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Women: never take cash from a man's hands when you're still dating

Around a month ago I had an interesting dating experience.

We had a truly great first date together.

Lovely dinner, good laughter and conversation, two drinks at successive places, romantic kiss, and then intimate at home.

Then, I walked her to the taxi stand.

I called her a taxi, which I usually prepay through the app.
But here in Korea, I wasn't able to load my card, so she should have paid for it. It felt strange that I told her I'd get her a taxi, order it from my phone, on my name, and then let her pay.
So I took out a note and handed it to her (just worth about 7 Euros, BTW).

She took it and said "thank you" with beaming eyes.

I hadn't even realized what that meant, but it truly framed the interaction in a very different light.

Exchanging cash = hooker frame

From a psychological point of view, it made total sense.

When you put money into the equation, the interaction moves from a human interaction which includes feelings and bonding, to a colder exchange of service for money (Pink, 2009).

So when a woman takes money from a man, the interaction becomes one of exchanging sex for money.

Hence, if you are in a situation where you need to get money from a man, never take cash while you're still dating.
And especially not at the very beginning, or after the first time you've had sex.

text example for dating lessons learned

I know myself.
When she wrote "miss you already", it was the perfect message.
I'd have been elated about our time together, thought of her fondly, and wanted to see her again.

But this time, I was just so disappointed she actually took the money. And mildly disgusted.

 

 

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Would you say this is more damaging for the man than the woman? That is, it damages your perception of her, rather than her perception of you?

Quote from complecity on August 23, 2020, 8:01 pm

Would you say this is more damaging for the man than the woman? That is, it damages your perception of her, rather than her perception of you?

That's actually a very deep question/observation.

Albeit on paper it's more damaging for the woman, since it's the man who loses attraction the most, by damaging the relationship, it actually damages both.

It's the same for many -most?- win-lose games and power moves in relationships.
Albeit on paper win-lose is good for the person who gains power and control, ultimately, who are you truly cheating? The person who should be one of your closest allies and supporters?
Some exceptions apply, but by making the relationship less collaborative and generally poorer, it's very possible that, in the long run, both end up losing.

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Stef
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