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The confidence dilemma: why women end up with men who are bad for them

You heard it a million times.

Women complain that cool men are "bastards", while good men are boring.

Why does that happen?

Well, Shawn Smith as an interesting take on this, which I dubbed the "confidence dilemma".
Here is how it works:

They (women) like confident men.
Well, men are rarely superconfident around women they care about. They are, however, confident around women they don’t care about.
This attracts women to men who don’t like them much. Guys can see this a million miles away. Women seem blind to it.

So the confidence dilemma from a woman point of view is this:

  • If he's cool and confident, he probably doesn't care much about me
  • If he's uncool and not confident, we probably will not like him much

Exceptions apply, as always.
But, as a general rule, I think that Smith is spot on.

Solution: Downrate Confidence (in the beginning)

So the possible solution fr women is:

  • Downrate the value you apply on confidence towards you, upon first meeting / first dating a guy

You have to do it consciously, because subconsciously you're already assigning a high value on confidence.

You still want to monitor though, of course.
Just that instead of monitoring primarily how he behaves towards you, you monitor how he behaves towards others, and how he's doing generally in his life.

That should give you a better clue about his overall level of confidence and effectiveness at life, and enable you to pick better men for relationship prospects.


rachel has reacted to this post.
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?