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Ultimate Power feedback: what do you think?

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#1 · December 29, 2021, 4:13 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on December 29, 2021, 4:13 pm
Recently, I completely revamped my mindset system.

And, for the past few weeks, I've been feeling incredibly free, powerful, and capable of handling any social situation.

My old mindset system worked, but it had a few flaws in it that I was struggling to work out.

Now, with my new system, I've reached a new level of personal empowerment — and I want to share what I did here so you might be able to adopt the system for yourself and maybe even so we can make Ultimate Power better.

First, I'll start with the problems I had with my old mindset system:

How the Old Mindset System Was Holding Me Back

The old system consisted of many reminders (not to be confused with affirmations) of my antifragile ego mindsets:

#1. Before

Before a situation, if I feel nervous or anxious, I say to myself:

Ali: "I always go for it and do my best no matter the situation because it's who I am."

#2. After

After the situation, I emotionally reward myself by saying:

Ali: "I am proud of myself every time I go for it and do my best (no matter the situation) because I am able to prove and validate to myself my strength of character while growing my personal power. And, that's a well-won victory on its own."

*Note: When I thought to myself about what emotions/feelings I feel when I feel confident, the primary feeling that came to mind was feelings of victory. So, I incorporated that into my system here, and it really works like a charm for me.

Yet, if I still feel a little emotionally hurt from a situation, I'll tell myself:

Ali: "The more it hurts, the more I can emotionally reward myself because I am able to prove and validate to myself my strength of character while growing my personal power — and that's a well-won victory on its own."

And, so far, that has always turned my pain into something to be proud of which leaves me feeling almost 100% better.

The problem was:

No consistent habit practice means no consistent internalization: for this system to work, I needed to make a habit of using these reminders in social situations so I could internalize my identity of being a learner and being the type of person who always goes for it and does his best. But, when I quarantine myself for extended periods of time to get more work done, I miss out on social opportunities to use these reminders. And, by losing the chance to prove my antifragile identity to myself with small wins, my identity begins to fall apart along with my self-esteem (see "identity-based habits").

The old system also consisted of rules to keep in mind to help myself be as consistent as possible with making a habit of using my reminders:

#3. Outside of situations

This is more of a "keep this in the back of your mind" thought, but something I like to think about and remind myself of whenever I'm alone is:

Rule #1: "High-quality men always go for it and do their best no matter the situation."

Rule #2: "People are attracted to high-quality men."

I've found that this often resolves my concerns about being ostracized for messing up.

I think to myself that people will be attracted to me for simply going for it and doing my best because it's a sign of quality — as opposed to the individual who lets opportunities pass him by because he didn't have the strength of character to go for it and do his best.

And, if you're unattracted to a man who goes for it and does his best no matter the situation, maybe you have poor taste in men :).

Again, the problem here was:

It's rooted in emotional dependence: the idea these rules are built on is "I don't want to be ostracized for the mistakes I make as a learner, so I'll keep these rules in mind to help myself feel more accepted by others whenever I fail." And, that's not good for anyone looking for emotional independence from others.

Scrapping the Old System and Inventing A New One

So, I got rid of the old system.

I kept a few elements (as you'll see later), but I believe that this new system and approach is a far more solid foundation for personal empowerment.

#1. Re-exploring the "Manson Method."

To start developing a new system, I went back to the work of Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck where he basically says:

Manson: You can't just not care about anything. Even by not caring about anything, you're still caring about not caring about anything. So, instead, choose what to care about. And then don’t care about all the rest.

So, thinking about the traits of high-quality men, I started to explore only caring about my WHY.

#2. Focus On Your Purpose.

I never liked the idea of "focusing on your purpose" because when it was first introduced to me, it was presented as a way to be more "alpha" so you can sleep with more women.

And, I always felt like purpose shouldn't be a means to get more sex, it should be a means to help yourself and others.

So, I always stayed away from that idea...until now.

This time, I started to re-explore the idea of "purpose" as a WHY. And, as Patrick Bet-David explains, there are four levels to your WHY (and, you want to ascend to level four over time):

Level #1: Survival

Bet-David: "Your first [bottom] level of 'why' is survival. Let me explain what I mean by survival. Everybody who has a job that makes money makes money why? To survive and pay bills. Some people stop there."

Level #2: Status

Bet-David: "The second level of 'why' is all about status. You’ll hear people say things like, 'You know, I want to make six figures.' Why? Status. Or, they may want a nice car, house, go to a good school or send their children to a good school. They want to be able to talk about having this or that. This is all about keeping up with the Joneses. Status is still lightweight, but it’s better than survival."

Level #3: Freedom

Bet-David: "The third one is freedom. People may say, 'You know what? I’m so sick and tired of six figures. Man, I want to be free. I want to make money. I’m not worried about working hard, I want to make money and I want to have freedom. I want to have breathing room. What do I need to do to have breathing room?' They may want to live in a particular community because they want their kids to be able to play outside and not worry about them. Or, they may want to have a big back yard so their kids can run around and play safely. So, freedom as a 'why' is somewhat selfish [self-interested]. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not the highest level."

Level #4: Purpose

Bet-David: "The highest level is purpose. Now what are we talking about with purpose? ...how does one go from survival, status, freedom, to purpose? What is truly your purpose? People ask, “Pat, what’s your purpose? What is the bigger picture?” I could talk for a long time about that...As the saying goes, sometimes on the way to a dream, you get lost and find a bigger one. A bigger dream. You think it was all about the car. You think it was all about the recognition. You think it was all about the fame. You think it was all about the status. You think it was all about landing that girl. You think it’s all about all these other things, but it’s much bigger than that. Then all of a sudden, one day you have a conversation with somebody or watch a video or a movie, or you meet someone and boom; it just hits you in the face, and you realize what you were put on this planet to do. Now you’re talking purpose."

I decided that if I could make my WHY what I choose to care about (and if I chose to care about nothing else), I could find freedom.

And, it started to look more and more like a solid approach regardless of what your current WHY is because I started to notice that some of the most "confident" people I've met throughout my life all seemed to have this "I only care about my WHY" attitude in common:

[A person negatively judges someone I know who's focused on Survival]

Receiver: (thinking) Why do I care? Are you paying my bills? No, so why should I care what you think?

[A person negatively judges someone I know who's focused on Status]

Receiver: (thinking) Why do I care what you think? Are you going to give me the Lamborghini I want? No, I have to work for that. So, why should I give a shit what you think?

[A person negatively judges someone I know who's focused on Freedom]

Receiver: (thinking) You might be good to help me reach my goals, but no one's going to "make" me and no one's going to "break" me. Whether or not I achieve my dreams depends on what I'm willing to do for it, not based on what you think or do. So, I don't care.

Incidentally, I haven't met too many people who have taken the time to focus on discovering their purpose, so I don't have an example to share with you on that beyond my own mindsets and attitudes (which you'll read later).

#3. Change Your Life Rules.

And, this time, not just your "thoughts."

Change your values, your code that you live by, the rules that you live your life by.

In my case, I had a few life rules already that I didn't even know I lived by until I took some introspective time to surface them.

My life rules were:

Ali: "Treat others how you want to be treated."

Ali: "Don't judge people without understanding their reasons first."

I believe that we all have life rules we live by that we might not even know about. Invisible scripts that play throughout our heads as we make decisions.

This step for me was about creating the rules I want to live by (and these would be rules that I'd live by no matter what). Then, as I live by those rules, identifying any other rules I might have and getting rid of them if they conflicted with my top rules.

This is easier to show than explain, so here's what I mean. My first Life Rule became:

"My purpose always comes first and matters most — in my mind and in my life."

You can swap out "purpose" for whatever WHY you're at.

This helped erase my mind reading cognitive distortion because it didn't matter what others thought about me. The rule I live by now is to focus on how I can help myself and others (my purpose). And, I can do my best to do that by receiving feedback from others, not by assuming what they're thinking by trying to read their minds.

So, what I did here was:

Made a new set of Life Rules to live by.

Got rid of any other rules I might've already had that don't align with my new set.

#4. Live Your Life Rules.

I only have five Life Rules.

I purposely kept the number short so (a) I could remember them all and (b) so it felt more like a code to live by because I want to live by it (and less like an overwhelming self-development pursuit because I "have to do this" to feel more confident or more XYZ).

My Life Rules are:

"My purpose always comes first and matters most — in my mind and in my life."

"I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort." (The only thought to focus on right now is, "How can I do even better right now?")

"I only need my own love."

"I am my own judge."

"I am worthy of fair treatment and respectful communication. And, so are others."

That's it.

And, this system works SO much better than my reminders because:

It doesn't need to be a rigorous habit to work: since it's a code, whether I'm consistently practicing it in social situations or not, I still receive all of the benefits because (a) Life Rules aren't executed based on habit consistency, they're executed based on a belief in the rules themselves. (And, since you made your WHY the foundation for these rules, so long as you believe in your WHY, you can also freely believe in the other Rules that support your WHY.)

Your Rules are flexible yet sturdy: if at any time you question your Life Rules, you can remind yourself of the foundation for your Rules, "I always go for it and do my best to live and maximize my WHY" (because you're focused on your purpose). And then, go for it and do your best to refine your Rules to better support your WHY, if needed. (Though, I feel that the Life Rules I crafted from the TPM mindsets here are the best right now, hence why they're so sturdy and unlikely to change.)

You can still keep your Ultimate Power reminders with you to support your WHY: I still keep some of my antifragile ego reminders because they support my Life Rule, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort." And, by always going for it and doing my best, I live and maximize my chances of fulfilling my purpose which is what I'm focused on and matters most to me.

Why Doesn't The Power Bible Have Commandments?

What made me feel so motivated to write this post (as long as it is 🙂 wasn't only the ideas or the methods and strategies. It's the feelings I'm having right now.

In the two years I've been a part of TPM I've never felt this calm, comfortable, and confident in social situations — even after failing or being negatively judged.

And, because of my Life Rules, even when I feel lonely, I can remind myself of the Rule I live by, "I only need my own love" and go for it and do my best to live by that rule to feel more loved on my own (and, as a result, more emotionally and socially independent).

I feel like I've now conquered the 80% (I might even argue 90%) of my mental and emotional challenges with this new Life Rule System.

Ultimate Power was once called The Power Bible on the spine of its cover. This experience has led me to wonder: why does The Power Bible have no Power Commandments?

Perhaps if it did, I could've found this peace and freedom years ago when I first started this journey.

Recently, I completely revamped my mindset system.

And, for the past few weeks, I've been feeling incredibly free, powerful, and capable of handling any social situation.

My old mindset system worked, but it had a few flaws in it that I was struggling to work out.

Now, with my new system, I've reached a new level of personal empowerment — and I want to share what I did here so you might be able to adopt the system for yourself and maybe even so we can make Ultimate Power better.

First, I'll start with the problems I had with my old mindset system:

How the Old Mindset System Was Holding Me Back

The old system consisted of many reminders (not to be confused with affirmations) of my antifragile ego mindsets:

#1. Before

Before a situation, if I feel nervous or anxious, I say to myself:

Ali: "I always go for it and do my best no matter the situation because it's who I am."

#2. After

After the situation, I emotionally reward myself by saying:

Ali: "I am proud of myself every time I go for it and do my best (no matter the situation) because I am able to prove and validate to myself my strength of character while growing my personal power. And, that's a well-won victory on its own."

*Note: When I thought to myself about what emotions/feelings I feel when I feel confident, the primary feeling that came to mind was feelings of victory. So, I incorporated that into my system here, and it really works like a charm for me.

Yet, if I still feel a little emotionally hurt from a situation, I'll tell myself:

Ali: "The more it hurts, the more I can emotionally reward myself because I am able to prove and validate to myself my strength of character while growing my personal power — and that's a well-won victory on its own."

And, so far, that has always turned my pain into something to be proud of which leaves me feeling almost 100% better.

The problem was:

No consistent habit practice means no consistent internalization: for this system to work, I needed to make a habit of using these reminders in social situations so I could internalize my identity of being a learner and being the type of person who always goes for it and does his best. But, when I quarantine myself for extended periods of time to get more work done, I miss out on social opportunities to use these reminders. And, by losing the chance to prove my antifragile identity to myself with small wins, my identity begins to fall apart along with my self-esteem (see "identity-based habits").

The old system also consisted of rules to keep in mind to help myself be as consistent as possible with making a habit of using my reminders:

#3. Outside of situations

This is more of a "keep this in the back of your mind" thought, but something I like to think about and remind myself of whenever I'm alone is:

Rule #1: "High-quality men always go for it and do their best no matter the situation."

Rule #2: "People are attracted to high-quality men."

I've found that this often resolves my concerns about being ostracized for messing up.

I think to myself that people will be attracted to me for simply going for it and doing my best because it's a sign of quality — as opposed to the individual who lets opportunities pass him by because he didn't have the strength of character to go for it and do his best.

And, if you're unattracted to a man who goes for it and does his best no matter the situation, maybe you have poor taste in men :).

Again, the problem here was:

It's rooted in emotional dependence: the idea these rules are built on is "I don't want to be ostracized for the mistakes I make as a learner, so I'll keep these rules in mind to help myself feel more accepted by others whenever I fail." And, that's not good for anyone looking for emotional independence from others.

Scrapping the Old System and Inventing A New One

So, I got rid of the old system.

I kept a few elements (as you'll see later), but I believe that this new system and approach is a far more solid foundation for personal empowerment.

#1. Re-exploring the "Manson Method."

To start developing a new system, I went back to the work of Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck where he basically says:

Manson: You can't just not care about anything. Even by not caring about anything, you're still caring about not caring about anything. So, instead, choose what to care about. And then don’t care about all the rest.

So, thinking about the traits of high-quality men, I started to explore only caring about my WHY.

#2. Focus On Your Purpose.

I never liked the idea of "focusing on your purpose" because when it was first introduced to me, it was presented as a way to be more "alpha" so you can sleep with more women.

And, I always felt like purpose shouldn't be a means to get more sex, it should be a means to help yourself and others.

So, I always stayed away from that idea...until now.

This time, I started to re-explore the idea of "purpose" as a WHY. And, as Patrick Bet-David explains, there are four levels to your WHY (and, you want to ascend to level four over time):

Level #1: Survival

Bet-David: "Your first [bottom] level of 'why' is survival. Let me explain what I mean by survival. Everybody who has a job that makes money makes money why? To survive and pay bills. Some people stop there."

Level #2: Status

Bet-David: "The second level of 'why' is all about status. You’ll hear people say things like, 'You know, I want to make six figures.' Why? Status. Or, they may want a nice car, house, go to a good school or send their children to a good school. They want to be able to talk about having this or that. This is all about keeping up with the Joneses. Status is still lightweight, but it’s better than survival."

Level #3: Freedom

Bet-David: "The third one is freedom. People may say, 'You know what? I’m so sick and tired of six figures. Man, I want to be free. I want to make money. I’m not worried about working hard, I want to make money and I want to have freedom. I want to have breathing room. What do I need to do to have breathing room?' They may want to live in a particular community because they want their kids to be able to play outside and not worry about them. Or, they may want to have a big back yard so their kids can run around and play safely. So, freedom as a 'why' is somewhat selfish [self-interested]. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not the highest level."

Level #4: Purpose

Bet-David: "The highest level is purpose. Now what are we talking about with purpose? ...how does one go from survival, status, freedom, to purpose? What is truly your purpose? People ask, “Pat, what’s your purpose? What is the bigger picture?” I could talk for a long time about that...As the saying goes, sometimes on the way to a dream, you get lost and find a bigger one. A bigger dream. You think it was all about the car. You think it was all about the recognition. You think it was all about the fame. You think it was all about the status. You think it was all about landing that girl. You think it’s all about all these other things, but it’s much bigger than that. Then all of a sudden, one day you have a conversation with somebody or watch a video or a movie, or you meet someone and boom; it just hits you in the face, and you realize what you were put on this planet to do. Now you’re talking purpose."

I decided that if I could make my WHY what I choose to care about (and if I chose to care about nothing else), I could find freedom.

And, it started to look more and more like a solid approach regardless of what your current WHY is because I started to notice that some of the most "confident" people I've met throughout my life all seemed to have this "I only care about my WHY" attitude in common:

[A person negatively judges someone I know who's focused on Survival]

Receiver: (thinking) Why do I care? Are you paying my bills? No, so why should I care what you think?

[A person negatively judges someone I know who's focused on Status]

Receiver: (thinking) Why do I care what you think? Are you going to give me the Lamborghini I want? No, I have to work for that. So, why should I give a shit what you think?

[A person negatively judges someone I know who's focused on Freedom]

Receiver: (thinking) You might be good to help me reach my goals, but no one's going to "make" me and no one's going to "break" me. Whether or not I achieve my dreams depends on what I'm willing to do for it, not based on what you think or do. So, I don't care.

Incidentally, I haven't met too many people who have taken the time to focus on discovering their purpose, so I don't have an example to share with you on that beyond my own mindsets and attitudes (which you'll read later).

#3. Change Your Life Rules.

And, this time, not just your "thoughts."

Change your values, your code that you live by, the rules that you live your life by.

In my case, I had a few life rules already that I didn't even know I lived by until I took some introspective time to surface them.

My life rules were:

Ali: "Treat others how you want to be treated."

Ali: "Don't judge people without understanding their reasons first."

I believe that we all have life rules we live by that we might not even know about. Invisible scripts that play throughout our heads as we make decisions.

This step for me was about creating the rules I want to live by (and these would be rules that I'd live by no matter what). Then, as I live by those rules, identifying any other rules I might have and getting rid of them if they conflicted with my top rules.

This is easier to show than explain, so here's what I mean. My first Life Rule became:

"My purpose always comes first and matters most — in my mind and in my life."

You can swap out "purpose" for whatever WHY you're at.

This helped erase my mind reading cognitive distortion because it didn't matter what others thought about me. The rule I live by now is to focus on how I can help myself and others (my purpose). And, I can do my best to do that by receiving feedback from others, not by assuming what they're thinking by trying to read their minds.

So, what I did here was:

Made a new set of Life Rules to live by.
Got rid of any other rules I might've already had that don't align with my new set.

#4. Live Your Life Rules.

I only have five Life Rules.

I purposely kept the number short so (a) I could remember them all and (b) so it felt more like a code to live by because I want to live by it (and less like an overwhelming self-development pursuit because I "have to do this" to feel more confident or more XYZ).

My Life Rules are:

"My purpose always comes first and matters most — in my mind and in my life."
"I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort." (The only thought to focus on right now is, "How can I do even better right now?")
"I only need my own love."
"I am my own judge."
"I am worthy of fair treatment and respectful communication. And, so are others."

That's it.

And, this system works SO much better than my reminders because:

It doesn't need to be a rigorous habit to work: since it's a code, whether I'm consistently practicing it in social situations or not, I still receive all of the benefits because (a) Life Rules aren't executed based on habit consistency, they're executed based on a belief in the rules themselves. (And, since you made your WHY the foundation for these rules, so long as you believe in your WHY, you can also freely believe in the other Rules that support your WHY.)
Your Rules are flexible yet sturdy: if at any time you question your Life Rules, you can remind yourself of the foundation for your Rules, "I always go for it and do my best to live and maximize my WHY" (because you're focused on your purpose). And then, go for it and do your best to refine your Rules to better support your WHY, if needed. (Though, I feel that the Life Rules I crafted from the TPM mindsets here are the best right now, hence why they're so sturdy and unlikely to change.)
You can still keep your Ultimate Power reminders with you to support your WHY: I still keep some of my antifragile ego reminders because they support my Life Rule, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort." And, by always going for it and doing my best, I live and maximize my chances of fulfilling my purpose which is what I'm focused on and matters most to me.

Why Doesn't The Power Bible Have Commandments?

What made me feel so motivated to write this post (as long as it is 🙂 wasn't only the ideas or the methods and strategies. It's the feelings I'm having right now.

In the two years I've been a part of TPM I've never felt this calm, comfortable, and confident in social situations — even after failing or being negatively judged.

And, because of my Life Rules, even when I feel lonely, I can remind myself of the Rule I live by, "I only need my own love" and go for it and do my best to live by that rule to feel more loved on my own (and, as a result, more emotionally and socially independent).

I feel like I've now conquered the 80% (I might even argue 90%) of my mental and emotional challenges with this new Life Rule System.

Ultimate Power was once called The Power Bible on the spine of its cover. This experience has led me to wonder: why does The Power Bible have no Power Commandments?

Perhaps if it did, I could've found this peace and freedom years ago when I first started this journey.

Lucio Buffalmano, Matthew Whitewood and 2 other users have reacted to this post.

Lucio Buffalmano@lucio

6,302 Posts

#2 · December 29, 2021, 4:42 pm

Ali, this is great.

I rushed through for my first read.

So my first answer to the question:

Why Doesn't The Power Bible Have Commandments?

is:

Because the writer of that guide hasn't met that idea yet (but he's very excited if it becomes UP-material 🙂

And if it turns to be great, awesome to add it to the new version (With Ali's credit :).

So there are a few great things in your message:

The idea of "emotional dependency" is great, something I'll need to chew on for longer.

Same goes for "habit-based identities".

Steel-Zombing The "Commandments"

Let me "steel-zombie" the "rules approach".

What's the difference between a new list of rule and a set of reminders for your antifragile ego?

Because your antifragile ego reminder could have as easily been:

I do my best to advance my purpose

And then it becomes quite similar to a rule.

... Or am I missing something?

Maybe I'm missing the "emotional reward", since the rules aren't supposed to be emotionally rewarding?

A second possible issue with rules is that... Rules are constrictive.

I like the "Machiavellian approach" to rule, which is more about expediency and situations.

Same reason why I'm not a big fan of "values".

The value of "I add value to people's lives" is great... Until you meet an asshole.
Then, what's the point of that value?

For example, the rule "I always go for it" sets you up for failure very often because... Will you ALWAYS go for it?

That being said, thank you for sharing this!

And awesome man that this is working for you!

Excited to dig deeper into it.

Matthew Whitewood and Transitioned have reacted to this post.

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Ali Scarlett@01ascarlett

1,118 PostsTopic Author

Empowered Member

#3 · December 29, 2021, 9:34 pm

Quote from Ali Scarlett on December 29, 2021, 9:34 pm
Awesome, glad you like it so far, Lucio.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 29, 2021, 4:42 pm

What's the difference between a new list of rule and a set of reminders for your antifragile ego?

Because your antifragile ego reminder could have as easily been:

I do my best to advance my purpose

And then it becomes quite similar to a rule.

... Or am I missing something?

Maybe I'm missing the "emotional reward", since the rules aren't supposed to be emotionally rewarding?

The difference is in terms of your ability to strongly justify to yourself why you should follow each mindset.

Choosing to focus on your purpose because you "just remembered (reminded yourself) that you do your best to advance your purpose" isn't as self-persuasive as focusing on your purpose because "it's a rule that you've chosen to live your life by."

And, that's my opinion, it could be different for you. But, to put it another way, it's similar to committing to a new habit for the next 30 days and putting up a habit tracker for it.

When you don't have some form of commitment in place (such as a tracker), you can come up with any excuse to cheat the habit and it's much easier to justify why it was OK. But, when you've already committed to it in some way for the next 30 days, it eliminates the majority of your excuses because you know that, deep down, you made a promise to yourself.

So, the main difference is that reminders are more like excusable notifications and rules are sturdy commitments.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 29, 2021, 4:42 pm

A second possible issue with rules is that... Rules are constrictive.

I agree man. And, that's exactly why I needed this system.

I believe that good rules are set in place to protect us. (For example, do NOT touch that hot stove.)

In those cases, you need constrictive rules because the more constrictive they are, the less likely someone is to fall outside of the rule and hurt themself.

I think that the problem is when you set rules (a) for situations that don't need them or (b) without confirming whether or not the rule is truly "good" for you.

The rule system I've come up with is put in place to mentally, emotionally, and socially protect the person who follows the rules. And, I believe that each rule is good for the learner because they're coming straight from Ultimate Power's recommended mindsets (as well as my own personal tests and experiences).

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 29, 2021, 4:42 pm

Same reason why I'm not a big fan of "values".

The value of "I add value to people's lives" is great... Until you meet an asshole.
Then, what's the point of that value?

For example, the rule "I always go for it" sets you up for failure very often because... Will you ALWAYS go for it?

I agree with you here too. But, you might've noticed that my rules are not action-based, they're thought-based.

The Life Rule isn't "I always go for it and do my best no matter the situation" which can create mental discomfort when you don't go for it. It's, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort." And, at any point and time, you can always choose what you care about — including caring about the effort and disregarding the outcome.

The value of "I add value to people's lives" is also a social / action decision. And, that makes it tough.

That's why the rule isn't "I add value to people's lives", it's "I am worthy of fair treatment and respectful communication. And, so are others." And, I can always choose to believe and care about that rule while still having the social freedom to behave how I want to (just because you're worthy of something doesn't mean you always deserve to get it — and especially not always from me because I decide for myself what I will and will not do).

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 29, 2021, 4:42 pm

Maybe I'm missing the "emotional reward", since the rules aren't supposed to be emotionally rewarding?

You're right that the rules themselves aren't supposed to be rewarding.

But, the reminders you use to supplement your rules can be.

For example:

[You see a high-status person you admire. You'd love to build a relationship with them, even if you're strangers to each other for right now.]

You: *Remember your rule, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort."

You: *Remember your rule, "My purpose always comes first and matters most — in my mind and in my life."

You: *Rationalize that going for it and doing your best will be a great learning opportunity to use for advancing your purpose.

You: *Go for it and give it your best effort.

[During the interaction while doing your best, you ask yourself, "How can I do even better right now?"]

[The interaction flops anyway. You part ways.]

You: *Remember your rule, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort."

You: *Remember that you did, indeed, go for it and give it your best effort.

You: *Remind yourself that, "High-quality individuals always reward themselves well for going for it and doing their best, no matter the situation."

You: *Give yourself a reward for your small win.

You can see that the rules are only a foundation, they're not an end all be all.

The reminders can be used to add more life satisfaction to the emotional independence that the rules bring.

Why the "Commandments" Is A Surviving Zombie Idea

It seems that the main concern is that the rules approach is a less flexible system than simple reminders — seemingly without any of the emotional rewards.

And, it's true that the rules approach is far more rigid than reminders. That's exactly why I use and recommend it.

The rules system is meant to promote and encourage a concept we can call "strategic closed-mindedness."

Rather than debating whether or not you're worthy of fair treatment and respectful communication, make it your rule that you are and be done with it.

Rather than mentally debating whether or not you should give someone emotional control over you with their judge roles, make it your rule that you are your own judge.

The idea is that rules for personal empowerment should be constrictive because when they're not and you fall out of those rules, you become disempowered. And, that lack of personal empowerment against value-taking behavior is what leads to value-taking behavior.

With this attitude, it's far easier to avoid personal disempowerment because you're choosing to be closed-minded to the attitudes that allow others to emotionally control you.

You're choosing to prioritize and live by rules and values that protect your emotional independence.

Plus, you can always make a habit of emotionally rewarding yourself for taking the actions that align with your beliefs and mindsets for your personal empowerment.

So, throw whatever you want at my rule system. I'm prepared for any question :).

Awesome, glad you like it so far, Lucio.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 29, 2021, 4:42 pm

What's the difference between a new list of rule and a set of reminders for your antifragile ego?

Because your antifragile ego reminder could have as easily been:

I do my best to advance my purpose

And then it becomes quite similar to a rule.

... Or am I missing something?

Maybe I'm missing the "emotional reward", since the rules aren't supposed to be emotionally rewarding?

The difference is in terms of your ability to strongly justify to yourself why you should follow each mindset.

Choosing to focus on your purpose because you "just remembered (reminded yourself) that you do your best to advance your purpose" isn't as self-persuasive as focusing on your purpose because "it's a rule that you've chosen to live your life by."

And, that's my opinion, it could be different for you. But, to put it another way, it's similar to committing to a new habit for the next 30 days and putting up a habit tracker for it.

When you don't have some form of commitment in place (such as a tracker), you can come up with any excuse to cheat the habit and it's much easier to justify why it was OK. But, when you've already committed to it in some way for the next 30 days, it eliminates the majority of your excuses because you know that, deep down, you made a promise to yourself.

So, the main difference is that reminders are more like excusable notifications and rules are sturdy commitments.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 29, 2021, 4:42 pm

A second possible issue with rules is that... Rules are constrictive.

I agree man. And, that's exactly why I needed this system.

I believe that good rules are set in place to protect us. (For example, do NOT touch that hot stove.)

In those cases, you need constrictive rules because the more constrictive they are, the less likely someone is to fall outside of the rule and hurt themself.

I think that the problem is when you set rules (a) for situations that don't need them or (b) without confirming whether or not the rule is truly "good" for you.

The rule system I've come up with is put in place to mentally, emotionally, and socially protect the person who follows the rules. And, I believe that each rule is good for the learner because they're coming straight from Ultimate Power's recommended mindsets (as well as my own personal tests and experiences).

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 29, 2021, 4:42 pm

Same reason why I'm not a big fan of "values".

The value of "I add value to people's lives" is great... Until you meet an asshole.
Then, what's the point of that value?

For example, the rule "I always go for it" sets you up for failure very often because... Will you ALWAYS go for it?

I agree with you here too. But, you might've noticed that my rules are not action-based, they're thought-based.

The Life Rule isn't "I always go for it and do my best no matter the situation" which can create mental discomfort when you don't go for it. It's, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort." And, at any point and time, you can always choose what you care about — including caring about the effort and disregarding the outcome.

The value of "I add value to people's lives" is also a social / action decision. And, that makes it tough.

That's why the rule isn't "I add value to people's lives", it's "I am worthy of fair treatment and respectful communication. And, so are others." And, I can always choose to believe and care about that rule while still having the social freedom to behave how I want to (just because you're worthy of something doesn't mean you always deserve to get it — and especially not always from me because I decide for myself what I will and will not do).

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 29, 2021, 4:42 pm

Maybe I'm missing the "emotional reward", since the rules aren't supposed to be emotionally rewarding?

You're right that the rules themselves aren't supposed to be rewarding.

But, the reminders you use to supplement your rules can be.

For example:

[You see a high-status person you admire. You'd love to build a relationship with them, even if you're strangers to each other for right now.]

You: *Remember your rule, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort."

You: *Remember your rule, "My purpose always comes first and matters most — in my mind and in my life."

You: *Rationalize that going for it and doing your best will be a great learning opportunity to use for advancing your purpose.

You: *Go for it and give it your best effort.

[During the interaction while doing your best, you ask yourself, "How can I do even better right now?"]

[The interaction flops anyway. You part ways.]

You: *Remember your rule, "I don't care if I fail, I don't care about the outcome. I only care about the effort."

You: *Remember that you did, indeed, go for it and give it your best effort.

You: *Remind yourself that, "High-quality individuals always reward themselves well for going for it and doing their best, no matter the situation."

You: *Give yourself a reward for your small win.

You can see that the rules are only a foundation, they're not an end all be all.

The reminders can be used to add more life satisfaction to the emotional independence that the rules bring.

Why the "Commandments" Is A Surviving Zombie Idea

It seems that the main concern is that the rules approach is a less flexible system than simple reminders — seemingly without any of the emotional rewards.

And, it's true that the rules approach is far more rigid than reminders. That's exactly why I use and recommend it.

The rules system is meant to promote and encourage a concept we can call "strategic closed-mindedness."

Rather than debating whether or not you're worthy of fair treatment and respectful communication, make it your rule that you are and be done with it.

Rather than mentally debating whether or not you should give someone emotional control over you with their judge roles, make it your rule that you are your own judge.

The idea is that rules for personal empowerment should be constrictive because when they're not and you fall out of those rules, you become disempowered. And, that lack of personal empowerment against value-taking behavior is what leads to value-taking behavior.

With this attitude, it's far easier to avoid personal disempowerment because you're choosing to be closed-minded to the attitudes that allow others to emotionally control you.

You're choosing to prioritize and live by rules and values that protect your emotional independence.

Plus, you can always make a habit of emotionally rewarding yourself for taking the actions that align with your beliefs and mindsets for your personal empowerment.

So, throw whatever you want at my rule system. I'm prepared for any question :).

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Lucio Buffalmano@lucio

6,302 Posts

#4 · December 30, 2021, 6:54 am

Awesome message, Ali.

And I mean, even in the structure and techniques, the agreeing and redirecting, the bridging, the examples: nice!

So to keep it simple, what would you suggest should be the new entry in UP?

Something like "develop baseline rules (for an empowered life)"?
And then explaining how to go about developing one's own rules -with some due examples of solid rules and not so good ones-?

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Matthew Whitewood@cheeweijie

1,704 Posts

Empowered Member

#5 · December 30, 2021, 7:36 am

I think Ali's and Lucio's principles come together nicely from different angles.

I see Ali's techniques and concepts to construct a sense of self at any point in time in life to be very solid.

And one's sense of self is very broad. Ali went further to tackle the main, common pillars of life like social life.

From Lucio's angle, one can tune that sense of self situationally and over the course of life as one wishes as one's life progresses.

The analogy would be a comprehensive plan but with plenty of room for contigencies and flexibility.

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Ali Scarlett@01ascarlett

1,118 PostsTopic Author

Empowered Member

#6 · December 30, 2021, 12:25 pm

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 30, 2021, 6:54 am

Awesome message, Ali.

And I mean, even in the structure and techniques, the agreeing and redirecting, the bridging, the examples: nice!

So to keep it simple, what would you suggest should be the new entry in UP?

Something like "develop baseline rules (for an empowered life)"?
And then explaining how to go about developing one's own rules -with some due examples of solid rules and not so good ones-?

Thank you for the kind words, Lucio!

The new entry could be something like, "Develop Foundational Rules For An Empowered Life: Rules to live by for emotional and social independence."

And then, yes, some explanations on how to go about developing a rule system for oneself along with some examples of solid rules and poor rules.

You can also see my full mindset system here, it might give you some more ideas.

Lucio Buffalmano@lucio

6,302 Posts

#7 · December 30, 2021, 1:43 pm

Alright, how about this:

Let's wait around a month longer and if you confirm your steps forward with this, then we'll add it.

Sounds good?

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Ali Scarlett@01ascarlett

1,118 PostsTopic Author

Empowered Member

#8 · December 30, 2021, 1:59 pm

Yep, that works.

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Ali Scarlett@01ascarlett

1,118 PostsTopic Author

Empowered Member

#9 · February 1, 2022, 6:10 pm

One month later and the rule system has held up.

It's been quite an exciting journey for me and I'm looking forward to using it for my continued self-development moving forward.

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Lucio Buffalmano@lucio

6,302 Posts

#10 · February 5, 2022, 10:38 am

Thank you so much for the update, Ali!

I made a note and this will probably be in the next update.

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