Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 26, 2021, 1:58 pm

Hi Matthew,

This is a (positive) feedback rather than a clarification.

I feel that what you did here:

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on December 26, 2021, 11:36 am

I wasn't clear in my thoughts and writing.

I thought that the lead magnet is a genius idea by Ali and further refined by Lucio.

I was thinking that we can explore other forms of the lead magnet:

Was really good.

You did mention "great idea" in your first reply, but after correcting it, adding more ideas, and pointing to another thread, it might feel to Ali or other readers that Ali's idea was being downplayed.

Now, we do know you're not that type of person.
But if you'd be in another environment, it might be good to use a stronger "bridge" that more obviously defends Ali's initial idea and credit (shall we say "power-protect" the idea? :) )

A stronger bridge, for example:

Great idea!

I think that could work really well -or, at least, definitely worth trying it-.

For the sake of further building on it, here are some thoughts / ideas

But if there were any doubts, that last message of yours addressed it perfectly.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on December 26, 2021, 2:45 pm

Hi Lucio,

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to dig into this deeper.
I do appreciate the positive feedback very much.

I have to explain myself in greater detail here.

You did mention "great idea" in your first reply, but after correcting it, adding more ideas, and pointing to another thread, it might feel to Ali or other readers that Ali's idea was being downplayed.

I didn't do that very well in the first reply.

The reason was that I felt I came out with examples and case studies as an idea before.
And I didn't really get credit for that.
So I felt the need to re-empower myself by getting some credit.
This was why I pointed to another thread.

This could be my selfish, dark side though.
So please let me know if I'm being unreasonable here.

I realised what I could have done was to

• fully acknowledge Ali's idea (as you advised power-protecting the idea)
• bring my added ideas previously into the picture

You did mention "great idea" in your first reply, but after correcting it, adding more ideas, and pointing to another thread, it might feel to Ali or other readers that Ali's idea was being downplayed.

Did it feel like a correction in the sense it was condescending?
I wanted to give my opinion on the idea directly.

---

Edited: highlighted in bold to make things clearer

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 26, 2021, 3:09 pm

Fair enough, thank you for sharing more, I think it's very reasonable, and if it was me who failed to provide enough credit, my bad, and I'm sorry.

And no, the added ideas didn't feel condescending at all in my opinion -just could have benefited from a "bridge" for the reason above, but it wasn't a major thing at all-.

Quote from Matthew Whitewood on December 26, 2021, 3:23 pm

Thank you very much Lucio.

To be honest, I'm a very sensitive person in general.
Not just in power dynamics and social dynamics.
Coffee, music, and many other things.

I learnt a lot from the bridge concept here.
I do think it's very essential in social effectiveness.

This again is another area where I'm unsure how to do it properly.

• When to put a bridge
• When to go extremely direct

I will think about this further and go through the frame control module again.

There's no doubt about using a bridge over here.
Since I have learnt a lot from Ali and Ali has clearly contributed such a great idea.
The bridge will communicate that it's about a collaborative approach.
And no doubt I want it to be collaborative and communicate to be collaborative.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 26, 2021, 5:48 pm

Yeah, we might even baptize this specific type of "bridge":

• Credit protecting (a subset of "power protecting")

Edit: 
typo

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 29, 2021, 5:55 am

At @anish / Growfast

In this thread:

Quote from Growfast on December 28, 2021, 3:48 pm

OFF-TOPIC

When people say "I'll let you know" or "Let me know when.... " is it a tasking sort of power move?

If yes then how to reempower oneself and what would be a better way to phrase it?

It's impossible to answer that question without going off-topic.

Start a new thread for new questions and, as usual attempt to answer the question yourself first.

Also, in that same thread, what you ask Transitioned is a fair question.
Use this thread for personal clarifications.

Cheers.

 

Quote from Transitioned on January 2, 2022, 5:55 am

Thank you John and Lucio for the discussion and techniques on this thread:

https://thepowermoves.com/forum/topic/my-journey-to-assertivity/

I've been doing my end of year review and I realised I often stew after confrontations because I don't have the tools to confidently confront the person about their behaviour.  This will help a lot with HOW to confront and still maintain the relationship.   I still have to work out WHEN to confront.  Lucio's advice on another thread was NOT to talk directly to high machs.  So I'll ask that on another post.

Quote from John Freeman on January 2, 2022, 6:10 pm

Hello Transitioned,

First, congrats on your progress. As you could read, it's been (and still is sometimes) a challenge for me to be assertive. Basically, it's a behavioural habit. The habit to have clear and open communication. Then it's all about the emotional tones. If you assert yourself while being calm, then it's good for most situations. I would not view it as confronting (competitive mindset, right vs wrong) as self-expression and understanding the other point of view (more collaborative).

So a lot of it has to do with the underlying emotions you feel. So there is a part of assertivity that is concerned with self-awareness. What are you feeling and why are you feeling it? Then you can always make a choice about what and how you're going to say it. This helps a lot to disentangle of what comes belongs to you and what belongs to the other person in terms of responsibility.

There is also the aspect of self-esteem and boundaries: what do you accept and what do you tolerate? This comes often from conditioning in the childhood. We allow other people to treat us the way we learned. to accept how our parents treated us.

So assertivity is a behaviour. That being said, I think there is a lot of inner emotional work that helps to make it smoother.

Otherwise, I agree with you: generally, being assertive with people with fragile self-esteem (and/or big egos) will backfire in many situations. So it's wise to be strategic about it (and not view ourselves as "pussies" or "wimps"). When we run from a bear, are we a wimp? Well, people in power with the characteristics above are socially dangerous.

I came to tell you that I'm glad my experience was helpful. And this text came out, well I hope it's helpful as well :)

Cheers!

Quote from Transitioned on January 2, 2022, 9:48 pm

Thank you again John.  I'm talking about in a work context as if it was personal life no retreat no surrender apart from family I just don't tolerate persistently annoying people.  There seem to be plenty of situations these days where people below you in the official work hierarchy test your boundaries.  As per the examples in your original thread these are often covert aggressions (amber) people are not  to be crazy enough to be shooting off reds.

I think to limit fallout I'm going to start applying this with subordinates for Ambers.   Reds have to be dealt with on the spot.  And now I will follow up too.  It also opens up an opportunity for dialogue.