Quote from B on January 5, 2023, 12:00 pm

Quote from Transitioned on January 5, 2023, 1:28 am

New territory  for me, I never had unwanted touching as Bel experienced

Probably because I m 6 2 and have resting bitch face

The time comes for everyone sooner or later :)

As to your cases, my take would be to touch back in all three in the guise of communicating "closeness".

Example:

2.  Cabin crew guy tapping me on shoulder while giving small commands.

You: (look at him, smile, slow light touch on his arm): [say your line]

Maybe the sole exception would be with the police: then you don't want to touch back!

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 5, 2023, 2:47 pm

Yeah, good to be back talking about real life practical stuff :D.

Some ideas:

Guy: (taps lightly on the ribs with his knuckles) connecting flight
You: yo, easy man (shakes head)

Just a simple exclamation without expecting a reply.
Or a joke as you pat him on the back:

Run Forrest, run

With the cabin crew, was it because you were distracted?

If so, it may have been fair since it was his job to get as much attention as possible so you can see it as an "excess of conscientiousness" to get people's attention.

I'd have personally probably just nodded toward him or raised my hand as if you to say "I got you".

Otherwise, also a good option:

You: (reaches out and touches with open hand) yeah right

Or "what's up" or "thanks man", which frames it as him working for you.

The third one is probably the most annoying.
Tapping may have been OK, but on the head is less cool than on an arm.
So may have just said:

You: yeah right, sorry about the wrapper, but don't tap me on my head though please

Or: yeah, sucks about the wrapper, my bad, but don't tap me on the head if you don't mind.

So first you cover your tracks taking ownership and apologizing, and then enforce your boundaries.

If she complains or pushes back, which she might, you just hold frame "it's not cool to tap someone on the head, you're not her kid, don't do it anymore".

Quote from Transitioned on January 6, 2023, 3:30 am

Thanks guys - its this micro stuff that gets me.  Always worry about over-reacting.  The corporate shoot-outs I'm used to.   Yea the tapping on the head was well out of line.  And I suspect a double standard too - imagine if I tapped some woman to get her attention - it would be a big scandal.

Cabin crew is probably cultural.  Bali guy - I think they are more touchy and they have that Asian task oriented efficiency over people mindset - do do, quick quick so if they want your attention they want it instantly.

I let it all go by because my partner was very sick - priorities.  But its great to have some options as this 'reach out and touch someone' seems to be a new pandemic.

Quote from Emily on January 15, 2023, 2:46 am

Yeah I feel the tapping on the head was definitely not cool. If it were me, I would stand up and say "excuse me" in a volume that the person could hear, or tap lightly on the shoulder if the person doesn't hear me. But seriously, a wrapper should be ordinary stuff one has to deal with in a public place like the plane cabin - often times if it floats around it wouldn't be something maliciously intentional.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 5, 2023, 2:47 pm

Yeah, good to be back talking about real life practical stuff :D.

Some ideas:

Guy: (taps lightly on the ribs with his knuckles) connecting flight
You: yo, easy man (shakes head)

Just a simple exclamation without expecting a reply.
Or a joke as you pat him on the back:

Run Forrest, run

 

Haha I liked the "run, Forrest, run" joke - it helps you dissolve your own displeasure with a laugh, but also comunicating to the guy something like "hey, relax, what's the rush buddy?" (posing yourself as a cool, indifferent guy - more powerful).