A good shit-test for men: tell her to leave a tip, see how much she leaves
Shit tests are usually understood to go from women, to men.
But that's only because, on average, women have more power in the sexual marketplace.
Otherwise, it's not strictly women who test, but people who have more value and options, and want to make sure they are getting a good deal. And, of course, independently of who has the higher value, it's those who want to make sure they are selecting good mates who test others (and you do want to be in this category if you're going for longer-term).
Alright, now imagine you've gone somewhere and got some food or some drinks.
The time to pay has come.
Eventually I will make an article on whether and how men should pay for the date or not.
In the past I use to force the splitting a bit more, now I'm much more casual and relaxed about it.
If you decide to pick up the tab, that can be a great time to test your date.
Pay by card. And then tell her to leave a tip.
But don't remind her, just tell her once, casually.
Your attitude is as if to say "I'll take care of the big one, you take care of the small one, and we're good like that".
Then, observe whether she does or not. And if she does, how much.
This is 30% a test of submissiveness and reaction to your leadership, and 70% a test of her character.
By itself, this will not tell you 100% whether she's a pro-social, high-quality girl with whom you can establish a win-win, collaborative relationship.
But it gives a chance to gather more information that you wouldn't otherwise gather -and does so "under the radar"-.
Plus, the intel you get is based on action, rather than on what she jus says on the date. And we all know that action counts 10x more.
Excellent way to test !
A couple of years I met a gal online. We agreed to meet up for drinks.
Later I offered to take her to a slightly upscale restaurant Things were
going rather well . We talked for hours. The bill finally came and I picked
it up and stated I'll pay the bill and you leave a tip. Without looking or
asking how much the bill was, she quickly stated that she did not anything
smaller than a 20 on her. I hesitated for a moment and stated that I did
have change for that 20. I could tell this did not go over very well with her.
We later texted a few times later, and she broke off communication.
This woman earned very good money and very well could have offered
to split the bill. The conclusion that I came to about her behavior was
that she was just out looking for a free meal, a serial dater
Interesting situation.
And yes, that provided a great test, at multiple levels:
- Personality: less of a collaborator, more of a leecher
- Expectations/values: some women more than others expect men to take the bill during early dating. Not the biggest factor, but good to take into account
- How she felt about the power dynamics: paying/not paying can also be part of the unwritten value exchange that is being negotiated. So when women feel higher value, they can feel more entitled to being wined and dined
That shit-test result must be interpreted along those variables, and you will know which one matters most when you also learn to better read all the other cues.
In any case, I would have likely considered it very much a bad sign that her first reaction was to find a reason why she could not leave a tip.
If you wanted to have sex
Even though she had a negative strike against her, you might have still wanted to get together with her, though.
In that case, it's a good idea to minimize the money-talk.
Too much money talk has two issues:
- it makes the relationship more about a colder exchange
- it can make one of you come across as cheap -whether it's you or her, it's bad anyway, since in early relationships women will also often reject men who make them feel bad-
When you told her you had change for the 20, the money thread greatly expanded. And it also became a small "domination showdown". You pushing for her to pay up, she dodging it.
That made you come across as overly concerned about money, too aggressive in "forcing" her to pay, and made her feel cheap (it's OK to be dominant and put pressure on a woman to share the costs, but it's best done after sex and/or when the relationship is more solid).
And since the relationship was fresh, as you correctly noticed, that might have easily soured the relationship.