Typos, Grammar, Syntax, & Content Improvement - Megathread
Location: https://thepowermoves.com/courses/social-power/lessons/the-fundamental-life-strategies-of-power/
- Business deals tend to be more transaction(AL) and utility-based than non-business relationships.
- The numbered bullets is just off. Generally, if the main topic is 2 then all sub topics will be 2.1, 2.2 and so on. Here using the numbered bullets to understand the structure is confusing.
Location: https://thepowermoves.com/courses/social-power/lessons/signs-of-dominance/
The bulleted numbering is completely off making the structure difficult to follow. Example would be sub section #3. The numbered bullets are starting with 1.1.
The question is confusing. The actual question is how DID i position myself? Not how do I position myself.
Quote from snj on May 11, 2020, 10:38 amLocation: https://thepowermoves.com/courses/social-power/lessons/the-fundamental-life-strategies-of-power/
- Business deals tend to be more transaction(AL) and utility-based than non-business relationships.
- The numbered bullets is just off. Generally, if the main topic is 2 then all sub topics will be 2.1, 2.2 and so on. Here using the numbered bullets to understand the structure is confusing.
Thank you so much, snj!
Fixing it now.
And you're also right about the bullet numbering.
My rationale was that since I had already talked about the topic under the main paragraph, say, paragraph 1, it was better to call the next one paragraph 1.2., just to make it clear this was a related, but different and new concept.
But you are right, it's confusing.
If there is already a standard, it's usually better to adhere to that standard.
Thank you, snj, fixed (thanks to you)!
You're welcome. I actually like your content. It's also affordably priced. More importantly, I like the underlying idea which is learn to recognize assholes and manipulation so you can deal with them effectively on your path while not becoming one and leveraging the really good stuff to become high quality guy. Nice work.
Quote from snj on May 24, 2020, 4:01 pmYou're welcome. I actually like your content. It's also affordably priced. More importantly, I like the underlying idea which is learn to recognize assholes and manipulation so you can deal with them effectively on your path while not becoming one and leveraging the really good stuff to become high quality guy. Nice work.
Yep, you just summarized this website's ethos in one sentence :).
*Note: The following is in order of reading from top to bottom starting at #1. He Is Emotionally Intelligent.
More on your article "The 10 Traits of High-Value Men (W/ Examples)":
- Unnecessary punctuation:
Ex:
Current Sentence: When you have self-awareness you don’t go around asking “what’s my passion” your whole life long.
Because self-aware men know what their passions are. And with self-management, they work to get there.
Grammatically Correct Option: When you have self-awareness, you don’t go around asking “what’s my passion” your whole life long because self-aware men know what their passions are and with self-management, they work to get there.
- Grammar: The proper phrase is "stay the course".
Ex:
Current Sentence: That’s the N.1 cluster of traits of a high-quality man: personal drive, the ability to identify what they want to achieve with their drive, and the mental faculties to draft a plan, learn along the way, adjust, and stay course.
Grammatically Correct Option: That’s the N.1 cluster of traits of a high-quality man: personal drive, the ability to identify what they want to achieve with their drive, and the mental faculties to draft a plan, learn along the way, adjust, and stay the course.
- Unnecessary punctuation and a dash:
Ex:
Current Sentence: Knowing what you want sets, high quality men, apart from the masses...
Grammatically Correct Option: Knowing what you want sets the high-quality men apart from the masses...
- Sentence flow: Switch "and" with "or"
Current Sentence: Low-quality men who go nowhere chase the immediate high of booze and drugs, without any regard for tomorrow (and for themselves).
Grammatically Correct Option: Low-quality men who go nowhere chase the immediate high of booze and drugs, without any regard for tomorrow (or for themselves).
- Punctuation for sentence flow: A comma should be placed before "which".
Current Sentence: Some people think this is about long talks and hand-holding. Which it might as well be, when the situation calls for it.
Grammatically Correct Option: Some people think this is about long talks and hand-holding. Which, it might as well be, when the situation calls for it.
- Less "and"s when making a list in a sentence: Typically there should only be one "and" when making a list in a sentence.
Ex:
Current Sentence: Who’s in charge, who’s confident, who’s chasing whom and who is submissive, and who counts for nothing.
Grammatically Correct Option: Who’s in charge, who’s confident, who’s chasing whom, who is submissive, and who counts for nothing.
- More punctuation to help deliver a point: This sentence runs on a bit. Using a period to make the reader stop will help their brain better catch up and get the point you're making.
Current Sentence: Social awareness also helps men correctly tailor their behavior to the environment and the situation, forming the basis of charm, charisma, and everything else related to social skills.
Grammatically Correct Option: Social awareness also helps men correctly tailor their behavior to the environment and the situation. This strategic tailoring forms the basis of charm, charisma, and everything else related to social skills.
- The "and"s that confuse: Using an "and" here makes it sound like positive relationships and value-adding relationships are two completely different kinds of relationships (hence why you needed to use "and" to pull them together). Since they both fall under collaborative relationships, it may be best to leave out the "and" in this case.
Current Sentence: Relationship management leverages social awareness to build a network of positive and value-adding relationships.
Grammatically Correct Option: Relationship management leverages social awareness to build a network of positive, value-adding relationships.
*Note: The following is in order of reading from top to bottom starting at #2. He Has A Purpose.
- The "and" that just hangs around: This "and" doesn't contribute or take away from the sentence. At first glance, it seems to help the information flow. However, since the "and" is in a different paragraph on its own, leaving out the "and" would help readers distinguish between the topic of Simon Sinek's definition of WHY and the topic of how having a WHY makes a man more high-quality.
Current Sentence:
A purpose, in Simon Sinek’s words, means a man has a WHY.
And when a man knows his WHY he moves through life with confidence and purpose.
Grammatically Correct Option:
A purpose, in Simon Sinek’s words, means a man has a WHY.
When a man knows his WHY, he moves through life with confidence and purpose.
- "also": This may be just me as a reader, so you can take this note with a grain of salt:
Current Sentence: James Bond is so charismatic and attractive to women also because he always seems to be on a bigger pursuit:
When you say "also" this way, it almost leads the reader to believe that you had said something else about James Bond earlier in the blog post. However, I think you used "also" with the idea in mind that everyone already perceives James as charismatic and attractive to women. If that's the case, this might be a slightly better option:
Grammatically Correct Option: One of the reasons James Bond is so charismatic and attractive to women is because he always seems to be on a bigger pursuit
- Grammar and sentence flow and the "hair" typo:
Current Sentence: The stereotype of the crazy genius with bad air and a messy place is the tale of a man with too single-minded drive.
Grammatically Correct Option: The stereotype of the crazy genius with bad hair and a messy place is the tale of a man with a drive that is too single-minded.
- "and": I'm doing my very best not to confuse you with the "and"s here, but typically essays require that you don't start sentences with "and". Since this isn't an essay (it's a blog post), that doesn't matter as much. So, since this writing is more informal, you can use a period followed by a sentence starting with "and" to help the reader slow down and better absorb your content. However, sometimes it's better to either keep sentences connected or, if you really want the reader to slow down, leave out the "and" altogether.
Ex:
Current Sentence: The stereotype of the crazy genius with bad air and a messy place is the tale of a man with too single-minded drive.
And you can already see the limitations there.
Instead, you can use the ellipses punctuation mark to create the desired pause if you're okay with informal writing:
Grammatically Correct Option 1: The stereotype of the crazy genius with bad air and a messy place is the tale of a man with too single-minded drive...and you can already see the limitations there.
Or, you can do what I would do in your shoes:
Grammatically Correct Option 2: The stereotype of the crazy genius with bad air and a messy place is the tale of a man with too single-minded drive. You can already see the limitations there.
- Making words plural: Unnecessary in this case unless you really want it to be plural. In that case, you can change the sentence structure slightly so it still works.
Current Sentence: Could you have a conversation with someone who lives and breathes for only, say, black holes research?
Grammatically Correct Option 1: Could you have a conversation with someone who lives and breathes for only, say, black hole research?
Grammatically Correct Option 2: Could you have a conversation with someone who lives and breathes for only, say, his research of black holes?
- Sentence flow:
Current Sentence: Exactly, he would be out of place and sticking out like a sore thumb.
Grammatically Correct Option: Exactly, he would be out of place and stick out like a sore thumb.
- Grammar and sentence flow:
Current Sentence: Too driven people also often don’t make for good relationship partners (see Einstein), friends, or even conversation partners.
Grammatically Correct Option 1: Too-driven people also often don’t make for good relationship partners (see Einstein), friends, or even conversation partners.
Grammatically Correct Option 2: It's also not often that people who are too driven make for good relationship partners (see Einstein), friends, or even conversation partners.
- Removing another "and" that hangs around: This situation is similar to the "and" I noted above with Simon Sinek and WHY. Since they're in different paragraphs, you can take out "and" to help the reader differentiate between the topic of needing balance to be a high-quality man, and the topic of how to become a high-quality man when you're life goal doesn't include people.
Current Sentence:
To be a high-quality man, you also need some balance.
And if your life goal does not include people, you also need to develop people skills to become a high-quality -and happier- man.
Grammatically Correct Option:
To be a high-quality man, you also need some balance.
If your life goal does not include people, you also need to develop people skills to become a high-quality—and happier—man.
- The em dash: You seem to be using the wrong dash in em dash situations. From checking the size, it seems you're using a minus sign instead of the em dash punctuation mark. Here is a quick look at the difference. The first is a minus sign, the second is an em dash:- vs. —
The difference in size will let your readers know that you've been swapping a punctuation mark for a math symbol. On computers, you can type an em dash just by hitting the — button. On a Mac, go for Shift+Option+Minus (-); on Windows use Ctrl+Alt+Minus (-).
Here is an example that illustrates the difference in your writing:
Current Sentence: And if your life goal does not include people, you also need to develop people skills to become a high-quality -and happier- man.
Grammatically Correct Option: And if your life goal does not include people, you also need to develop people skills to become a high-quality—and happier—man.
*Note: The following is in order of reading from top to bottom starting at #3. He Takes Care Of Himself.
- Another "and" that hangs around:
Current Sentence:
Driven men with a purpose look at themselves as if they were machines.
And they have the mindset that the more they take care of the machine, the farther they will go.
Grammatically Correct Option 1:
Driven men with a purpose look at themselves as if they were machines.
They have the mindset that the more they take care of the machine, the farther they will go.
Grammatically Correct Option 2: Driven men with a purpose look at themselves as if they were machines and maintain the mindset that the more they take care of the machine, the farther they will go.
- Slightly unnecessary punctuation:
Current Sentence: Also, they know how things work, and they know that the dichotomy of “being or appearing” is nonsense.
Grammatically Correct Option 1: Also, they know how things work and understand that the dichotomy of “being or appearing” is nonsense.
Grammatically Correct Option 2: Driven men also know how things work and understand that the dichotomy of “being or appearing” is nonsense.
- The random "also": "Also" feels a bit thrown in here at random. You're welcome to take a look at my example for an idea of how I would have phrased this sentence:
Ex:
Current Sentence: Everyone judges the book also from its cover, so you also need to take care of that book cover.
Grammatically Correct Option: Everyone judges the book by its cover (in addition to the other aspects of the book), so you also need to take care of that book cover.
- Additional words that help the sentence flow:
Current Sentence:
… And Of People Around, Because They Got Leadership Qualities
Grammatically Correct Option:
… And Of The People Around Because They Have Leadership Qualities
- "the" for better grammar:
Ex:
Current Sentence: Taking responsibility for things and people around is what turns high-quality men into high-quality leaders.
Grammatically Correct Option: Taking responsibility for the things and people around is what turns high-quality men into high-quality leaders.
I'm breaking this blog post into bite-sized chunks so I can get through all the grammar and content improvement suggestions. If anyone has any thoughts on my suggestions or anything else they'd like to add, I'd love to hear your thoughts :).
Cheers,
Ali
Quote from Ali Scarlett on June 6, 2020, 9:22 pm*Note: The following is in order of reading from top to bottom starting at #1. He Is Emotionally Intelligent.
More on your article "The 10 Traits of High-Value Men (W/ Examples)":
- Unnecessary punctuation:
Ex:
Current Sentence: When you have self-awareness you don’t go around asking “what’s my passion” your whole life long.
Because self-aware men know what their passions are. And with self-management, they work to get there.Grammatically Correct Option: When you have self-awareness, you don’t go around asking “what’s my passion” your whole life long because self-aware men know what their passions are and with self-management, they work to get there.
- Grammar: The proper phrase is "stay the course".
Agree with the grammatically correct option but it also needs a few additional modifications:
When you have self-awareness, you don't go around asking, "What's my passion?" your whole life, because...
Ex:
Current Sentence: That’s the N.1 cluster of traits of a high-quality man: personal drive, the ability to identify what they want to achieve with their drive, and the mental faculties to draft a plan, learn along the way, adjust, and stay course.
Grammatically Correct Option: That’s the N.1 cluster of traits of a high-quality man: personal drive, the ability to identify what they want to achieve with their drive, and the mental faculties to draft a plan, learn along the way, adjust, and stay the course.
- Unnecessary punctuation and a dash:
The statement could be made more concise:
The most important traits of a high-quality man are ambition, and persistence.
These parts, "the ability to identify what they want to achieve with their drive," and "and the mental faculties to draft a plan, learn along the way" both fall under "ambition" because they both describe a person who is ambitious.
Ex:
Current Sentence: Knowing what you want sets, high quality men, apart from the masses...
Grammatically Correct Option: Knowing what you want sets the high-quality men apart from the masses...
- Sentence flow: Switch "and" with "or"
A better way to word it: A high quality man is a man that knows what he wants.
There is no need for the last part, "apart from the masses," because it is already implied in the words "high quality". I'm not actually sure if this sentence is even needed since it's already mentioned in the previous sentence. That would make this sentence redundant.
Current Sentence: Low-quality men who go nowhere chase the immediate high of booze and drugs, without any regard for tomorrow (and for themselves).
Grammatically Correct Option: Low-quality men who go nowhere chase the immediate high of booze and drugs, without any regard for tomorrow (or for themselves).
- Punctuation for sentence flow: A comma should be placed before "which".
Low-quality men only think of rewards in the short-term, such as drinking booze or getting high, rather than long-term goals.
Personally, I think this can be omitted, since the sentence on high-quality men already implies this and doesn't actually present anything new.
Current Sentence:
A purpose, in Simon Sinek’s words, means a man has a WHY.
And when a man knows his WHY he moves through life with confidence and purpose.
Grammatically Correct Option:
A purpose, in Simon Sinek’s words, means a man has a WHY.
When a man knows his WHY, he moves through life with confidence and purpose.
- "also": This may be just me as a reader, so you can take this note with a grain of salt:
A minor suggestion:
A man's purpose, in Simon Sinek's words, is an answer to why a man does what he does.
Hi JP!
Mate, kudos to you for reading through my exhaustingly long blog post :).
I like your thoughts. My notes are geared more towards how to make sentences flow better with grammar and punctuation. Your notes do a good job of building off of my suggestions by taking those sentences and trimming them down. (A great combo if you ask me.)
Personally, I didn't want to make these sentences any shorter because while the reader would still receive value from the content, a lack of wording could cause the reader to misunderstand some of the content's information. I feel like the sentences are longer because it helps to provide a more thorough explanation of each trait, something I think is required since the study of emotional intelligence and power dynamics isn't a very popular field of research.
Either way, I definitely appreciate your comments JP, you have some really good points.
Ali