Former Community – We Moved

🆕 Coached community here, for posts & feedback public community here.

Forum breadcrumbs - You are here:ForumPublic Forum: DatingHardcore Tinder Profile
Please or Register to create posts and topics.

Hardcore Tinder Profile

PreviousPage 3 of 3

Great points, Matthew, including your higher-assertiveness.

Another option would have been to directly say:

Guys, I know you are busy doing your thing (optional: so if you can't go quicker, I understand).

If you got a few minutes to spare though, I'd really appreciate moving a bit quicker here.
It will help me keep the balls rolling, and it will also make for a much better experiment for the forum (otherwise these leads go stale).

This also has a good mix of pinging while pre-emptively taking the pressure off.
It also highlights what's in it for him (move quicker towards the meet), and what's in it the forum (the experiment), and tactfully (and without threads) underlining what it stands to lose (leads go stale).

Also the minimization of the investment is a good persuasive move ("if you got a few minutes to spare" = pressure off, but... It won't take you long if you do it).

Matthew Whitewood, Deleted user and Perfect Circle have reacted to this post.
Matthew WhitewoodDeleted userPerfect Circle
Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

Thanks a lot. That's insightful.
Utilising what's in it for the forum to drive the discussion forward.

If you got a few minutes to spare though, I'd really appreciate moving a bit quicker here.

When would minimization of the investment "if you got a few minutes to spare" be considered a good persuasive move?
And when would this constitute a manipulative debt erasing in the sense of minimising the costs of value received?

I'm thinking that in this case, it would indeed only take a few minutes to give a brief comment.
So this is a fair persuasive move to draw attention to the relatively low cost of investment.

An example of being manipulative would be knowing that the request will take an hour, but you frame the potential time taken to be only a few minutes to trick someone into starting the task.

I'd really appreciate moving a bit quicker here

Would this be slightly different from the email tasking move
"I greatly appreciate your quick response."?

I'm thinking that, because of the preamble "Guys, I know you are busy doing your thing", you acknowledge that you are taking up people's time.
So what you are saying here becomes more of a request for a favour: "moving a bit quicker".

It will help me keep the balls rolling, and it will also make for a much better experiment for the forum (otherwise these leads go stale).

My thoughts on the last sentence to understand its effect better.
This is a tactful way of underlining what the forum stands to lose because it is assertive and direct.
And it does not set up a pressurising, fixed time limit in contrast to the previous phrasing.

Additionally, when you add pressure to social scalping, you are multiplying the effect of your manipulation.
Here, you acknowledge that you need help and showcase what you can offer to the forum when you get help quicker.

Deleted user and Serena Irina have reacted to this post.
Deleted userSerena Irina

Matthew: When would minimization of the investment "if you got a few minutes to spare" be considered a good persuasive move?
And when would this constitute a manipulative debt erasing in the sense of minimising the costs of value received?

Not an easy question to answer without practical examples.

But I'd say that what you say right after is a good rule of thumb: if indeed it only takes a few minutes, then it's fair persuasion. If it takes much longer, then it's manipulative "minimizing".
Of course, that leaves plenty of grey areas, but in this case, one could give a quick feedback within "a few minutes", so it's fair.

Matthew: Would this be slightly different from the email tasking move
"I greatly appreciate your quick response."?

Yes, definitely.

The "I greatly appreciate your quick response" implies you will reply, which takes away your freedom and your power to decide.
Plus, it adds "quick", which is bossy and demanding.

But considering the sender doesn't even that coercive power, then not only it comes across as overpowering, but it comes across as overpowering without the means of enforcing it, which is manipulative and sneaky.

"I'd really appreciate moving a bit quicker here" does not imply anyone will follow up. It states your very own wishes (I would really appreciate" wishes, but does not imply that the other will make good on your own wishes, wants, or needs.
The "a bit" is also a tactful addition, it adds no real meaning, but serves to "cushion" and "soften" the initial request.

Plus, what you also say about the preamble.

Matthew: Additionally, when you add pressure to social scalping, you are multiplying the effect of your manipulation.
Here, you acknowledge that you need help and showcase what you can offer to the forum when you get help quicker.

Matthew Whitewood has reacted to this post.
Matthew Whitewood
Community, new content and Confidence University now available here.

Thanks a lot! Very insightful on the details.

Now I see the huge difference between the 2 "I appreciate" statements.

First: "I greatly appreciate your quick response."

Second: "I'd really appreciate moving a bit quicker here"

The first is tasking and bossy.
The other is stating your wishes.

"if you got a few minutes to spare"

Let me think about a few examples and open a new thread.

Astronomically Revolutionised and Alejom have reacted to this post.
Astronomically RevolutionisedAlejom
PreviousPage 3 of 3
Processing...
Scroll to Top