Quote from John Freeman on December 12, 2020, 1:57 pm

Hahaha, I love it man! I’m on the path. This is the way. (Mando ;) )

Something noteworthy in my journal as well: I decided not to let others make me feel guilty or shameful for no reasons. I noticed how much I used to let my supervisors affect my self-esteem. I found it to be stupid to let them do so. So I’m currently rewiring myself not to be affected by their attempts to make me feel bad if undeserved. It works.

For instance when I make minor mistakes and they make it look like it’s important.

Step 1: I pretend that I believe that it’s important as well.
Step 2: I don’t give a fuck emotionally.
Step 3: I take into account their feed-back and make sure to improve.

That means that I don’t let myself get affected by meaningless things.

Quote from John Freeman on January 5, 2021, 11:29 am

Here is something I understood today about Respect:

I understand why as junior doctors (residents) we are not respected in some hospitals. It's because we are not respected by our hierarchy. People look at others to know how to behave with someone their importance within the group (AKA social status). If we are treated like we don't matter by our supervisors, this is how we're going to be treated by the rest of the team. It's true that we are assigned to tasks that are administrative or menial in nature where I work. I go fetch this or fetch that. It's not pretty but this is true. It's not all that I do but I still do it.

So, it's important to find a work environment where we are respected. As it affects all parts of our lives. If you are being disrespected 8-12 hours a day, guess how you will feel? Exactly.

Find a workplace that deserves you. You and I deserve Respect. I know I'm looking for one. I'll let you know when I'll find it.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 5, 2021, 11:41 pm

Condensing other messages on different threads here:

I'd have (selfishly) preferred you in Europe, but... Happy you're closing in on a place you're happy with! :).

And yes, the decision and/or organization to leave a (social) pond, even if at a future date, can serve as a mindset shift to transcend the small pond even while you're still there (plus, moral boost if the pond was limiting). Powerful stuff.

Quote from John Freeman on January 6, 2021, 6:36 am

It is powerful. I got my motivation back. I was getting sad in this limiting environment. I’m not settled yet but at least I know that what I’m looking for exists. And it’s a huge relief. I know I can find a positive environment focused on learning filled with respect.

Quote from John Freeman on January 7, 2021, 12:21 am

Here an interaction from today with a male nurse who tries to boss me around (and he's not my supervisor), covert-agressive, he's used to be the number 1 male and doesn't like to see a new guy, pretends to be nice and friendly, but isn't.

He wanted me to give him an answer about if we do yes or no a stool analysis in a patient. I forgot he reminded me and says:

Him: if you don't (tell me in time), you're going to be the one taking the stools out.

I did not answer anything as I did not know what to say. I knew it was covert aggressive but I was focused on my task. But it helped me to identify him once and for all as someone being covert-aggressive. So later in the day, he framed me again as making a mistake. I asked the nurses to do a Covid test in a child and analyze some stools. It was 7pm and we had the info at 5pm that we must do the test from the infectious diseases specialists.

He blamed me to ask for this at the time of the change of shifts. However, he was dicking around. Not doing anything.

I said: I had other tasks and then I remembered that it's because I actually forgot. So I said: "I forgot". This took away any power from his attack as I made a mistake by forgetting and now what?

He was trying to shame me and because I owned my mistake there was no more shame to be had. So I said out loud: "I think it's very important to help colleagues, to work together!" It was a very obvious way to set a collaborative frames.

Anyway, his more professional colleague told him: "come on, let's do it" (1. It's their job. 2. It's a really small thing to do).

I understand he does not like to deal with poop. Nobody does. But it's part of the job. And more part of theirs than mine.

What would you have answered at: "Him: if you don't (tell me in time), you're going to be the one taking the stools out."?

Now, I'm trying to fly with the eagles, that's why it did not register on an emotional level. I let it fly by me because I chose to. However, I think I could have answered something. I recognized it as a micro-aggression (one-up, inversion of roles) and that's why I defended against the following one.

I think I could have answered: "But isn't that your job?" but this would have been one-up. I think he would have liked to be a doctor or something as I feel there is some resentment here. Or he resents his job. Either or both (see my other thread about defending against false flattery).

Cheers!

Quote from Transitioned on January 7, 2021, 12:28 am

My partner is a nurse.  She says most of the male nurses resent their jobs and have short guy syndrome.  Another way might be to quote higher goals.  I m sure the parents r worried and as a team if we can get this done quickly that will take away the strain of not knowing.

Quote from John Freeman on January 7, 2021, 12:59 am

Thanks for your answer! I thought about it but unfortunately, saying "it's for the patient", they will reply: "well, if it's for the patient, then organize your work better" and turn it back on me.

Quote from Lucio Buffalmano on January 7, 2021, 1:09 am

Yeah, I think it's great you owned your mistake.
That preveted any defensiveness, backtracking, or justification.

The dynamic then changed to a "yeah, I've done a mistake, whatever, now let's keep on working".

"Him: if you don't (tell me in time), you're going to be the one taking the stools out."?

If you have authority over him, then you could think about potentially escalating this.
But since it's not a clear-cut case of having authority, then I think that your default answer of ignoring was good -solid response most of the time, as we said a few times here-.

To further improve on that, then I'd have ignored the threat, one-up, and re-asserted the frame of "it's your task, and you do it".
Something like:

"We always try to communicate on time, nurse. Sometimes things happen and we can forget. That's unfortunate, but that's life".

As if to say "we always try to do our best and be on time, but sometimes things happen or we slip up because we're human, and when that happens, we shut the fuck up and deal with it, which is what I expect you to do.

Quote from John Freeman on January 7, 2021, 6:21 am

Thanks. Yes, it's a common accusation at the hospital. For instance: "What? you're telling us this at 5pm?" Now I don't sweat it: "yes I'm telling you at 5pm" with an even tone. Implying: "we're adults, that's the current situation and now we have to deal with it. I cannot go back in time and neither do you." So we can address the problem at hand. It's a childish accusation.