Best Dating Books for Guys
There are countless dating books for guys.
And countless courses, podcasts, blogs, and YouTube channels as well.
So, how you choose who to learn from?
This is where this list of best dating resources comes in handy.
Someone could say that I am well placed to help you prioritize your learning.
Together with plenty of personal experience in the field, I bring a decade of intense studies in psychology, evolutionary psychology, seduction, games women play -and manipulative games women play-, as well as social and power dynamics.
Dating Literature for Guys: Overview
The overall dating literature for men is spotty, presenting some good stuff, some great stuff, and also some not so good information.
The issue is that it’s a field which originally attracted a lot of men who were:
- Bitter towards women: and spreading misogyny
- Authors with poor social skills: jumped into seduction without good social skills
- Started teaching without reaching mastery: a few lays because one went out every single night doesn’t necessarily make him a great teacher
Worry not though, the dating industry for men has evolved massively, and today there is plenty of good advice.
This article distills the best of the dating and seduction advice for men. And tells you why they’re on this list, and what you are going to learn in each one of them.
And here is the current TOP 13 dating books for men:
13. Soulmate Sequence
By Richard La Ruina
Summary | Amazon
Richard La Ruina explicitly says that he nows writes as a happily married man who always preferred relationships to swinging.
So “Soulmate Sequence” tends to be slightly more geared towards providers and guys seeking a relationship.
La Ruina understands dating psychology and social dynamics, and the only reason the book is not any higher is because it’s not 100% focused on dating, but also on socializing, making more friends, networking, and even how to make a good impression on your soulmate’s parents.
Finally, it also contains tips for women, so it’s not exclusively a dating book for men.
On the plus side, if you want to learn how to have good conversations that flow naturally, then this one might have some of the best dialogue examples on this whole list.
Quote: The key to all success in all social interactions, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, comes back to making other human beings feel good.
12. Attract the Right Girl
by Bruce Brian
Summary | Kindle
This is the only dating book for men I have read to truly turn the tables on dating.
Bryan does not focus on getting the girl, but on choosing the right girl. And he has tons of great advice on how it feels like when you truly meet a high-quality life companion.
For example, he says that a good woman will make you feel like you matter to her, and that what you do matters to the world.
That is true, and that’s what I experienced in the only relationship I truly miss in my life.
when you meet that woman, he says, you will want to do things for her. He says:
It’s a strange feeling in which you’ll WANT to take care of her and treat her like a queen.
You’d fight for her if the situation called for it, and you’d gladly make the sacrifices necessary to ensure her happiness.
But don’t worry, this is not a white-knight book.
Bryan says that the right woman will do the exact same for you, supporting you through your life endeavor physically and emotionally, taking care of you and of your castle.
Update: The Tactical Guide to Women approaches dating with the same angle, but in a more thorough and scientific fashion.
Quote: Dating an average woman that isn’t a good match for you or who isn’t highly attracted to you or interested in adding value to your life is actually WORSE than being single.
11. Models
by Mark Manson
Summary | Amazon
Models is in between a self-development text, a high level “mindsets” text, and an actual book on dating strategies and techniques.
Indeed, the reason it’s not featured any higher in this best dating books for men list is that it’s a bit too general and “general public friendly”.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that either because he really believes in it or in an effort to reach a wider general audience, Mark Manson takes a rather “safe” stances.
In simpler words: this book is a bit like “PC-dating advice”.
He says for example that relationships are more fulfilling than sleeping around, that being honest is better than playing games, and that embracing vulnerability is the most powerful thing you can do
And those make most book reviewers nod in approval while making for wonderful Instagram quotes.
And it’s not that they are not true, but… Not always.
Sometimes, or often, the opposite is true.
Too much vulnerability is bad, for example.
And it’s also true that sleeping around can be great fun. And it can be better than relationships in certain periods of life and, for certain womanizing personalities, it can be better for, like… Ever.
Also, I’m ambivalent about Mark’s message of “dropping all games and being honest”.
That kind of message does not equip the readers with the knowledge and understanding of the dating dynamics. Because women do play games -just like men do, it’s simply part and parcel of being humans-.
But still, Models is a great book coming from a healthy and secure mindset, and I can give it a big thumbs up.
Quote: Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone. It’s there. It’s your job to find it. Not their job to show you.
10. How to Be a 3% Man
by Corey Wayne
Summary | Audiobook
How to Be a 3% Man is the most popular book in this list, at least going by Amazon’s reviews.
I found a few issues and blemishes in there, especially when it comes to actual social dynamics and psychology of dating.
But there is a reason why it still makes its way in this best dating books for men list.
And it’s because it covers most topics and most high-level mindsets from a position of genuinity and in a way that will provide a big bang for the buck to the average guy reading it.
Quote: Masculine energy is about drive, purpose, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, overcoming obstacles, and achieving goals
9. The Man’s Guide to Women
by John Gottman
Summary | Audiobook
Many guys reading a “best dating books for guys list” want to date better because they want a girlfriend and a relationship.
Well, then these guys need to get a professional when it comes to relationships.
Because the Achilles’ heel of the dating literature indeed is that often -but not always- the authors focus on “being alpha” while understanding little of relationship dynamics and what makes a relationship successful.
And that’s why I put a decade-long researcher on relationships such as Gottman on this list.
His book mixes proper advice on understanding women with how to develop a strong, happy and (hopefully) long-lasting relationship.
Quote: News flash: Men, you have the power to make or break a relationship
8. Alpha Male Strategies
By Alpha Male Strategies
Summary | Audiobook
Dating seen from a red pill perspective.
That means that AMS not only condones, but encourages manipulation and “stringing women along for as long as possible” because, you know… Women deserve it.
And of course, the old red pill tenet that “women are incapable of loving a man”.
That being said, except for those two major drawbacks, this is a solid book.
AMS has a unique and very different approach from most other sources on this page. He focuses on a man’s purpose, that should always be ahead of woman.
Quote: If you want your woman to submit to you in the bedroom, then you better damn well make sure she’s submitting to you outside of the bedroom, it’s that simple.
7. Minimal Game
By Aaron Sleazy
Summary | Kindle
Aaron Sleazy approach to game and dating is anti-PUA.
He says that men and women have been meeting, dating, and mating for all our history. This is something that comes natural, and overcomplicating the process with complex systems and acronyms is going to move farther away from your goals, not closer.
Sleazy’s approach is based on three simple, solid, and foundational aspects:
- Maximize your sexual market value by working on yourself
- Make yourself an interesting and attractive human being who is similar to the women you want to attract
- Don’t spam-approach. Target your approaches to women whom you like and who are most likely to like you
Why is it important to be similar to the women you like?
Says Sleazy:
For the very most part you will meet women whose life has some connection to yours. Everything else is a pipe dream.
Maybe “pipe dream” is a bit on the hyperbole side, but it’s dificult not to agree with Sleazy on the importance of similarity and market-positioning.
Aaron Sleazy’s approach to game is simple, and especially well-suited for the layperson who does not want to become a “PUA” (Sleazy made a name of himself debunking the PUA industry).
Sleazy’s approach is not about walking up to as many random women you see.
It’s about target selection. And dropping slight hints, and then seeing if they bite. If they bite, they like you, and you can take things further.
I like Sleazy’s approach.
Quote: Seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already.
6. The Art of Seduction
by Robert Greene
Summary | Audiobook
Lemme say this right away:
“The Art of Seduction” is not the best go-to resource to date and seduce in the modern world.
Greene uses his typical flowery language that sells and markets so well to depict a slow-burning type of seduction that would perfect… On paper and if people had all the time in the world.
But in a fast-moving world, most of the times, you are probably better off with a quicker and more efficient “in or out” approach.
Robert Greene doesn’t seem to be a womanizer himself indeed.
BUT, he is a deep connoisseur of human nature and psychology.
And no other dating book for guys goes so in-depth when it comes to the psychological analysis of seducers and in-depth psychology of seduction -including the dark psychology of seduction-.
Indeed, “The Art of Seduction” is a favorite of mine as one of the deepest texts when it comes to understanding not just heterosexual seduction, but also social seduction.
Quote: There is too little mystery in the world; too many people say exactly what they feel or want.
5. Fundamentals of Female Dynamics
by Michael Knight
Summary | Kindle
Fundamentals of Female Dating, one of the very best dating books for guys, is sadly a great example that the link between quality and popularity is a very tenuous one.
Indeed, albeit it’s great content and the deep grasp of dating and psychology of its author, Fundamentals of Female Dynamics is a vastly underrated text.
Well, at least now you know about it :).
Quote: Persisting through adversity is what truly separates the men from the boys.
4. Swoon
By Betsy Prioleau
Review
Just like Robert Greene, Betsy Prioleau reviews some of the best seducers in history.
And in her groundbreaking analysis, she contradicts almost everything written by (male) dating coaches on this list.
Most dating coaches tell you:
- Don’t invest
- Don’t state your emotions and feelings
- Don’t chase (and make her chase, see below)
- Don’t compliment girls too much
And what do some of the best seducers in history do?
They wear their hearts on their sleeves, they pursue with abandon, compose poetry, and profess their devotion and intentions from the very beginning.
This book tells us that hard and fast rules don’t apply and it’s more about how and who does certain things.
And it’s also more than a list of “Darwinian traits”, the author explains, as she shows us example after example of successful seducers who were neither particularly attractive, rich, or dependable.
Swoon is more for advanced folks, though.
Most guys who want to improve their dating are probably better served with other books in this list. Operating like the seducers in this book is more for certain types of personalities, and it’s a fine line between an effective seducer who wears his heart on his sleeves and makes women swoon… And a guy who comes across as desperate (or a stalker).
But for those who really want to understand seduction and seduction power dynamics, this is your book.
Quote: Gamer convert Neil Strauss says he studied with pickup artists for two years to “become what every woman wants—not what she says she wants, but what she really wants.” But he went to the wrong school. Real-world enchanters provide a different message as well as a different grade of woman from Strauss’s sad assortment
3. How to Make Girls Chase
By Chase Amante
Summary & Review
Chase Amante burst into the scene at a time when “pick-up” meant asking opinions, working groups, “negging” and learning “routines”.
And it’s not that those techniques don’t have a place and a time: they do. But the way they were being taught and used -and some still do so today- had a tendency of making the seducer a rather obnoxious guy and, in the worst cases, a rather socially inept one too.
Chase approach was simpler, more direct, and more focused on being an overall high-value man.
All combined with a solid understanding of human psychology and dating dynamics (=high mating intelligence).
It’s been a while that “How to Make Girls Chase” has been published and, as far as I am aware, it hasn’t had any updates.
And in spite of that, it remains one of the best dating books for guys.
2. Mate
By Tucker Max & Geoffrey Miller
Summary | Audiobook
Tucker Max knows how to rack up a lay count.
And Geoffrey Miller knows the science of dating and attraction.
In truth, “What Women Want” is more oriented for long-term relationships and better geared for a provider style of dating.
But most guys don’t want to be pick-up artists, and that’s one of the reasons why “What Women Want” ranks so high on this list.
The second reason is that this the best book to actually understand what women want, as it tackles the fundamentals better than any other resource on this list.
And since the basics account for 80% of your success, “What Women Want” gives you the biggest bang for the buck, in the shortest amount of time, at a price which is much cheaper than any other course featured in this list (including my own).
Quote: If she just wanted to come, she’d have stayed home with a bottle of white wine, Fifty Shades of Gray, and her vibrator. If she’s with you, it’s because she wants more than just an orgasm. She wants a sexual connection. She wants to feel sexually desired.
1. Dating Power Dynamics
by Lucio Buffalmano
Overview | Free Chapter | Free Audio Chapter
Full disclosure disclaimer: I am the author of Dating Power Dynamics.
So if you don’t like this website’s content, feel free to skip this one.
But the type of guy I am, I wouldn’t have written a book at all if I didn’t think I could deliver a top-notch product and add a unique point of view.
Particularly, there were a few points that I felt were missing in the dating books for guys which I sought to address.
They are:
- Combining science with experience (hundreds of papers are cited here and there are videos, dialogues, and texts examples all over it)
- Addressing dating and dating strategies both as a provider and as a lover (most resources teach or recommend one or the other, but I believe both work and both have a place in man’s life, also depending at which point of their life they are)
- Addressing power dynamics and games people play (something that was sorely missing, especially from a scientific and balanced point of view)
- Addressing dating strategies both from a “game” point of view and a scientific point of view (many dating authors focus on game, while scientific authors focus on the traits that impact the individual’s SMV. Few resources combine both)
Quote: Sometimes the difference between disgusted self-rejection and one of the best days of her life lies only in his emotional intelligence.
Best Dating Courses for Guys
Let’s be honest:
It’s difficult to learn dating and any social skills without being able to look at real-life examples.
Maybe you are sending off nervous vibes, or you are teasing too much, or you come across too submissive… But you will never know unless you see examples of submissive and effective behavior.
And that’s where courses come in handy: they can show you videos.
So here is the list of the best dating courses:
4. Invincible
by David Tian
Summary & Review
David Tian seems to be mostly focused on the Asian population with his marketing, but the product and content are good for everyone.
He mixes Tony Robbin’s material with concepts from “The Art of Seduction” (without crediting the latter),
Tian places a strong focus on fundamentals and he shows high mating intelligence with a good understanding of dating dynamics and human psychology.
The high price tag, the highest in this whole list, contributes to weigh down and doesn’t help it feature any higher.
Plus the fact that it has few real-life examples.
3. One Date
By Chase Amante
Summary & Review
One Date is one of the best products when it comes to content and information.
No mental states, no “transformation”, no colored pills or anything: just great content and information.
Chase introduces a new concept here, such as how to structure date depending on the type of woman. So you get an “excitement” type of date, “connection” type of date, plus a compliance-heavy type of date.
That rings very true to me and it’s an important distinction to make.
On the other hand, if you want a long-term girlfriend, you probably should seduce following your own style and attract in your life the type of woman that best vibes with you.
I rate it “only” N.7 overall and N.3 in the course list because of the podcast/interview style which I didn’t particularly like -I think there are more efficient ways to deliver information on a course-.
Otherwise, content and information should be what matters most, and big thumbs up there.
Note:
I have only finished the first module of “One Date” and not the whole course.
2. The System
By Todd Valentine
Summary & Review
This is the third course in this list.
And it’s the highest-featuring course.
To begin with, I really like Todd’s attitude.
He masterfully mixes practice and real-world knowledge with scientifically sound, mating-intelligent information.
And the second advantage of Todd’s course is that he shows the actual infields.
Todd is not a teacher who stays put in the class. He gets his hands dirty, so to speak, and puts his face where his mouth is.
Even as a non-beginner, I still could learn a lot and tweak my style in a way that further increased my effectiveness.
1. Power University
Fellas, you know this:
Women want men who are more than they are.
More dominant, more confident, more leader-like, more money-endowed.
In a word: more powerful than they are.
And that’s where a complete course on power dynamics comes in handy.
Wrapping Up
You have just finished a list of the best dating advice for guys available on the market.
I only include products and books I have personally consumed -but I have consumed a lot, including almost all of the most popular names in the seduction space-.
However, I always remain open-minded to new entries.
This list, like al my other lists, is a work in progress that will always be updated.
Sign up to the newsletter or like the Facebook page for any update.
Change Log
I removed “Date-Onomics“, “The Evolution of Desire“, and “Attraction Explained“. All great books based on solid science and research, but all the relevant and practical information is teased out in “Dating Power Dynamics”, so they were redundant.
I also removed “No More Mr. Nice Guy“, since albeit it can be useful for some guys, it’s not strictly a dating book for men.
You may also like
Dataclysm: 7 Surprising Sexual Insights From Big Data
Swoon: 20 Traits of History’s Greatest Seducers
