Shit tests: what are they and how do you handle them?
By the end of this article you will know everything about shit tests.
What shit tests are, what do they mean to you, why do they exist and, most importantly, how to “pass” them.
- What Are Shit Tests
- Why Do Women Test Men
- What Do Women Test For
- Are Shit Tests Good?
- Dealing With Shit-Tests
- Shit-Tests Beginners’ Mistakes
What Are Shit Tests
It refers to women “testing” men to make sure they are good enough for sex, relationships or, simply, good enough to deserve their interest and keep the interaction going.
Men test women too, and men test other men as well (Trump for example says he likes testing people-.
Social interactions are full of tests as well.
So yes, in a way, we could say that shit tests are everywhere.
However, when talking about “shit tests”, 99% of the times people refer to women shit-testing men in dating and seduction contexts.
Here is one example of shit testing:
Why Do Women Test Men
The reason is very simple.
Women shit-test men because in the sexual marketplace women are the choosers.
And when you are the chooser, you shop around and test the merchandise to make sure you get the best which is available within your budget -the budget being her sexual market value-.
What Do Women Test For
There are different theories on what women test men for.
Rollo Tomassi, author of The Rational Male, says women seek confidence, the proof is he has options and the proof he can provide security.
Chase Amante, author of How to Make Girls Chase says that women test men as part of the sexual arms’ race: men try to position themselves as better than they actually are and women need to make sure they’re not going to mate with some weak men who is posturing as alpha.
W. Anton, author of The Manual, says that women seek first and foremost strength, while Leil Lowndes author of Undercover Sex Signal says women seek men who are generally “better” than they are -the major element behind female hypergamy-.
And they are all right.
It’s not always easy to generalize what women look for when they test men because what they look for depends a lot on which point of the interaction you’re at.
Upon first meeting she might be looking to confirm you’re not a weirdo. Later on she wants to test you’re as cool as you seem, and after you’ve been talking for a while she might want to make sure you’re not a player and you could indeed make for an awesome boyfriend.
Are Shit Tests Good?
There is a bit of a misconception around shit tests.
Part of it is because of the pick-up community which sometimes wants to encourage instead of telling how it is and sometimes wants to motivate instead of sharing real knowledge.
And in an effort to provide encouragement many popular pick-up artists espouse the idea that shit tests are great news because it means she is considering you.
Here is an example from Todd Valentine, author of Day Game:
It’s not wrong, yet I personally wouldn’t say they are necessarily a good thing.
Shit tests, per se, are neither good nor bad. They’re like an half-full glass. Is it half full or is it half empty?
How you look at it depends on your take on them.
To understand this point, let’s go back to the analogy of the budget as the female sexual market value.
When something is “too cheap for her”, ie.: a low quality man, she won’t be interested and won’t even test it.
If the merchandise is within her budget instead, it catches her attention. And since it could be a potential boyfriend or lover -or even friend-, then she wants to make sure which one he is -and if he is good enough for any of them-.
It’s these guys, who are just around her value, who get the tests.
But what happens if something that is out of her budget shows up? What happens if a super high value man pops up and it looks like she might have a shot at him?
Well, in that case, it’s a windfall and testing doesn’t even enter the picture: she’ll be busier relishing the opportunity.
Just imagine the following scene: Brad Pitt goes out of a movie premiere and tells one of the screaming gals that she can go with him. Can you even imagine her shit-testing him on the way?
Hence, it’s not true that shit tests are necessarily “good”.
And it’s not true that women test depending on their value, such as: and it’s not true that high value women test more than low value ones.
Women test depending on how their value relates to yours.
The Power Dynamic of Shit Testing
When she is testing you, she is putting up hoops for you to jump through. And people who put up hoops are the ones with power in an interaction.
From a perspective of power dynamics shit-tests say she feels more powerful than you.
And when you’re in a mindset of “passing” shit tests, you are confirming that indeed she has more power.
This is why this article, and in a way, this all website, is all about how not to jump at all.
Dealing With Shit-Tests
In the beginning I wrote “passing shit tests” as the title of this section for brevity and for SEO advantages.
But I just had to scrap it.
The idea of “passing” shit tests is a bad mindset to begin with.
One because it reinforces the idea that she is putting the hoops -and hence she is in the power position-.
And two because it conjures a “you vs me” frame, and we’ll see later why it’s wrong.
So let’s get into it:
1. Ignore It
This is the standard, all season good format for any social challenge thrown at you when you can’t think of anything better or when you don’t feel it’s worth your effort.
Bad joke, underhanded comment, frenemy trying to devalue you… Women shit-testing you?
Pretend you didn’t hear it, act as if it didn’t register and you will show tremendous superiority.
Her: you said that? OMG, are you that kind of guy?
(pretending she didn’t says anything, keeps going with the story)
Him: yeah, and you won’t believe what she replied, listen to this..
2. Own Who You Are
Women will often test men to see if they can be friend, providers/boyfriends or lovers.
Men often fail tests because they have no idea what that means.
And when they do, they still don’t stick with one but try to fit the bill of what she wants. But since most of the times they are also not sure what she wants, they hem and haw and, finally, end up looking weak and insecure.
If you’re hell bent in getting her, pick what you believe she most likely wants and then commit to it.
Or, even better, pick your role and stick with it. Then, pick the type of woman you like and then you shit-test women for what you want while being fully yourself.
Her: I bet you say that to every womanLover Type
Him: No. Only to women I find attractive
Her: I bet you say that to every womanReformed Lover
Him: I used to. I used to chase women a lot and, honestly, even to lie to get pussy. It was a great time, but now I’m looking for something deeper. Don’t get me wrong, sex is still super important, but I’m looking for more than just a vagina. What are you looking for.
Her: I bet you say that to every womanProvider
Him: why are you saying that
Her: you look like a guy who would hit on
(looks at her, serious and slightly disappointed)
Him: Not really
Men who know where they stand and are unapologetic about it look strong and confident.
Often, they turn the shit-test right back at her without even trying, just by being themselves.
They end up socially dominating her, which is supremely attractive to women and is a preview of the bedroom physical domination which might come later.
3. Shame Her
I really like this option.
Instead of playing the game, you shame her for playing the game.
This is a very powerful technique which is particularly effective to stamp out games and combativeness from relationships, but works also well in earlier interactions.
Basically, you want to shame her for playing a “me VS you game” and make her follow your lead into a more collaborative “us in this together” form of seduction.
Look at Juan Antonio playing a similar game in Vicky Cristina Barcelona:
That’s the power of confidence coming from genuinity and (positive) vulnerability: the man who doesn’t need to hide and owns who he is.
4. Own Her Accusation
Another powerful technique is to own her shit test.
Look at this example:
Her: you are just looking for sex
Him: I wouldn’t call it “just”. Sex is one of the pleasures of life and a strong sexual chemistry is very important to me
Now she is forced to agree (and comply with you), or to disagree and break rapport.
In either case, it’s you who is testing her.
5. Put Your Foot Down
This technique leverages social power and soft power.
It consists of drawing her out, taking her into the noman’s land, and then taking the judge position by laying down your law.
here is on example:
Her: Ahaha that was so silly of you, you’re so naive
Him: why are you saying that
Her: everyone knows you can’t trust cops
Him: that’s not true, plenty of trustworthy cops. Anyway..
Basically the shit-test buster here is that you hold your guns and fail to retreat by standing your ground on whatever she says.
It’s also an option to make her retreat and defend, but I wouldn’t recommend it in seduction as belligerence is rarely conducive to sex.
6. Turn It Back On Her
Imagine this dialogue:
Her: You’re so into yourself (with a haughty look, turning away as if to refuse him)
Him: Me? I’m so into myself? (turns to her, gets closer to her to her face, raises his voice but smiling: it’s a friendly counterattack) Look at you, with the slim fit biker leather jacket (reaches out to her scarf), the Italian scarf, the coiffed hair… (touches her hair) I think if there is anyone into himself around here that’s not me (then pats her head as if to say “but nice try, kiddo”)
Her: (lowers her eyes, smiles, she’s happy of the compliments… And for being social out-powered)
This is similar to an exchange happened to me some time ago, and little later we went back to my place.
I cannot re-run the interaction to test it, but I’m fairly confident this was the biggest turning point on the way to bed.
6. Agree/Disagree & Exaggerate
This is an extremely popular one around the web.
It’s not my favorite tool of choice but it’s a solid one, especially for guys who are higher energy.
80% of shit test examples out there are based on agreeing/disagreeing and exaggerating, so you don’t need the power moves to say anything more on this one :).
7. Let Her Have It (& Test Her Deeply)
This is the strategy of the superior player.
The superior player is so comfortable in his own skin and so confident that he doesn’t need to pay attention to “who’s in control”.
He has this mindset because he has reached a certain abundance mentality and has risen above the game.
He sees the games women play but decides to play a different game of inclusivity.
Look at this example:
You could say that “will you show me around” is a shit test to see if I am ready to invest.
A combative dynamic here would be to reply something like:
Only if you buy the drinks
But I don’t need that. As a matter of fact, you can sometimes test her better if you let her win.
Will she stop? Will she ask for more? Will she disrespect you after she feels she’s got more power?
These are the questions you want to answer for the people you accept into your life.
And you will not find out if you focus on winning the petty battle.
Also, notice that “a couple of spots I’m sure you would love” is a type of text-flirting and barely veiled hint at sex (his place) or even sexual anatomy (G-spot).
Shit-Tests Beginners’ Mistakes
This is an issue I often see with a lot of guys.
They first hear about shit tests, and everything becomes a shit test for them.
They bundle it up with “frames”, and their idea of dealing with shit tests is to “beat her”, “win” the interaction, “beat” the shit test and “show how alpha they are“.
Well, don’t get me wrong, sometimes you need to win and get it your way -like we saw in “turning it back on her”..
But as a general rule of thumb, you’re better served in approaching shit-tests with a mindset of turning them into a more collaborative, “we’re in this together approach”.
When she joins you in that collaborative approach, everything runs smoother.
It’s not too dissimilar from social skills after all. In social skills, you want to make friends.
And in seduction, you want to establish a partnership where both of you are contributing to go to bed together, without you having to convince, push and cajole.
When Shit Tests Help Seduction
There are also situations when a shit test is actually helping the seduction.
Yet having a mindset that you need to “overcome it” or “beat it” can put guys in the wrong mindset and they miss a great opportunity.
Take this example:
Her: how much do you love me
(thinks to himself: ouch, shit test, gotta fight it back!)
Him: I think the real question is how much do you love me. Don’t fall for me
And that way, he just turned a very helpful interaction into a battle of wills. Now she wants to prove him that she is not that into him, that she does not need him and… And the interaction has become a power struggle.
And power struggles rarely end up in bed -they can and it’s big fireworks of domination/submission then, but you don’t make the rules with the exceptions-.
Take this other example, from a guy who avoids a combative mindset and see that question for what it is: a good opportunity for some role-playing, romance and for moving the interaction forward:
Her: how much do you love me
(Thinks to himself: awesome, I love flirtatious women!)
Him: From the first moment I laid my eyes on you. I knew we were meant to be together
(takes the opportunity to grab her hand and do a bit of GF/BF role playing)
How he takes it further depends on him.
A more playful man might ask how’s her schedule for the marriage.
A more serious guy with a secure attachment style might then add “but jokes aside, I like you. You seem very honest and forthcoming and I appreciate that in women“
However that conversation goes, you can see the main difference here: the guy who thinks “let’s move it forward together” does move it forward together.
The guy who thinks “shit-test, me against her, gotta pass it”, takes the interaction into an an unhelpful “me VS you” frame.
Indeed, a mindset of seeing shit-tests as flirting might be the most helpful one to deal with shit tests in general.
Shit tests go well beyond dating and seduction to encompass our whole lives.
The biggest takeaways I’d like you to have from this articles are two major mindsets shif to deal with the roots of the problem instead of the symptoms:
- Instead of worrying on how to pass shit tests, focus on becoming a tester yourself
- Rather than playing her game, refuse to play the game at all. Ignore it or (socially) shame her
- It’s not about beating the shit test, it’s about moving the interaction forward