Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 16, 2021, 6:34 pm

Yea, Voss's 7/38/55 negotiation strategy for detecting lies is my usual go-to and has worked for me pretty well:

Negotiation Concept/Theory: The 7/38/55 Rule

The three components of communication are the content, tonality (with which the content is delivered), and body language. When delivering a message, 100% of that message is divided into these three parts. 7% of that message is observed and considered by the other side in terms of content, 38% in terms of voice tonality, and 55% in terms of body language.

Use the 7/38/55 Rule to Detect Lies

“One great way for getting a sense of whether or not somebody is being genuine ties back to the 7/38/55 rule. Does their delivery and their body language line up with the content of the words that’s being spoken? If one of those is out of line, which one of those am I going to expect to be the most reliable? I’m going to look hard at body language and tone of voice when it’s out of line with the words [content]. And, then I’m going to use a label to identify the dynamic. And, I could say something as clear as, I heard you say yes, but I also heard something in your tone of voice that made you hesitate.”

Here are some of his other strategies for detecting lies that I haven't gotten to finish fully testing but have worked pretty well for me so far:

Watch the Sidelines to Detect Lies

“In many cases, you’re going to be negotiating in a group setting. They’re going to have people on the other side of the table that are listening, that are dialed in, especially if they’re concealing [information]. And, they know they’re concealing. And, maybe they’re concealing out of defensiveness. The people who are going to be ridiculously unguarded are going to be the people that you’re not talking directly to…the people that are not being spoken to are going to be insanely honest in their physical reactions.”

“The people that are off the point of focus are going to be ridiculously unguarded in their body language because they’re not used to being paid attention to. They’re used to having all eyes on the person that’s being spoken to [the primary point of contact]. So, you’re going to get some really honest, some really accurate body language off the [sidelined] people…”.

So, for example, let’s say you own a blog and you want to hire a content creation company to post content on your blog for you. This content creation company is owned by a father and his son, who are both in business together. But, the father does all of the talking since he has the majority of the business experience. When the father says the rate that he usually charges his clients, you notice that the body language of the son begins to shift where the son appears uncomfortable. It’s a good thing you kept an eye on the sidelines…chances are the father isn’t telling the whole truth here.

Identify Baselines and Spot Deviations to Detect Lies

“…for a negotiator, it’s a lot more important to know when somebody is telling the truth than when they’re lying because if you tell the truth, you have one way you tell the truth. You may have a bunch of different ways that you lie…and I’m trying to gain a feel for what your baseline is for telling the truth.”

“It’s the same way a polygraph works. You go on a polygraph, a good polygrapher is going to ask you the “control questions”, the questions that are the truth. What day is it? Where are you? What’s your name? What was your dog’s first name? You know, any of the things that you tell the truth on. They’re going to get a line on what you look like when you’re telling the truth. And then, when you lie, it doesn’t matter how you lie, it just matters that you’ve come out of it [with displacement signals]…whatever you do, you didn’t do it when you were telling the truth. That’s an indicator that you’ve come out of your baseline. You’re probably lying. You’re at least thinking about lying.”

When you see those displacement signals. When you see that they’ve come out of telling the truth and slipped into lying (or thinking about lying), use tactical empathy to make them feel more comfortable.

Negotiation Concept/Theory: The Pinocchio Effect

“It’s when someone uses more words than is necessary to give you an answer. If someone is lying to you, they know they’re lying. And, they’re worried about it. And, consequently, they’re going to [feel the need] to work harder to convince you. So, the more effort that they go to convince you that they’re telling the truth, the more likely it is that they’re lying.”

It’s just as Lucio says:

Lucio: “Another persuasion mistake: when you try too hard to convince people, people will always wonder why you are trying so hard. And they immediately think: maybe because they need lots of effort to hide the truth?”

And, his breakdown on the different types of "yes":

Acknowledge the Danger of “Yes”

“Yeah, yes is horrible…”. There are three kinds of yes’s: confirmation, commitment, and counterfeit.

*Confirmation

“My confirmation ‘yes’ is if you’ve asked me a simple question where you’re trying to simply confirm that something is true. My confirmation ‘yes’ is going to be pretty concise…the more concise and the more curt my tone of voice is, the more likely it is that it’s a legitimate confirmation ‘yes’.” Examples include a short “yeah”, “sure”, or “OK”.

*Commitment

“But, a commitment ‘yes’ is an agreement. It’s ‘I agree. I’ll go along with it. I will do this. I have agreed that I will do this.’ That I’m good with what we’re talking about and that I am in agreement with it. And, commitment ‘yes’ is going to be fairly curt and concise as well. But, it’s really going to be driven by the context and what I’ve said leading up to that and how our conversation has gone.”

*Counterfeit

“The counterfeit ‘yes’ is the ‘yes’ I’m going to give you when I’m starting to feel trapped by your questions. I don’t trust you, I want to find out how soon this is going to be over. [But] Maybe I want to know more. So, I’m going to give you the counterfeit ‘yes’ because I’ve already decided that I don’t trust you and it’s OK because I feel like you’re trying to trap me.”

“The counterfeit ‘yes’ it’s typically not terribly succinct. It’s not short.” A counterfeit yes is typically exaggerated and drawn out, such as saying, “Suuuurre.” That’s because most of the time, a real “yes” is actually a “maybe” or a “no”/rejection in waiting (waiting to be persuaded into a “yes”).

Here's the full article.

The Art of Negotiation: (Chris Voss) Summary & Review | The Power Moves

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 16, 2021, 7:18 pm

To me, the main skills when it comes to lying aren't centered around cues, but around:

1. knowing the areas of (potential) conflict of interest
2. knowing the personality
3. Knowing about life and people

Only fourth is "catching the cues".
With strangers, when you're unaware of conflicts of interest, the body language alone might as easily mislead you as it can help you.

1. CONFLICTS OF INTEREST

Conflict of interest means that you're entering a field were lying, cheating or defecting might pay off for the other person.

Someone might be lying, and that you need to somewhat discount what they're saying.
By how much you discount depends on a lot of factors, and how they look/behave while they say it is only one factor.

An example coming from the thread on sexual dynamics in song:

Him: How many guys have you been with?
Her: (number)

2. PERSONALITY

The main factor when it comes to assessing people is personality.

For example, in that Amanda's link, I have no idea whatsoever on whether she was responsible for the murder or not -and I doubt anyone has any reliable opinion on that-.
What I did have the feeling though is that she's a liar / manipulator.
Liar is very different from lying, though.

The personality doesn't necessarily tell you whether one is lying or not, but whether or not they are general liars, which to me is, usually, more important than the specific instance.

3. CONGRUENCY IN THE STORY -BESIDE BODY LANGUAGE-

More than body language, I look at the story.

Some time ago I wrote in my journal that I felt pretty sure my brother was lying.
That was a text message.
But the whole story smelled fishy, and my parents also agreed.

4. IS SPOTTING LIES A MARKETING PLOY?

I think that a few courses/authors focus on "detecting" the lie from body language cues as that sells and is "catchy".

Joe Navarro says that "when it comes to guessing when someone is deliberately lying, then… It’s no more than pure guesswork".
So far I've personally been of a similar opinion (exceptions for people you know well, and even more so for people you know well and who are generally poor liars, in which case you can spot the difference).

THE MORE YOU LOOK, THE MORE YOU'RE DECEIVED

In my opinion, there's something more to consider:

The harder you stare at someone trying to "glean" their body language, the more you're making the interaction uncollaborative.

You make people feel like they need to be guarded like you're "weighing" them because you don't trust them.

You come across as untrustworthy which, in turn, drives a wedge between you two.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 17, 2021, 12:45 pm

Just to be clear:

BODY LANGUAGE VS SPOTTING CUES

Not bashing body language, body language is SUPER helpful and important to get good with people.

I'm just personally not convinced about "using body language to spot liars".
And I don't even hold this opinion 100%, this is a nebulous area with low evidence (never read about anything properly tested) and low personal experience for me (never met, or seen of anyone who can be very reliable at spotting lies) -which to me is a red flag per se-.

I stand to change my mind on this when I'll see or experience good evidence that tells me "OK, some people with the right skill can get very good and accurate at spotting lies even when they meet someone for the first time".

But until then -and probably even after-, I'd rather tell people who are learning to focus more on the real foundations of social success and effectiveness, the 80%.