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Quote from Matthew Whitewood on May 4, 2021, 11:14 am

Thank you for sharing your thoughts selffriend :).
Always happy to see that we are on the same page after learning more about how we each communicate better.

 

Hi Matthew, I truly appreciate your long comment and your help. I will be very grateful if I can learn more.

I agree almost every part of your values. For example, I am definitely willing to address the main issue directly, well, without sounding too confrontational or too personal. In a general context, sometimes I am embarrassed that other people are not addressing the main issue directly, or quickly switch the main issue of focus. In this case, we have the similar value and belief.

Could you please further provide one example of my indirectness such that I have a chance to clarify, to learn, or to improve in future?

Thank you again for taking the time writing these feedbacks.

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Matthew Whitewood
Quote from selffriend on May 4, 2021, 6:33 pm
Quote from Matthew Whitewood on May 4, 2021, 11:14 am

Thank you for sharing your thoughts selffriend :).
Always happy to see that we are on the same page after learning more about how we each communicate better.

 

Hi Matthew, I truly appreciate your long comment and your help. I will be very grateful if I can learn more.

I agree almost every part of your values. For example, I am definitely willing to address the main issue directly, well, without sounding too confrontational or too personal. In a general context, sometimes I am embarrassed that other people are not addressing the main issue directly, or quickly switch the main issue of focus. In this case, we have the similar value and belief.

Could you please further provide one example of my indirectness such that I have a chance to clarify, to learn, or to improve in future?

Thank you again for taking the time writing these feedbacks.

Thanks selffriend.

For example, here you seem to quickly say that you are sometimes embarrassed that other people are not addressing the main issue directly or quickly switch the main issue of focus.

It seems that you are alluding to another issue, but I am not sure what it is.
I would think

Is selffriend referring to me, a past interaction, or someone else he is interacting with?

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selffriend
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on June 19, 2021, 6:35 pm

OFF-TOPIC

Might delete this later to keep the thread sharp.

Just to let you know, the affiliate didn't go through (or I'd have sent you the 50% whether you wanted it or not, Ali ? )

OFF-TOPIC

After your note that the 50% didn't go through, unluckily, it turned out to be a bit more difficult than I originally thought to reprocess that payment through your affiliate.

So, I'll find another way to make it up to you sometime in the future, Lucio :).

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Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood

Thank you for the kind words Ali.

Let me say though that I don't feel you need to "make up" for anything at all.
If anything, it would be other way around :).

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Matthew Whitewood
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Quote from Ali Scarlett on July 1, 2021, 4:39 pm

Glad you think so man, it took me about five minutes to whip up.

Roughly two minutes figuring out how exactly I wanted the chain to look and three minutes in the actual design process. So, if the high-resolution infographic is the same size (dimensions) as the one I already did, it'll take me about three minutes or so.

If you want to email me that file or post it here, I'd be happy to take care of it for you—I already identified the "look" so it won't be too high-effort to repeat the process if that's what you're concerned about, Lucio :).

Thinking back to this post and my goal of becoming more humble, a way I could have phrased this better might have been:

Ali: "Glad you think so man, it took me about five minutes to make this one."

I think the "whip up" can sound cocky over a written medium, almost as if to say it was "quick and easy". Written down, that part doesn't look how it sounded in my head (or at all how I wanted it to sound here) when I read it back a day later. So, simply saying "make" could have been a good swap.

Also, the "this one" part. That helps communicate, "This one in particular didn't take too long (given my skills), but others might (that demand more of my skills here and push me a bit harder)," to keep things more humble.

I actually interpreted your minimising in a positive light.

If you are really keen on working on this, saying that it only takes 5 minutes makes Lucio incur less social debt.
It's a way for people who are on positive terms to help each other without making the other feel like it was too much of a favour.

So personally, I didn't think it was over the top or showing off for that matter.

What ran through in my head was

Ali probably took more than 5 mintues to make this.
But he's probably being kind.

I may be biased because I value time quite a bit.
So if someone came out time to help me, I would appreciate that quite a bit.

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Lucio BuffalmanoAli Scarlett

Man, Matthew, I didn't even think of it that way. Thanks for the feedback!

Yes, when I wrote it yesterday, it felt like Lucio was concerned about the effort it would take for me to make. So I phrased it with, "It took me about five minutes to whip up," in order to take some pressure off because I wanted to help without Lucio feeling any potential regret.

Looking back, it felt cocky, but you're right that from a social exchange point of view it was probably considerate.

Thanks again, Matthew!

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Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood
Quote from Ali Scarlett on July 1, 2021, 5:05 pm

Haha, I was just thinking about this!

It's referred to in the assertiveness lesson as "collecting your social credits", but it felt like it deserved a definition.

I started pondering it because of how a YouTuber I watched often closed out his videos:

C: "I want you to hit the like button, subscribe, and I will see you in the next one."

I remember thinking about a section in PU noting that saying "I don't want to" is assertive. So, it felt like that inverse, "I want you to," was also assertive.

But, I still didn't like it because it felt like it was:

  • Slightly power-taking: it felt like the "assume the close" technique where it had already been decided that we'd like the video and subscribe, so no added effort needed to be put into power-protecting—all we needed was a reminder of what he wants. And, that's not true. (= still, not quite as power-taking as an order in my opinion, hence why I put "slightly" power-taking)
  • Poor social strategy: it's not a very good social strategy to go around telling people you want something and then expect them to give it to you (in this case, expect to see an increase in likes and subscribers) simply because you said you wanted it.
  • Covert requesting: What if you gave them a like and your subscription and, in all fairness, wanted them to give back in return? In a technical sense, they could easily say, "Hey, I didn't ask you to like the video or subscribe. I only said I wanted you to." And, while it might be "fair" for them to say that since they're right that you weren't careful to collect your social credits, it still sets up a (manipulative, in my opinion) win-lose situation, so it's still a form of social scalping.

I was pondering this so much because I was struggling to think of what you had called this "covert request" technique in PU, I didn't realize we hadn't already come up with a definition for it.

Wanted to bump this.

Thinking back to it, I'm a bit unsure if I analyzed the dynamics correctly here.

The notes I made feel right, but "I want you to" is such a common phrase that I'm beginning to second-guess my analysis.

Is there anything you guys would change?

Hey Ali,

This thread is for feedback and clarification among forum users.

So unless you meant something "I felt hurt / bothered / annoyed that you guys didn't reply", then you can bump it straight on that thread.

Edit:
Actually, I realized the original one is in the thread of power definitions.
So better to actually open a new thread for that.
But the super-short answer would be: I'd have been annoyed too, and would have purposefully NOT hit the like button. But there are people who aren't as socially sensitive and/or power aware. He'd struggle to get high-power folks to comply with that, but many people aren't high-power and high-quality, so on YouTube, it might actually work with his audience and his most ardent supporters.

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Ali Scarlett
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Got it, thanks, Lucio.

And, yea, I didn't want to mess up the power definitions thread by opening it up for feedback-related posts.

On the purpose of this particular thread, to avoid improper use in the future, I think it would help to change it to:

  • Forum user (and admin) feedback & clarifications
    Or:
  • Forum community feedback & clarifications

What do you think, Lucio?

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