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Ways of Asking Questions
I recently had a conversation where the other person asked questions framed as possibly a request or a demand (I am still thinking as to how it affects the power dynamics).
The way most people ask questions is in this manner.
Most people - What is.....? When...?
Though the person I talked to framed questions like statements as in.
Person - I would like to know.....
How would the power dynamics be affected if I respond to this question?
What would be the best way to respond and remain in a higher power/reempower myself if responding to these types of questions puts me in a power down position?
If You Want to Share
You can frame yourself as the person dispensing the knowledge as you please.
Person: I would like to know.....
You: Happy to share my experience
If you don't really want to share or collect more credit/status, you can stop there and let him ask further.
You can also say
You: Good question
to buy time while somewhat increasing your authority.
A more dominant approach would be asking him to be more specific
Person: I would like to know.....
You: What would you like to know in particular?
If You Don't Want to Share
If you particularly didn't like how he made the statement or question, you can say you're uninterested
Person: I would like to know.....
You: I'm not really interested in this area.
A shoulder shrug and turn away is also another option:
Person: I would like to know.....
You: (shoulder shrug and turn away/look away)
Feel free to let me know if you think this is applicable to your context.
Hey Growfast,
Hope you're doing well mate.
What you're describing there is called the "covert question" (see this post).
And, indeed, it creates a win-lose if you answer the covert question:
- It disempowers you, because you would be giving value with the answer to a question they never asked. It frames you as a servant doing all the giving on cue -without getting anything back, which makes it a sucker's trade-
- It decreases your status: now they know they can use you to maintain their status, by getting info without asking. That thread expands on the sucker's trade you're encouraging by giving answers to their covert questions.
Quote from Growfast on November 13, 2021, 7:49 amWhat would be the best way to respond and remain in a higher power/reempower myself if responding to these types of questions puts me in a power down position?
So, as always, the best way to "re-empower" yourself would be to not lose power in the first place by refusing to answer their covert question.
But, another option is to wait or surface their question to collect your social credits.
E.g.
Person: "I would like to know how collaborative frames work."
Growfast: (waits)
Person: "So, can you share a little bit about what you learned at TPM?"
Or:
Person: "I would like to know how collaborative frames work."
Growfast: (frame surfacing) "Are you, by any chance, asking me to share with you some info on how collaborative frames work?"
Person: "Yeah."
Growfast: "("S" in DESOE assertiveness framework: Specify) Then tell me straight up man. ("E" in DESOE assertiveness framework: Express) I like direct and honest conversation, ("S" in DESOE assertiveness framework: Specify) let’s not play any hiding games with each other."
If this was helpful, Growfast, feel free to let me know.
Yep, you got great answers here.
Ali put the finger on the exact power dynamics with the "covert question" (plus how to handle them).
