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#11 · December 16, 2022, 2:29 am

Quote from Ali Scarlett on December 16, 2022, 2:29 am
One-year update:

The idea here is still gold.

However, the execution needed work.

As I continued using the system, I couldn't help but feel the emotional freedom slip from my grasp.

When I thought to myself, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort," it was easy to convince myself of that after riding the high of having just reread an awesome book on mindsets (Ultimate Power).

But, as time went on, what was once a firm decision with no looking back became an internal struggle.

Here's an example of only one scenario:

Me: [Driving five miles above the speed limit as cars behind me clearly want to go much faster]

Me: [Thinks to myself, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort."]

Me: [Still feels uncomfortable, watching drivers in the rearview mirror speed up closer to my bumper—subcommunicating I'm driving "wrong"]

Me: [Maintains speed and continues reciting the rule]

Me: [Watches multiple drivers begin to drive around me and speed off—isolating me as the only "slow" driver with nowhere to be]

Me: [Thinks to myself, "I am my own judge."]

Me: [Still feels like I should speed up—and give into their emotional/social pressure—as more drivers continue speeding up toward me, driving around my car, and then continuing off into the distance]

The goal of this new mindset system is to help people (especially those of us who are empowered members/PU alumni) feel empowered.

When you feel comfortable, confident, and cool with being assertive, I believe those are all beautiful things.

And, unluckily, to regain those feelings, for me, I'd need to reread Ultimate Power all over again in order to "re-motivate" my firmness to my commitments.

Luckily, I found a better way:

Swap Rules for Beliefs

When you do so, you don't need a reason to commit both mentally and emotionally because the fact that the beliefs are true is reason enough.

For example, if one believes in God, then they may refuse to practice devil worshipping, even if pressured by others to do so.

They could be judged negatively by those people for not participating, but still walk away and still feel just fine (perhaps even good) having assertively made their own decision.

So, what would be an appropriate belief for overall social and emotional independence?

Based on Lucio's Social Mastery Guide, the main belief here is nihilism.

It's much easier to feel calm, cool, and confident when you're nihilistic. After all, if nothing matters, you're much more free to be detached from anything because, why should you be? There's no reason to care about something when it matters so very little (if at all).

So, the question is: how does one leverage a healthy dose of nihilism for strategic emotional freedom?

My method (that has been working wonders for me so far) has been to create mantras that encapsulate certain nihilistic beliefs and say them to myself in my head when appropriate.

Mantra #1: Emotional Independence

Mantra: "Nobody cares about you. It's nothing personal, it's just business...and yet, I love them all despite that."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "You're only thinking of yourself.")

Here's the breakdown:

"Nobody cares about you."

This basically says, "You're insignificant," only a little differently.

"...It's nothing personal, it's just business..."

In other words, they're not refusing to care about you because they hate you or any personal reason like that.

It's actually because we evolved with self-interest as a primary default function in our brains so we could look after ourselves and practice self-care (that is, to a certain extent, of course).

Nobody is busy thinking (caring) about you because they're all busy thinking about themselves.

Therefore, if they laugh at a mistake you make, it's because it makes them feel better about themself.

If they try to befriend you on a sales call, it's because they're trying to close the sale.

If they're staring at you, it's because they're thinking of what you could do for them (or to them).

It's never ever about you. It's always about them.

And, that's truly nothing personal, it's just business—their way of looking after themself to better take care of themself.

...and yet, I love them all despite that.

And yet, I maintain my deep love for people despite their self-interest (which can border/cross over into selfishness depending on how you look at it and the situation).

You choose to keep a positive attitude in the face of such a "negative" reality.

Now, before we get into the next mantra, you may have noticed that this is an overgeneralization.

Not everything is about others, sometimes it truly is about you.

But, similar to how Lucio stated in his Social Mastery Guide that you're not really insignificant, this is less about 100% accuracy and more about leveraging the aspects of a nihilistic mindset that can give you much of your empowering freedom.

The freedom to look your boss in the eyes as he feeds you some horseshit about how we "do this for the mission" when you ask for your raise—and negotiate harder knowing he's only thinking of himself and the company.

And, not taking it personally because it's only business...and being able to maintain your love/respect for him after.

Or, the freedom to disappoint a stranger when they make a request of you (such as to take their picture), but still feel like it might not be very nice to say "no".

Well, don't worry, they don't care about you anyway (and never did), and it's nothing personal. It's just business.

Mantra #2: Dealing with Disrespectful Communication

The tendency can be to overreact when we feel disrespected.

But, that tendency typically stems from feeling that the "big disrespect" warrants a big reaction.

However, if the disrespect is small/minimal, then why get too up in arms about it?

The idea is to mentally and emotionally reduce the disrespectful communication of others to that of a pebble.

If they're throwing large stones, great, respond accordingly. But, make sure you respond, don't (over)react.

Socially it might've been a boulder. But, emotionally, it was hardly a pebble's size.

Here's what's helped me:

Mantra: "Nothing matters. We're all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things...and yet, I choose to fulfill life's demands of me of love, growth, and giving back to the world."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "The world—the universe—that we live in far outsizes our petty thoughts and dealings.")

Again, this can be a pretty hard-hitting mindset, but it can also come with great benefits in terms of gaining more emotional detachment.

I opted for the term "irrelevant" over "insignificant" because I have a better association with that diction and it makes more sense to me when thinking of the meaning behind the mantra.

The universe (and space) outsizes us and time overwhelms, overpowers, and eventually overthrows us...there's no reason to think that we (or anything we do) is that important compared to such great (massive) things.

Compared to or, we could say, "relative to" those massive things, hence the term "irrelevant".

When you believe these mantras/quotes/sayings, you don't need to convince yourself to commit to them emotionally. It "just happens" because you acknowledge them as the truth.

Here's one more that I'm still developing and testing:

Mantra #3: Antifragile Ego

Mantra: "Everybody is flawed because nobody is God. My mistakes are part of the human condition...and yet, I choose to use my mistakes as learning opportunities to become the best human I can (possibly) be."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "You're a turkey, seeing fault or flaw where I see opportunity.")

Here's how it works:

"Everybody is flawed because nobody is God...

We hear the sayings often, "Nobody is perfect," and, "Everybody makes mistakes," but what does that actually mean?

It means everybody has something fucked up about them.

No matter how good we may look on the outside, we're all dealing with something and no matter how well we hide it, we'll always have something about us that needs work.

And, that's OK.

We're not perfect and we're not meant to be:

My mistakes are part of the human condition...

In other words, they're "unavoidable".

Now, of course, we go back to that overgeneralization again here because some mistakes are indeed avoidable (especially when you're a learner which is part of the point—to get better at avoiding some mistakes and making better decisions).

But, when we know that a mistake could've been avoided, it makes it a lot more difficult to accept and forgive ourselves for it (which is an essential and necessary part of "self-healing" which is something that's not often talked about).

So, if we can frame a mistake as unavoidable, maybe we can more easily move on since we view it as "outside of our control".

In this case, we're not framing the mistake as unavoidable because of the nature of the mistake or any context surrounding it (which would be counterproductive), but because we're human beings and we were never going to go through life making no mistakes anyway.

Some mistakes just have to happen.

And, in a world where mistakes can be our greatest learning opportunities, that's good news:

...and yet, I choose to use my mistakes as learning opportunities to become the best human I can (possibly) be."

Your mistakes are your (unavoidable) blessings from God. ("Every mistake you make is a gift from God to improve yourself.")

You're free to use and leverage your mistakes to grow—fulfilling one of life's demands of you and taking the eagle approach to the reality of our situation. (The reality being that we'll make mistakes in our lives no matter what, we're not perfect and this isn't a utopia. But, the eagle attitude we can take is to turn those mistakes into something good, such as an advantage into being more effective human beings.)

And, finally:

(*The only thought to focus on is, "You're a turkey, seeing fault/flaw where I see opportunity.")

A little narcissism here, this is an attitude that can be used to deal with people (value-takers) laughing at you for your mistakes.

You're free to view yourself as being above them, remind yourself of your second mantra to minimize the emotional damage further, shrug it off, and then move on.

The DLA Technique

The "Death-Leveraging and Acceptance" technique.

Yeah, the name needs work, but you get the idea :).

We don't know what we'll see when we die. So, imagine that when you do die (for at least a brief time before making your way to heaven, if you believe in that idea), you'll find yourself seeing moments from your past. Moments that are now unchangeable since you're already dead.

To put this into practice, try this technique. Say to yourself:

You: "I'm (realizing that I'm actually) dead and I'm just remembering this part of my past right now."

In other words, take the current moment and imagine it's actually (part of) your past.

This isn't the present. It's a memory.

Once you've internalized this, ask yourself:

You: Am I satisfied with it (this part of my past)? Do I regret anything about it?"

If you're unsatisfied and/or find yourself feeling regret, you know what to do.

Go say "hi" to that girl or do whatever it is you're afraid to do.

Lucio recommended a similar technique for removing social fear in one of his articles.

But, I found that his version of the technique (imagine watching yourself [from the afterlife] crow about social settings) didn't work for me because I'd overthink it. (I'd first think to myself, "OK, so I'm a ghost now," then try to focus on seeing myself from a third-person POV which required more focus and effort than I could usually muster for the situation.)

This technique is geared toward social fearlessness, but if you try it out and find any other applications, happy to read.

Happy to Read Any Thoughts

This is what's been working for me over the past couple of months, so curious to read what you guys think if you try it out for yourself.

One-year update:

The idea here is still gold.

However, the execution needed work.

As I continued using the system, I couldn't help but feel the emotional freedom slip from my grasp.

When I thought to myself, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort," it was easy to convince myself of that after riding the high of having just reread an awesome book on mindsets (Ultimate Power).

But, as time went on, what was once a firm decision with no looking back became an internal struggle.

Here's an example of only one scenario:

Me: [Driving five miles above the speed limit as cars behind me clearly want to go much faster]

Me: [Thinks to myself, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort."]

Me: [Still feels uncomfortable, watching drivers in the rearview mirror speed up closer to my bumper—subcommunicating I'm driving "wrong"]

Me: [Maintains speed and continues reciting the rule]

Me: [Watches multiple drivers begin to drive around me and speed off—isolating me as the only "slow" driver with nowhere to be]

Me: [Thinks to myself, "I am my own judge."]

Me: [Still feels like I should speed up—and give into their emotional/social pressure—as more drivers continue speeding up toward me, driving around my car, and then continuing off into the distance]

The goal of this new mindset system is to help people (especially those of us who are empowered members/PU alumni) feel empowered.

When you feel comfortable, confident, and cool with being assertive, I believe those are all beautiful things.

And, unluckily, to regain those feelings, for me, I'd need to reread Ultimate Power all over again in order to "re-motivate" my firmness to my commitments.

Luckily, I found a better way:

Swap Rules for Beliefs

When you do so, you don't need a reason to commit both mentally and emotionally because the fact that the beliefs are true is reason enough.

For example, if one believes in God, then they may refuse to practice devil worshipping, even if pressured by others to do so.

They could be judged negatively by those people for not participating, but still walk away and still feel just fine (perhaps even good) having assertively made their own decision.

So, what would be an appropriate belief for overall social and emotional independence?

Based on Lucio's Social Mastery Guide, the main belief here is nihilism.

It's much easier to feel calm, cool, and confident when you're nihilistic. After all, if nothing matters, you're much more free to be detached from anything because, why should you be? There's no reason to care about something when it matters so very little (if at all).

So, the question is: how does one leverage a healthy dose of nihilism for strategic emotional freedom?

My method (that has been working wonders for me so far) has been to create mantras that encapsulate certain nihilistic beliefs and say them to myself in my head when appropriate.

Mantra #1: Emotional Independence

Mantra: "Nobody cares about you. It's nothing personal, it's just business...and yet, I love them all despite that."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "You're only thinking of yourself.")

Here's the breakdown:

"Nobody cares about you."

This basically says, "You're insignificant," only a little differently.

"...It's nothing personal, it's just business..."

In other words, they're not refusing to care about you because they hate you or any personal reason like that.

It's actually because we evolved with self-interest as a primary default function in our brains so we could look after ourselves and practice self-care (that is, to a certain extent, of course).

Nobody is busy thinking (caring) about you because they're all busy thinking about themselves.

Therefore, if they laugh at a mistake you make, it's because it makes them feel better about themself.

If they try to befriend you on a sales call, it's because they're trying to close the sale.

If they're staring at you, it's because they're thinking of what you could do for them (or to them).

It's never ever about you. It's always about them.

And, that's truly nothing personal, it's just business—their way of looking after themself to better take care of themself.

...and yet, I love them all despite that.

And yet, I maintain my deep love for people despite their self-interest (which can border/cross over into selfishness depending on how you look at it and the situation).

You choose to keep a positive attitude in the face of such a "negative" reality.

Now, before we get into the next mantra, you may have noticed that this is an overgeneralization.

Not everything is about others, sometimes it truly is about you.

But, similar to how Lucio stated in his Social Mastery Guide that you're not really insignificant, this is less about 100% accuracy and more about leveraging the aspects of a nihilistic mindset that can give you much of your empowering freedom.

The freedom to look your boss in the eyes as he feeds you some horseshit about how we "do this for the mission" when you ask for your raise—and negotiate harder knowing he's only thinking of himself and the company.

And, not taking it personally because it's only business...and being able to maintain your love/respect for him after.

Or, the freedom to disappoint a stranger when they make a request of you (such as to take their picture), but still feel like it might not be very nice to say "no".

Well, don't worry, they don't care about you anyway (and never did), and it's nothing personal. It's just business.

Mantra #2: Dealing with Disrespectful Communication

The tendency can be to overreact when we feel disrespected.

But, that tendency typically stems from feeling that the "big disrespect" warrants a big reaction.

However, if the disrespect is small/minimal, then why get too up in arms about it?

The idea is to mentally and emotionally reduce the disrespectful communication of others to that of a pebble.

If they're throwing large stones, great, respond accordingly. But, make sure you respond, don't (over)react.

Socially it might've been a boulder. But, emotionally, it was hardly a pebble's size.

Here's what's helped me:

Mantra: "Nothing matters. We're all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things...and yet, I choose to fulfill life's demands of me of love, growth, and giving back to the world."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "The world—the universe—that we live in far outsizes our petty thoughts and dealings.")

Again, this can be a pretty hard-hitting mindset, but it can also come with great benefits in terms of gaining more emotional detachment.

I opted for the term "irrelevant" over "insignificant" because I have a better association with that diction and it makes more sense to me when thinking of the meaning behind the mantra.

The universe (and space) outsizes us and time overwhelms, overpowers, and eventually overthrows us...there's no reason to think that we (or anything we do) is that important compared to such great (massive) things.

Compared to or, we could say, "relative to" those massive things, hence the term "irrelevant".

When you believe these mantras/quotes/sayings, you don't need to convince yourself to commit to them emotionally. It "just happens" because you acknowledge them as the truth.

Here's one more that I'm still developing and testing:

Mantra #3: Antifragile Ego

Mantra: "Everybody is flawed because nobody is God. My mistakes are part of the human condition...and yet, I choose to use my mistakes as learning opportunities to become the best human I can (possibly) be."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "You're a turkey, seeing fault or flaw where I see opportunity.")

Here's how it works:

"Everybody is flawed because nobody is God...

We hear the sayings often, "Nobody is perfect," and, "Everybody makes mistakes," but what does that actually mean?

It means everybody has something fucked up about them.

No matter how good we may look on the outside, we're all dealing with something and no matter how well we hide it, we'll always have something about us that needs work.

And, that's OK.

We're not perfect and we're not meant to be:

My mistakes are part of the human condition...

In other words, they're "unavoidable".

Now, of course, we go back to that overgeneralization again here because some mistakes are indeed avoidable (especially when you're a learner which is part of the point—to get better at avoiding some mistakes and making better decisions).

But, when we know that a mistake could've been avoided, it makes it a lot more difficult to accept and forgive ourselves for it (which is an essential and necessary part of "self-healing" which is something that's not often talked about).

So, if we can frame a mistake as unavoidable, maybe we can more easily move on since we view it as "outside of our control".

In this case, we're not framing the mistake as unavoidable because of the nature of the mistake or any context surrounding it (which would be counterproductive), but because we're human beings and we were never going to go through life making no mistakes anyway.

Some mistakes just have to happen.

And, in a world where mistakes can be our greatest learning opportunities, that's good news:

...and yet, I choose to use my mistakes as learning opportunities to become the best human I can (possibly) be."

Your mistakes are your (unavoidable) blessings from God. ("Every mistake you make is a gift from God to improve yourself.")

You're free to use and leverage your mistakes to grow—fulfilling one of life's demands of you and taking the eagle approach to the reality of our situation. (The reality being that we'll make mistakes in our lives no matter what, we're not perfect and this isn't a utopia. But, the eagle attitude we can take is to turn those mistakes into something good, such as an advantage into being more effective human beings.)

And, finally:

(*The only thought to focus on is, "You're a turkey, seeing fault/flaw where I see opportunity.")

A little narcissism here, this is an attitude that can be used to deal with people (value-takers) laughing at you for your mistakes.

You're free to view yourself as being above them, remind yourself of your second mantra to minimize the emotional damage further, shrug it off, and then move on.

The DLA Technique

The "Death-Leveraging and Acceptance" technique.

Yeah, the name needs work, but you get the idea :).

We don't know what we'll see when we die. So, imagine that when you do die (for at least a brief time before making your way to heaven, if you believe in that idea), you'll find yourself seeing moments from your past. Moments that are now unchangeable since you're already dead.

To put this into practice, try this technique. Say to yourself:

You: "I'm (realizing that I'm actually) dead and I'm just remembering this part of my past right now."

In other words, take the current moment and imagine it's actually (part of) your past.

This isn't the present. It's a memory.

Once you've internalized this, ask yourself:

You: Am I satisfied with it (this part of my past)? Do I regret anything about it?"

If you're unsatisfied and/or find yourself feeling regret, you know what to do.

Go say "hi" to that girl or do whatever it is you're afraid to do.

Lucio recommended a similar technique for removing social fear in one of his articles.

But, I found that his version of the technique (imagine watching yourself [from the afterlife] crow about social settings) didn't work for me because I'd overthink it. (I'd first think to myself, "OK, so I'm a ghost now," then try to focus on seeing myself from a third-person POV which required more focus and effort than I could usually muster for the situation.)

This technique is geared toward social fearlessness, but if you try it out and find any other applications, happy to read.

Happy to Read Any Thoughts

This is what's been working for me over the past couple of months, so curious to read what you guys think if you try it out for yourself.

Lucio Buffalmano and Mats G have reacted to this post.

#12 · December 17, 2022, 7:40 am

This looks great, Ali!

I amended the article you link to with your suggestion.

And definitely coming back to this for Ultimate Power V.5.

Ali Scarlett has reacted to this post.

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#13 · January 28, 2023, 6:12 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 28, 2023, 6:12 pm
More updates on this, the nihilism approach is still working.

Unluckily, trying to combine the antifragile ego with nihilism failed (see Mantra #3 above).

And, that's namely because the other two mantras worked so well. (When nothing matters, you don't need to justify to yourself that a mistake/failure was OK because you're a learner, it's enough that the mistake doesn't matter...because in the grand scheme of things, nothing matters).

Still, I'm toying with another idea:

Combing the learner's identity with a high-power self-image.

The Conundrum of Being a Learner + Being High-Power

As I made progress on my journey to developing an antifragile ego, I started to feel less like a high-power individual.

And, that's because some mistakes do lower status even when they're good learning opportunities.

So, if one is making too many low-power mistakes, granted, they're a learner so they can still maintain high self-esteem, but they can't consider themself as high-power as if they hadn't made those mistakes.

Therefore, the more I transitioned into the identity of being a learner, the less I felt like a high-power man and the more that cost me in terms of my self-image sometimes.

The Solution: Change Your Beliefs

So, now I'm toying with the mindset of:

Belief: "Learners are the most powerful beings in the word."

And, if that's true, I can allow myself to view myself as a high-power individual because while I might've made one or more mistakes, I'm still a high-power individual in the grand scheme of things. (And, I believe that's true, in the final analysis, those who are learners with a growth mindset go much farther than those who are overly risk-averse with a fixed mindset. Learners are, in the end, more high-power than non-learners.)

Elevating myself above a situation like that, I'm free to make mistakes as a learner and still view myself as the type of man I want to see myself as. And, that positive self-image makes high-power behavior much easier for me (as opposed to, for example, believing you're a low-power individual who's trying to be more assertive—see Atomic Habits for more on identity-based habits).

Still, it's a work in progress.

More Nihilism Mantra Applications

Recently adjusted the wording of Mantra #2:

Mantra #2: "It doesn't matter. Everything is insignificant in the grand scheme of things, including this. And that's OK. I choose to fulfill life's demands of me of love, growth, and giving back to the world."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "The world -the universe- far outsizes our petty thoughts, dealings, and situations.")

The "we're all irrelevant" crossed over too far into Mantra #1 for me because it focused on people and since Mantra #1 already works so well for people, it seemed redundant.

So, this way, Mantra #1 is people-focused and Mantra #2 is more situation-focused (saying "it doesn't matter") giving the two a wider range of applications.

Plus, the mantra can be a bit on the cold side, so I added the "and that's OK" for some personal self-acceptance.

Both now work even better for situations that are emotionally pressuring for me.

And then, I applied the second mantra to people who scammed me:

Mantra #2: "It doesn't matter. They don't matter. (They're irrelevant/insignificant in the grand scheme of things.) And, I choose to fulfill life's demands of me of love, growth, and giving back to the world."

I felt lots of self-healing and freedom to let go of the past with this one.

#1. Question Your Non-Nihilistic Beliefs

Sometimes I found that I'd repeated the mantras so much they'd lost their weight and value.

And, since I'm naturally not a very nihilistic person, they'd also lost their effectiveness on me.

So, now, when I notice that's the case, I'll question my beliefs to reignite the power of the mantras:

"What if nobody cares about you?"

"What if it doesn't matter? What if nothing matters?"

Causing myself to question my non-nihilistic side causes me to remember the truth in it and I find my emotional freedom again.

More DLA Technique Applications

My best friend's dad disrespected me when I came over to his house for the holidays.

I was pissed, but didn't want to say anything that might ruin the holiday for my friend.

So, I took it and felt angry underneath for much of the week.

One thing that helped immensely was this technique though:

You: "I'm (realizing that I'm actually) dead and I'm just remembering this part of my past right now."

Am I satisfied with it (this part of my past)? Do I regret anything about it?"

I mentally crossed over to "the other side" and relived that moment and realized that I did have one regret.

I wished I wouldn't have spent my precious time being angry.

Here I am, with my best friend, and God's given me full health to enjoy the time I have left to spend with him before I die.

I don't want to waste a minute being angry, especially on a low-quality guy. I deserve to allow myself to feel good + have a good time while I'm still alive.

I came back into the present moment and feeling less angry enjoyed the rest of my time with my friend.

For me, the DLA technique can be applied to managing one's emotions and I'd recommend you try it too if you ever get the chance.

Edit:

Adjusted Mantra #2 based on an update made in my notes.

More updates on this, the nihilism approach is still working.

Unluckily, trying to combine the antifragile ego with nihilism failed (see Mantra #3 above).

And, that's namely because the other two mantras worked so well. (When nothing matters, you don't need to justify to yourself that a mistake/failure was OK because you're a learner, it's enough that the mistake doesn't matter...because in the grand scheme of things, nothing matters).

Still, I'm toying with another idea:

Combing the learner's identity with a high-power self-image.

The Conundrum of Being a Learner + Being High-Power

As I made progress on my journey to developing an antifragile ego, I started to feel less like a high-power individual.

And, that's because some mistakes do lower status even when they're good learning opportunities.

So, if one is making too many low-power mistakes, granted, they're a learner so they can still maintain high self-esteem, but they can't consider themself as high-power as if they hadn't made those mistakes.

Therefore, the more I transitioned into the identity of being a learner, the less I felt like a high-power man and the more that cost me in terms of my self-image sometimes.

The Solution: Change Your Beliefs

So, now I'm toying with the mindset of:

Belief: "Learners are the most powerful beings in the word."

And, if that's true, I can allow myself to view myself as a high-power individual because while I might've made one or more mistakes, I'm still a high-power individual in the grand scheme of things. (And, I believe that's true, in the final analysis, those who are learners with a growth mindset go much farther than those who are overly risk-averse with a fixed mindset. Learners are, in the end, more high-power than non-learners.)

Elevating myself above a situation like that, I'm free to make mistakes as a learner and still view myself as the type of man I want to see myself as. And, that positive self-image makes high-power behavior much easier for me (as opposed to, for example, believing you're a low-power individual who's trying to be more assertive—see Atomic Habits for more on identity-based habits).

Still, it's a work in progress.

More Nihilism Mantra Applications

Recently adjusted the wording of Mantra #2:

Mantra #2: "It doesn't matter. Everything is insignificant in the grand scheme of things, including this. And that's OK. I choose to fulfill life's demands of me of love, growth, and giving back to the world."

(*The only thought to focus on is, "The world -the universe- far outsizes our petty thoughts, dealings, and situations.")

The "we're all irrelevant" crossed over too far into Mantra #1 for me because it focused on people and since Mantra #1 already works so well for people, it seemed redundant.

So, this way, Mantra #1 is people-focused and Mantra #2 is more situation-focused (saying "it doesn't matter") giving the two a wider range of applications.

Plus, the mantra can be a bit on the cold side, so I added the "and that's OK" for some personal self-acceptance.

Both now work even better for situations that are emotionally pressuring for me.

And then, I applied the second mantra to people who scammed me:

Mantra #2: "It doesn't matter. They don't matter. (They're irrelevant/insignificant in the grand scheme of things.) And, I choose to fulfill life's demands of me of love, growth, and giving back to the world."

I felt lots of self-healing and freedom to let go of the past with this one.

#1. Question Your Non-Nihilistic Beliefs

Sometimes I found that I'd repeated the mantras so much they'd lost their weight and value.

And, since I'm naturally not a very nihilistic person, they'd also lost their effectiveness on me.

So, now, when I notice that's the case, I'll question my beliefs to reignite the power of the mantras:

"What if nobody cares about you?"

"What if it doesn't matter? What if nothing matters?"

Causing myself to question my non-nihilistic side causes me to remember the truth in it and I find my emotional freedom again.

More DLA Technique Applications

My best friend's dad disrespected me when I came over to his house for the holidays.

I was pissed, but didn't want to say anything that might ruin the holiday for my friend.

So, I took it and felt angry underneath for much of the week.

One thing that helped immensely was this technique though:

You: "I'm (realizing that I'm actually) dead and I'm just remembering this part of my past right now."

Am I satisfied with it (this part of my past)? Do I regret anything about it?"

I mentally crossed over to "the other side" and relived that moment and realized that I did have one regret.

I wished I wouldn't have spent my precious time being angry.

Here I am, with my best friend, and God's given me full health to enjoy the time I have left to spend with him before I die.

I don't want to waste a minute being angry, especially on a low-quality guy. I deserve to allow myself to feel good + have a good time while I'm still alive.

I came back into the present moment and feeling less angry enjoyed the rest of my time with my friend.

For me, the DLA technique can be applied to managing one's emotions and I'd recommend you try it too if you ever get the chance.

Edit:

Adjusted Mantra #2 based on an update made in my notes.

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#14 · January 29, 2023, 8:35 am

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 29, 2023, 8:35 am
This is awesome, Ali!

The next upgrade to Ultimate Power will be huge -and publishing-worthy, probably-.

A different angle/idea to addressing the "internalization of positive nihilism":

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 28, 2023, 6:12 pm

Sometimes I found that I'd repeated the mantras so much they'd lost their weight and value.

And, since I'm naturally not a very nihilistic person, they'd also lost their effectiveness on me.

It helps me a lot to be reminded of that during meditation.

I use a lot these two:

Earth little speck: once you close your eyes and imagine all the galaxies and you orbiting around a little speck -to be very giving, too, you don't even need to go that far not to see earth anymore-, then... That mindset comes quite natural.

The big chill: last time I read on this, the universe is expanding. And acceleratingly so. That almost inevitably will lead to dispersion of energy and heat to the point where everything will be close to "absolute zero", which allows no form of life. A big freeze. At that point, what you did or didn't do doesn't matter.

Dust you are, and dust you shall return: the (eternal??) cycle of life, of which you're only a momentary manifestation

And this may help as well:

The history of evolution: starting from unicellular amebas, and how wholly different we are, and how wholly different the future of humans will be to the point they won't even think of us as their predecessors.
And again, that's being very giving of thinking of far ahead forms of life, since:

The "norm of extinctions", and that on a long enough timeline most forms of life will cease to exist (survival is next to impossible exception, not the norm)

As I look at universal imageries and galaxies, I also think about my goals, and how insignificant my goals are.

But with a positive spin, of course.

That helps me to truly feel within myself that "if I don't achieve or get whatever I wanna achieve or get, nothing changes, and that's OK".

I don't need to do anything, in the greater scheme of things.

Of course, you wake the next day and you still wanna do and achieve and you still demand much of yourself.
But a bit of that halo still remains -and it's always much easier to get back to it when you truly felt it within yourself just a few hours earlier-.
And it helps not to make a big deal out of things.

This is awesome, Ali!

The next upgrade to Ultimate Power will be huge -and publishing-worthy, probably-.

A different angle/idea to addressing the "internalization of positive nihilism":

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 28, 2023, 6:12 pm

Sometimes I found that I'd repeated the mantras so much they'd lost their weight and value.

And, since I'm naturally not a very nihilistic person, they'd also lost their effectiveness on me.

It helps me a lot to be reminded of that during meditation.

I use a lot these two:

Earth little speck: once you close your eyes and imagine all the galaxies and you orbiting around a little speck -to be very giving, too, you don't even need to go that far not to see earth anymore-, then... That mindset comes quite natural.
- The big chill: last time I read on this, the universe is expanding. And acceleratingly so. That almost inevitably will lead to dispersion of energy and heat to the point where everything will be close to "absolute zero", which allows no form of life. A big freeze. At that point, what you did or didn't do doesn't matter.
Dust you are, and dust you shall return: the (eternal??) cycle of life, of which you're only a momentary manifestation

And this may help as well:

The history of evolution: starting from unicellular amebas, and how wholly different we are, and how wholly different the future of humans will be to the point they won't even think of us as their predecessors.
And again, that's being very giving of thinking of far ahead forms of life, since:
- The "norm of extinctions", and that on a long enough timeline most forms of life will cease to exist (survival is next to impossible exception, not the norm)

As I look at universal imageries and galaxies, I also think about my goals, and how insignificant my goals are.

But with a positive spin, of course.

That helps me to truly feel within myself that "if I don't achieve or get whatever I wanna achieve or get, nothing changes, and that's OK".

I don't need to do anything, in the greater scheme of things.

Of course, you wake the next day and you still wanna do and achieve and you still demand much of yourself.
But a bit of that halo still remains -and it's always much easier to get back to it when you truly felt it within yourself just a few hours earlier-.
And it helps not to make a big deal out of things.

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#15 · February 8, 2023, 5:00 pm

Wanted to say "thank you", Lucio, tried out your "earth little speck" mindset and it worked very well for me the other day.

I used it for social fearlessness to talk to a stranger.

My initial mental block was, "What if they're annoyed/don't want to speak to me?"

And then, your mindset came in, "What does it matter if one tiny speck talks to another tiny speck? That's about as significant as an ant passing another ant in the grass. Let's do it."

And, we had a great, fun conversation that deepened my love for people (I didn't think that person would turn out to be so interesting :).

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#16 · March 28, 2023, 1:39 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on March 28, 2023, 1:39 pm
Leaving this post as a note to come back to this:

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 28, 2023, 6:12 pm

More updates on this, the nihilism approach is still working.

Unluckily, trying to combine the antifragile ego with nihilism failed (see Mantra #3 above).

And, that's namely because the other two mantras worked so well. (When nothing matters, you don't need to justify to yourself that a mistake/failure was OK because you're a learner, it's enough that the mistake doesn't matter...because in the grand scheme of things, nothing matters).

Still, I'm toying with another idea:

Combing the learner's identity with a high-power self-image.

In most of my tests, nihilistic beliefs overpowered the learner's identity and made the antifragile ego unnecessary.

But, I still believe there's a lot of value in the antifragile ego, so I'm trying to find ways to make the two work together cohesively.

One that I tried and liked was using an antifragile ego to go for something uncomfortable, then using nihilism to resolve the "consequences".

An example of how this might look:

You: (Say to yourself, "I'm a lifelong learner first and foremost. I always go for it and do my best no matter the situation because it's who I am.")

[You go for it. Others are staring at you talking to her now.]

[You walk away without having gotten her number.]

[As you walk back to where you were, others are still staring at you. You begin to feel uncomfortable/anxious.]

You: (Say to yourself, "It doesn't matter. Everything is insignificant in the grand scheme of things, including this. And that's OK. I choose to fulfill life's demands of me of love, growth, and giving back to the world.")

You: (Shift your focus to thinking, "The world—the universe—far outsizes our petty thoughts, dealings, and situations...We're all just tiny specks.")

[Having minimized the significance of the situation and everyone there, you begin to feel much better.]

After giving this more thought, will come back to it.

Leaving this post as a note to come back to this:

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 28, 2023, 6:12 pm

More updates on this, the nihilism approach is still working.

Unluckily, trying to combine the antifragile ego with nihilism failed (see Mantra #3 above).

And, that's namely because the other two mantras worked so well. (When nothing matters, you don't need to justify to yourself that a mistake/failure was OK because you're a learner, it's enough that the mistake doesn't matter...because in the grand scheme of things, nothing matters).

Still, I'm toying with another idea:

Combing the learner's identity with a high-power self-image.

In most of my tests, nihilistic beliefs overpowered the learner's identity and made the antifragile ego unnecessary.

But, I still believe there's a lot of value in the antifragile ego, so I'm trying to find ways to make the two work together cohesively.

One that I tried and liked was using an antifragile ego to go for something uncomfortable, then using nihilism to resolve the "consequences".

An example of how this might look:

You: (Say to yourself, "I'm a lifelong learner first and foremost. I always go for it and do my best no matter the situation because it's who I am.")

[You go for it. Others are staring at you talking to her now.]

[You walk away without having gotten her number.]

[As you walk back to where you were, others are still staring at you. You begin to feel uncomfortable/anxious.]

You: (Say to yourself, "It doesn't matter. Everything is insignificant in the grand scheme of things, including this. And that's OK. I choose to fulfill life's demands of me of love, growth, and giving back to the world.")

You: (Shift your focus to thinking, "The world—the universe—far outsizes our petty thoughts, dealings, and situations...We're all just tiny specks.")

[Having minimized the significance of the situation and everyone there, you begin to feel much better.]

After giving this more thought, will come back to it.

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#17 · April 6, 2023, 2:24 pm

Another note to come back to later:

I remember once reading in The 33 Strategies of War this old African proverb:

"If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm." - African Proverb

I always agreed with the idea, but never understood how to "conquer myself", in the sense that it always eluded me how one could go about ending one's own inner conflicts, discomforts, and feelings of low confidence or self-esteem.

But, recently, I had a sort of revelation.

I was at home alone in a fairly good mood when I felt a painful thought of the past getting ready to come up. It was slowly rising to the surface and I knew it would throw off my good mood if it fully reached the forefront of my mind.

But, before the thought fully realized, I suddenly thought to myself that "there is no one here to harm me but me".

To quickly explain this a bit, if someone is home alone, then there is no one there that can do them physical harm except for them.

And, similarly, the same applies to emotions.

If someone is by themself, then there's no one judging, attacking, or shaming them, except for them. It's all in their head, and all up to them.

So, rather than harm myself for no reason, I just decided to stop the thought and move on with my day. (And, I'm glad I did :).

Interestingly enough, I'm noticing that that first step is now carrying over into social settings as well, where even though I'm around others, no one can really harm me (emotionally) except for me. I feel that simply because the setting and number of people changed doesn't make it any less my choice how much suffering I choose to put myself through (even if it starts with a negative comment or judgment from someone else).

So, maybe I'm the only one really capable of inflicting emotional self-harm. And maybe that's because what others think and say doesn't really matter to me (and to add another "maybe", perhaps this is the healthy nihilism helping out).

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#18 · April 7, 2023, 9:21 am

Awesome stuff, Ali!

So if I get it right, this would be the classic and much coveted "nobody can harm you unless you allow it to", that you reach through:

Healthy nihilism (deserves an article, BTW, if you're interested, just let me know)
Nipping the thought in the bud

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#19 · April 7, 2023, 12:35 pm

Right, as far as I can tell, that's the formula (so far).

However, it's a process of nipping the thought in the bud through effective and self-persuasive reasoning.

Anybody can tell themself to stop a thought from fully manifesting itself because "I just shouldn't let it". But, they might still let the thought continue to realize for other reasons that they find more persuasive.

For example, I used to allow painful thoughts to occur in my mind all the time because I believed each thought was an opportunity for self-reflection and introspection to learn and grow more. And, that's true, but only to a point.

At some point, self-care has to triumph (or be an equal priority to) learning. And, in the example above, I reached that understanding and chose to nip the thought in the bud so I could continue enjoying my day.

Since each person's different, each person may have to go on a different journey to reach their own understandings for their own ("negative") beliefs. And only once they reach those understandings, can they effectively address the beliefs keeping them from eliminating painful thoughts before they take hold.

And, by the way, I think this is what makes this so highly coveted. I don't think there's a one-sized fits all mantra that can eliminate bad thoughts here (or maybe someone would've come up with it already).

And, maybe there shouldn't be. Otherwise, people may be too quick to eliminate hurtful thoughts before they've gone through the journeys of learning everything they can from them. Or, they may experience another consequence that comes as a result of this "easy way out" of having to remember the past.

But, I'm still looking to create the mantra anyway and let the feedback decide whether it works for others and should or should not exist.

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#20 · April 13, 2023, 10:57 am

Got it, sounds great.
Thank you for the clarification, Ali!

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