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Vague Compliments With A Judge Role
Hey Matthew,
Covert dynamics and judge roles are one of the most challenging aspects of power dynamics.
As I go through PU I also realize that I could have done a better job at explaining and I'm tweaking it now.
Some of the notes you make are correct.
For an accurate assessment, one should look at the whole dynamics though.
From your post history, you generally tend to have a good, very good and even great grasp of social and power dynamics.
When it comes to covert power moves, sometimes I've noticed indeed that you might over-read malicious intent and/or to exaggerate the power-taking component.
It's also possible you might take it too personally, while sometimes the best course of action is to make a quick mental note and move on until you see bigger red flags (or more positive signs).
But when one is in the over-analyze phase, it's usually better to over-read things than not to read them at all.
Overall I'd say that you're in a great place and it probably just takes some more time to further fine-tune this specific aspect of power dynamics.
I'm also adding more examples and fine-tuning the definitions nad explanations in PU that'll probably also help.
When it comes to covert power moves, sometimes I've noticed indeed that you might over-read malicious intent and/or to exaggerate the power-taking component.
It's also possible you might take it too personally, while sometimes the best course of action is to make a quick mental note and move on until you see bigger red flags (or more positive signs).
I am aiming for the point in life where I don't have to deal with covert power moves anymore.
I'm not sure how realistic this is.
But it doesn't seem to be true.
As I progress more in business or some other social circle, there seems to be more covert power moves rather than outright aggression.
So it makes me annoyed that I'm "progressing" but I'm not fulfilling this "goal" of mine that there will be less manipulation.
I have an idealistic goal that, in my business, there won't be these games.
So it irritates me to a great degree whenever there's a power-taking component.
As such, I tend to look out for it and maybe place too much focus on it.
Maybe I have to abandon this goal because it's not realistic.
When it comes to covert power moves, sometimes I've noticed indeed that you might over-read malicious intent and/or to exaggerate the power-taking component.
I exaggerate the power-taking component because I think this will disincentivise people from including the covert power-taking component in the future.
I think the power dynamics of compliments varies with the demeanour.
Though it depends on the exact type of phrasing.
Let's take "I like you" as an example.
Dominant, Colder Tone
With a dominant, colder tone, it becomes more of a covert power move.
It's like an authority judging another person.
Submissive Tone
If it's a submissive tone, it becomes like sucking up to the other person.
Confident, Warm Tone
This is the value-adding kind of compliment that relates to the other person.
