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What is the "Proper Power Moves Method" of annoucing that you just bought a fancy/prestigious new home?

How should I let the world know that I just purchased a fancy/prestigious new home?
Facebook Post
Send an annoucment to selected contacts via email and/or text messages
Be discreet. Don't "broadcast" an annoucement of any kind. Wait for people to find out "organically."
What is the “Proper Power Moves Method" of announcing that you have just bought a fancy new home on one of the most prestigious residential avenues in the world?
Facebook?  Texting an "I've moved" / change of address annnoucement to the contacts in your phone?  Saying nothing about it at all?

Allow me to provide some background/context for this question for those who may be interested.  Fair warning, this is long and detailed.  It means a lot to me.  If you want the one line version, please see the above.

In life, I have regretted it when I’ve been too much of a braggart. But at times I feel that I’ve learned that lesson too well, because far more often, I have shortchanged myself by erring on the side of being modest and humble and NOT “blowing my own horn.”  After all, those of us who aren’t celebrities with PR people cannot realistically expect others to unearth cool details about ourselves and broadcast them to the world for us.

I live in what is probably the most money/status obsessed place in the world.  It’s a place where you are judged by, among other things, where you live.  In my world, it’s considered to be completely normal to ask someone where they live and they don’t mean what part of the city etc – they want a more precise answer. (Perhaps that's true everywhere, I’m honestly not sure.)

For the last 20 years, my answer to that question has been, in the eyes of others, “the wrong answer.”  My current neighborhood isn’t bad.  But it’s bland, boring, and uncool.

Along similar lines, by the local standards of my immediate social circle, for the last 20 years, I have lived in one of the shittiest apartments of anyone that I know.  It's also in a dingy walkup building, which makes a very bad first impression on anyone coming over.  The worst part has been when women who I have had feelings for and been attracted to have told me how shitty my apartment was.

I am acutely aware of the fact that developing an antifragile ego is one of the core principle of the Power Moves, and I’ve come a long way on that front.  But having “friends” and women denegrate your home while they are a guest in your home is no fun.

Through it all, I have worked hard, saved, invested, sacrificed. I have endured even when women have told me though their actions and words that no one would ever love me.  I have not always nailed the part about being anitfragile.  But I’ve endured.

Very soon I will be closing on an apartment in a highly exclusive building.  This is not the kind of building that DOES NOT just take anyone that has the money, although you certainly do have to have the money.  It’s more like joining a country club: There is a board approval process that requires tax returns, personal letters of recommendation, bank statements, letters of reference from your bankers and accountants, a personal interview etc.

I've been approved by the board -- the last big hurdle.

For me, this is a triumphant moment of vindication.  In high school, I was voted “LEAST likely to succeed.”  I have had countless women tell me through their actions and words that I am not good enough for them.  I was rejected by every Ivy League college and Wall Street Firm I ever applied to.

Now I’m moving in to exactly the kind of place that makes people strive for Ivy League degrees, Wall Street jobs etc in the first place.  I hope that anyone still reading can understand that, and take what I’m saying in that spirit -- if I seem eager for recognition, it is not without reason.

For what it’s worth, I love the apartment I'm buying and I would be happy to live there even if no one ever knew about it.  So it’s not like I’m buying this place purely in the hopes of impressing others.  If everyone who responds to this says "never tell anyone about your home," I will still be happy. But I think it’s only natural and human to want some recognition for this.

So: What is the right way to announce the move?

This is a big moment for me, and I don’t want to ruin it for myself by having people say “What an arrogant asshole douchbag etc.”  I'm also worried about overplaying my hand, as this means a lot to me and I know it won't mean nearly as much to anyone else.  But I also don’t see the need to keep it a secret and not tell anyone.

Here's more about the possible "PR strategies" that I mention at the beginning of this post.  
High risk option: Facebook. I’ve noticed that no one EVER announces a move or change of address on Facebook. For those who live in a HOUSE in a suburbuan or rural setting where anyone in the world could walk right up to your front door and knock on it, I get that it's a security risk.
I’m not sure the same rule applies for those who live in a high security apartment building in a big city.
There are many buildings in my city that are known for having celebrities and other prominent people who live there.  Those cleberties don't seem to fear for their lives for their lives even though the whole world knows where they live.  And as far as I can tell, the majority of them do not have special bodyguards etc.  Their buildings have the same kinds of doormen and security systems that my new building will have.
So: I’m thinking of posting a picture of myself standing in front of the building with minimal text – something like “Closed.” Or “Moving day” – or possibly no text at all.  I think local people would get it and realize I didn’t just post a picture of myself in front of a fancy apartment building for no good reason.

To me the primary risk with Facebook is not about my personal safety/security.  It’s that someone could write something like “Yo selfish asshole, we’re in the middle of a global crisis. And yet there you are, bragging. If you were a good person, you would give all of your money to charity instead of buying a fancy home for yourself. Fuck you.”

Medium risk option: Create an electronic greeting card announcing the move and no address, and sending it via text message to my contacts (including some of those women who think I'm not good enough for them).  That way I could control who I send it to, cutting down the possibility of getting blowback from the “haters.”  This is the option I'm considering the most seriously.

Low risk option: Make no announcement, let the news leak “organically” over time.  I see no downside to this -- but it’s no fun at all.  I feel I’ve earned some recognition.

IF you’re still reading, thank you.  Please let me know what you think.

Lucio Buffalmano and Matthew Whitewood have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood

Do a solid house-warming at your house, and set up Instagram booths around your house.

Social_Strategist#1 has reacted to this post.
Social_Strategist#1

First of all:

Congratulations man!!

Very happy for you :).

And I get the feeling of joy and happiness.
One can be antifragile, or strive to be antifragile (very difficult to reach it 100% in all fields) and still enjoy and celebrate his successes.
I was so happy when I first purchased my flat. I remember sitting on the couch and thinking "wow, this is mine, I've finally done it. No more rents, no looking for flats, no having to hope some landlords will accept me. I can get someone in for rent, or I can be alone and do whatever the f*ck I want".

And then I remember what a good, if not very money-driven friend had told me "it's not a real BJ until it's in your house", and had to laugh at myself.

Owning can be a risk, but that can be mitigated (another topic), and I think owning is power.

A few notes:

  • Housewarming, a good option

As Matthew said it, if you can do that, it's a good idea.

Even if it's a very small group of people, it's still a good option, since you can then more naturally and organically update social media, or even use pictures from the party as your new profile pictures.

  • If you had your previous address on FB, then it's safer to update it

If you had your previous address, then the change of address on FB is a good option.

Chance VS adding something new, that's where the big difference lies.

  • If there is no real reason to send a greetings card, avoid it

Ask yourself: is there a real reason to send a greetings card?

If not, then the personal channel feels "forced", and unnatural.

Imagine yourself receiving a message like that, how would you feel?
Probably like the sender wanted to show off and send a "I'm better than you" text, right?

I'd actually take a "normal" bragging Facebook post over sending private messages.

  • Frame it as a learning lesson

Have you seen this popular social media strategy post?

That can be very helpful to you.
You make a big show of your new place, but you frame it as a "here's my lesson learned" and as a "motivational post" kind of thing.

For example:

Yes, it's true this a world where everyone can do anything, if they work hard at it.

I was voted least likely to succeed, I was rejected and beaten down.

But I had only one good thing about me: I endured. Material success does not define you, and this new flat of mine, at the end of the day, is just four walls around you.

But it's what it means from a symbolical point of view that, today, makes me really happy.
A recognition of what good mindsets, resilience, and work ethics can do for you.

To all of you who are struggling, I am mentally close to you. I've been there, and in a way, I will always be.
Keep on going.
If you are willing to endure, there is always a light, at the end of the tunnel.

That protects you against haters.
What are they going to say, that you're an asshole for having worked hard?

Matthew Whitewood, Social_Strategist#1 and Stef have reacted to this post.
Matthew WhitewoodSocial_Strategist#1Stef
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

A very warm congratulations too!
Totally forgot all about the joy and focused on the power dynamics of sharing the update on new ownership.

And then I remember what a good, if not very money-driven friend had told me "it's not a real BJ until it's in your house", and had to laugh at myself.

Hahahaha, what if the landlord does a random spot check at night?

Owning can be a risk, but that can be mitigated (another topic), and I think owning is power.

I was reading a book that touched on property law.
Property law was a way to empower individuals to have their own freedom and space.
Imagine having to sign contracts with strangers and the government on the street for every single object.
When you own a flat, you have arguably more power over that space compared to the government.
Yeah, this is debatable depending on many factors such as whether the government can force purchase your property.

Social_Strategist#1 and Stef have reacted to this post.
Social_Strategist#1Stef

Hello Social_Strategist#1,

to me I think there is a deeper issue than the surface issue: "how to announce that you just bought a fancy/prestigious new home"?

I would start with "why would you do that?"

I think the deeper issue is that you're looking for approval and recognition. And that's the method you found how to get it. Based on what you're writing.  Before I get accused of making assumptions, I will say it: these are assumptions based on the text you're writing.

I know that's not the question you asked but I think that's the deeper issue that if not solved, you will carry on in other domains of your life. I would question if my values are aligned with the people I want to be recognized by. Have you read Mark Manson's book? He points out that not all values are equals. There are external and internal values. The ones you control and the ones you don't. So it's important to choose well what you value as it will determine your life.

I'm not saying it is not great to buy a house. It is great and you deserve recognition for your efforts of achieving this goal, that is sure! However, I think you can have a great house, share it with other people AND be humble.

An example is what I propose in the thread Service is Power. It's a change of attitude. I know that in our western countries, the default is to be egoist and self-centred. I've seen it, I see it and I don't like it. I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about the culture. So it becomes normal. But I don't think it's useful and productive. So I think it's better to focus on others. You already have your house. You won. Now you can give. Here is a mindset that I think would serve you in this moment:

"How can I make my friends (not the frenemies!!!) enjoy the fruit of my hard work?" (Remember you're already enjoying it).

And THEN you'll come up with a great party and buy the food and drinks your friends like and you will make sure everybody have fun. AND THEN everybody will congratulate you for the house, the party and the fun. Now you will get the status you're looking for. But you cannot get Hero status with boasting behavior. Hero status is something that is given to you by others for a positive behavior that is out of the norm. A behavior that most people would not do.

Who would you admire the most?

  1. The guy who posts pictures of his house on facebook
  2. The guy who invited you to his house, served you drinks, asked you about your life and had a blast with

You choose.

The trick is that to do it properly you have to become this guy. Otherwise you don't get the benefits. But the benefits are not what you think they are. You only get to experience them when you do them with the right intention. I know it sounds woo-woo. That's how it is. Sorry, no shortcut here. That's from my own experience.

Low risk option: Make no announcement, let the news leak “organically” over time.  I see no downside to this -- but it’s no fun at all.  I feel I’ve earned some recognition.

Be careful with these statements. These are self-made in our own minds. These kind of statements are dangerous because they can lead us down bad roads. In this case you will feel anger if you don't get the recognition you think you deserve.

So going back to your first question after the deep dive, I would invite my real close friends. I would make sure there are only benevolent cool and smart people and then make a big party. The surface problem is easy to solve. It's the deeper one that's tougher and takes more efforts.

Cheers! And congratulations on your progress! 🙂

Lucio Buffalmano and Social_Strategist#1 have reacted to this post.
Lucio BuffalmanoSocial_Strategist#1

That's a great message from John for you to consider, SS.

I personally consider it fair to want to "prove" something as a sort of "personal revenge" (search "straccione" in the forum to find the post where we talk about that).

But moving past it is probably the best end game.

Also, consider this as a potential middle road:

Now you "won" in the social environment you've grown up in. You proved that you can climb those hierarchies and acquire the trappings of what makes people high-status in your social environment.
Now that you've done that, it could be the perfect time to start transcending the game, and to start developing ego and self-esteem that are less dependent on external recognition, as well as from your specific social environment (also see "big fish in small pond syndrome" for the latter).

Matthew Whitewood, John Freeman and Social_Strategist#1 have reacted to this post.
Matthew WhitewoodJohn FreemanSocial_Strategist#1
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Many thanks to all who have responded to this so far -- much appreciated.

Lucio -- when you write about my wanting to "prove" something as a as sort of "personal revenge" it's as though you can see directly into my soul.  (I'm going to search straccione in the forum as soon as I'm done writing this post -- so thanks for that.)

Proving something as a sort of personal revenge means a lot to me, probably far too much.

I agree with what Lucio and other have said re that at some point, I should think seriously about starting to transcend the game, and start developing the ego and self-esteem that are less dependent on external recognition etc.

However, to be radically honest, I'm not sure I'm in that place at this precise moment in my life.

For one thing, I haven't even moved in yet!

For another, it seems like most of the people who I've met in my life have been far more interested in wounding and embarrassing me than in helping/encouraging me.  (Perhaps everyone feels that way -- but I honestly don't think so.)  That's a big part of the reason why the content on The Power Moves has been so life changing for me. Regardless, I don't think I'm ready to evolve beyond the "personal revenge" stage yet to be perfectly honest.

Here's my game plan so far: I've created a very elegant announcement on Paperless Post that I intend to text to my good personal friends who I know will be happy with me after I close.

I live in a very large city that has been often mentioned as being the epicenter of Covid.  (I'm sure anyone reading this can probably figure out where I am, but I don't see the need to spell it out).

Therefore, a "normal" housewarming party as some have mentioned is a good idea.  However, it is not going to be currently viable -- if I tried to have a large housewarming party, I'd probably piss more people off than if I bragged about my new home in a really obnoxious way on Facebook.

(Side note: One of the many reasons why I'm so proud of this acquisition is because I'm getting a good deal due to my good timing.  I would be a lot less proud if I paid top dollar at the height of the market about 3-5 years ago in my city. And yet, I've already had some people say "Are you sure this a good time to be buying?  Prices might be even lower a year from now . . ."  It's not a dumb thing to say.  They could be right.   And yet: I have to wonder if this is a Power Move rooted in jealousy given the fact that a ) prices have demonstrably dropped a lot in my city and b) I'm not going to say "You know what, you're right.  Prices might be even lower a year from now.  I'm going to pull out of the deal I've made.)

So: AFTER the closing, I intend to text the announcement to my good friends who I know will be happy with me.  To be clear, it will NOT be an "all points bulletin" or Facebook post etc.  I've heard some people say things like "Why do you want to do that?" but I haven't heard anyone say "If you do that, you will hurt others and you'll look bad in the process if you do that."

Those friends who respond warmly and seem genuinely happy for me will be invited for over for a drink and a tour of the new place "by appointment" for lack of a better term.  Consider it to be several "micro housewarming parties by appointment" since I can't invite everyone over at the same time for a "regular" party.  I'd rather take the suggestions I've received here -- thank you Matthew -- about a housewarming party, but unfortunately I can't.

Here's another thought I've been having about all of this. It's probably a really bad idea, so I'm really hoping someone will give me their input on this: What about also texting the announcement to ex girlfriends and other women who have spurned me in the past for not being good enough for them?

I'm willing to concede up front that this may be a very bad idea.  But bear in mind that IF in fact it is such a bad idea, I'd be interested in hearing and learning about WHY it's such a bad idea. IF you just reflexively write "bad idea don't do it" fine.  But without the "why" that's not very helpful.

Because I honestly can't think of any reason why it would be such a bad idea.  These are women that already think I'm unworthy.  IF I sent them the notice of the acquisition of my new home, they will not come over, knock on my door and say "I was wrong about you.  Now I love you.  You win. Please have sex with me."  I know that will never happen.  It's not about making them love me.  It's about the "personal revenge" that Lucio writes of as I'm understanding and interpreting that phrase in this context.

So what, exactly IS the worst case scenario if I do this?  If someone can explain to me why it's a bad idea, I will listen.  Otherwise, I may do it as an interesting "personal social experiment" just to see what happens.  I'm guessing most of them won't reply at all, but I will still imagine them thinking, if only for a nanosecond "Hmmm . ..  I guess he wasn't such a loser after all . .. "

Another similar question: It's well known that one of the worst things a guy can do on his Tinder profile is post a picture of himself in front of his fancy car.  I know all about that.  Is a guy posting a picture of his fancy home just as bad?  I ask because it's fairly easy to drive a fancy car if you lease it and/or make the minimal monthly payments.  Buying a HOME that you OWN outright 100% for all cash is a bigger accomplishment.  That  doesn't mean that anyone can or should be advertising that on their Tinder profile.  I get that.  But it's a bigger accomplishment regardless.

If my head and heart seem like I'm in the wrong place I can only say two things: 1) I'm in possibly the worlds most status driven environment, and I'm not going to move because I'd have to leave all of my friends, family, and the career that I have worked so hard for 20 years to build behind.  2) I've been the nice, sweet, polite guy with no status and nothing to offer and I've seen where that gets me with people.

I don't close on the place till mid-January -- to be clear, it's a done deal, the closing is what makes it "officially official" --  so thanks again and please keep the comments coming!

SS: And yet, I've already had some people say "Are you sure this a good time to be buying?  Prices might be even lower a year from now . I have to wonder if this is a Power Move rooted in jealousy

It could be an (unconscious) power move, yes.

Or some people might really believe prices will be lower, and they are sharing what they think.

However, whether or not people believe the prices will be lower, it's not a very supportive, friendly, and/or socially smart thing to do.

How's the receiver supposed to feel?
If he's already decided to buy, that only makes him feel bad about his choice exactly when he's looking for support and appreciation.

What I'd reply to that is:

You: I don't care man, the price is lower than the peak, it might go lower, or higher, nobody can say for sure. What I know is that right now it's a great deal and most of all, I love that place

It's frame dominance in a way, and you put "feelings", of loving the place, ahead of economical terms.
Since feelings usually trump money as they're considered "morally superior", you "win" the argument.

Sure, it's a pyrrhic victory since a better friendship and relationship is far better than "winning". But having to choose between someone putting you down and you one-upping back, then I'd go for the latter.

SS: Those friends who respond warmly and seem genuinely happy for me will be invited for over for a drink and a tour of the new place "by appointment" for lack of a better term.

I like this one, a good in-between the housewarming and nothing.

Can also work as a good test to see who's open and supportive, and who's a frenemy (I shared a similar experiment in "how to spot a frenemy" article).

SS: What about also texting the announcement to ex girlfriends and other women who have spurned me.

One of the reasons why it's a bad idea is that the receiver will think "wow, he was so still thinking about me, and so bitter, that he felt the need to "show me". How cheap".

I remember once my boss read aloud an email he received from a job candidate we both knew, she thanked him for his time, and then shared she had found a new job, and wrote the salary (very high).
We all thought "how cheap".

BUT the true effect depends a lot on the receiver.
On this place, people tend to be on the high-quality end of the spectrum, and that's why most people commenting here would naturally say "avoid it, it's cheap". It's because that's how they think.

But cheap people might not think it's cheap, but see it as a legit power move (not the people you'd want to have in your life though).

It's possible that some of those women might get jealous, bitter, or "feel bad" about their current financial situation if you show off to them.
If some of these women are single and/or in unhappy relationships and you had a good relationship, it's also possible they might think "I missed out" (but don't count on them being open about it, chances are very low).

And of course, there is also the large grey area, such as people thinking it's both cheap, while they also get bitter / angry / jealous.
When the lady bragged about her salary, many of us actually wondered "is it even true?", and secretly hoped it wasn't, because we disliked her after that, and we weren't making that much :).

So if you want to get back to them, or make them feel bad, it might actually work (depending on the receiver).

I wouldn't personally do it, and still consider the end game of moving on and focusing on the joy it gives you to be better.
But if we're talking purely about power dynamics, then it might serve as a revenge (albeit coming at a price with those women who think it's cheap).

Personally, I would advise "avoid it", but I would also love to see the results of this test, if anyone replies and what they reply.

SS: Another similar question: It's well known that one of the worst things a guy can do on his Tinder profile is post a picture of himself in front of his fancy car.

Is it a well-known fact?
I'm not aware of any good study on that and I think I might try something along those lines.
But open a new thread if you want to talk about this :).

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Here's another thought I've been having about all of this. It's probably a really bad idea, so I'm really hoping someone will give me their input on this: What about also texting the announcement to ex girlfriends and other women who have spurned me in the past for not being good enough for them?

I'm willing to concede up front that this may be a very bad idea.  But bear in mind that IF in fact it is such a bad idea, I'd be interested in hearing and learning about WHY it's such a bad idea. IF you just reflexively write "bad idea don't do it" fine.  But without the "why" that's not very helpful.

I think it's a bad idea. For logical reasons. Ok, I'm sure you have already rejected a girl, right? There was a girl whom you rejected and she was interested. Let's say it's because she was fat. Now imagine this same girl is sending you a pic of her minus 10 kilos, 5 years later, out of nowhere. What would you think of her? Exactly. So that's argument 1: it's not effective in getting what you want. And second, it's passive aggressive and we don't want to be passive aggressive, right? We want to be assertive.

Because I honestly can't think of any reason why it would be such a bad idea.  These are women that already think I'm unworthy.  IF I sent them the notice of the acquisition of my new home, they will not come over, knock on my door and say "I was wrong about you.  Now I love you.  You win. Please have sex with me."  I know that will never happen.  It's not about making them love me.  It's about the "personal revenge" that Lucio writes of as I'm understanding and interpreting that phrase in this context.

It's the same issue but 2 different side of the same coin. Saying: "you will regret not loving me" is the same as saying: "I want you to love me". You're still attached to their love and approval. One is aggressive, the other is submissive. But you're communicating the same intention. All that anger you carry, you're the only one who's suffering from it. They don't care. So you're in a mind game with yourself against yourself.

Please don't confuse your self-esteem with a house. That will leave you down bad roads. I would advise to check out Tom Bilyeu's material. Here's one idea you might like, I'm paraphrasing:

"The end goal in life is not money, not status, it's brain chemistry. All that matters is how you feel about yourself when you're by yourself."

That is self-esteem/self-love. If you have low self-esteem, you will look for ways to make for the value gap you feel you have (a house, a car, etc.). If you have high self-esteem, you won't need it. Because you already feel good.

The problem with where you live is that it's the same spiel as in London or other big capitalistic cities like that. High-powered high-resource people have consciously decided to control people by selling them things these people think they need (but they don't, thanks advertisement/celebrity) in order to get what they want (a mate, love, recognition, power, etc.). I think it's a worthy goal to be an owner, for your own freedom of course. But not for any other sake. It does not make sense. Buy a house for the house. Otherwise, you'll stay in the trap of consumerism. You will define yourself by what you own and buy. And from there, you'll be fucked. Because those who sell you the things you want will have (too much) power over you and you won't. So I would say, your issue is a mindset issue. That's why I would look into Tom Bilyeu's material.

Are you meditating? I would recommend you to do so if you don't. Start 5 minutes a day, you'll get benefits quick, then upgrade to 10 minutes a day then more if you want.

Here is another argument against the "personal revenge": it starts with the frame that you have been wronged. And this is the "victim frame". Very dangerous frame as it is disempowering. You chose these women. You made choices that led you here reading this text now. Not other people. I propose you the frame of "extreme ownership" from Jocko Willink.

All in all, be very careful not to start thinking that people value you for your possessions. Because this is damaging to your self-esteem. And it's false. I'm not talking to your house. I'm talking to you. So find people who value you and you'll have less headaches. Simple but not easy.

Mindset is everything

That's all I have to say on this topic.

Cheers!

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Social_Strategist#1
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