Quote from Ali Scarlett on September 21, 2020, 6:28 am

The Art of Negotiation: Summary & Review

The Art of Negotiation is an online Masterclass course on negotiation principles and techniques in which Chris Voss, the teacher, makes the case that negotiation should be done using empathy coupled with a collaborative approach to the situation at hand.

Bullet Summary

• There are human nature rules that apply to everyone regardless of if you're a terrorist or a businessman. You can leverage those rules using empathy to get the other side to give you what you want.
• "Great negotiation is about great collaboration." Ditch the competitive frames.
• To get what you want, focus less on making good, principled arguments, and focus more on building rapport. Trust-based influence is a more sure way to get what you want than making the case that your request is fair.

Full Summary

About The Teacher: Christopher "Chris" Voss is an American businessman, author, and academic. Voss is a former FBI hostage negotiator, where he persuaded terrorists, bank robbers, and kidnappers to see things his way. Now, he’s the CEO of The Black Swan Group Ltd, and co-author of the bestselling book Never Split the Difference.

*All quotes from this point forward are quoted from Chris Voss's words.

Negotiation Quick Tips:

Avoid competitive frames

"The stereotype about negotiation is that it's about being the biggest jerk in the room. That it's who's the loudest, who's the most aggressive, who takes the most at the other person's expense. The stereotype is that 'I win means you got to lose. And I beat you.' That is not the case. Great negotiation is about great collaboration."

Know Your (True) Enemy

"The adversary is not the person across the table. The adversary is the situation. The person across the table is a counterpart that's struggling with some aspect of the same problem that you are [facing / dealing with]. You work with them and solve that problem together and you're both better off."

In other words, the problem is not the person you're negotiating with. The problem is the situation. Once you solve the situation, you'll realize that the real problem goes away as well as the person across the table. This is because all that person was looking for is a solution to the same problem that you're having because you're both in the same situation together. Now, the best way to make that problem go away is to work with the person you're negotiating with instead of trying to solve the problem (situation) all by yourself, or worse, work against the person you're negotiating with.

As an example, Chris Voss couldn't go into hostage negotiations believing that the kidnapping terrorist was the problem. He had to believe that the hostage situation itself was the problem and work with the hostage-taker to achieve solving that problem (situation). To achieve getting the hostage-taker to do what he wants (let go of the victim), he couldn't try solving the situation all by himself, or worse, work against the hostage-taker or he'd risk failing. Similarly, you shouldn't do any negotiation in business or in life seeing the other person as the problem. The problem is the situation and you want to work with the other person to find a solution that works for everyone.

Negotiation for Goal-Achievement

"You should aim to achieve your goals through collaboration and the use of tactical empathy that creates trust-based influence."

This may be a slower way to achieve your goals since it takes time to understand the other side and empathize with them for more influence over them. However, this is the most sure-fire way to achieve getting what you want in any situation involving another individual.

Negotiation Concept/Theory: Tactical Empathy (AKA: Emotional Intelligence)

"Empathy is becoming completely aware of the other side's perspective, their point of view, their take on things, how they see it, and what they feel. It's not agreement in any way. It's not compassion. It's not sympathy."

Tactical empathy is the act of taking what you know to be the case from understanding and empathizing with the other side (as a person) and applying it in the interaction.

Negotiation Quick Tips:

Know their "rules" to know how to persuade them

"...the human nature rules that apply to all people...if you can really get at what's driving someone, you can change their outlook and you can change their decision-making. You have to understand what their rules are. I have to understand what your rules are and I have to respect those. I don't necessarily have to adopt those rules, but I've got to understand and respect what they are."

Let the other side have your way

"The common misconception about negotiation is that you have to 'make your case'. You have to make your argument. You need to come prepared with the reasons why the other side should make the deal—your value proposition if you will—and you need to lay all that out. That is not the case. You need to find out what's possible and you need to engage the other side in what their thoughts are so that they feel involved in the process and, consequently, they want the deal to happen [to give you your way]."

Negotiation Concept/Theory: Mirror(ring)

"Mirroring. The hostage negotiator's mirroring. It's just the simple repetition of one to three words—one, two three-ish words. Typically, it's the last one to three words of what somebody said. But, when you get good at mirroring, you could pick one to three words from anywhere in the conversation."

This is basically the act of taking the last one to three words said by the other side and turning it into a question. Then, you ask that question with genuine curiosity and interest in what they mean. This process can be performed on literally any sentence.

Lucio: "Allies empower, enemies disempower."

You: "Enemies disempower?"

The following would be an example of mirroring one to three words from any part of their sentence when you get really good as Voss mentions.

Your Friend: "Yo, do you think I could borrow a dollar for the vending machine?"

You: "Borrow a dollar?"

Negotiation Principles/Strategies:

Mirror to Gather Information

"[When you use mirroring] the other person feels listened to. It tends to connect their thoughts in their head. Part of the message it sends to the other person is 'I heard every word you said word for word and I'm proving it because I just repeated it back to you. But, it's not enough. I still don't get it.' And, when people go on with a further explanation, they're going to add more words. They're going to change their terms."

Him: "Hey, can I borrow your notebook?"

You: "Borrow my notebook?"

Him: "Yea, your notebook. I want to check my work to make sure I did the homework right."

You: "My notebook?"

Him: "Dude. Yes. Your notebook. Or...actually, wait. You call it a binder, right?"

You: "Oh, my binder. Yea, here you go."

*Click the box above to reveal more text.

Here, you used mirroring to gather more information on what exactly the other side was talking about. In this case, you cleared up the miscommunication of what they were referring to.

Mirror to Build Rapport

"Mirroring is also a rapport-building relationship process. People love to be mirrored. They love to be encouraged to go on. There's an old saying, 'Interesting people are interested.' If you mirror, you will be ridiculously interesting to other people because you're interested in them and [as a result] they're going to love talking to you."

When you're mirroring, show a genuine interest and curiosity in order to build rapport. "Genuine curiosity is a great trigger to get people to keep talking. And a mirror that finishes with a tone of voice of genuine curiosity is compelling. It's powerful. People are drawn to it. They want to say more."

"...you're genuinely curious about the other person, you're interested, you're looking forward to hearing what they have to say. You want to learn from them. You're positive about it. You're not judgemental. You're interested."

Mirror Confrontational People

Let's say someone is coming at you in a very confrontational manner in a business setting.

Him: (verbally aggressive) Your price is too high!

You: (pauses, looking into their eyes calmly) "Our price is too high?"

Him: (confrontational) "Yeah! You know, we can't pay that. You know, we've got a limited budget here."

You: (with calm and genuine interest) "You got a limited budget?"

Him: (noticeably upset) Yeah. Well, you know, we've got other things that we have to worry about. There's a lot of things that we're trying to accomplish here."

*Click the box above to reveal more text.

"They're going to go on and on and they're going to elaborate and they're going to give me [you] context. And they're going to feel like I'm working with them. They're not going to feel me fighting."

"It takes two to fight. I'm going to change this wrestling match into a dance. And, if I refuse to engage in the wrestling, but I still want to engage, then that changes into a collaboration almost immediately."

Silence Is Golden

"The recipe for mirroring, first of all, is just, you know, the last one to three words of what someone just said. But, then the critical issue afterward is to shut up. You know, effective pause or dynamic silence...Let the other person think. Let your skill [the mirroring] sink into their head. Let it have its intended effect and go silent which also lets the person know that you really want to hear and you're going to shut up until they do [respond]."

Negotiation Concept/Theory: Labeling

The act of verbally identifying or "giving a voice" to the other side's feelings.

Negotiation Principles/Strategies:

Label It!

"The steps to labeling. The first step is you simply being aware of the emotion or the dynamic from the other side...Becoming aware of what your gut instinct is picking up is the first step. Then, the second step after that is to simply label it. That starts out with 'it seems like', 'it sounds like', 'it looks like', 'it feels like'. Those are the first few words of a label. And then, just fill in the blank."

*Note: This is similar to the approach that you take when you're using the "framing buffet" frame control technique after being accused. Instead of saying "I" (which causes you to appear as though you're taking ownership of the issue), you keep the issue and negativity with them (the other side) by refraining from using the word "I" and, instead, choosing to label in response. So, instead of, "I would never do that man," you label by saying, "It seems like you take this sort of thing very seriously."

Negotiation Concept/Theory: Trust-based influence

"So, my labels are going to do several things simultaneously. They're going to build the relationship and they're going to help me gather information. And, since both of those things are happening, then my influence with you is going to increase...this is what I call trust-based influence."

"It's the lowest-maintenance, most durable type of influence there is."

Negotiation Quick Tips:

How NOT to Label

1. Avoid all use of the first-person pronoun "I". Doing this will communicate that you're more interested in your perspective than theirs.
2. Avoid the urge to explain a label or to add some follow up (or to talk at all, actually) after using a good label.

Good labels must have the chance to sink in for it to have its effect. If you explain or follow up after a label, you're stepping on it [the label you just used] and decreasing its persuasive power/ability to influence.

Negotiation Principles/Strategies:

Reinforce Positive Emotions

One way to reinforce positive emotions in the other side is by lowering their negative emotions. Labeling a negative (emotion) diffuses the negative.

In a lot of circumstances, you're probably going to have to label more than once in order to completely deactivate the negative. "A lack of response to a negative label is a good sign that you're on the right track. Just keep going. Label it some more."

An example of a negative label would be, "It seems like you really want this project to fail." Labeling that emotion calls it out into the open and calls it into question in their mind, which lowers that negative if it's what they're feeling. After using a negative label like that, getting silence from the other side is a good sign that you're on the right track and that you should keep labeling.

*Note: This definitely doesn't sound like a one size fits all approach to negotiation or dealing with people in general. Depending on who you're talking to, if it's a hothead meathead that's already had a long day, you may be starting a fire with a negative label like this since it could be perceived as an arrogant (or at the very least annoying) accusation. However, I still like the idea and strategy of labeling, just not the risk that comes with certain labels that have the potential to incite confrontation such as this one.

Another way of reinforcing a positive emotion (and the more direct way) is by labeling it as well. Labeling a positive (emotion) reinforces the positive.

Voss: "You may be in conversation with a customer service person for an airline and they're short-tempered. They've been beaten up all day. And you didn't call them to congratulate them on doing a good job anyway. You don't call customer service to congratulate them on what a great job the airline's doing. They know that [you're calling about a problem and they're expecting you to be mad about it]...Now, here's the crazy part. Their impatience, their empathy, their perspective on this is that if you're lucky to be talking to them at all, they're actually being generous with their time [since they've been beaten up all day and are now short-tempered]! That's their bizarro worldview. Again, empathy is not the truth. It's not the reality. It's the other side's point of view. So, a great positive to reinforce here is to say to them..."It feels like you're being really generous with me right now."

Mirror and Label in Tandem

"After a great label, they may have given you a lot of information and there may be a part of that that you want to expand on. So, whatever their response is to the label, you can mirror one or two or three words out of that response and get a lot more information afterward."

Here's an example of how mirroring after a label might play out:

Voss: (label) "It sounds like this deal is making you upset."

You: "Well, it's not making me upset. What it really is is we got some real implementation problems here on the other side because we've had trouble with this in the past."

Voss: (mirror) "Trouble in the past?"

You: "Yeah, well, you know, it happened to us with another company. It was actually the vendor we had before you guys came in and they gave us a lot of problems. But, we're really worried that you guys are doing the same thing. We realize that you're different but, you know, we're not sure yet because we're still early in the relationship.

Voss: (mirror) "Early in the relationship?"

*Click the box above to reveal more text.

After saying, "Early in the relationship?": "But any one of those selected mirrors is going to tease a lot of information out about exactly what I'm after."

Real-Life Applications

Labeling and Mirroring for Better Relationships

Using labeling and mirroring in tandem is great for learning more about the receiver as well as a personal challenge to empathize more with that person. What else can you tell about them that you can label? The more great labels you can come up with, the more you're empathizing with the receiver, and the more your emotional intelligence develops.

Any time you run out of labels in your head, you can just mirror their last couple of words to draw out more information that will help you find another good label. A wonderful exercise to develop your emotional intelligence and, as we know, emotional intelligence is an important trait to become a high-quality man :).

CONS

• All video

I've developed a newfound appreciation for Power University being a healthy combination of both video and text. The fact that this course is all video means rewinding multiple times to better internalize Voss's teachings and having to guess at what time stamp in each lesson he gives a certain piece of information if I only want to review one of the points he makes. That's time that could be put towards learning and practicing.

• Ignores Some Power Dynamics

Mirroring doesn't work unless it's said with an apparent genuine curiosity and interest since you're not asking full questions, you're only repeating what they've already said in the form of a question. In the course, Voss says, "...a mirror that finishes with a tone of voice of genuine curiosity is compelling. It's powerful."

How does Voss recommend conveying that tone of voice? With an upward tonality inflection. An upward tonality inflection is a sign of insecurity and is verbally submissive. To repeatedly mirror the other person by repeating what they already said is a way of following their lead which can make you appear low-power on its own. To further communicate that you're low-power with submissive verbal behavior is only going to dig you deeper into a hole you don't want to be in most of the time.

• Some Risky Suggestions

For example, mirroring to deal with confrontational people. If they have the confidence to be not only aggressive but confrontational, you're dealing with someone who could bully you if you let them. Perhaps they'll show restraint in a business setting or work environment depending on the situation, but what about outside of the workplace? As Voss says, "Everything in life is a negotiation. Life is a negotiation."

So, this is risky advice in situations where you're "negotiating" to end or avoid a possible physical escalation. Mirroring a confrontational meathead for example, in a bar, is only going to signal to them that they're able to dominate you. In cases like this, it would be better to stand your ground and signal to them you're unafraid.

PROS

The Principles Are the Real Deal 
Voss's approach to negotiation in terms of mindsets makes the course twice as valuable on its own. Too often people aim to get what they want by feeling like they need to compete with the customer service agent because they're the customer and "the customer is always right". In nearly every situation, collaboration is superior to competition and Voss emphasizes that in a way that helps the student feel like collaboration is worth the possible added social and mental effort.

Live Example Training Exercises
This course may be all video, but it uses that as an advantage when showing Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, use all of the strategies, techniques, and principles in a live, unscripted negotiation right before your eyes. This got me excited to try out his teachings in the field myself.

Workbook is Included
I appreciated that this course came with a professional-looking workbook. It not only made me feel like I should take this course more seriously which made me more productive, but the workbook almost worked to make up for the fact that the course is all video. The workbook contains summaries, definitions, and reviews of the course content that I can look back at any time which I found very handy in more ways than one.

Review

Really good stuff so far.

I wanted to take this course because I felt like it would be a good supplement to the knowledge I gained in Yale's online negotiation class. Yale's class is all about principled arguments that successfully express that your deal is fairer than theirs (and, if you're not going to play fair, why should we do a deal together in the first place?). Voss's class is all about using empathy to better connect with the other side so they will want to listen to you because you've already listened to them while showing that you were listening. By making them feel listened to and then continuing to propose your offer/deal, the expectation is that they'll feel that your deal is what they actually want because you've built up a level of trust-based influence.

Together, I felt like this was the perfect combination for any negotiation because I could alternate between listening, empathizing, and rapport-building and using principle-based counter-arguments to move closer to a truly win-win deal in any situation.

However, Voss's techniques have their pros and cons and until I get the chance to test his strategies out in the field, it's hard to say whether the cons outweigh the pros or not.

One thing's for sure, his principles are sound and are sure to help build a better, deeper connection if followed correctly.

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I know I said I was only considering doing a review like the review I did for Yale's negotiation class, but I was only waiting to see if the review would be worth my time and worth your read.

Then, I figured, I'm writing this review for you guys, so I should let you decide if this review is helpful at all and if you decide it is, then I can make a Part 2.

So, let me know what you think power movers!

 

P.S. I'm still hyped to get to Bob Iger's business leadership class 😀