She wants to be friends
Hi,
I'm currently separated, in a divorce procedure. I met a girl last September, and had what I thought to be a good date. I came up to the Seduction university course only a month back now. I had so many things missing like the power dynamics, escalation plan and getting physical.
She's such a beauty, and a courageous single mom. We are both parents of small kids. We have difficult schedules. She broke up with her ex last year too, and the guy is giving her hard time because he wants her back desperately, developed alcohol issues, does a lot of verbal abuse against her and hardly comes to take his kid for parenting.
We met for a second date in January. I switched medium and opted to call her, and it definitely lead to new meetings. I took some distance because I was the one texting first practically every time and we were both quite busy.
Last week in April, she proposed to have activities with the kids. First time they met, and everything went well.
Yesterday we met for dinner, went to clubbing, drank much alcohol. She came to sleep at my place. We cuddled, she let me caress her. But refused to let me kiss her. I tried kissing in the neck, she turned away. This morning I tried again, same thing. She was well awake, but she let me caress her back, her thighs, butt, neck, hair, head. But refused the kissing.
She tells me I'm her friend.
I'm quite disappointed that I didn't get things right. Didn't get sexual before. Now she is even planning that we meet with the kids again. I've been friend zoned. But I don't understand why she let's me caress her so much.
Am confused.
I' m an Asian looking guy living in France and she is a Romanian girl living in France. Maybe I'm not her type too.
Your thoughts appreciated.
Thanks
I would say you need to take things in order, first dating and sex. Absolutely not meeting with the kids before that.
I don’t think you have been friendzoned yet. She is delaying sex/playing games. Next time you guys see each other it needs to be a date with just you two and it should lead to sex.
Agree - you have to focus on what you want. Normal escalation rules she says you re not having sex you say OK and keep petting her. Do not stay and cuddle with her. If no sex say busy tomorrow have to get going. Other rule is if she hasn't put out after 3 - 4 dates release back to wild. Had a Romanian Mrs- ex model. Bedded her on second date. And she wasn't my first romainian girl. So if there are cultural reasons for not putting out that is news to me. Classic minefield sitch bad boy ex providing the tingles and you being the comforter. This may not go your way. Start dating other girls.
Yeah, agree with Jack, would have been better to get intimate before meeting with children.
On the other hand, if one wanted to look at the positives, once you met with the kids now you're officially closer and since she must be quite busy (child, work and a crazy ex chasing after her), you also happen to be one of the "not so many prospects" around her.
Personally, I wouldn't try to kiss at all.
What's to gain from it?
May sound harsh to say, but the main base to be more of a friend aren't the lips -not the upper ones, at least-.
Once you're caressing her back, thighs, and butt, circle closer and closer to the labia until you can massage around there.
When you start feeling the dampness, you're not a friend anymore.
Don't zero in to fingering immediately, remember the basics of progressive escalation: move away to the back again, just a bit more sensual, go the neck and hold it/squeeze it from behind -a dominance power play many women like, plus another step to submitting to you in bed-, then back down again until you reach a little bit deeper inside.
Now you can start thinking of ramping up, stroke the clitoris, then back in.
Then the next move will be to move her.
Move her belly up so that you can finger her better.
On the first moan, you're even less than a friend.
Then if you're hard, take it out and if she's cool with it, switch fingers for you know what.
If she complains when you're removing your pants, dry hump her instead.
If things get cold, back again from square one.
Rinse and repeat, but usually if you're in bed together it won't take too long.
Thinking if it wouldn't be better to move this to the private area of the forum now 🙂
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I would say you need to take things in order, first dating and sex. Absolutely not meeting with the kids before that.
Thanks for your reply Jack.
I was trying to take it easy. First, I'm myself in a middle of so many things, and weeks ago, I was wondering about completely erasing the contact.
Then came "this opportunity" of meeting again. But with the kids. This led to us meeting the two of us 1 week later.
Maybe because we met with the kids that she is now considering me as a friend
Quote from Transitioned on April 23, 2023, 10:39 pmClassic minefield sitch bad boy ex providing the tingles and you being the comforter. This may not go your way. Start dating other girls.
Thank you Transitioned.
Yes I must beware of this comforter situation. I thought about it
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on April 23, 2023, 10:45 pmYeah, agree with Jack, would have been better to get intimate before meeting with children.
On the other hand, if one wanted to look at the positives, once you met with the kids now you're officially closer and since she must be quite busy (child, work and a crazy ex chasing after her), you also happen to be one of the "not so many prospects" around her.
Personally, I wouldn't try to kiss at all.
What's to gain from it?
May sound harsh to say, but the main base to be more of a friend aren't the lips -not the upper ones, at least-.Once you're caressing her back, thighs, and butt, circle closer and closer to the labia until you can massage around there.
When you start feeling the dampness, you're not a friend anymore.
Don't zero in to fingering immediately, remember the basics of progressive escalation: move away to the back again, just a bit more sensual, go the neck and hold it/squeeze it from behind -a dominance power play many women like, plus another step to submitting to you in bed-, then back down again until you reach a little bit deeper inside.
Now you can start thinking of ramping up, stroke the clitoris, then back in.
Then the next move will be to move her.
Move her belly up so that you can finger her better.On the first moan, you're even less than a friend.
Then if you're hard, take it out and if she's cool with it, switch fingers for you know what.
If she complains when you're removing your pants, dry hump her instead.
If things get cold, back again from square one.
Rinse and repeat, but usually if you're in bed together it won't take too long.
Thinking if it wouldn't be better to move this to the private area of the forum now 🙂
Lucio. Thank you. Such a pleasure you replied to my post. Your contents are gold!
I'll try your moves when the opportunity arrises.
I'm considering asking her right away about this "what are we" situation. But I won't because I actually feel that I've given her too much power.
Yes you can move to the private area. Or should I do it?
Thanks
Thank you for the kind words Strider.
About this:
Quote from Strider on April 24, 2023, 1:07 pmI'm considering asking her right away about this "what are we" situation. But I won't because I actually feel that I've given her too much power.
No, don't even think of asking that :).
Think about what that would sub-communicate:
- You ask (maybe because you hope to be something more? She may think that, and it would frame you as the one chasing)
- She decides
- She leads -the person who replies here leads and is the higher power person in the relationship-
Icing on the cake, it's the stereotypical woman's question.
I agree with Transitioned this isn't looking too good, but I tend to be positive-thinking and like Jack I wouldn't necessarily say you're already a friend and it's done and dusted.
My plan here would be:
- Do the kids' thing if it's already scheduled
- Be (or come across) as super neutral and unaffected, as if for you it wasn't anything -the goal is to sub-communicate that it's HER who is more affected and wondering "what are we"-
- End it sooner yourself because "you got something you need to do"
- Say "alright, it was a good time bye, keep in touch" -be overall upbeat, like you love life and what you're doing next is really awesome-
- Do not get in touch for 2-3 days and see if she does
If she doens't, send a picture/update, vibe a bit, see if you can invite her over for food and wine to "unwind from all the craziness" - just the two to of you -.
Seek to seal the deal then.
---
(Book a call) for personalized & private feedback
Hi
Giving you an update.
So we went to the kids thing last weekend . In fact I think she "forgot" it. Beautiful weather, I planned a picnic without her initially, and then got a text what's up. So I basically said I was enjoying outdoors with kids and picnic, feel free to join. Well she did join us with her kid. The kids do get along well. So she came.
Had a nice time and some deeper conversations. Then she propose us to meet again with the kids the next day. I basically said not possible, I've got things to do first. She replied we'll see.
I thought I would wait 2-3 days. But the next day in the evening she texted me, saying she was not motivated. We chat a bit, and I asked her to come diner home next Saturday. She replied she got work late Friday and already asked someone to keep her kid and could not do it for Saturday. But she still said let's keep in touch and see.
Yesterday, I just tried to chill a bit by text. Geez she was cold. Doing one sentence. I did the same and we stopped the conversation rapidly.
I switched medium and called her today. She was enthusiastic, replying and asking me my day, etc. BTW she always replied to my calls rapidly.
I then said dinner will be good Saturday. She replied not possible, she don't want to abuse her friend's kindness for keeping her kid for 2 days. That's fine for me.
But quickly said when will I have the kids so that we plan something with the kids.
Well well, my opinion is that I'm (my kids) kinda a provider now. If it's games I definitely don't go along with that. But I think she just wanna have her kid hang out with mine.
Not good. So I'm taking a drastic decision. Usually I kinda like to have real conversation and be clear. I just erased her number.
I'll wait 1 week. If no news, I'll erase her from social media too. I kinda look drastic though.
You can try one last time by going direct and saying : “ next time we see each other I want it to be just us two”
You don’t have much to lose at this point.