Feedbacks & clarifications

Quote from John Freeman on January 13, 2021, 12:22 pm

Hello Lucio,

I was wondering about changing the topic from “Value-takers” to “Value-takers and frenemies”.

what do you think?

you think these should be treated as 2 different topics?

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 15, 2021, 12:08 am

@razor

In this thread you wrote:

This strange thing happened to me at work today. I'd like to hear your take on it. I'll try to be as clear as possible.

All dynamics were perfectly clear indeed in the thread itself.

Except for the title, which was:

Titles are supposed to give an idea of what's inside, so people know whether they need to open it or not -based on the title they will know if they're interested, if they can help, if it's their area of expertise, or if they care at all-.

Check out my signature link, many of those "rules" apply to real-life as well -the mindsets and approaches certainly do-.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 20, 2021, 10:37 pm

From this thread:

PS I Didn't edit this nor do I plan to so please ignore any or all errors. Thank you.

I think it was a smart move to pre-emptively apologize for the possible mistakes.
One because it shows caring for the readers, and two because it also protects him from being negatively judged for his possible mistakes or typos.

The "nor do I plan to" could have been left out, since it might feel like a brush off, as if to say "I don't care enough to make that effort, and not going to care", which might feel like a power-up power move towards the readers.

P.S.: I didn't "at" the person who wrote this line because he's new and possibly just stopped here for the one topic he cared about. So this is more for the benefit of the community (and the lurkers).

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 28, 2021, 3:54 pm

@01ascarlett from this thread,

I've noticed there, and on a couple of occasions, that sometimes when you're not sure of something, you might be framing a question as a statement, an objection, or an analysis.

We might call it "covert question".

Sometimes people use that technique to:

• Convince themselves: if you write it publicly, and if nobody objects, then it must be true. It helps assuage cognitive dissonance, since people feel better when they're can tell themselves "OK, I got this now"
• To maintain status, by getting info without asking: asking means admitting you don't know something, so some people prefer to hide their question behind a statement, analysis, or objection. If people confirm, they were right and, they didn't "lose" any power. And if they were wrong, they get the answer without asking directly

The problem with that approach is that it can come across as sneaky, slightly dishonest, and overly defensive.

Also, it might be a sign of a growth mindset that is not (yet) fully internalized, since a 100% growth mindset would mean to go ask directly and clearly for the biggest areas of doubts.
Mind you, almost nobody is 100% growth mindset, but it's still a goal worth striving towards.

This is something that can be unconscious, or maybe you never even intended to gather information at all. But still worth looking into because, if it comes across that way, then the effect for the people around are still the same.

In short, there might be times and places for covert questions but, as a rule of thumb, it's best to avoid.
It's not a high-power, high-confidence behavior, so I'd advise you to watch out when you're not sure of something but frame it as a statement.

Is the point I'm trying to make clear?
Let me know if not, this is something I've seen more than once, and fixing it is very empowering.

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 28, 2021, 5:00 pm

Crystal clear, Lucio :).

You may remember, when I first joined the TPM forum, I was starting about 2-3 new threads a day asking questions. And, that wasn't very respectful of your time for you to go around the forum answering all of them.

So, from that point forward, I figured it would be better to frame any questions I have in a different manner so I could leave it entirely up to you if you want to respond or not.

But, this covert question concept describes the situation very well, regardless of my intentions. So, starting now, I'll do my best to directly express any questions I have in my case studies while also keeping those questions to a fair minimum.

To maintain status, by getting info without asking:

I think this covert question behavior can be annoying as well since if you're getting info without asking, it's also similar to trying to get help without asking for it so you don't have to give the other side their social credits. If I were to put myself in the shoes of people on the opposite end of the covert question, I think I would be a little ticked off.

Really grateful for your feedback here Lucio. Thanks for helping me learn from this one!

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 28, 2021, 10:39 pm

Got it, Ali, now I understand the origin :).

Quote from Ali Scarlett on January 28, 2021, 5:00 pm

I think this covert question behavior can be annoying as well since if you're getting info without asking, it's also similar to trying to get help without asking for it so you don't have to give the other side their social credits.

True, very good observation.
The information giver can feel short-changed since, in a way, it's a form of social scalping as it also denies credit.

Cheers!

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on February 1, 2021, 10:59 am

To Lucio and John.
Just to clarify, thanks for the feedback on this thread on the dynamics of the project meeting.
And I appreciate all the alternate views brought to the table.

I believe where our opinions are diverging a little due to our interpretation of the situation.
This could be due to my intention of wanting to focus on the power dynamics of the interaction rather than the larger dynamics of the meeting.
And also the nature of the project and the team.

It is a bit like the difference in the tone of my post between my review of Chuck Gilmore vs his remark about "I'm better than he was when he was at my age.".
No one would take a lesson from Chuck based on the latter post, but I believe the former post would present a pretty brilliant picture of the team.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Also, thanks to Lucio for advising me to use the frame of "what makes a good cofounder".
I started painting more context around this frame.

For example, I asked the team "What are your personal expectations when it comes to this project?".
The above question probes their commitment and puts social pressure on them.
They all gave answers in terms of several years, which is a good starting sign.
Now we just need to solidify the frame, continue building our vision to feel like a team, and bring more fruits of labour to all of us.

I expect some wavering during the initial period because the fruits of labour would not come for several years.
There's where tracking progress and reminding my teammates of our progress would help to motivate everyone.

Quote from John Freeman on February 1, 2021, 3:10 pm

Hello Matthew,

thanks for your message!

Cheers!

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on February 1, 2021, 4:30 pm

All clear, Matthew, cheers!