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First contact with new client: did I make a mistake here in being too vague?

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#1 · March 24, 2023, 11:03 pm

Quote from Bel on March 24, 2023, 11:03 pm
Hi Guys,

this is a request for feedback.

I was contacted on the phone by a new client (CEO of a company) who was given my name and contacts by an already client of mine.

He told me he wanted to conclude a contract with a former employee and asked me when we could talk about it.

I showed immediate availability and told him I would need to examine some documents, would study the matter and we would then talk again about how to proceed.

He then sent me an email like this immediately after the call:

Him: Good day Attorney,

as anticipated we intend to enter into a contract …

Here enclosed some documents and here some information on this:

…

…

…

Let me know if you need additional information.

Kind regards

I studied the matter and the applicable law day and night, and found there were issues and risks with going forward with the contract he wanted, but we could prepare another type of contract if some conditions were met, lowering (but not eliminating) risks.

Two days later, as I finished studying, I sent him this reply in the morning via email:

Me: Good day Mr X,

I examined the documents and I would like to speak with you on the phone for some last details.

You’ll find me at office today after 2 pm.

Kind regards

Bel

The reason I wanted to talk to him is I didn’t want to write a long email about the risks of the contract he wanted to conclude (would have come out as a two page email, and two other people - including the client who referred him to me - were in copy).

I think I wrote “some last details” to subcommunicate that the phone call I was suggesting would be brief.

Also, in my mind the matter was urgent, as the contract was best prepared (based on my examination of the documents) by next Monday.

That’s the reason why I wrote “You’ll find me at office today after 2” (I also did not want to call him - as per what I learned here about outgoing phone calls in my line of work -, but wanted to convey he could call me at his convenience).

However, two days have passed and I have not yet heard from him.

It could be that he hasn’t found the time yet, or it could be that I made a mistake here.
Do you think my reply was out of place in any way?

If that’s the case, could I be able to recover by sending another email next Monday, like this?

Me: Dear Mr X,

I want to speak with you about this matter as I see some issues with going forward with an external collaboration agreement based on the job description; but there may be some alternatives or we could still prepare the agreement provided the risk is acceptable to the company.

Kind regards

Bel

In rereading this last tentative email I am imagining, I see it may convey some insecurity. Maybe better to just leave it as it is and wait.

It could be an unconscious “test” to see if I am anxious or not. In fact, in calling me for the first time, the company is probably forgoing their former lawyer and now evaluating me - and maybe others - based on behavior and, in a minor part, knowledge of the law.

It’s also possible that he asked to more than one new lawyer and chose already another one.

Hi Guys,

this is a request for feedback.

I was contacted on the phone by a new client (CEO of a company) who was given my name and contacts by an already client of mine.

He told me he wanted to conclude a contract with a former employee and asked me when we could talk about it.

I showed immediate availability and told him I would need to examine some documents, would study the matter and we would then talk again about how to proceed.

He then sent me an email like this immediately after the call:

Him: Good day Attorney,

as anticipated we intend to enter into a contract …

Here enclosed some documents and here some information on this:

…

…

…

Let me know if you need additional information.

Kind regards

I studied the matter and the applicable law day and night, and found there were issues and risks with going forward with the contract he wanted, but we could prepare another type of contract if some conditions were met, lowering (but not eliminating) risks.

Two days later, as I finished studying, I sent him this reply in the morning via email:

Me: Good day Mr X,

I examined the documents and I would like to speak with you on the phone for some last details.

You’ll find me at office today after 2 pm.

Kind regards

Bel

The reason I wanted to talk to him is I didn’t want to write a long email about the risks of the contract he wanted to conclude (would have come out as a two page email, and two other people - including the client who referred him to me - were in copy).

I think I wrote “some last details” to subcommunicate that the phone call I was suggesting would be brief.

Also, in my mind the matter was urgent, as the contract was best prepared (based on my examination of the documents) by next Monday.

That’s the reason why I wrote “You’ll find me at office today after 2” (I also did not want to call him - as per what I learned here about outgoing phone calls in my line of work -, but wanted to convey he could call me at his convenience).

However, two days have passed and I have not yet heard from him.

It could be that he hasn’t found the time yet, or it could be that I made a mistake here.
Do you think my reply was out of place in any way?

If that’s the case, could I be able to recover by sending another email next Monday, like this?

Me: Dear Mr X,

I want to speak with you about this matter as I see some issues with going forward with an external collaboration agreement based on the job description; but there may be some alternatives or we could still prepare the agreement provided the risk is acceptable to the company.

Kind regards

Bel

In rereading this last tentative email I am imagining, I see it may convey some insecurity. Maybe better to just leave it as it is and wait.

It could be an unconscious “test” to see if I am anxious or not. In fact, in calling me for the first time, the company is probably forgoing their former lawyer and now evaluating me - and maybe others - based on behavior and, in a minor part, knowledge of the law.

It’s also possible that he asked to more than one new lawyer and chose already another one.

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Lucio Buffalmano@lucio

6,663 Posts

#2 · March 25, 2023, 1:34 pm

Could be anything, but I personally felt at least one simplle yet important missed opportunity reading.

At the core, advanced application of the simple value exchange in my opinion.

In my opinion, the first email failed to display value waiting for him (and instead asked even more).

You had done great work, had plenty to give... And instead, all that first email does is to ask for more value.

Put a bait in that first email, something like:

"I found important information you may want to know soon, let's talk."

Something like that, or anything that displays the value in store for him.

Then on the phone you also ask for more.

That first reply also makes the people who recommended you look good and feel happy he recommended you.

He'll think "here's my recommendation who's gone to quick work and already delivering value, happy I could help here", and he'll recommend you even more.

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Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

John Freeman@amerok

2,520 Posts

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#3 · March 25, 2023, 3:06 pm

Hello Bel,

in addition to what Lucio said, I would just wait. I would not send a second email as I think it would make them wonder why you are so eager. You're the one providing value to them in exchange for money. I would wait 1 week and send something using Lucio's advice on highlighting the social exchange.

Dear Sir, dear Madam,

As per our last email on the XX.XX.XXXX I found important information you may want to know soon.

I'm available to talk about it at your convenience after 2PM during weekdays.

You can contact me at XXX/XX XX XX or I can call you if that is better for you.

Sincerely yours,

Bel

Regarding your availability. If it's urgent, it's their problem. You make yourself available and they act (or not) on it. They are the ones who want to hire this guy. I think I would have written it like that:

I'm available to talk about it from 2PM on weekdays, today as well.

Maybe, if I one want to signal the urgency:

I'm available to talk about it from 2PM on weekdays.

From today as well since time is of the essence in this particular matter.

Sincerely yours,

Bel

I'm available to talk about it from 2PM on weekdays.

From today as well since time is important in this particular matter.

Sincerely yours,

Bel

So they understand they have to move fast. I would always suggest that they can call or I can call, whatever they prefer. I would give the customer the choice.

Also, it depends on the urgency: is it in matter of days or weeks? If weeks I would not signal anything.

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Bel@bel

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#4 · March 25, 2023, 4:34 pm

Thank you so much Lucio, John.

Your posts are extremely helpful and I agree with everything you say.

As you say, Lucio, including an early display of "giving value" would have been a super-helpful point, and one that - it seems - I'm constantly struggling with.

And also phrasing my availability slightly better - including explicitly mentioning continued availability and willingness to call - as you, John, point out.

I think another thing I could have improved is mentioning explicitly the research I had done: the tone of the email I sent him gives the idea I was dragging it out, even if it wasn't the case.

My mistake was compounded by this being a first contact. When one does not know me, it is even more important to subcommunicate these things you specify than if the relationship was already established.

Anyways, the mistake is done. So I agree with waiting it out for now and not sending anything more.

EDIT: To answer John, it is a matter of days - Monday is the expiration of the employment agreement of this person, so the contract should have been due by Monday. That's why I mentioned being open to talk that same day (ie two days ago).

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Bel@bel

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#5 · March 25, 2023, 5:03 pm

OFF TOPIC

I am starting to agree with Kavalier here that early interactions with men, clients, friends and people in general have a lot in common with early interactions with women: one "just" got to "only" be balanced, strong but not overbearing, accommodating but not pushover, funny but not a jester, positive but not naive, competent but not subcommunicating effort, explaining reasons but not dragging it out in too many words, available but not eager...

Just got to be perfect 🙂

John Freeman@amerok

2,520 Posts

Empowered Member

#6 · March 25, 2023, 5:17 pm

Alright, thanks for the added info. Cool if that’s helpful 🙂

So this changes everything. So the general feed-back I would give now would be to focus more on the facts at hand and less on the communication/power dynamics/appearances. In my opinion regarding the communication style as long as you are polite and respectful you’re good. In terms of content I would be more specific/accurate. Only in the end I would look at the power dynamics: do I sound too subservient or too dominant? If not you’re good.

So now specificially in this case I would have sent something like that in the first email:

Dear Mr./Mrs X

(“As discussed”: we say this in Switzerland)I looked into the case you kindly proposed to me.

I have found a solution that I would like to discuss with you over the phone or in person. I could call you or you could call me from 2PM on weekdays, at your convenience. Please see below my phone number in my email signature.

I want to make you aware that I could not help but notice a deadline in the contract on the 27.03.2023.

So it would be better for us to speak sooner than later. Ideally today if that works for you?

Looking forward to hear from you,

Sincerely,

Bel

I think this conveys warmth, respect, politeness, cordiality which are basically all synonyms in a way. It also gives them the necessary information for them to take action.

You let them know that the deadline requires them to take action to contact you before Monday. So it puts the responsibility where it belongs: on them. You did your part now it’s their turn. In this way if they don’t contact you it’s on them.

Edit: knowing the deadline, they basically contacts you last minute. So they probably know about the deadline. So I maintain my opinion: I would not send them another email. It’s on them to get back to you. The ball is in their court.

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Bel@bel

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#7 · March 25, 2023, 5:22 pm

Quote from Bel on March 25, 2023, 5:22 pm

Quote from John Freeman on March 25, 2023, 5:17 pm

Alright, thanks for the added info. Cool if that’s helpful 🙂

So this changes everything. So the general feed-back I would give now would be to focus more on the facts at hand and less on the communication/power dynamics/appearances. In my opinion regarding the communication style as long as you are polite and respectful you’re good. In terms of content I would be more specific/accurate. Only in the end I would look at the power dynamics: do I sound too subservient or too dominant? If not you’re good.

So now specificially in this case I would have sent something like that in the first email:

Dear Mr./Mrs X

(“As discussed”: we say this in Switzerland)I looked into the case you kindly proposed to me.

I have found a solution that I would like to discuss with you over the phone or in person. I could call you or you could call me from 2PM on weekdays, at your convenience. Please see below my phone number in my email signature.

I want to make you aware that I could not help but notice a deadline in the contract on the 27.03.2023.

So it would be better for us to speak sooner than later. Ideally today if that works for you?

Looking forward to hear from you,

Sincerely,

Bel

I think this conveys warmth, respect, politeness, cordiality which are basically all synonyms in a way. It also gives them the necessary information for them to take action.

You let them know that the deadline requires them to take action to contact you before Monday. So it puts the responsibility where it belongs: on them. You did your part now it’s their turn. In this way if they don’t contact you it’s on them.

I agree with you.

I was currently shortening my emails considerably, as per the concept that burdening the receiver with a lot of lines may discourage a reply and because I did not want to sound too eager.

Also, the deadline was clear to both of us here, and I thought that having spoken with him on the phone before could justify me being more matter of fact.

But your tone is better for a first contact, it subcommunicates more interest and more effort, also considering my contact was in copy.

I think, for the future, it'll be a matter of finding the sweet spot between what I used to do before and this.

In any case I'll follow your suggestion of staying silent for now.

OFF TOPIC

It's twisty, but there is a part of me that is starting to say something like: "I don't care anymore if I make mistakes and burn things. I'm doing the best I can. Worst case scenario, I'll have no more work. I will concentrate on other things".

Go figure.

Quote from John Freeman on March 25, 2023, 5:17 pm

Alright, thanks for the added info. Cool if that’s helpful 🙂

So this changes everything. So the general feed-back I would give now would be to focus more on the facts at hand and less on the communication/power dynamics/appearances. In my opinion regarding the communication style as long as you are polite and respectful you’re good. In terms of content I would be more specific/accurate. Only in the end I would look at the power dynamics: do I sound too subservient or too dominant? If not you’re good.

So now specificially in this case I would have sent something like that in the first email:

Dear Mr./Mrs X

(“As discussed”: we say this in Switzerland)I looked into the case you kindly proposed to me.

I have found a solution that I would like to discuss with you over the phone or in person. I could call you or you could call me from 2PM on weekdays, at your convenience. Please see below my phone number in my email signature.

I want to make you aware that I could not help but notice a deadline in the contract on the 27.03.2023.

So it would be better for us to speak sooner than later. Ideally today if that works for you?

Looking forward to hear from you,

Sincerely,

Bel

I think this conveys warmth, respect, politeness, cordiality which are basically all synonyms in a way. It also gives them the necessary information for them to take action.

You let them know that the deadline requires them to take action to contact you before Monday. So it puts the responsibility where it belongs: on them. You did your part now it’s their turn. In this way if they don’t contact you it’s on them.

I agree with you.

I was currently shortening my emails considerably, as per the concept that burdening the receiver with a lot of lines may discourage a reply and because I did not want to sound too eager.

Also, the deadline was clear to both of us here, and I thought that having spoken with him on the phone before could justify me being more matter of fact.

But your tone is better for a first contact, it subcommunicates more interest and more effort, also considering my contact was in copy.

I think, for the future, it'll be a matter of finding the sweet spot between what I used to do before and this.

In any case I'll follow your suggestion of staying silent for now.

OFF TOPIC

It's twisty, but there is a part of me that is starting to say something like: "I don't care anymore if I make mistakes and burn things. I'm doing the best I can. Worst case scenario, I'll have no more work. I will concentrate on other things".

Go figure.

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John Freeman@amerok

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#8 · March 25, 2023, 6:34 pm

Quote from John Freeman on March 25, 2023, 6:34 pm
Just got to be perfect 🙂

In my opinion, I would be cautious with the aiming for "perfect". I think that when we are very careful with our communication, it signals that we might have been burned in the past, that we are aware we need to improve it or that we undervalue ourselves.

Whatever it is, I prefer the learner attitude to it. There is no perfect interaction as there are no perfect people. I don't think the girls I got with or the friends I have come from having perfect interactions. I think it comes more from our attitude and intentions towards one another. From there, we adopt the corresponding communication I believe. And we can always take back our words and apologise. So I think it's more productive to think to oneself: I am currently working at improving my communication and I acknowledge I have a lot to learn! I think this is one of the attitude that gives us the necessary humility without putting too much pressure on ourselves.

I was currently shortening my emails considerably, as per the concept that burdening the receiver with a lot of lines may discourage a reply and because I did not want to sound too eager.

I agree, so this can also be accomplished in a 2nd time, I shortened it and I think it's not too long:

Dear Mr./Mrs X

I looked into the case you kindly proposed to me. (I left "kindly" to show warmth/respect)

I found a solution that requires us to talk over the phone.

We could talk from 2PM on weekdays, at your convenience. (so you don't specify in which direction, this will be set in their answer).

Since there is a deadline in the contract on the 27.03.2023, it would be preferable for us to speak before this date.

Ideally today if that works for you?

Looking forward to hear from you,

Sincerely,

Bel

I also believe that it is about value. Asking too much effort/time to the other person is taking value. However I believe that being polite/kind/respectful is giving value, so it's a matter of balance I think. It's not about being obsequious, it's about being respectful and acknowledge the other's position in the relationship (here the customer is in power: he chooses you or don't as in every profession where we provide a service/good where there is a competition).

Also, the deadline was clear to both of us here, and I thought that having spoken with him on the phone before could justify me being more matter of fact.

Yes so now there is a pattern: they contact you last minute, they're aware of the date and they don't answer you: bad organization on their part I would assume.

It subcommunicates more interest and more effort, also considering my contact was in copy.

I think, for the future, it'll be a matter of finding the sweet spot between what I used to do before and this.

Yes, we agree. There is a sweet spot between displaying effort, interest and care and getting to the point. I think it is also possible to start with a short email and pepper it with polite/kind/caring/respectful words/formulation.

It's twisty, but there is a part of me that is starting to say something like: "I don't care anymore if I make mistakes and burn things. I'm doing the best I can. Worst case scenario, I'll have no more work. I will concentrate on other things".

Yes, I think you're talking about the learner mindset. It's been years I'm working on it and I still have troubles with it. It is so hard to acquire. Our ego/past experiences/expectations, in short our mind projections get in the way of what is happening and what is really in our control.

I'm doing the best I can.

This is the best mindset and then let it go. I now recognize that Jocko's mindset: "extreme ownership" is a bit toxic because it pre-supposes we are all-powerful and we are not. Not everything that happens in my life is my responsibility. Only my thoughts, actions, feelings. I can do the best and still fuck up. I am responsible for the outcome (the result) but I'm not in total control of it. It is good to recognize that we are responsible for how we conduct our lives but not for everything that happens in it.

In any case I'll follow your suggestion of staying silent for now.

Thanks for your trust: If that makes sense for you of course! You know more about the whole situation... I think you got my opinion: at the moment the ball is in their court. If they want to solve it they have to do something. It's like in medicine: sometimes we take responsibility for the parents/patients when it's theirs in the final analysis.

Just got to be perfect 🙂

In my opinion, I would be cautious with the aiming for "perfect". I think that when we are very careful with our communication, it signals that we might have been burned in the past, that we are aware we need to improve it or that we undervalue ourselves.

Whatever it is, I prefer the learner attitude to it. There is no perfect interaction as there are no perfect people. I don't think the girls I got with or the friends I have come from having perfect interactions. I think it comes more from our attitude and intentions towards one another. From there, we adopt the corresponding communication I believe. And we can always take back our words and apologise. So I think it's more productive to think to oneself: I am currently working at improving my communication and I acknowledge I have a lot to learn! I think this is one of the attitude that gives us the necessary humility without putting too much pressure on ourselves.

I was currently shortening my emails considerably, as per the concept that burdening the receiver with a lot of lines may discourage a reply and because I did not want to sound too eager.

I agree, so this can also be accomplished in a 2nd time, I shortened it and I think it's not too long:

Dear Mr./Mrs X

I looked into the case you kindly proposed to me. (I left "kindly" to show warmth/respect)

I found a solution that requires us to talk over the phone.

We could talk from 2PM on weekdays, at your convenience. (so you don't specify in which direction, this will be set in their answer).

Since there is a deadline in the contract on the 27.03.2023, it would be preferable for us to speak before this date.

Ideally today if that works for you?

Looking forward to hear from you,

Sincerely,

Bel

I also believe that it is about value. Asking too much effort/time to the other person is taking value. However I believe that being polite/kind/respectful is giving value, so it's a matter of balance I think. It's not about being obsequious, it's about being respectful and acknowledge the other's position in the relationship (here the customer is in power: he chooses you or don't as in every profession where we provide a service/good where there is a competition).

Also, the deadline was clear to both of us here, and I thought that having spoken with him on the phone before could justify me being more matter of fact.

Yes so now there is a pattern: they contact you last minute, they're aware of the date and they don't answer you: bad organization on their part I would assume.

It subcommunicates more interest and more effort, also considering my contact was in copy.

I think, for the future, it'll be a matter of finding the sweet spot between what I used to do before and this.

Yes, we agree. There is a sweet spot between displaying effort, interest and care and getting to the point. I think it is also possible to start with a short email and pepper it with polite/kind/caring/respectful words/formulation.

It's twisty, but there is a part of me that is starting to say something like: "I don't care anymore if I make mistakes and burn things. I'm doing the best I can. Worst case scenario, I'll have no more work. I will concentrate on other things".

Yes, I think you're talking about the learner mindset. It's been years I'm working on it and I still have troubles with it. It is so hard to acquire. Our ego/past experiences/expectations, in short our mind projections get in the way of what is happening and what is really in our control.

I'm doing the best I can.

This is the best mindset and then let it go. I now recognize that Jocko's mindset: "extreme ownership" is a bit toxic because it pre-supposes we are all-powerful and we are not. Not everything that happens in my life is my responsibility. Only my thoughts, actions, feelings. I can do the best and still fuck up. I am responsible for the outcome (the result) but I'm not in total control of it. It is good to recognize that we are responsible for how we conduct our lives but not for everything that happens in it.

In any case I'll follow your suggestion of staying silent for now.

Thanks for your trust: If that makes sense for you of course! You know more about the whole situation... I think you got my opinion: at the moment the ball is in their court. If they want to solve it they have to do something. It's like in medicine: sometimes we take responsibility for the parents/patients when it's theirs in the final analysis.

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Bel@bel

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#9 · March 27, 2023, 4:38 pm

I haven’t received any answer yet. I’m following the plan to stay silent, though I wonder if sending now another (warmer and more specific) email (for example like John suggests) could reverse the trend (by showing I was not trying to be dismissive) and get him to reengage.

I am also asking myself if the email I did send may have damaged my relationship with the person who referred to me this new client.

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Bel@bel

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#10 · March 28, 2023, 12:45 am

Quote from Bel on March 28, 2023, 12:45 am
I am having new thoughts about this.

I realize that another crucial point to correct in my behavior here is that I have shown immediate availability twice, without correctly framing it:

- when he called me on the phone, he asked “when can we talk about this” and I answered “today”;

- when I wrote the email, I told him again to call me “today”.

It strikes lots of similarities with the concept of not calling women immediately.

I think my mistake was not necessarily in showing immediate availability, but rather in not expressly framing that immediate availability as a favor I was making to him due to the tight deadline (as it was).

John’s email, in fact, mentions “being available today as due to the urgency”: specifying this is probably crucial to avoid the “not busy” effect.

Also on the phone, before sending the email, I should have said:

Him: When can we talk about this?

Me: Considering that the contract expires next Monday and the matter thus seems urgent, we can talk even today if you wish.

This would have shown I was making space for him on purpose, it would have framed my immediate availability as a favor (me giving).

When instead I said just “today”, it is possible I came across as a lawyer having little business. And that is probably what sealed the deal negatively. Again, he is a new client and does not know me.

This reinforces the suggestion not to push in any way unless he contacts me again. If I sent him another email, the feeling he is probably “testing” might be confirmed for good.

That’s probably why John’s suggestion is to wait one week at least: it is intended to subcommunicate that I am busy, even if after the days I was available.

And if he now contacts me, it might be helpful to make him wait a bit before answering or setting a call.

I suppose if I had said “the day after tomorrow”, the issue simply would have not been there.

Thus the new guideline that is forming in my mind here is related to subcommunicating being busy to new clients, and it is:

Whenever I express immediate availability (ie for today or tomorrow) to a client, and especially if to a new client, I need to always frame my availability as a conscious effort on my part due to the matter being very urgent.

On the other hand, with long-standing clients the issue is not there, as they usually see that I am sometimes just busy with other work.

EDIT: or maybe just better, as with women, to stick to the tested rules and just give availability for no sooner than two days in the future at least.

Assuming he called two or three lawyers for this job, he probably unconsciously selected the one who answered with something like:

This is urgent since there is a tight deadline, but today I’m already full. But we can definitely have the call before the weekend and still have the contract done in time for Monday.

So this may be a better solution for future similar situations.

Ie:

- never be available “today”

- but be available immediately after “today” while qualifying it as an exception due to urgency.

This ties in nicely with Lucio’s suggestion as well:

- by showing correctly framed availability (but not for today) I maximize the subcommunication that I am a busy in-demand lawyer, but eager to help;

- by mentioning I want to talk as I have information to share, I subcommunicate I have done (some) work already, thus discouraging opportunistic behaviors based on the client thinking “I am ghosting him as I chose another lawyer, but he hasn’t done anything yet after all”.

I need to make an entry in my journal about this, it is really important.

I am having new thoughts about this.

I realize that another crucial point to correct in my behavior here is that I have shown immediate availability twice, without correctly framing it:

- when he called me on the phone, he asked “when can we talk about this” and I answered “today”;

- when I wrote the email, I told him again to call me “today”.

It strikes lots of similarities with the concept of not calling women immediately.

I think my mistake was not necessarily in showing immediate availability, but rather in not expressly framing that immediate availability as a favor I was making to him due to the tight deadline (as it was).

John’s email, in fact, mentions “being available today as due to the urgency”: specifying this is probably crucial to avoid the “not busy” effect.

Also on the phone, before sending the email, I should have said:

Him: When can we talk about this?

Me: Considering that the contract expires next Monday and the matter thus seems urgent, we can talk even today if you wish.

This would have shown I was making space for him on purpose, it would have framed my immediate availability as a favor (me giving).

When instead I said just “today”, it is possible I came across as a lawyer having little business. And that is probably what sealed the deal negatively. Again, he is a new client and does not know me.

This reinforces the suggestion not to push in any way unless he contacts me again. If I sent him another email, the feeling he is probably “testing” might be confirmed for good.

That’s probably why John’s suggestion is to wait one week at least: it is intended to subcommunicate that I am busy, even if after the days I was available.

And if he now contacts me, it might be helpful to make him wait a bit before answering or setting a call.

I suppose if I had said “the day after tomorrow”, the issue simply would have not been there.

Thus the new guideline that is forming in my mind here is related to subcommunicating being busy to new clients, and it is:

Whenever I express immediate availability (ie for today or tomorrow) to a client, and especially if to a new client, I need to always frame my availability as a conscious effort on my part due to the matter being very urgent.

On the other hand, with long-standing clients the issue is not there, as they usually see that I am sometimes just busy with other work.

EDIT: or maybe just better, as with women, to stick to the tested rules and just give availability for no sooner than two days in the future at least.

Assuming he called two or three lawyers for this job, he probably unconsciously selected the one who answered with something like:

This is urgent since there is a tight deadline, but today I’m already full. But we can definitely have the call before the weekend and still have the contract done in time for Monday.

So this may be a better solution for future similar situations.

Ie:

- never be available “today”

- but be available immediately after “today” while qualifying it as an exception due to urgency.

This ties in nicely with Lucio’s suggestion as well:

- by showing correctly framed availability (but not for today) I maximize the subcommunication that I am a busy in-demand lawyer, but eager to help;

- by mentioning I want to talk as I have information to share, I subcommunicate I have done (some) work already, thus discouraging opportunistic behaviors based on the client thinking “I am ghosting him as I chose another lawyer, but he hasn’t done anything yet after all”.

I need to make an entry in my journal about this, it is really important.

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