Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 4, 2023, 9:21 pm

Thank you, @kavalier, for your latest post in the feedback and clarification thread.

I was going to refrain from commenting on my (past) decision to like LOF's initial apology post—especially now that the situation is mostly closed—but your post lets me know that sharing my thought process here (as well as my new thought process post-learning) is important.

Note: this post is optional to read mate. I tagged you because it was your post that prompted and inspired this one, but the long story short is that I largely agree with your thoughts and it was great feedback for me.

Ali Gave LOF's Post a "Like", So It Seems He Missed LOF's Power Moves...

Quote from Kavalier on January 4, 2023, 8:16 pm

(...)

The problem now I see is that the post I wrote was too nice. And it came right after @01ascarlett liked LOF's post (it's not a criticism to Ali, though. I spotted the manipulation only because I was involved and wrote long posts when the disagreement between me and LOF took place, and Lucio spotted because he's Lucio). I think Lucio (perhaps he might shed some light on his perspective, if I'm wrong) saw very advanced manipulation stuff seemingly flying under the radar of a regular poster and a titan-level power aware moderator and co-author, which could send the message that people could still get away with power moves if it had gone unchecked.

(...)

Aha, thank you for the kind words, Kavalier, and, no, they didn't go under my radar :).

I noticed them all and chose to give LOF's post a like anyway.

Why?

Thinking Long-Term About the Longevity of the Community

LOF posted that (power move-y) apology at a time when Growfast was also looking for an apology from John.

So, since too many broken relationships in the forum will disrupt the community, my hope was that by liking LOF's post where he took (at least) one step toward apologizing (even if it wasn't the whole way), John would be inspired to do the same.

And, that could move both disputes toward a resolution faster.

Forgetting to Think Long-Term About the Quality of the Community

In my hopes of wanting the community to last longer with people who have been around a long time, I ignored something that's far more important: the quality of the community.

It's better to have a smaller community of high-quality eagles than a larger community filled with toxicity and turkey-like behavior from members pulling power moves on one another.

Choosing to Draw a Hard Line with Lucio on Power Moves from Members

So, when LOF published that second post, I had to say "no, no, no, that can't be allowed".

Lucio reached out to me on WhatsApp asking for my thoughts and I sent him my analysis of all of the power moves I saw in that post as well as how I felt about them (I wasn't happy to see/read them).

He proposed the idea of a short ban to which I supported the decision.

A New Attitude as a Moderator

Of course, especially given Lucio's post on higher forum expectations, this will be my new attitude moving forward.

And, I hope that this case can serve as a learning opportunity for any new moderators who join the team with Lucio and I in the future.

Thank You, Kavalier

Lastly, wanted to say "my bad", Kavalier, if you felt my "like" was in support of LOF's power moves.

That couldn't be further from the truth and, as PR as it may sound, everything I do as a moderator (and a member) is with the intention of creating a bigger and better TPM family.

Of course, your post showed lots of understanding, positivity, and a generally cool attitude toward the situation. So, the apology here is probably unneeded in this case from a pure relationship perspective.

But, from a social exchange POV, I still don't want to be the kind of mod who doesn't apologize when his learnings potentially come at the cost of someone else.

In other words, I wouldn't have agreed to become a moderator with Lucio if my journey toward becoming a better person and moderator (which will undoubtedly involve mistakes/learning opportunities) would leave a trail of broken relationships behind—or a line of people who felt they've been wronged and that their social balance hasn't been rebalanced/settled yet). 

So, while an apology might not have been necessary here, especially since we've been talking often about the importance of apologizing in the forum lately, it seems OK in this case :).

Cheers!

---

P.S.:

Also wanted to note that, of course, we're all learners here in this community, and mistakes, feedback exchanges that turn negative, and disagreements happen all of the time.

So, when LOF's ban is lifted and he's ready to come back, with the hope that he understands the feedback he's received, I'm happy to welcome him back with open arms—and hope that we'll still be good as well.