Showing Acceptance Welcomes The Feeling Of Superiority?
So we have all heard in dating. Don't chase. Be not needy. Be outcome dependent. I have also read in the 48 Laws of Power that use your enemies in times of need not your friends. Your friends already have your approval and your enemies do not. Friends will sabotage you.
So do you agree or disagree. Have you personally used this approach. I mean not giving anyone your full approval. Or to show that you do nut fully accept them. If so how? Have any common techniques?
I am not a great writer. So if you see some way I could have improved this post let me know if your are so inclined.
Hey Jack,
How does showing acceptance welcomes the feeling of superiority, in your opinion?
As a general rule for writing good posts, and generally for better understanding social strategies and power dynamics, they key are concrete examples.
There are no real "laws" in social dynamics because everything's about context.
Ok I will give some context. I really feel it distracts from the question. There are a lot of examples too many to share. A requirement of reading my original post is that you already know the context. However this is not my forum and I want to be respectful. Here goes...
(You are meeting someone the first time) (This is a example of fully accepting too fast)Example 1:
Someone introduces themselves to you at a pool hall:
Person: Hello I saw you shooting pool from over there. Would you like to play?
You: Yes! I would like to shoot (body facing them with a big smile)
You: I have been here all day with no one to shoot with.
You: What is your name? (Extending your hand for a hand shake)
(Later the man finds out more about you and decides he does not like you for whatever lame reasons he may have. he likes to gossip at the pool hall with his buddies. You thought he wanted to be friends but he was just passing time. You have fully accepted him and he feels superior and takes judge role)
Example 2 (You are a little more aloof and distant when meeting him)
Man: Hey I saw you shooting from over there. Would you like to play?
You: (Without turning your body towards him and continuing to play pool while talking with him) I will play one game with you mate. How does that sound?
Man: Yeah ok sure. What's your name?
You: Jack (You don't ask his name. Let him tell you)
I FEEL THE SECOND EXAMPLE IS A STRONGER FRAME TO START FROM. HE IS NOT SO INCLINED TO FALL INTO A JUDGE ROLE FROM ACCEPTING HIM. NEVER BE TOO ACCEPTING.
Jack, the examples turn a generic go-nowhere question into a practical, specific question.
Generic = Theoretical , Example = Practical
The question:
Should you give full approval or not
Is generic.
Answering that means that we remain at the theoretical / philosophical level.
Either that, or we need to write an encyclopedia to answer properly (and I'd rather be effective with my time).
This forum leans towards practical and real-life strategies and techniques.
We don't discuss here things like "distrust your friends, use your enemies", because that makes you no smarter and no more effective in real life. If anything, it likely make you less effective.
Read this article please.
From the last couple of topics of yours, it seems relevant to how you you're learning and approaching social skills.
This Example: Neediness
The first example showed me that what you meant by "acceptance" wasn't acceptance.
That's an example of neediness, which is very different.
Avoiding neediness is very different than "not giving someone full acceptance".
The second example was an improvement on the first one.
Still not ideal, because it comes across as game-playing, and "confrontationally weird".
"Weirdly confrontational" is how people who lack basic social skills but try to come across as high-power often come across.
Why would you first think that someone is a dick after he's just said a single sentence?
That approach turns people into dicks.
It's a relatively common issue for people who first start learning power dynamics.
Again, please read that article I linked, plus this "start here" thread.
And there is a very simple way to answer that question:
Man: Hey I saw you shooting from over there. Would you like to play?
You: Hey man, yeah, why not
Then go ahead and play.
Lucio you are wrong. And this is the last time I will seek advice here. You are obviously nothing more than a internet marketer. You weird costumes to portray yourself as some powerful guy comes tells a story abou how socially uncalibrated you really are. I would not trust taking advice from someone that needs help dressing themselves (basic fundamentals as you talk about). And with your above very anti social uncalibrated reply even less so.
Quote from JackGD on July 19, 2021, 7:19 amLucio you are wrong. And this is the last time I will seek advice here. You are obviously nothing more than a internet marketer. You weird costumes to portray yourself as some poweful guy comes tells a story abou how socially uncalibrated you really. Also the number of posters here. Feel free to reframe as you like.
OK Jack.
Cheers.
Hi Jack,
I think it's quite normal when you ask for advice that someone would share their thoughts on a new way of thinking.
That's what Lucio is doing over here.
This does not mean that the person is trying to look superior.
Although sometimes power-hungry people may do so.
I am not a great writer. So if you see some way I could have improved this post let me know if your are so inclined.
The following sentence at the start of your post invites Lucio and others to give you feedback on your post.
Lucio explained that generic is theoretical and specific is practical.
Then, you gave the following statement:
Ok I will give some context. I really feel it distracts from the question. There are a lot of examples too many to share. A requirement of reading my original post is that you already know the context. However this is not my forum and I want to be respectful.
It's always fair to disagree.
I'm guessing the objective here is that you want us to give you feedback.
When Lucio asks for more specifics, he is asking you for more information so that he can help you more.
Lucio had to come out even more time to write the second post to explain why specifics are important.
The advice was socially unaware and uncalibrated. End of story. Would not like to discuss it anymore
This is hilarious. The OP has so locked him/herself into Judge frame that no new knowledge or perspectives can penetrate their shield. It's also a strong emotional reaction. My personal opinion is that it is very hard to be socially calibrated
and personally powerful if you don't put in place techniques and habits to interrupt that initial emotional reaction. To me this is one of the hardest things but it is the price of entry. If you don't learn this you end up with that too cool for school attitude and we get polarised cartoon alpha debates.
Kind of missed the whole value of the forum. The material here is the best I have ever seen. In the forum as a community we discuss how to apply it to specific situations. We often go back and forth and round and round in discussion. What this group is amazing at is providing a summary at the end and some actionable advice from the consensus.
And attacking somebody s personal style of dressing is just an irrelevant cheap shot. I don't care if my teacher is dressed as Barney the dinosaur as long as he has something worth learning. I use teacher in the mentor and facilitator sense. Lucio absolutely understands the power and value of the community here. Finally I am going to mention this because it's something I struggle with myself sometimes. Before you can learn sometimes you have to humble yourself and put aside what you think you know.
I think sometimes arrogance can be a form of intellectual laziness. You know something about a topic so you think I've got this but really deep down you know you haven't got the detail the context and the walking in the moccasins.
Good analysis and message, Kevin.
The interesting thing is:
Turning a potential win-win value giving into lose-lose
Quote from Transitioned on July 21, 2021, 10:59 pmAnd attacking somebody s personal style of dressing is just an irrelevant cheap shot. I don't care if my teacher is dressed as Barney the dinosaur as long as he has something worth learning. I use teacher in the mentor and facilitator sense. Lucio absolutely understands the power and value of the community here.
The thing that still bothers me the most about this exchange is that I would have loved to have that feedback on my dress style.
Jack had a potentially huge value-giver with that feedback.
He could have said "quick feedback for you, do with it as you please, feel free to disagree, and if it's helpful, glad it was helpful".
That would have made me far more willing to spend time on helping him troubleshoot his issues.
And instead of not using it for positive purposes, he took that same realization, and used for value-taking purposes of trying to hurt someone.
Which BTW, as you say, it's probably more self-harming than anything as it makes one come across like a nasty triggered f*ck-.
Unfortunately, it's very common.
Losing a chance for giving value, and then only using for an attack that only further digs your grave (or both of your graves).
Anyway, if you or anyone else thinks I can improve on my dress / style, please do let me know :).
Edit:
Fixed formatting.