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Quote from TheQ2020 on December 11, 2020, 8:12 am

alright guys i need help. what should i reply?

One potential issue I see with that "can I be honest", is that it comes in lower power.

You set yourself up like this super direct dude, and then you ask permission to speak your mind?

Keep in mind that a match is not a sure bang, and not even a sure meet.
So even among matches, it's still about screening in / out.

While your opening "can I be honest" can serve to take some of the edge off and make you come off more relatable / not as crazy as some ladies might fear, it also lowers your power and can feel incongruent.

You might cast your net wider among your matches with that, but you also might lose points with the ones who were more down to fuck (DTF).

The ladies who were ready to submit might think:

Damn, I was hoping he'd barrel through, barge in through the door -and my vagina-, and now he's asking me permission?


At that "LMAO", I'd personally cut straight to the meet.

She's investing less, and the more you keep talking, the bigger the investment gap becomes, and the more leverage / power you lose (and women don't wanna meet down-in-power guys).

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Quote from TheQ2020 on December 11, 2020, 10:03 am

here is another interesting one.

am i being trolled or she is really a virgin?

i was thinking of replying "its ok if you are".

what do you guys think?

https://imgur.com/a/kleslro

Never say never, but (far) higher chances of trolling than being honest.

I'd avoid taking it seriously, if it's not true you'd come across as gullible, and if it's true... You can still address it in jest, while forging ahead and maintaining frame.
Something like:

No better way than fixing that while handcuffed to my bed, under my total control

 

Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?
Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 11, 2020, 10:54 am
Quote from TheQ2020 on December 11, 2020, 8:12 am

alright guys i need help. what should i reply?

One potential issue I see with that "can I be honest", is that it comes in lower power.

You set yourself up like this super direct dude, and then you ask permission to speak your mind?

Keep in mind that a match is not a sure bang, and not even a sure meet.
So even among matches, it's still about screening in / out.

While your opening "can I be honest" can serve to take some of the edge off and make you come off more relatable / not as crazy as some ladies might fear, it also lowers your power and can feel incongruent.

You might cast your net wider among your matches with that, but you also might lose points with the ones who were more down to fuck (DTF).

The ladies who were ready to submit might think:

Damn, I was hoping he'd barrel through, barge in through the door -and my vagina-, and now he's asking me permission?


At that "LMAO", I'd personally cut straight to the meet.

She's investing less, and the more you keep talking, the bigger the investment gap becomes, and the more leverage / power you lose (and women don't wanna meet down-in-power guys).

 

wow thank you so much for such detailed responses.

i did suspect "can i be honest" was not very dominant but i felt i had no choice because so far my other openers are not working.

here is the data so far

"I'm not going to lie, you are fucking cute I want to do nasty things with you (name).

sent = 2

responses = 0

unmatched = 1

"Gosh I can't wait until i see those beautiful eyes looking up at me with my cock in your mouth"

sent = 2

responses = 0

"Hi slut"

sent = 2

responses = 0

"Hey, you're sexy, I'm (name). I'm looking for something very specific on here."

sent = 4

responses = 1

"(name)!"

sent = 4

responses = 2

"Can i be honest"

sent = 6

responses = 3

"so i guess we're dating now"

sent = 1

responses = 0

so overall i have messaged 21 girls so far, 1 unmatched me and only 6 have replied.

i only started messaging 25 hours ago so hopefully more girls respond soon but so far not a good start to this experiment.

do you guys have any thoughts on the openers i have tried so far? any suggestions?

regarding the LMAO girl, im hesitant to go for the meet without some sort response to her laughing.

maybe something where i call her out for being bratty and promise to spank her extra hard?

i just feel going for the meet now is suboptimal.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on December 11, 2020, 10:59 am
Quote from TheQ2020 on December 11, 2020, 10:03 am

here is another interesting one.

am i being trolled or she is really a virgin?

i was thinking of replying "its ok if you are".

what do you guys think?

https://imgur.com/a/kleslro

Never say never, but (far) higher chances of trolling than being honest.

I'd avoid taking it seriously, if it's not true you'd come across as gullible, and if it's true... You can still address it in jest, while forging ahead and maintaining frame.
Something like:

No better way than fixing that while handcuffed to my bed, under my total control

 

 

I'm so glad i waited for your thoughts before responding to this girl.

I was typing a response saying "that's ok" to her being a virgin when i realized i would look very bad if my instincts are correct and she is trolling me.

i think your suggested response is much more likely to work then what i was going to do.

what are your thoughts on timing when responding.

for example, its now 4:30 AM in my city and this girl sent her "im a virgin" message at exactly 1:29 AM.

should i message her right now? wait until tomorrow? does it even matter? what do you think?

thanks again for all the help.

what do you guys think about me replying to this girl with "am i wrong"

https://imgur.com/a/hbSNNqJ#Ac0qCfP

i was hoping you guys would find this experiment interesting but does not seem to be much interest at all.

several girls have now responded. if there is any interest i can upload screenshot. i just do not want to waste time editing screenshots to hide private info if you guys do not really care about this experiment.

ill keep an eye on this thread in next 24 hours.

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Lucio BuffalmanoMatthew Whitewood
Quote from TheQ2020 on December 12, 2020, 5:11 am

i was hoping you guys would find this experiment interesting but does not seem to be much interest at all.

several girls have now responded. if there is any interest i can upload screenshot. i just do not want to waste time editing screenshots to hide private info if you guys do not really care about this experiment.

ill keep an eye on this thread in next 24 hours.

Man, lemme tell you:

A power dynamics forum is not the best place to pull these power moves.

This message is full of manipulative covert power moves, and those make for a very poor way of relating with others.

Starting from:

  • I was hoping you guys would find this experiment interesting (social scalping, specifically: credit inflating)

= I came here to give you, but you're ignoring me

No man, you came here asking for suggestions first and foremost.
And that's totally OK... As long as you own it.

Then I told you it was also awesome for me to learn from it, and you shared some more quantitative data, which was a great move (you increased your giving)

But now with this new frame of you coming here to provide us with an experiment, you totally ignore what's in it for you, and you frame it as you've just come here to give (how incredibly nice of you).

This leads us to another advanced law of social exchanges: be careful telling people what's in it for you and how much you appreciate their giving in, or they might use it against you.

  • Several girls have now responded (carrot dangling). if there is any interest I can upload screenshot (social scalping, specifically: credit-erasing)

= I got what you want, but I'm only gonna give it to you if you help me

The first part is obvious carrot dangling, meaning "I can give you a lot now... But only if you're going to help me".

And it's great to highlight the ability of giving ("fair value marketing"), but not in this covert, manipulative way.

Also notice the word "interest".

"Interest" here is used in place of "feedback" or "help".
You are trying to devalue our (or my) contribution by avoiding to call it "feedback", or "help", both of which would imply that I'm also giving in this exchange.

With that manipulative frame, you are devaluing my help (credit-erasing).

  • I'll keep an eye on this thread in next 24 hours.

The perfect icing on the cake.
The hidden threat and stopwatch.

"I'll give you 24h more to reply, after which I'm gone".

Since we're talking about dating, this is the exact same reason why I advise women not to play nasty games if they're interested in high-quality men.

Who do you think is going to submit to these threats?

High-quality men tend to have options, busy lives, and power-dynamics aware... And to cap it all, they also tend to be proud.

They are the least likely people to submit to threats.
Even if, even if they craved what you got to offer, they'll say "fuck it" just to maintain their power, and honor. And just to avoid giving to someone that they have now branded as "not good enough" of their continued investment.

The dating equivalent is the woman saying:

You know, I'll stay with you another one month, and let's see if things lead towards where they should lead

And the high-quality, assertive man will think "what of a cheap move was that. If you want something, speak clearly, speak up, and quit playing games".
And he'll be far less likely to even keep spending one more hour with her, let alone the rest of his life.

In short: don't be a sneaky weasel. Speak up, speak fairly, and treat others like you'd want to be treated.

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Ali ScarlettMatthew WhitewoodMusicforthejuan99 Problemsselffriend
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

By the way, as a learning opportunity:

Does anyone wanna try to guess how TheQ could have framed his request for more timely feedback in a way that's more assertive, high-power, as well as collaborative?

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Matthew WhitewoodMusicforthejuan
Have you read the forum guidelines for effective communication already?

Very insightful breakdown, Lucio.

Might be worth it to add your post to Power University or include it in this thread in the forum.

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Matthew Whitewood

Lucio, thank you for the detailed breakdown on the power moves in that reply.
It is an absolutely insightful case study on social scalping.

First Post at the Start of Forum Thread

It should start right from the beginning of the post.
A key point on forums is the law of social exchange.
Are you giving off good information and good vibes to the participants of this forum?
Many of which are here to learn and grow as a community.

Lucio has already pointed out a good way to give back on the forum while asking for advice.
Give your own thoughts and opinion on the subject.

I would like to gather some feedback on my Tinder profile.
Going for a dominant, lover style.

Here is a snapshot of the profile: (add value through your thoughts and painting the context)
...

Here are my thoughts on how I should go about messaging this match.
...

Keen to learn and share among this community of refined lovers. (collaborative and good vibes)

The first post is absolutely critical because you want to set off the impression that you are willing to invest in the thread to give back value to the community.

Potential Reply to Request for More Timely Feedback

(Assertively acknowledge that you are in need of some timely advice)
I'm in a bit of a rush.
I have recently matched with a few women that I like.
And I am contemplating on how I should reply to keep the momentum going.

(Make it easy for us to reply and chime in)
Here is an example of a match and how I would go about starting the conversation.
...

Here is another in the middle of a conversation. I am thinking of this reply:
...

Thank you for your help so far. It has been instructive. (showing people that you acknowledge and value their contributions)

 

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