Conversation King is a video product by Tom Torero on how to converse with women.
3 Sentences Summary
- Check your body language first
- Assume familiarity
- Let her talk the most
Tom Torero says that the fundamentals of body conversation are a good body language, staying positive, keeping eye contact and avoid going up with your voice (use “OK” rather than “wow”, ” cool”, “how amazing” or any over the top compliments).
When it comes to “quantity” of speaking, she should speak the most and the topic should be 90% about her.
You should assume familiarity, meaning that from the moment you stop a girl pretend you’ve met through social circle and you’re at a house party.
Conversation Safety Nets: Statements and Question
Once you stop a girl, before you ask a question you will make a statement about either her or the environment. The statement will break that hideous pattern of “questioning mode”, which is jarring and unnatural.
My note: I totally agree, the pattern of question/answer is very dangerous early on and must be avoided.
For example, you sit down at a café and say “oh you look very relaxed and chill, what did you have of special today”.
Or “you look very Russian, blonde, with a good style, with the fur.. “
My note: the nationality thing is a double hedged sword as many “international” people don’t like being pinned down or judged based on how they come from, but the overall concept is spot on.
Some other suggestions Tom Torero gives are:
- Open ended questions (what is it about X that you love; what is it about dancing that you love)
- Girls’ questions (how did that make you feel.. )
- Stealth questions (“I don’t know about you, but.. “ “oh, you’re from, X must be so different from Berlin which is cold and full of people.. “, ie. You are forcing her to give an opinion)
- Vacuum (take your time before replying and stop speaking at times)
- Environment switch (use interesting surrounding)
- Intent (say you like something about her) my note: this sounds more like qualifying than intent
About the topics, Torero suggests you explore her past, present and future. For example:
- Past: how it was growing up where she grew up, what she wanted to do as a kid etc.;
- Present: you look like you’re carrying a heavy bag, where are you going
- Future: so you are here studying, but in a year time where are you going to be
Tom Torero also suggests that you prepare your background and a few answers to the most common questions so that you’re not always left thinking about what to say next or repeating the same boring over and over.
For example you could say you moved in the city because you like the challenge of a new place, that you enjoy the vibe, or that it wasn’t easy at the beginning but now you love it, which opens up the question of why it wasn’t easy.
For me the biggest take away was to start with statements first so that you don’t fall in the all too common vicious spiral of question/answer which goes stale very very quickly.
I think Tom Torero is a rather solid guy to learn from.
You can check further summaries and reviews of dating material in my summaries list.