What I'm Doing, (Maybe Where 🙂 ) & Why

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 21, 2020, 5:26 am

Awesome Ali!

I moved this in the journals' section, but just let me know if you willingly chose the other forum section.

A few notes:

• Meditation to help you stay focused and productive: interesting to see how meditation is helping you to stay focused and productive. And I think that the fact that you want to get back to meditation when you skip it, says a lot about the benefits it's providing -plus that you're probably doing it well-
• Good catch on noticing your eyes going down: it's a seemingly small detail, but it can make a big difference.

 

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 21, 2020, 6:35 am

Oh, and one more thing, if you didn't like a negotiation/persuasion course but want to share a few words about it, we can still make a small entry for it.

I think warning about so-so products can also  besuper helpful.

For example, we could add it to the page "book reviews", where all reviews are just a couple of sentences each, and a rating.
And I'd make a note it was reviewed by you.

 

Quote from Ali Scarlett on September 21, 2020, 7:01 am

Yeah, just published a full review on the first four lessons in case you missed it.

And thanks for your note on meditation, I'm definitely finding it more helpful these days as my workload increases and goals aim higher.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on September 21, 2020, 10:00 am

Yes, I saw it late.
I think there is value, and it looks good for an article, too.

 

Quote from Ali Scarlett on September 21, 2020, 7:08 pm

Cool, if you're interested in publishing it as an article review we can do that as well. Up to you.

Might share more of my thoughts when I finish the rest of the course or just release a Part 2. I think Voss's negotiation principles are great.

Quote from John Freeman on September 22, 2020, 11:15 pm

Congratulations on starting that journal!

Since you're open to feed-back, here is mine: be careful not to spread yourself too thin. Or said in a positive way: I think it's important to build one habit at a time until you have it. The book "Atomic habits" is the best book on habits in my opinion and what he advises works.

You can choose 1 or a couple of "key habits", habits that will help you build other habits and acquire them until you have.

 

Quote from Ali Scarlett on December 6, 2020, 1:53 am

Not sure how I missed your feedback John, but thanks!

You also seem to know a good deal about habit development, kudos to you for taking the time to learn about a topic outside of what most people take the time to learn.

Networking

As I said in another forum post, I'm transferring my research in networking from my physical notebook to Evernote.

When I went through Power University back when it was first called Social Power, I thought to myself, "Man, this course is changing my life. And, I don't think I could learn this anywhere else. The only thing that's missing is a section dedicated to networking."

I loved that I had just gotten into the extreme growth mindset of "The only things standing between me and anything I want to accomplish are time and a skill set," because it made me feel like I could do anything. And, with time and a skill set, I realized that I quite literally could do anything I was willing to invest time and learning into. So, I thought to myself, "What if I could combine the information in Power University with the knowledge of some of the top networking experts out there? I'd be unstoppable :)."

And, whereas I had already been studying networking, I had found a new drive to learn more about the strategies, techniques, and methods for connecting that exist.

I have lots of notes and research now. I pulled together and combined some of the information from different teachers into a general networking strategy that I've real-world-tested myself. It's the strategy I laid out in my book some of you have read.

But, The Power Moves feels like my home now. Hard to admit that since that's also a sign that I'm a bit attached to this website, forum, and community, but it's a situation where I feel okay with it because it's not like the caution I would feel when getting attached to a relationship partner. It's more like an attachment to my mission and purpose, and The Power Moves is one of the best places I've found to do my part in making an impact so far. The same impact that Power University made in my life. So, this place is like home to me.

*Note: (LOL, had no idea going into an online course I would get these feelings man. I expected it to be like school since it's still coursework, but the value I got makes me think about my life before I knew what the hell I was doing in social interactions. And, thinking about how I probably never would've learned this stuff anywhere else makes me feel lucky :).

So, I wanted to share all of my networking research here on TPM for you guys. Hopefully, in the form of articles since it's better for everyone that way as well as the SEO of TPM. But, a lot of my research is information I paid thousands of dollars for, so I'm not quite sure it's legally okay to openly share what I've learned in the form of an article that's accessible to anyone with a quick Google search. So, I'm thinking about sharing it in the forum's hidden/locked section of the forum, Power University Talks. That way, hopefully, I can still share what I know with some of you guys without stepping on any toes :).

The Chris Voss Masterclass Review

Working on it. A goal of mine is to have it out before the end of the year.

I'm a bit of a self-development junkie if you guys don't know yet and Daniel Pink just came out with a Masterclass in sales and persuasion.

That got me fired up to finish the Voss Masterclass sooner than later so I can dig further into Pink's work :D.

Start With WHY

I recently paid $475 for a coaching session with a member of Simon Sinek's team to get a bit clearer on my WHY.

I love Start With WHY and I'm hoping this coaching session will provide some valuable insights as to what makes me so driven and feel so good whenever I'm helping others. Hopefully, the purpose statement I'm going to have crafted by the end of the session will be good enough to inspire others on the mission I'm on.

Lucio has said that your WHY is personal and people should have to earn it. But, I can't shake this feeling that if my WHY can change lives, I should share it with the world regardless of how personal it might be.

I'm currently thinking about getting clear on my WHY, and then possibly making my WHY less personal when I share it with others and more specific when people do earn it. For example, if you look at the WHY's of some of the coaches that work with Simon Sinek, you'll notice their bio illustrates that they're mission-oriented but still withholds key details and information as to what started them on that path.

If the coaching session is good, I have another $250 set aside to refine my WHY so it's more inspiring. Of course, I can also let you guys know how it goes in case you're interested.

Late Forum Posts

I had some experiences I wanted to share in the forum but decided against them.

One, was when I decided to get a regular job in sales despite already being an actor with an acting award under my belt. I had just finished the Yale negotiation course and figured it would be a good opportunity to test and practice all that I had learned.

Unluckily, when my employers found out that I'm an actor and entrepreneur with my own company, some complications began to arise with one of my employers asking me questions he had no right to ask and another passing negative judgment on my success. (Maybe more on that later.)

Another situation was when I was purposely skipping doctor's appointments out of fear of catching COVID earlier this year. Thousands were dying and the hospital is exactly where most people were going when they caught the virus. I was concerned I would bring the virus back to my family, so I decided to stop showing up.

In response, my doctor decided to deliver a covert threat to stop refilling my medication if I didn't come in to see her. The medication she threatened to cut off was a medication that would crash my kidneys and end my life unless I took them consistently. Not cool.

I saw the opportunity to practice what I had learned in Power University but, damn. I was so caught off guard by her move I wasn't as effective as I could have been. After all, she had been my doctor for the past three to four years. I had no idea she had it in her to be so cold.

Luckily, I was still mentally in control enough to call her game out into the open showing that I wouldn't approve of that power relationship. Unluckily, that ended up causing issues with her down the line when I did actually decide to show up to that appointment. (Once again, maybe I'll share more on this experience later as well.)

I haven't decided whether to share these or not yet because I haven't quite gotten over them yet. Both of these are still pretty recent.

It's about time I did though, so you're likely to see me bite the bullet soon and post what happened with more details so we can all learn from those experiences :).

Love you guys, stay safe, and stay healthy. I'm going to do my best to keep updating this journal, it's starting to feel like a form of positive accountability.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 6, 2020, 1:25 pm

Rock on, Ali!

Such a beautiful message, much love back!
Just a few notes:

Ali: In response, my doctor decided to deliver a covert threat to stop refilling my medication if I didn't come in to see her.

Wow, that was really low.
I'm surprised anyone could pull that, was she aware of your very legitimate reasons of seeking to avoid the hospital?

Ali: Luckily, I was still mentally in control enough to call her game out into the open showing that I wouldn't approve of that power relationship. Unluckily, that ended up causing issues with her down the line when I did actually decide to show up to that appointment.

From the little I'm reading, it sounds like you challenged her request more directly/assertively.

There is a risk of being assertive with those who have more power and hold the trump card is that they will feel like you're challenging their power. And then they will want to hit back just to defend their power.

Yes, their initial proposition might be nonsense and you'd have all the right to be assertive or calling them out.
But it might lead to an escalation that you can lose.
So it can be strategically better to deflect their request, rather than challenging.

For example:

Her: look Ali, you gotta come to see me in person here, or I might not be able to keep prescribing you the mediation, you know?

Now you're thinking "damn bitch, why should you force me to come in person when you can as easily do it anyway, and save both of our time, and not make me risk my life"?
And you'd probably be right.
But rather than calling her out on it, a more strategic approach could be to align and redirect:

You: I get you, I get you, I totally get you, Ann (collaborative / understnading).
It's totally fair that you want to see me (validate her).
Please let me tell you the reason why I've skipped some appointments, and it has nothing to with me not wanting to be there, you've been my doctor for 4 years and I'm grateful to you (remove from the table any possibility of her getting you wrong, plus collaborative frame). (now spell this out very clearly) And the main reason is that I'm scared (pause a bit here) I'm scared because... (quickly explain your very valid concerns)

Now you drop the emotional vulnerability bomb.
How could anyone pressure you now without feeling bad?

Yes, an emotional power move of sorts, but a fair and value-adding one.

Sure, it's possible that she still pressures you to show up.
And then you can go more assertive.

And if still doesn't go nowhere, you can keep on escalating with aggressive and direct statements, for example:

You: When you insist to me being there in person during a dangerous pandemic, I feel disappointed and wronged. I really don't want to say this, but I feel like I have no other option, and if you keep forcing me, then I will have to pursue the matter with the full strength of my legal options

By this point, if she still doesn't back down, you'll make an enemy and you might also want to look for another doctor in the future.
But at least you know that you've gone through the full scale to maximize your chances.

This is why in PU it says very early on that that higher-power in your approach is not always higher power in your results, which is often what matters most.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on December 6, 2020, 3:47 pm

It was a really low move indeed, knowing that you needed the medications.

Yes, an emotional power move of sorts, but a fair and value-adding one.

This is an interesting case where the statement becomes a value-adding case of emotional vulnerability rather than the case of guilt-tripping in the value-taking sense. It does come from an honest, sincere place. After all, that's why you are not going to the hospital.

My Sixth-Sense 

This is a total guess from an outside perspective.
Ali can definitely tell better.

There are doctors during this time that feel underappreciated for dealing with the COVID-19 pandemic.
She may feel disrespected that she has been working hard to deal with these COVID cases, but people are avoiding her in general because of her contact with these patients.
It may be the case that she is craving appreciation and connection.

Maybe she thinks that coming down to see her gives an element of human touch and respect.
She doesn't want the transaction to feel cold after 4 years of treating the same patient.
Not coming down personally stirs a feeling of rejection.

This is all a guess so it may be risky to say anything explicitly.
Nevertheless, we could throw in statements of respect and appreciation to give a human touch which helps in many cases.

Building upon Lucio's solid statement,

You: I get you, I get you, I totally get you, Ann (collaborative / understnading).
It's totally fair that you want to see me (validate her).
Please let me tell you the reason why I've skipped some appointments, and it has nothing to with me not wanting to be there, you've been my doctor for 4 years and I'm grateful to you (remove from the table any possibility of her getting you wrong, plus collaborative frame).

Furthermore, hats off to you and all the doctors treating COVID-19 patients and being the bedrock for us to go through this pandemic. (showing empathy/appreciation)
My family really appreciates what doctors like you have to sacrifice during this period.  (showing even greater empathy/appreciation)
I don't think that I would have the courage and perseverance to be in your shoes during this period. (showing deference and respect)

(now spell this out very clearly) And the main reason is that I'm scared (pause a bit here) I'm scared because... (quickly explain your very valid concerns)

What do you all think?