Ultimate Power feedback: what do you think?

Quote from Ali Scarlett on December 16, 2022, 2:29 am

One-year update:

The idea here is still gold.

However, the execution needed work.

As I continued using the system, I couldn't help but feel the emotional freedom slip from my grasp.

When I thought to myself, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort," it was easy to convince myself of that after riding the high of having just reread an awesome book on mindsets (Ultimate Power).

But, as time went on, what was once a firm decision with no looking back became an internal struggle.

Here's an example of only one scenario:

Me: [Driving five miles above the speed limit as cars behind me clearly want to go much faster]

Me: [Thinks to myself, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort."]

Me: [Still feels uncomfortable, watching drivers in the rearview mirror speed up closer to my bumper—subcommunicating I'm driving "wrong"]

Me: [Maintains speed and continues reciting the rule]

Me: [Watches multiple drivers begin to drive around me and speed off—isolating me as the only "slow" driver with nowhere to be]

Me: [Thinks to myself, "I am my own judge."]

Me: [Still feels like I should speed up—and give into their emotional/social pressure—as more drivers continue speeding up toward me, driving around my car, and then continuing off into the distance]

The goal of this new mindset system is to help people (especially those of us who are empowered members/PU alumni) feel empowered.

When you feel comfortable, confident, and cool with being assertive, I believe those are all beautiful things.

And, unluckily, to regain those feelings, for me, I'd need to reread Ultimate Power all over again in order to "re-motivate" my firmness to my commitments.

Luckily, I found a better way:

Swap Rules for Beliefs

When you do so, you don't need a reason to commit both mentally and emotionally because the fact that the beliefs are true is reason enough.

For example, if one believes in God, then they may refuse to practice devil worshipping, even if pressured by others to do so.

They could be judged negatively by those people for not participating, but still walk away and still feel just fine (perhaps even good) having assertively made their own decision.

So, what would be an appropriate belief for overall social and emotional independence?

Based on Lucio's Social Mastery Guide, the main belief here is nihilism.

It's much easier to feel calm, cool, and confident when you're nihilistic. After all, if nothing matters, you're much more free to be detached from anything because, why should you be? There's no reason to care about something when it matters so very little (if at all).

So, the question is: how does one leverage a healthy dose of nihilism for strategic emotional freedom?

My method (that has been working wonders for me so far) has been to create mantras that encapsulate certain nihilistic beliefs and say them to myself in my head when appropriate.

Mantra #1: Emotional Independence

Mantra: "Nobody cares about you. It's nothing personal, it's just business...and yet, I love them all despite that."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "You're only thinking of yourself.")

Here's the breakdown:

"Nobody cares about you."

This basically says, "You're insignificant," only a little differently.

"...It's nothing personal, it's just business..."

In other words, they're not refusing to care about you because they hate you or any personal reason like that.

It's actually because we evolved with self-interest as a primary default function in our brains so we could look after ourselves and practice self-care (that is, to a certain extent, of course).

Nobody is busy thinking (caring) about you because they're all busy thinking about themselves.

Therefore, if they laugh at a mistake you make, it's because it makes them feel better about themself.

If they try to befriend you on a sales call, it's because they're trying to close the sale.

If they're staring at you, it's because they're thinking of what you could do for them (or to them).

It's never ever about you. It's always about them.

And, that's truly nothing personal, it's just business—their way of looking after themself to better take care of themself.

...and yet, I love them all despite that.

And yet, I maintain my deep love for people despite their self-interest (which can border/cross over into selfishness depending on how you look at it and the situation).

You choose to keep a positive attitude in the face of such a "negative" reality.

Now, before we get into the next mantra, you may have noticed that this is an overgeneralization.

Not everything is about others, sometimes it truly is about you.

But, similar to how Lucio stated in his Social Mastery Guide that you're not really insignificant, this is less about 100% accuracy and more about leveraging the aspects of a nihilistic mindset that can give you much of your empowering freedom.

The freedom to look your boss in the eyes as he feeds you some horseshit about how we "do this for the mission" when you ask for your raise—and negotiate harder knowing he's only thinking of himself and the company.

And, not taking it personally because it's only business...and being able to maintain your love/respect for him after.

Or, the freedom to disappoint a stranger when they make a request of you (such as to take their picture), but still feel like it might not be very nice to say "no".

Well, don't worry, they don't care about you anyway (and never did), and it's nothing personal. It's just business.

Mantra #2: Dealing with Disrespectful Communication

The tendency can be to overreact when we feel disrespected.

But, that tendency typically stems from feeling that the "big disrespect" warrants a big reaction.

However, if the disrespect is small/minimal, then why get too up in arms about it?

The idea is to mentally and emotionally reduce the disrespectful communication of others to that of a pebble.

If they're throwing large stones, great, respond accordingly. But, make sure you respond, don't (over)react.

Socially it might've been a boulder. But, emotionally, it was hardly a pebble's size.

Here's what's helped me:

Mantra: "Nothing matters. We're all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things...and yet, I choose to fulfill life's demands of me of love, growth, and giving back to the world."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "The world—the universe—that we live in far outsizes our petty thoughts and dealings.")

Again, this can be a pretty hard-hitting mindset, but it can also come with great benefits in terms of gaining more emotional detachment.

I opted for the term "irrelevant" over "insignificant" because I have a better association with that diction and it makes more sense to me when thinking of the meaning behind the mantra.

The universe (and space) outsizes us and time overwhelms, overpowers, and eventually overthrows us...there's no reason to think that we (or anything we do) is that important compared to such great (massive) things.

Compared to or, we could say, "relative to" those massive things, hence the term "irrelevant".

When you believe these mantras/quotes/sayings, you don't need to convince yourself to commit to them emotionally. It "just happens" because you acknowledge them as the truth.

Here's one more that I'm still developing and testing:

Mantra #3: Antifragile Ego

Mantra: "Everybody is flawed because nobody is God. My mistakes are part of the human condition...and yet, I choose to use my mistakes as learning opportunities to become the best human I can (possibly) be."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "You're a turkey, seeing fault or flaw where I see opportunity.")

Here's how it works:

"Everybody is flawed because nobody is God...

We hear the sayings often, "Nobody is perfect," and, "Everybody makes mistakes," but what does that actually mean?

It means everybody has something fucked up about them.

No matter how good we may look on the outside, we're all dealing with something and no matter how well we hide it, we'll always have something about us that needs work.

And, that's OK.

We're not perfect and we're not meant to be:

My mistakes are part of the human condition...

In other words, they're "unavoidable".

Now, of course, we go back to that overgeneralization again here because some mistakes are indeed avoidable (especially when you're a learner which is part of the point—to get better at avoiding some mistakes and making better decisions).

But, when we know that a mistake could've been avoided, it makes it a lot more difficult to accept and forgive ourselves for it (which is an essential and necessary part of "self-healing" which is something that's not often talked about).

So, if we can frame a mistake as unavoidable, maybe we can more easily move on since we view it as "outside of our control".

In this case, we're not framing the mistake as unavoidable because of the nature of the mistake or any context surrounding it (which would be counterproductive), but because we're human beings and we were never going to go through life making no mistakes anyway.

Some mistakes just have to happen.

And, in a world where mistakes can be our greatest learning opportunities, that's good news:

...and yet, I choose to use my mistakes as learning opportunities to become the best human I can (possibly) be."

Your mistakes are your (unavoidable) blessings from God. ("Every mistake you make is a gift from God to improve yourself.")

You're free to use and leverage your mistakes to grow—fulfilling one of life's demands of you and taking the eagle approach to the reality of our situation. (The reality being that we'll make mistakes in our lives no matter what, we're not perfect and this isn't a utopia. But, the eagle attitude we can take is to turn those mistakes into something good, such as an advantage into being more effective human beings.)

And, finally:

(*The only thought to focus on is, "You're a turkey, seeing fault/flaw where I see opportunity.")

A little narcissism here, this is an attitude that can be used to deal with people (value-takers) laughing at you for your mistakes.

You're free to view yourself as being above them, remind yourself of your second mantra to minimize the emotional damage further, shrug it off, and then move on.

The DLA Technique

The "Death-Leveraging and Acceptance" technique.

Yeah, the name needs work, but you get the idea :).

We don't know what we'll see when we die. So, imagine that when you do die (for at least a brief time before making your way to heaven, if you believe in that idea), you'll find yourself seeing moments from your past. Moments that are now unchangeable since you're already dead.

To put this into practice, try this technique. Say to yourself:

You: "I'm (realizing that I'm actually) dead and I'm just remembering this part of my past right now."

In other words, take the current moment and imagine it's actually (part of) your past.

This isn't the present. It's a memory.

Once you've internalized this, ask yourself:

You: Am I satisfied with it (this part of my past)? Do I regret anything about it?"

If you're unsatisfied and/or find yourself feeling regret, you know what to do.

Go say "hi" to that girl or do whatever it is you're afraid to do.

Lucio recommended a similar technique for removing social fear in one of his articles.

But, I found that his version of the technique (imagine watching yourself [from the afterlife] crow about social settings) didn't work for me because I'd overthink it. (I'd first think to myself, "OK, so I'm a ghost now," then try to focus on seeing myself from a third-person POV which required more focus and effort than I could usually muster for the situation.)

This technique is geared toward social fearlessness, but if you try it out and find any other applications, happy to read.

Happy to Read Any Thoughts

This is what's been working for me over the past couple of months, so curious to read what you guys think if you try it out for yourself.