Please or Register to create posts and topics.

The "third-person narrative" power move

An interesting case study:

Seems like a nice guy, also very well educated and most likely smart.

Still, I guess book smarts doesn't always translate to life-smarts.
Some people don't realize the power-taking power moves they're pulling and that they're potentially reducing their effectiveness first and foremost.

Third-person power move

There are places and times for this power move.

As a matter of fact, we even recommend it on PU sometimes.

However, generally speaking, 90% of the time when it's in the form of a joke or tease, it's power-taking.
So you want to avoid when you don't want to be power-taking.

Let's analyze it:

"He's alive!" 😂

It's not that funny since it implies one might be not alive.

But that's up to taste, I guess. Even if it were funny though, a laugh usually implies an audience laughing at something or at someone. In this case, the "he" obviously refers to me.

And what's the audience for that, who should be laughing along with it? He's making me the butt of the joke while writing an email to me, with only two people in the conversation.

There are no upsides to that joke.

When you chase, you're value-negative

The background story doesn't help.

I get it that he probably got my autoreply message that basically says "Lucio doesn't reply to emails", so he's referring to that.
But still not a great move.

He reached out on my WhatsApp right after his first email -a personal channel generally reserved for people you know -.

Some people respect people who chase them because it shows determination.
But most people are annoyed by it because it also shows a lack of respect for personal spaces.

So you should also take that into account: when you chase, you're likely in a value-negative hole.

Put that joke on top of a value-negative hole, and... You dig deeper.

Ali Scarlett, John Freeman and 2 other users have reacted to this post.
Ali ScarlettJohn FreemanGrowfastBel
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on March 11, 2022, 2:49 am

An interesting case study:

Seems like a nice guy, also very well educated and most likely smart.

Still, I guess book smarts doesn't always translate to life-smarts.
Some people don't realize the power-taking power moves they're pulling and that they're potentially reducing their effectiveness first and foremost.

Third-person power move

There are places and times for this power move.

As a matter of fact, we even recommend it on PU sometimes.

However, generally speaking, 90% of the time when it's in the form of a joke or tease, it's power-taking.
So you want to avoid when you don't want to be power-taking.

Let's analyze it:

"He's alive!" 😂

It's not that funny since it implies one might be not alive.

But that's up to taste, I guess. Even if it were funny though, a laugh usually implies an audience laughing at something or at someone. In this case, the "he" obviously refers to me.

And what's the audience for that, who should be laughing along with it? He's making me the butt of the joke while writing an email to me, with only two people in the conversation.

There are no upsides to that joke.

When you chase, you're value-negative

The background story doesn't help.

I get it that he probably got my autoreply message that basically says "Lucio doesn't reply to emails", so he's referring to that.
But still not a great move.

He reached out on my WhatsApp right after his first email -a personal channel generally reserved for people you know -.

Some people respect people who chase them because it shows determination.
But most people are annoyed by it because it also shows a lack of respect for personal spaces.

So you should also take that into account: when you chase, you're likely in a value-negative hole.

Put that joke on top of a value-negative hole, and... You dig deeper.

The emoticon used, which is "😅" Makes it seems like he is nervous and apologetic in the first red underlined message.

In the second red underline the emoticon make sit seem that he was relieved he was remembered.

 

However those underlined are definitely power moves whether the person intended it or not. Here there area few things that might give away his character.

(1) If he is not actually aware of these moves then he is digging his own grave and is not even aware of it. This makes it very necessary he learns power dynamics and doesn't push people away even he doesn't intend to and gets confused as to what he did wrong.

(2) If the emoticon is a coverup to make it seems like he didn't intend it then it's one hell of a manipulation. (One can always play ignorant or a victim using this).

 

Lucio Buffalmano and Bel have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoBel

Yeah, I think it's unawareness in this case.

He thought that to himself and maybe thought it was kinda of a funny joke, but didn't realize it had the potential to annoy the receiver.

Come to think of it, this might as well go under socialization and emotional intelligence.

Bel has reacted to this post.
Bel
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Quote from Growfast on March 11, 2022, 8:31 pm

(2) If the emoticon is a coverup to make it seems like he didn't intend it then it's one hell of a manipulation. (One can always play ignorant or a victim using this).

Growfast, this insight (that emoticons can be used as a cover-up for disrespect and power moves) is absolutely spot-on.

It is exactly what happened with my female colleague here (https://thepowermoves.com/forum/topic/manipulation-intentional-forgetting-delaying-and-faking-not-receiving-e-mails-and-phone-calls-im-sorry-power-move/, see her first text message in my first post of the thread) and here with my potential new customer ( https://thepowermoves.com/forum/topic/new-customer-seems-to-be-trying-to-dominate-me-by-tasking/, see his e-mail with the emoticon at the end).

It is so important that maybe it should be in PU.

Lucio Buffalmano and Growfast have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoGrowfast

Thank you, Bel!

Very helpful, I made a note on this.

PU does mention the "wink", but probably it should extend to different types of emoji as they can be used as "cover" to the power move.

Edit:
And thank you to Growfast as well for initiating what might become a new concept.

Growfast and Bel have reacted to this post.
GrowfastBel
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Processing...