame in it
This was a really significant moment in power dynamics -and attraction-.
If I had said "yeah, yeah, I agree", I'd have followed her lead and seemingly taken a step back.
That would have given her power, and as the two things go hand in hand, also (deeply) decreased attraction.
Instead:
Her: What's wrong with saying it, there is no shame in it
Me: I never said it's wrong
Don't rush to add any details on what you said.
Let it sink in, it's higher power.
Let her dance around your opinions -judge power-.
Her: (something again about "being OK to communicate one's period days")
Me: I never said anything about being OK or not OK, I said that some women openly talk about it, and some others don't
She stopped being defensive.
Then, little later, it might be a good idea to validate her position and how you appreciate straightforwardness, just to avoid breaking rapport too much, and to reward for something that, generally, is good -straightforwardness-.
Would you think it's okay to say the following?
Him: That's interesting how some women are very open and straightforward about their period, while some others avoid mentioning it
Her: What's wrong with saying it, there is no shame in it
Him: Tell me your thoughts about this.
Or
Him: What do you think about this?
So instead of following her lead, you ask her back a question.
And then after she replies, you state why it's not a matter of right/wrong and it's about preferences about sharing on periods.
I suppose your response is higher power because you address her diversion and covert frame directly.
This sets the precedence as Lucio says that you appreciate direct talk and straightforwardness.
If she ends up following your frame, she begins to accept your judgement and leadership more & more.
This was a really significant moment in power dynamics -and attraction-.
If I had said "yeah, yeah, I agree", I'd have followed her lead and seemingly taken a step back.
That would have given her power, and as the two things go hand in hand, also (deeply) decreased attraction.
I think that I have lost attraction before from not handling these moments well.
Sometimes certain moments seem to be really important.
It is challenging to rebalance the dynamics afterwards if you don't handle it well.
Yes, that "expand on your thoughts" answer would have also been OK.
As you said, the "direct denial" is higher power / dominance, but the "please expand" is also good.
It's also good to set a gentler atmosphere of "you're free to fully express yourself here", which can work really well and make you more of a father-figure / therapist figure -both of which can be highly effective-.
