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Responding to compliments with judge role by being a judge yourself.

#11 · August 17, 2021, 7:13 pm

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on August 17, 2021, 7:13 pm
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on August 17, 2021, 4:03 pm
I don't think "you're the best" is necessarily a covert power move by itself.
It's a bit judge-y, but still on the green side.
In this case, it might give you less credit than, say a "thank you so much".
But I personally think that, depending on the individual, it can be OK.
"You're the best" translates into "(your help was so helpful) that makes you the best in my eyes".
Thanks a lot!
I always had trouble decoding some of these phrases.
Now I understand what it means.
I actually found "ahah always asking you for documents" more damaging.
And I agree with GrowFast that "you need to hire me" is not a very high-power sentence. Better wording to convey the same meaning would have been:
Yeah man, I might start charging soon 🙂
Notice the difference?
First one, they hire you (you look for something, they become your boss).
This one, you start charging them.
I do see the difference.
It's about how I frame myself relative to them and the exchange involved.
But before committing to anything, I'd say look at the previous history.
If everything was generally good, then you can provide the document, end with "happy to help" and all is good.
I forgot to give the overall context.
It's a friend who has a relatively good relationship.
Recently, he's been asking for some documents as a favour for his business.
It's not really a huge effort for me since I'm doing what I'm doing, but it is more challenging for him to find the right document himself.
A good analogy of this kind of help would be the SEO link you helped your friend in South Korea with.
I think the issue is that I didn't market my value properly.
I should have said something like
Yeah, I've been working for a long time in this field.
As such, I have compiled some good documents, and this will really help you a lot.
I have chosen the best ones that suit your business.
I made the wrong assumption that he would realise the value so I should not promote too much.
I think your phrase and Growfast's advice would help:
Yeah man, I might start charging soon 🙂
So now I know that I need to market this value to him better.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on August 17, 2021, 4:03 pm
I don't think "you're the best" is necessarily a covert power move by itself.
It's a bit judge-y, but still on the green side.
In this case, it might give you less credit than, say a "thank you so much".
But I personally think that, depending on the individual, it can be OK.
"You're the best" translates into "(your help was so helpful) that makes you the best in my eyes".

Thanks a lot!
I always had trouble decoding some of these phrases.
Now I understand what it means.

I actually found "ahah always asking you for documents" more damaging.
And I agree with GrowFast that "you need to hire me" is not a very high-power sentence. Better wording to convey the same meaning would have been:
Yeah man, I might start charging soon 🙂
Notice the difference?
First one, they hire you (you look for something, they become your boss).
This one, you start charging them.

I do see the difference.
It's about how I frame myself relative to them and the exchange involved.

But before committing to anything, I'd say look at the previous history.
If everything was generally good, then you can provide the document, end with "happy to help" and all is good.

I forgot to give the overall context.
It's a friend who has a relatively good relationship.

Recently, he's been asking for some documents as a favour for his business.
It's not really a huge effort for me since I'm doing what I'm doing, but it is more challenging for him to find the right document himself.

A good analogy of this kind of help would be the SEO link you helped your friend in South Korea with.

I think the issue is that I didn't market my value properly.
I should have said something like

Yeah, I've been working for a long time in this field.
As such, I have compiled some good documents, and this will really help you a lot.
I have chosen the best ones that suit your business.

I made the wrong assumption that he would realise the value so I should not promote too much.

I think your phrase and Growfast's advice would help:

Yeah man, I might start charging soon 🙂

So now I know that I need to market this value to him better.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.

#12 · June 9, 2023, 12:04 am

I know this post is a bit old, however Ive recently come across with a bit of a problem regarding this matter.

I think that the first two responses that Growfast gave are pretty good, however, I think that If I answered certain comments with "You seem like someome that can__" I could come off as weird.

For example:

Man you're so strong!

Or even a judge power move with a babying tone.

Youre such a good person.

Maybe Im in the wrong here, but I cant seem to come up with a good response that doesnt sound odd if I used the previously mentioned response.

Could someone help me a bit with coming with a good response?

P.S:

I think that answering with:

Thanks for the compliment, (man/buddy depending if it was done purposefully to disempower you)

Could do the trick on those occassions.

You acknowledge their comment and remove them from the judge position by sub communicating that what they said isnt an statement but rather an opinion

-Or at least thats the feeling that response gives me. I would even say that depending on the tone you use, you could make it seem as if they were sucking up to you-

Im not sure at all if what I said is right or not to be honest, but I get the feeling that it would be ok to answer that.

#13 · June 9, 2023, 8:31 am

Hello Power duck,

It's situational.

Your proposed answer are also good.

In general:

Honest person, honest thank you back
A power move, or you need to reinforce that you're the leader, then Growfast's answers are better

If you're unsure, your call.

I'd go with honesty first, and then monitor the character.

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#14 · June 9, 2023, 9:38 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 9, 2023, 8:31 am
Honest person, honest thank you back
A power move, or you need to reinforce that you're the leader, then Growfast's answers are better

Thanks for the response Lucio. I'll keep that in mind.

I think that Growfast responses sounded weird because of some language differences. Making some changes when translating it to spanish seems to do the trick.