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How to rebuild attraction with a girl who lost interest in you?

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Recently I chatted/texted with her and bantered with her over text and didn't seenzone or check her last message. So I met her again this Sunday and I also didn't bother to greet her or talk to her early on (She knows it too). But since me and my friend were enjoying ourselves too much she had to chime in, and when she chimed in I continued and included her and went on with my jokes. Up until we got into teasing/bantering with each other again, just because of some free PDF site, which she thinks that she has a better source. So of course I've got my chance, and she really wouldn't give in as well, she wouldn't give me the site, which is funny.

Up until she said "I don't need any reassurance from you." that froze me for a bit but then we changed topics and she was still laughing afterwards.

I think she knows that I'm playing this game and went direct with me here too. Either this can help or this is a setback.

Wouldn't that be her saying in some way "I don't need any validation from you."? Would I take this as a negative or positive sign? Wouldn't this somehow her accidentally revealing that she needs my validation? Or is this a sign that she's not biting to me being flirty/teasing?

Also what do you think of cheesy lines to counter-act this? I'm a natural joker, and I use some cheesy lines at times. Would some cheesy lines give her a bit of validation that she's seeking or is this not advisable?

So, no, to avoid any battle I would avoid showing more value and instead be warmer.

Yes, I would rebuild some goodwill before, get more time to recover a bit from the first failed attempt and let her show more signs. Ideally, in the best case scenario, she would give you a strong sign or "pass you the ball" for you to invite.

I guess for that to happen she would really have to be comfortable with me and she has to be open to me as well. She wouldn't do this because she wouldn't want to look easy, her Anti-Slut Defense has probably been turned on.

I fear that if I tried to build comfort with her that she would play hard to get and give me one word answers, attempt to show no signs of interest, make me wait (making me low priority), put her attention elsewhere and so on... or maybe this would happen because I'm trying to force it? That I'm not doing it naturally? I'm not so sure.

The question now would be how do I build comfort? How do I pull her? How do I build comfort in a way that doesn't make me look desperate, try hard, or forcing? 

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on November 4, 2019, 7:55 am

It sounds like you have very good social intelligence, man.

You do indeed want to avoid that frame battle / ego battle.
That's something that PUAs often struggle with as they tend to overgame (over-inflate their own value or push her down).

What you should do depends on how she views you.
If she views you as a fairly attractive man and/or a fairly good potential partner, then you shouldn't show more value or it becomes a game of "I'm better than you" and "you're not good enough for me".

See an example from my recent review of "The System" by Todd:

She likes him, but he keeps playing that game of "I'm better than you" for a little bit too long. The girl is desperate for connection and honest sign of liking, but he insists too long with the game. It becomes too much for her, and she quits.

So, no, to avoid any battle I would avoid showing more value and instead be warmer.

Personally, I would wait for a little bit longer before inviting out and wouldn't do it so early.
Yes, I would rebuild some goodwill before, get more time to recover a bit from the first failed attempt and let her show more signs. Ideally, in the best case scenario, she would give you a strong sign or "pass you the ball" for you to invite (ie.: "I tried this cafe the other at X, was sooo good").

Independently of when you ask, I would always avoid the "you won't regret it" part.
Yes, it's honest and it might even work sometimes.
But it slots you as the one who has to provide (a lot) for her and her as the final chooser.

Thanks for the teaching and mentoring. Just a quick note here. I had a feeling that the phases like "you won't regret it" is a bit creepy, but I never understand why. Today for a first time in my life I understand the rationale behind this.

Also, the indirect invitation part is also very helpful. Thank you again, Lucio.

I am not sure if this short note fits the "short-thank-you" thread better. If so, let me know.

Moreover, I agree that Todd made a lot of mistakes in the video example, based on the knowledge in TPM.

For examples:

  1. He used a lot of filler words, such as "you know.
  2. He explains himself too much.
  3. He's body language is a bit submissive and reactive.
  4. By saying: "you winked at me too much I swear to god" he is actually seeking validation from her
  5. When she responses "No it was just my eye", he accepted her "no" frame
  6. By saying: "Do be careful. Do that too much you're gonna get guys like hitting...", he implies that he is uncomfortable with quick escalation and liberated sexual relationships
  7. He often invalidate his own words and use "never mind".
  8. He lacks a firm purpose, going back and forth (rather than playful push-pulls). There is a difference between sending mixed signal and going back and forth.
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