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Sapher introduction - overcoming resistances toward the reality of power dynamics
Hi everyone,
I'm 35 year old entrepreneur born in a french caribbean island. Around the end of 2021, I was looking for information about power dynamics and this site was exactly what I was looking for.
I was aware of the existence and impact of power dynamics in social situations since my childhood (like many or most I guess). But I always was reluctant to play the game. At the same time, there was always this part of me which thought that my reluctance to play the game was an hindrance. For example, I could recognize a nasty power player and be OK with defending myself against (some of) their power moves. But I would not be OK with taking preemptive steps against the nasty power player. Or I would not be OK working a social situation to occupy a high social position even if I knew it was a requirement to get something.
Back in 2021-2022, I decided that I needed to overcome my limiting beliefs on the subject. Around march 2022, I bought Power University to that end.
The information in thepowermoves.com website and the Power University course is top notch. And the way the information is presented is exactly how my mind likes it : with principles and frameworks clearly exposed.
But mid-course, I realized that I still had very strong resistances towards the practices and goals presented in the course. In particular, I had a lot of resistance toward the idea of practicing the intention of gaining the positions of higher power/of higher status in my (relevant) social settings.
So I began to use introspection et some auto-psychotherapy practices to expose my limiting beliefs and patterns and to overcome them. It helped a lot.
Since then, from time to time I come back to the course Power University to absorb the knowledge, practice the skills, help me analyze certain social situations, and to find new skillful patterns to add to my life.
This has been a very fruitful journey so far. And now that my limiting beliefs have loosen up a bit and that I feel more and more comfortable playing the game, I want to engage more with this dimension of reality that is power dynamics, share with like minded people on the subject and contribute to this great project and great community!
Hello Sapher and (re-)welcome!
Good to see your intro and by the way, this is also super valuable to me on how to further improve TPM and the product(s).
Unrequested angle that may be helpful to tackle that internal hurdle of going for personal advancement and power/status:
It's not something you only do for yourself, you must do it for all.
Unless you step up, only the narcissist with little to give but with lots of hubris and arrogance to act AS IF they had much to give will step up.
And then, we'd all lose.
P.S.:
That is the principle behind the "we need you empowered".
Not only something you should do for yourself, but a duty you must fulfill.
A principle that I thought was so important that some time ago I put it on the homepage (also thanks to the feedback from the community here):
Welcome here, Sapher! Just like you, I was against the idea of gaining higher power when I first joined. I joined TPM because I wanted to fight against disempowering and learn the intricacies of social interactions, but I didn't feel like being in positions of leadership.
But then I realized I was misunderstanding the concept. I felt that having power necessarily meant to have power over others, and that it presupposed inequality. And I was confusing authority for authoritarianism.
Today, after reading PU and reflecting about my own experiences and observations, I understand (fair) leadership as a result of competence, of showing a predisposition to act when others don't, and having the capacity to bring win-win to everybody. We don't have to be above anyone for that - in fact, in my experience social groups work better when everyone is empowered and leadership material.
Sure, fighting for leadership can get ugly in certain fields where there are formal hierarchies in place (such as in politics, jobs, etc. And even then, sometimes it's the right thing to do. For example, say we're fighting against a dictatorship or a corrupt government, or you're competing for a position in your job and you're the best fit - it would be suboptimal for everyone involved if you didn't step up), for the reasons Lucio says above.
But in social settings, leadership is more fluid and can be shared, as well as it's okay to take the back seat from time to time. One mistake I've been guilty of, and I've seen happening more than once in the forum, is to think that we have to fight for leadership inside groups of friends.
Welcome again, and see you around the forum, Sapher!
Hi, Sapher!
Welcome!
Thank you Lucio for the reminder. It's a powerful rationale that helps me a lot pushing through my resistances. I really don't want a world where decisions are being made by selfish people. And I don't want to be a coward nor a hypocrite who let others make the hard choices.
Thank you Kavalier for the warm welcome! I really like your idea of fair leadership.
I do think that even among friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances, we still need a certain degree of social aggressiveness to cope with the occasional damaging social instincts and impulses of people, and for peace of mind.
For example, my brother-in-law is nice and I really like him. But he has a huge need to feel like "The man" even when he is out of his depth. For now I just defend against his occasional moves (he likes pushing frames like "I know more than you", "I'm teaching you", "I'm helping you", "I'm the wise and experienced man sharing my wisdom", etc.) when we interact. But it's harder for me to take initiatives to instill inside him a definitive and strong respect toward me although it would make our interactions much more comfortable for me in the long run. My psychological patterns (used to) make me feel sad and bad to take away from him the social rewards and feelings he craves so much. I think theses types of things are hindrances that should be uprooted.
Quote from Kavalier on November 21, 2023, 4:01 pmAnd I was confusing authority for authoritarianism.
This is a wonderful and insightful line. Thank you for your response, Kavalier. Something clicked for me when reading.
R
Yeah, golden post by Kavalier.
While I only focused on "reaching the top", it's absolutely true that reaching the top is only one tiny slice of power-awareness/skills.
And it's equally useful for "shared leadership", friendships and relationships, groups of equals... And even being a good follower/executer, actually.
