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Typos, Grammar, Syntax, & Content Improvement - Megathread

#1 · April 30, 2020, 4:56 am

This thread is for typos, grammar mistakes, poor syntax, and unclear sentences.

If you catch any, you can write it here.
You will be helping others, help your future self -going back to a clearer article means going back to a more effective article-, plus have my eternal gratitude :).

Common areas of improvement, in order of priority:

Confusing syntax with loss of meaning: the sentence is unclear and it's hard to understand the meaning
Content congruency:
1. A paragraph is too off-topic
2. An example doesn't fit the content, or a better one is needed
Content formatting
1. Titles & content match:
  1. The paragraph requires a more appropriate title
  2. A long paragraph should be broken down
2. Picture & content match
  1. A better picture or chart would improve the message
Grammatical mistakes: Title capitalizations, punctualization, "who VS that", etc.
1. Typos: spelling, repeating the same word twice, missing verbs or articles, etc.
Poor syntax without loss of meaning: it's possible to understand the meaning but it sounds "weird"
1. Poor aesthetics: opportunities for better words or adjectives, or better quotes

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#2 · April 30, 2020, 9:03 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on April 30, 2020, 9:03 pm
Hi Lucio,

It's funny that you created this topic right when I'm having a little trouble with your article "Traits of High-Value Men (W/ Examples)".

Now, I'm no expert on this. You can go on Fiverr and hire someone who is more formally qualified than I am to do a much better job and I'm sure it'd be worth the investment in the long run. However, with confidence in my own writing ability, I'll put some notes below in order of reading from top to bottom:

The URL and first sentence vs. The title: The URL reads https://thepowermoves.com/high-quality-men/ and the first sentence is "What makes a high quality man?" However, the title is "Traits of High-Value Men", which confused me into thinking that high-value men and high-quality men are the same. I later learned that this was not quite the case when you noted that there is a strong overlap between the two (implying that they're similar but the two words are not interchangeable).

The dash in the terms "high quality man" and "high value man": As noted by Grammarly, a dash should be included between the words "high" and "quality" when using the term high-quality man the same as in the term high-value man. For comparison, a dash wouldn't be required if you said, "A high in quality man." However, "high quality man" or "high value man" is grammatically incorrect.

Em Dashes: Em dashes are good for when you don't want to use other punctuation like parentheses. However, a dash isn't needed at the end.

Ex:

Current Sentence: By the end of this article, you will know exactly what traits you need to develop to become a high quality man -or “high value man”, there is a strong overlap between the two-.

Grammatically Correct Option 1: By the end of this article, you will know exactly what traits you need to develop to become a high-quality man—or “high-value man”, there is a strong overlap between the two.

Grammatically Correct Option 2: By the end of this article, you will know exactly what traits you need to develop to become a high-quality man (or “high-value man”, there is a strong overlap between the two).

Sentences that feel slightly incomplete: This is very minor, but a quick example is the title "The Basics of Male High Value". A sentence that would have made more sense as a reader and felt more complete is "The Basics to Male High-Value Traits" since the article then moves into trait number one afterward.

The grammar that confuses sentences:

Ex:

Current Sentence: This article leverages sound psychology to go to at the core of what makes a high quality man.

Grammatically Correct Option 1: This article leverages sound psychology to get to the core of what makes a high-quality man.

Grammatically Correct Option 2: This article leverages sound psychology to reach the core of what makes a high-quality man.

The grammar that repeats itself:

Ex:

Current Sentence: Each single trait directly affects personality or, more or less indirectly, allows the individual to acquire important life assets such as status, resources, mates, or friends.

Grammatically Correct Option 1: Every single trait directly affects personality or, more or less indirectly, allows the individual to acquire important life assets such as status, resources, mates, or friends.

Grammatically Correct Option 2: Each individual trait listed below directly affects personality or, more or less indirectly, allows the individual to acquire important life assets such as status, resources, mates, or friends.

You're more than welcome to give me your thoughts on whether or not this brief list was helpful. If so, chances are I'll do one for the rest of the article since I'm currently studying it to improve myself.

Best regards,

Ali

Hi Lucio,

It's funny that you created this topic right when I'm having a little trouble with your article "Traits of High-Value Men (W/ Examples)".

Now, I'm no expert on this. You can go on Fiverr and hire someone who is more formally qualified than I am to do a much better job and I'm sure it'd be worth the investment in the long run. However, with confidence in my own writing ability, I'll put some notes below in order of reading from top to bottom:

The URL and first sentence vs. The title: The URL reads https://thepowermoves.com/high-quality-men/ and the first sentence is "What makes a high quality man?" However, the title is "Traits of High-Value Men", which confused me into thinking that high-value men and high-quality men are the same. I later learned that this was not quite the case when you noted that there is a strong overlap between the two (implying that they're similar but the two words are not interchangeable).
The dash in the terms "high quality man" and "high value man": As noted by Grammarly, a dash should be included between the words "high" and "quality" when using the term high-quality man the same as in the term high-value man. For comparison, a dash wouldn't be required if you said, "A high in quality man." However, "high quality man" or "high value man" is grammatically incorrect.
Em Dashes: Em dashes are good for when you don't want to use other punctuation like parentheses. However, a dash isn't needed at the end.

Ex:

Current Sentence: By the end of this article, you will know exactly what traits you need to develop to become a high quality man -or “high value man”, there is a strong overlap between the two-.

Grammatically Correct Option 1: By the end of this article, you will know exactly what traits you need to develop to become a high-quality man—or “high-value man”, there is a strong overlap between the two.

Grammatically Correct Option 2: By the end of this article, you will know exactly what traits you need to develop to become a high-quality man (or “high-value man”, there is a strong overlap between the two).

Sentences that feel slightly incomplete: This is very minor, but a quick example is the title "The Basics of Male High Value". A sentence that would have made more sense as a reader and felt more complete is "The Basics to Male High-Value Traits" since the article then moves into trait number one afterward.
The grammar that confuses sentences:

Ex:

Current Sentence: This article leverages sound psychology to go to at the core of what makes a high quality man.

Grammatically Correct Option 1: This article leverages sound psychology to get to the core of what makes a high-quality man.

Grammatically Correct Option 2: This article leverages sound psychology to reach the core of what makes a high-quality man.

The grammar that repeats itself:

Ex:

Current Sentence: Each single trait directly affects personality or, more or less indirectly, allows the individual to acquire important life assets such as status, resources, mates, or friends.

Grammatically Correct Option 1: Every single trait directly affects personality or, more or less indirectly, allows the individual to acquire important life assets such as status, resources, mates, or friends.

Grammatically Correct Option 2: Each individual trait listed below directly affects personality or, more or less indirectly, allows the individual to acquire important life assets such as status, resources, mates, or friends.

You're more than welcome to give me your thoughts on whether or not this brief list was helpful. If so, chances are I'll do one for the rest of the article since I'm currently studying it to improve myself.

Best regards,

Ali

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.

#3 · May 1, 2020, 2:56 am

Super helpful!

Thank you so much, Ali!

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#4 · May 2, 2020, 4:57 pm

Typo on https://thepowermoves.com/blinkist-review/ in the one quote actually highlighted in yellow on the very long post. LOL

The errors are transposed letters on “important” and missing “to” between left and summaries.

Enjoyed your thoughtful post on Blinkist; very good points. Don’t want the errors of your one highlighted quote to draw unwanted attention from the helpful parts.

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#5 · May 2, 2020, 9:05 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on May 2, 2020, 9:05 pm
*Note: The following is in order of reading from top to bottom starting at #1 He Is Emotionally Intelligent.

More on your article "Traits of High-Value Men (W/ Examples)":

Additional words or punctuation that help the sentence flow:

Ex 1:

Current Sentence: Self awareness (one’s own emotions, drives, personality, passions)

Grammatically Correct Option 1: Self awareness (of one’s own emotions, drives, personality, passions)

Grammatically Correct Option 2: Self awareness: one’s own emotions, drives, personality, passions.

Ex 2:

Current Sentence: Self management (deferring pleasure, staying power, grit)

Grammatically Correct Option 1: Self management (which includes the ability to defer pleasure, staying power, grit)

Grammatically Correct Option 2: Self management: deferring pleasure, staying power, grit

Poor syntax: "Albeit" is actually a pretty uncommon vocabularic word that makes you sound slightly smarter when you use it in place of its synonyms. Personally, I feel like the use of strong and uncommon vocabularic words can work as their own mini authority tools that make you sound like more of an expert in your field. However, if misused or placed in situations where it sounds out of place, it can work against you.

Ex:

Current Sentence: Albeit some psychologists contest the existence of emotional intelligence as a measurable trait...

Alternative 1: Although some psychologists contest the existence of emotional intelligence as a measurable trait...

Alternative 2: Despite some psychologists contesting the existence of emotional intelligence as a measurable trait...

Clarity when referencing earlier information (with punctuation change):

Ex:

Current Sentence: ...we can all agree that the above traits do exist, and that they vary among people.

Alternative 1: ...we can all agree that the above subsets of the emotional intelligence trait do exist and that they vary among different people.

Alternative 2: ...we can all agree that the above subsets of the emotional intelligence trait do exist and that they vary from person to person.

Run-on sentences:

Ex:

Current Sentence: All of the above are important qualities for a high value man because they heavily influence his ability to acquire social status, move forward in life, develop as a man and, finally, effectively relate with others, including the ability to acquire friends, allies, and develop healthy relationships with women.

Grammatically Correct Option: All of the above are important qualities for a high-value man because they heavily influence his ability to acquire social status, move forward in life, develop as a man and, finally, effectively relate with others. This includes his ability to acquire friends, gain allies, and develop healthy relationships with women.

Unnecessary punctuation:

Ex:

Current Sentence: Some people get “emotional intelligence” all wrong.

Grammatically Correct Option: Some people get emotional intelligence all wrong.

This revision accidentally posted too early, so I'll stop it here and make a separate post for the rest of the emotional intelligence trait section.

Ali

*Note: The following is in order of reading from top to bottom starting at #1 He Is Emotionally Intelligent.

More on your article "Traits of High-Value Men (W/ Examples)":

Additional words or punctuation that help the sentence flow:

Ex 1:

Current Sentence: Self awareness (one’s own emotions, drives, personality, passions)

Grammatically Correct Option 1: Self awareness (of one’s own emotions, drives, personality, passions)

Grammatically Correct Option 2: Self awareness: one’s own emotions, drives, personality, passions.

Ex 2:

Current Sentence: Self management (deferring pleasure, staying power, grit)

Grammatically Correct Option 1: Self management (which includes the ability to defer pleasure, staying power, grit)

Grammatically Correct Option 2: Self management: deferring pleasure, staying power, grit

Poor syntax: "Albeit" is actually a pretty uncommon vocabularic word that makes you sound slightly smarter when you use it in place of its synonyms. Personally, I feel like the use of strong and uncommon vocabularic words can work as their own mini authority tools that make you sound like more of an expert in your field. However, if misused or placed in situations where it sounds out of place, it can work against you.

Ex:

Current Sentence: Albeit some psychologists contest the existence of emotional intelligence as a measurable trait...

Alternative 1: Although some psychologists contest the existence of emotional intelligence as a measurable trait...

Alternative 2: Despite some psychologists contesting the existence of emotional intelligence as a measurable trait...

Clarity when referencing earlier information (with punctuation change):

Ex:

Current Sentence: ...we can all agree that the above traits do exist, and that they vary among people.

Alternative 1: ...we can all agree that the above subsets of the emotional intelligence trait do exist and that they vary among different people.

Alternative 2: ...we can all agree that the above subsets of the emotional intelligence trait do exist and that they vary from person to person.

Run-on sentences:

Ex:

Current Sentence: All of the above are important qualities for a high value man because they heavily influence his ability to acquire social status, move forward in life, develop as a man and, finally, effectively relate with others, including the ability to acquire friends, allies, and develop healthy relationships with women.

Grammatically Correct Option: All of the above are important qualities for a high-value man because they heavily influence his ability to acquire social status, move forward in life, develop as a man and, finally, effectively relate with others. This includes his ability to acquire friends, gain allies, and develop healthy relationships with women.

Unnecessary punctuation:

Ex:

Current Sentence: Some people get “emotional intelligence” all wrong.

Grammatically Correct Option: Some people get emotional intelligence all wrong.

This revision accidentally posted too early, so I'll stop it here and make a separate post for the rest of the emotional intelligence trait section.

Ali

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#6 · May 3, 2020, 10:05 am

Hi Lucio,

Here are some typos I found on the https://thepowermoves.com/courses/social-power/lessons/introduction/ page.

It’s an important distinction and many confuse the two, so this section will quickly revoew (review?) the difference, and why it matters to you.

That’s why power that lasts is a collaborative endeavor(full stop missing as I assume that's all you wanted to say)

Alain Prost, an F-1 racer once said that his goal was to win races gong “as slow as possible”. (going?)

SNJ

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#7 · May 3, 2020, 1:08 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on May 2, 2020, 9:05 pm

Poor syntax: "Albeit" is actually a pretty uncommon vocabularic word that makes you sound slightly smarter when you use it in place of its synonyms. Personally, I feel like the use of strong and uncommon vocabularic words can work as their own mini authority tools that make you sound like more of an expert in your field. However, if misused or placed in situations where it sounds out of place, it can work against you.

Ali

Thank you Ali!

And good observation there, sounding "erudite" definitely helps to confer authority.

Quote from snj on May 3, 2020, 10:05 am

Hi Lucio,

(...)

SNJ

Thank you, SNJ!

Fixed.

Quote from Guest on May 2, 2020, 4:57 pm

(...)

Thanks, man!

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#8 · May 4, 2020, 9:04 am

No problem, man!

Here's another:

On this page, https://thepowermoves.com/courses/social-power/lessons/fundamental-laws-of-power/

"For now, know that self-knowledge and self-control is the most solid foundation from which to control the external environment and project power.".....this isn't clear. Perhaps you meant "For now, know that self-knowledge and self-control is the most solid foundation from which (YOU or YOU CAN) control the external environment and project power. ?

SNJ

#9 · May 5, 2020, 10:14 am

And some more to improve the course for everyone:

Location: https://thepowermoves.com/courses/social-power/lessons/fundamental-laws-of-power/

Instead of fighting against yourself, tou (YOU) want to control yourself from a place of love and self-acceptance. (more in the bonus ebook “Ultimate Power”).
It’s important to understand the effects of judges in your life because judges remove agency(inappropriate word usage; makes understanding difficult; self esteem/ independence I guess?) from your life, and they prevent you from reaching true self-control.
There is an overlap between the judge role and the and the (and the is case of repitition) parent/child relationship of transactional analysis.

SNJ

#10 · May 7, 2020, 2:48 am

Thank you, SNJ!

Fixed it.

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