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What you DISagree most of TPM (articles, vids, lessons.. ) ?

I was thinking about:

  • We can lose big self-development opportunities when not seeking discordant / feedback: we discussed this in some other threads. People might have real golden nuggets about you, but because they're not always positive, and because you don't seek them out, you don't give the opportunity to pass them to you
  • Dangers of groupthink: the more you cut out areas of discords, the more groupthink and echo chambers can take place even within open-minded and diverse communities / groups

So I was curious:

Was there some article, passage, video, or lesson on TPM that you disagree most with?

Or that you didn't like, for whatever reason?

 

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
  • We can lose big self-development opportunities when not seeking discordant / feedback: we discussed this in some other threads. People might have real golden nuggets about you, but because they're not always positive, and because you don't seek them out, you don't give the opportunity to pass them to you

I resonate with this a lot.
I was thinking about creating one thread called "Give Matthew Feedback Anytime" under Journals.

At the same time, I realised that some people have valuable feedback, but because I don't really respect them due to some manipulation or power moves they played, I miss out on this opportunity to glean new perspectives.

Which is my issue of not separating the person from the idea.
I think I should separate power dynamics from learning as well.

Was there some article, passage, video, or lesson on TPM that you disagree most with?

Or that you didn't like, for whatever reason?

The first thing that comes to mind is not the content.
But the layout.

Sometimes I find a link to an article from the search function of this website.
That article looks interesting but when I click on it, the link is broken or removed.

I'm not sure how to improve upon this.
Because it may be an inherent structure required for some concepts.
Sometimes some lessons in Power University come in long lists of points.
I find this hard to digest.
An example was the frame control techniques in Power University.
Maybe point form could be the best for learning each frame technique separately.

I was thinking to link each frame control technique best for a group of social situations.
So that, after someone gets better at 1 or 2 techniques, he can expand his scope.
Using intuition to choose frames may mean you overly depend on certain techniques that you are more familiar with.

Lucio Buffalmano has reacted to this post.
Lucio Buffalmano

Thank you so much, Matthew!

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Probably projecting   I find PU a bit large.  I m thinking a quick takeaways would be useful.

Danger situations

Never do this

How to at least look collaborative

Safe moves/aka 1 default thing

The obvious downside of this is people might only look at the readers digest version and never get full benefit

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Lucio Buffalmano

Thank you Kevin!

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

I loved PU's lesson on assertiveness. Yet, I didn't like that it made me feel as if the DESOE framework is supposed to be the typical go-to for the majority of situations that require drawing boundaries.

And, I think that's my fault. Remember, I joined PU as a beginner, so there were naturally going to be some things that I either misinterpreted or didn't understand.

Robert Bolton's shorter version of the assertiveness framework had an added note that said:

Lucio: "I like this option for when you don’t have a clear outcome in mind."

So, I thought that meant that the DESOE framework was actually the best option and that Bolton's shorter framework was only intended to be a backup plan in case one "blanked out" for the right words.

That's why I completely ignored Robert Bolton's formula and practiced the DESOE framework for months to make sure that my mind wouldn't blank out on me when I needed it in order to stop disrespect or unfairness—however big or small that aggression or unfairness was.

And, what resulted was me coming across as overly dominant at times and over-investing in small things.

Note: In other words, due to that note, I over-relied on the DESOE framework out of mistrust in Bolton's framework.

Again, for the most part, this is my fault. So, what I wished the "Shorter Format For Personal Feedback" section included is:

How to be more assertive: the DESOE framework VS the ESE framework

The DESOE (I pronounce it dee·so) framework is:

  • D: Describe
  • E: Express
  • S: Specify
  • O: Outcome
  • E: Enforce (if needed)

And, even with that framework in his back pocket, to draw his boundaries, I've seen Lucio simply say:

Lucio: "(Name), I appreciate a more respectful tone."

So, what if that approach was a framework on its own?

  • E: Express (= "I appreciate")
  • S: Specify (= "a more respectful tone")
  • E: Enforce (= broken record technique, if needed)

We could call it the ESE framework (pronounced "easy"). And, it would have a wider range of applications.

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Lucio Buffalmano
Quote from Ali Scarlett on June 21, 2021, 8:48 pm

Again, for the most part, this is my fault. So, what I wished the "Shorter Format For Personal Feedback" section included is:

*Edit: "Again, this is my fault...."

Thank you, Ali!

I've done a note now to amend the assertiveness lesson and include your feedback (will add it once the migration to the new platform is completed)

It makes a lot of sense indeed.
One of the drawbacks of many resources on assertiveness is that their stock answers do come across indeed as over-investing, "too much", slightly unnatural and sometimes as weird-sounding for the situation.

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Ali Scarlett
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Quote from Matthew Whitewood on June 5, 2021, 11:56 am

Sometimes I find a link to an article from the search function of this website.
That article looks interesting but when I click on it, the link is broken or removed.

Trying to troubleshoot broken links now.

Does this happen to you only with the search function, or also when browsing articles?

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Mainly with the search function. Sometimes in articles.

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Lucio Buffalmano
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