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My Journey to Love

#81 · January 10, 2024, 4:09 pm

Quote from John Freeman on January 10, 2024, 4:09 pm
Hello Lucio, Jack,
Thank you very much Lucio, I share the admiration of this script. I'll definitely use it in my next relationship.
Thanks also for the note on the mindset. Both in my notes.
That's similar as how I feel now. And that's why I want to break up with her.
We talked with Transitioned and he said that if there is 10% to fix it's fine.
But with her there's too much. She's going to affect negatively my mindset, self-esteem and self-confidence in the long term.
Too many example but I'll quote a few:
She's sucking up too much of my time and energy: she takes rather than she gives energy.
Yesterday evening tells me she has been insecure the whole day and she sent me messages to call her as I'm working 12 hours shifts and she knows it's non-stop. I started at 8 finished at 10:30pm.
She said yesterday call me tomorrow morning (she's working) I'm off but real tired so did a few naps from this morning until 4pm.
Tasking me constantly with things that I told her I'm going to do: "Do your applications" just right now. Then "you can text me when you are at the gym or when you have finished your application to share your little achievements". I don't like the tone and I won't report to her after every task of my day.
Guilt-tripping too much
Wakes me up when I snore.
Asks me personal/intimate questions just before I fall asleep: "I have questions, have you always been with younger girls". I proceed to answer, then actually falls into sleep, she wakes me up to ask more questions until I get to sleep. The next day asks me if I remember the questions. I tell her I remember the age question and then I was falling in and out of sleep. She demands too much and respects me too litte.
I brush my teeth at her place 2 days ago and she pouts: she wanted us to eat the (handmade, personalized) chocolate that I gifted her. I said: "I don't want to eat chocolate anyway".
Tells me curtly: "Let's not talk about work" so quite directive, it's the tone
And on and on..
It seems like small things but it's constantly annoying: the pressure, guilt-tripping, insecurity, energy-sucking + the shaming with the cigarette. I have to defend to keep my mindset intact.
Too much to fix. I'm not in love so I don't care. I feel she's a minus in my life rather than a plus. I feel she's deadweight. Yes I get to have sex and our conversations are cool. But my 2 requirements of good mental health and good emotional health are not met.
I still agree about therapy not being a must generally speaking. In this case it's the bare minimum to stay with her. So it's a red flag in her case not being interested. I mean she needs at least a few years of it. She's messed up. For real.
Smart, beautiful but messed up.
And that's my lesson in this relationship: I can date a beautiful woman but beauty is not enough. I knew it but this reinforces the mindset: "Alright you're beautiful but what else do you have?" that the PUA probably stole from the naturals who had abundance and think like that.
So I would say it's actually a time for a celebration: Thanks to this experience I now believe I can have a beautiful woman. It's not a goal anymore, it's been a reality. So it's a fact now.
It's too bad as I liked that she was half italian half swiss and we had lots in common. But that's too much for me. Constant battle of my own mental and emotional health. No thanks. I worked too hard to acquire it and I get enough crazy at work already.
Thank you guys!

Hello Lucio, Jack,

Thank you very much Lucio, I share the admiration of this script. I'll definitely use it in my next relationship.

Thanks also for the note on the mindset. Both in my notes.

That's similar as how I feel now. And that's why I want to break up with her.

We talked with Transitioned and he said that if there is 10% to fix it's fine.

But with her there's too much. She's going to affect negatively my mindset, self-esteem and self-confidence in the long term.

Too many example but I'll quote a few:

She's sucking up too much of my time and energy: she takes rather than she gives energy.
Yesterday evening tells me she has been insecure the whole day and she sent me messages to call her as I'm working 12 hours shifts and she knows it's non-stop. I started at 8 finished at 10:30pm.
She said yesterday call me tomorrow morning (she's working) I'm off but real tired so did a few naps from this morning until 4pm.
Tasking me constantly with things that I told her I'm going to do: "Do your applications" just right now. Then "you can text me when you are at the gym or when you have finished your application to share your little achievements". I don't like the tone and I won't report to her after every task of my day.
Guilt-tripping too much
Wakes me up when I snore.
Asks me personal/intimate questions just before I fall asleep: "I have questions, have you always been with younger girls". I proceed to answer, then actually falls into sleep, she wakes me up to ask more questions until I get to sleep. The next day asks me if I remember the questions. I tell her I remember the age question and then I was falling in and out of sleep. She demands too much and respects me too litte.
I brush my teeth at her place 2 days ago and she pouts: she wanted us to eat the (handmade, personalized) chocolate that I gifted her. I said: "I don't want to eat chocolate anyway".
Tells me curtly: "Let's not talk about work" so quite directive, it's the tone
And on and on..

It seems like small things but it's constantly annoying: the pressure, guilt-tripping, insecurity, energy-sucking + the shaming with the cigarette. I have to defend to keep my mindset intact.

Too much to fix. I'm not in love so I don't care. I feel she's a minus in my life rather than a plus. I feel she's deadweight. Yes I get to have sex and our conversations are cool. But my 2 requirements of good mental health and good emotional health are not met.

I still agree about therapy not being a must generally speaking. In this case it's the bare minimum to stay with her. So it's a red flag in her case not being interested. I mean she needs at least a few years of it. She's messed up. For real.

Smart, beautiful but messed up.

And that's my lesson in this relationship: I can date a beautiful woman but beauty is not enough. I knew it but this reinforces the mindset: "Alright you're beautiful but what else do you have?" that the PUA probably stole from the naturals who had abundance and think like that.

So I would say it's actually a time for a celebration: Thanks to this experience I now believe I can have a beautiful woman. It's not a goal anymore, it's been a reality. So it's a fact now.

It's too bad as I liked that she was half italian half swiss and we had lots in common. But that's too much for me. Constant battle of my own mental and emotional health. No thanks. I worked too hard to acquire it and I get enough crazy at work already.

Thank you guys!

Lucio Buffalmano, Jack and 2 other users have reacted to this post.

#82 · January 10, 2024, 7:29 pm

Quote from John Freeman on January 10, 2024, 7:29 pm
So this seems like a failure and it is. This is great. Not out of pollyannish thinking. Out of anti-fragility (hormesis).
First, it shows I'm getting closer to my goal since I got a significative increase in quality of woman. I could also improve my sexual confidence.
Second, I learned a lot thanks to this experience and your support and advice. So I feel better equipped for the next one.
I tried the open minded approach and be more open to a girl who does not fit my exact criteria (hair colour for instance).
It was good as it provided me with training opportunity but it made me miss the mark. So I'm going to go for 180°: I'm going to have even more stringent criteria.
These are some of them:
Long blonde, jet black hair or redhead
Blue eyes
Excellent self-esteem
Excellent mental health
Excellent emotional health
Does self-improvement
Gifted (High IQ + qualitative intelligence)
Gemini, Leo or Sagittarius
Etc.
I know many people are skeptical about zodiac signs and it could affect my credibility writing that. I don't know why they work as there is no scientific fact nor explanation to explain it out of the time of year and the relationship to seasons (your first life experience being born in summer might affect you differently than if born in winter, but that's a weak hypothesis). In my experience it does. Just like with subliminals, I could not explain why and how it works but it does.
I'm aware I'm going for 0.01% of the population (or even 0.001% or less). So it validates Lucio's advice: to be in a region where there is a large population. That's why I increased the distance range on my dating apps. Being aware of it will make me more understanding of the challenge of the task and the value of the person once I found her. I know that one day I'll come here and write: "I found her!". Just as I wrote that I found a beautiful woman.
I'm also going for a life that is unique to me. Many things I did seemed very unlikely to do or achieved but I still did. So it's not because it's very unlikely or very low probability that it is not possible. Very different. Very very hard but possible. That's my mindset.
On the seemingly esoteric but not, I'm going to use my subconscious mind. I'm going to record my criteria and listen to them daily. So I'll brainwash my nervous system in order to teach my "targeting" system what to look for. It will subconsciously influence me to go to certain places, do certain activities and talk to certain people. Just like goal setting does.

So this seems like a failure and it is. This is great. Not out of pollyannish thinking. Out of anti-fragility (hormesis).

First, it shows I'm getting closer to my goal since I got a significative increase in quality of woman. I could also improve my sexual confidence.

Second, I learned a lot thanks to this experience and your support and advice. So I feel better equipped for the next one.

I tried the open minded approach and be more open to a girl who does not fit my exact criteria (hair colour for instance).

It was good as it provided me with training opportunity but it made me miss the mark. So I'm going to go for 180°: I'm going to have even more stringent criteria.

These are some of them:

Long blonde, jet black hair or redhead
Blue eyes
Excellent self-esteem
Excellent mental health
Excellent emotional health
Does self-improvement
Gifted (High IQ + qualitative intelligence)
Gemini, Leo or Sagittarius
Etc.

I know many people are skeptical about zodiac signs and it could affect my credibility writing that. I don't know why they work as there is no scientific fact nor explanation to explain it out of the time of year and the relationship to seasons (your first life experience being born in summer might affect you differently than if born in winter, but that's a weak hypothesis). In my experience it does. Just like with subliminals, I could not explain why and how it works but it does.

I'm aware I'm going for 0.01% of the population (or even 0.001% or less). So it validates Lucio's advice: to be in a region where there is a large population. That's why I increased the distance range on my dating apps. Being aware of it will make me more understanding of the challenge of the task and the value of the person once I found her. I know that one day I'll come here and write: "I found her!". Just as I wrote that I found a beautiful woman.

I'm also going for a life that is unique to me. Many things I did seemed very unlikely to do or achieved but I still did. So it's not because it's very unlikely or very low probability that it is not possible. Very different. Very very hard but possible. That's my mindset.

On the seemingly esoteric but not, I'm going to use my subconscious mind. I'm going to record my criteria and listen to them daily. So I'll brainwash my nervous system in order to teach my "targeting" system what to look for. It will subconsciously influence me to go to certain places, do certain activities and talk to certain people. Just like goal setting does.

Jack, Transitioned and Kavalier have reacted to this post.

#83 · January 10, 2024, 8:04 pm

I get it now: it's a quest!

Just like I succeeded in my spiritual quest, in finding my profession, this is another quest on the hero's journey (we're all heroes to me to be clear, metaphor). So it's all good and I can relax.

Regarding the probabilities, the only info I need is that I know this woman exist on this earth. Just have to find her. So different mindset.

Correction in 2 posts above: "Constant battle for my own mental and emotional health." Of course.

Transitioned and Kavalier have reacted to this post.

#84 · January 12, 2024, 10:49 am

Listening to “the book of numbers” and having listened to “the curse of the high IQ”. I’m now aware I’m going for a unicorn. The odds are very very low that I find my dream woman. As Lucio says life is about odds. So I now understand that it’s in my power to increase the odds with action. That is my agency. What is in my control.

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#85 · January 16, 2024, 12:25 am

Quote from John Freeman on January 16, 2024, 12:25 am
Was on the phone with her. The day before she did again some manipulative stuff. I warned her that I would not let anyone trump on my inner peace. I told her that I worked too hard on my self-esteem and inner peace to let it get damaged. She apologized many times and I thought we were good to go.
And today on the phone, again. Trap questions after trap questions despite my warnings. Then it was the straw that tipped the camel's back: "have you ever cheated on one of your GF?" (on the phone!) I could not believe it. I said it was a trap question and she said: "so it means yes". And yes it is yes. But the way she did was very nasty. I felt dirty and shamed. It was abusive to me. If she would have approached it differently, I would have told her all the truth as I did so far.
So I got angry, said that when she asked me yesterday if I felt disrespected sometimes (and already given her examples yesterday), that was an example. I said I had high standards, that I did not tolerate this kind of behaviour. That if she was doing it again it was over (I meant it). She asked me to help her know what was it. I felt it was again gaslighting playing the innocent card. She apologised but it was bad apology (did not meant it, just wanted to calm me down) so it was even worse. I said I did not accept her apologies. I felt dirty now. That I felt like that yesterday and also a week ago. That she was getting the worst part of me: the negative and aggressive part. That I did not want to be with someone who drew the bad in me. I told her that she used a moment of vulnerability to dump her (spiritual) shit on me (it's been years nobody did that to me). I said I did not want to talk to her anymore (I meant "in the moment" at this point). I told her I felt her shit and I did not see why I should. I told her that 1 week ago when we talked until 3 am, it took me 3-4 days to process her emotional/spiritual shit (I still feel it now as I write these words).
I hung up. And right away knew this relationshit was not for me. I blocked her on WA and on my phone. I sent her a text saying that I was cancelling our next 3 events: wine tasting, cirque du soleil and Zurich week-end get away. I sent her the money back for cirque du soleil that she paid me (only part of it since for some reason, I could not send it all in one piece, maybe I have to wait next day or next month, but I'll make sure to send her all the money back. Her account seemed have received too many transactions). Too much bad for such a short amount of time. Too much abuse. It's taking more than it's giving me in my life.
Yes she's beautiful and smart. Yes my friends are envious. Yes I get to have sex and cool conversations. I also get to learn from her.
But all of this is not worth the manipulation, the abuse, the disrespect, the stress, the lack of sleep, the therapy sessions I'm doing with her (while I told her I don't want a therapeutic relationship with her), the judgment, the subtle not so subtle demeaning, the shaming, the guilt tripping, the gaslighting, the cliffhangers (I'll tell you another time), etc.
So no manipulator, thanks. I had my share. I'm sure a guy will be happy to kiss her feet. Not me.
I worked too hard on myself to accept being treated like that.
I'm free again. Now I have new experiences so the next one will be better. I saw the red flags but minimized them as she had lots of good things in her. I did not fall in love with her now I understand why. She was basically using me to feel better about herself. The energy/love I was giving her was healing her inner shit.
And she took advantage of me. Another lesson, another day.
It's not the way I wanted it to have ended. I wanted to have a conversation with her but it was too much in a short amount of time. I felt too abused and disrespected by someone I gave so much. So total abuse disguised as a relationship. I saw my friends and my stepbrother fall into that. I promised myself not to do this no matter what. I'm holding on that promise still.
Her quality is not high enough for me to feel love, supported and understood. So no intimate relationship with her. I lost all trust in her and there's no way I would give her a second chance. 2-3 months of senseless drama is enough. She's got to heal her traumas and I told her.
So no more shit for me, no thank you!

Was on the phone with her. The day before she did again some manipulative stuff. I warned her that I would not let anyone trump on my inner peace. I told her that I worked too hard on my self-esteem and inner peace to let it get damaged. She apologized many times and I thought we were good to go.

And today on the phone, again. Trap questions after trap questions despite my warnings. Then it was the straw that tipped the camel's back: "have you ever cheated on one of your GF?" (on the phone!) I could not believe it. I said it was a trap question and she said: "so it means yes". And yes it is yes. But the way she did was very nasty. I felt dirty and shamed. It was abusive to me. If she would have approached it differently, I would have told her all the truth as I did so far.

So I got angry, said that when she asked me yesterday if I felt disrespected sometimes (and already given her examples yesterday), that was an example. I said I had high standards, that I did not tolerate this kind of behaviour. That if she was doing it again it was over (I meant it). She asked me to help her know what was it. I felt it was again gaslighting playing the innocent card. She apologised but it was bad apology (did not meant it, just wanted to calm me down) so it was even worse. I said I did not accept her apologies. I felt dirty now. That I felt like that yesterday and also a week ago. That she was getting the worst part of me: the negative and aggressive part. That I did not want to be with someone who drew the bad in me. I told her that she used a moment of vulnerability to dump her (spiritual) shit on me (it's been years nobody did that to me). I said I did not want to talk to her anymore (I meant "in the moment" at this point). I told her I felt her shit and I did not see why I should. I told her that 1 week ago when we talked until 3 am, it took me 3-4 days to process her emotional/spiritual shit (I still feel it now as I write these words).

I hung up. And right away knew this relationshit was not for me. I blocked her on WA and on my phone. I sent her a text saying that I was cancelling our next 3 events: wine tasting, cirque du soleil and Zurich week-end get away. I sent her the money back for cirque du soleil that she paid me (only part of it since for some reason, I could not send it all in one piece, maybe I have to wait next day or next month, but I'll make sure to send her all the money back. Her account seemed have received too many transactions). Too much bad for such a short amount of time. Too much abuse. It's taking more than it's giving me in my life.

Yes she's beautiful and smart. Yes my friends are envious. Yes I get to have sex and cool conversations. I also get to learn from her.

But all of this is not worth the manipulation, the abuse, the disrespect, the stress, the lack of sleep, the therapy sessions I'm doing with her (while I told her I don't want a therapeutic relationship with her), the judgment, the subtle not so subtle demeaning, the shaming, the guilt tripping, the gaslighting, the cliffhangers (I'll tell you another time), etc.

So no manipulator, thanks. I had my share. I'm sure a guy will be happy to kiss her feet. Not me.

I worked too hard on myself to accept being treated like that.

I'm free again. Now I have new experiences so the next one will be better. I saw the red flags but minimized them as she had lots of good things in her. I did not fall in love with her now I understand why. She was basically using me to feel better about herself. The energy/love I was giving her was healing her inner shit.

And she took advantage of me. Another lesson, another day.

It's not the way I wanted it to have ended. I wanted to have a conversation with her but it was too much in a short amount of time. I felt too abused and disrespected by someone I gave so much. So total abuse disguised as a relationship. I saw my friends and my stepbrother fall into that. I promised myself not to do this no matter what. I'm holding on that promise still.

Her quality is not high enough for me to feel love, supported and understood. So no intimate relationship with her. I lost all trust in her and there's no way I would give her a second chance. 2-3 months of senseless drama is enough. She's got to heal her traumas and I told her.

So no more shit for me, no thank you!

Lucio Buffalmano, Ali Scarlett and 3 other users have reacted to this post.

#86 · January 16, 2024, 1:17 am

She tried to frame herself as the prize all along. Turns out she was not it and was actually overcharging.

Lucio Buffalmano, Ali Scarlett and 3 other users have reacted to this post.

#87 · January 16, 2024, 7:16 am

Actually prizing is self-credit inflating. It’s about saying that the person is worth more than we really are: “you don’t know what I can do…”

Another woman who’s now but a memory to me. Another hope that feels like a dream buried in the cemetery of maybes.

Another fight that reality won over imagination.

Each time this happens I feel a bit heavier. A little bit sadder.

Such is the price of wisdom. Sometimes a little bit lighter. Sometimes a little bit heavier.

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#88 · January 16, 2024, 11:17 am

Quote from Power Duck on January 16, 2024, 11:17 am
Quote from John Freeman on January 16, 2024, 12:25 am
Was on the phone with her. The day before she did again some manipulative stuff. I warned her that I would not let anyone trump on my inner peace. I told her that I worked too hard on my self-esteem and inner peace to let it get damaged. She apologized many times and I thought we were good to go.
And today on the phone, again. Trap questions after trap questions despite my warnings. Then it was the straw that tipped the camel's back: "have you ever cheated on one of your GF?" (on the phone!) I could not believe it. I said it was a trap question and she said: "so it means yes". And yes it is yes. But the way she did was very nasty. I felt dirty and shamed. It was abusive to me. If she would have approached it differently, I would have told her all the truth as I did so far.
So I got angry, said that when she asked me yesterday if I felt disrespected sometimes (and already given her examples yesterday), that was an example. I said I had high standards, that I did not tolerate this kind of behaviour. That if she was doing it again it was over (I meant it). She asked me to help her know what was it. I felt it was again gaslighting playing the innocent card. She apologised but it was bad apology (did not meant it, just wanted to calm me down) so it was even worse. I said I did not accept her apologies. I felt dirty now. That I felt like that yesterday and also a week ago. That she was getting the worst part of me: the negative and aggressive part. That I did not want to be with someone who drew the bad in me. I told her that she used a moment of vulnerability to dump her (spiritual) shit on me (it's been years nobody did that to me). I said I did not want to talk to her anymore (I meant "in the moment" at this point). I told her I felt her shit and I did not see why I should. I told her that 1 week ago when we talked until 3 am, it took me 3-4 days to process her emotional/spiritual shit (I still feel it now as I write these words).
I hung up. And right away knew this relationshit was not for me. I blocked her on WA and on my phone. I sent her a text saying that I was cancelling our next 3 events: wine tasting, cirque du soleil and Zurich week-end get away. I sent her the money back for cirque du soleil that she paid me (only part of it since for some reason, I could not send it all in one piece, maybe I have to wait next day or next month, but I'll make sure to send her all the money back. Her account seemed have received too many transactions). Too much bad for such a short amount of time. Too much abuse. It's taking more than it's giving me in my life.
Yes she's beautiful and smart. Yes my friends are envious. Yes I get to have sex and cool conversations. I also get to learn from her.
But all of this is not worth the manipulation, the abuse, the disrespect, the stress, the lack of sleep, the therapy sessions I'm doing with her (while I told her I don't want a therapeutic relationship with her), the judgment, the subtle not so subtle demeaning, the shaming, the guilt tripping, the gaslighting, the cliffhangers (I'll tell you another time), etc.
So no manipulator, thanks. I had my share. I'm sure a guy will be happy to kiss her feet. Not me.
I worked too hard on myself to accept being treated like that.
I'm free again. Now I have new experiences so the next one will be better. I saw the red flags but minimized them as she had lots of good things in her. I did not fall in love with her now I understand why. She was basically using me to feel better about herself. The energy/love I was giving her was healing her inner shit.
And she took advantage of me. Another lesson, another day.
It's not the way I wanted it to have ended. I wanted to have a conversation with her but it was too much in a short amount of time. I felt too abused and disrespected by someone I gave so much. So total abuse disguised as a relationship. I saw my friends and my stepbrother fall into that. I promised myself not to do this no matter what. I'm holding on that promise still.
Her quality is not high enough for me to feel love, supported and understood. So no intimate relationship with her. I lost all trust in her and there's no way I would give her a second chance. 2-3 months of senseless drama is enough. She's got to heal her traumas and I told her.
So no more shit for me, no thank you!
Cheers John.
Not much to say. So I'll leave a quote and some thoughts:
“Gold tests with fire, woman with gold, man with woman.”
I see this situation as a test of strength ,maybe you do too. You put yourself and the mission before a "quarrelsome" woman, you prioritised your higher self before the status, sex and company that a beautiful woman gives.
And to me, a man that is able to do that has my admiration and respect, and many, including myself, aspire to be like that one day too.

Quote from John Freeman on January 16, 2024, 12:25 am
Was on the phone with her. The day before she did again some manipulative stuff. I warned her that I would not let anyone trump on my inner peace. I told her that I worked too hard on my self-esteem and inner peace to let it get damaged. She apologized many times and I thought we were good to go.
And today on the phone, again. Trap questions after trap questions despite my warnings. Then it was the straw that tipped the camel's back: "have you ever cheated on one of your GF?" (on the phone!) I could not believe it. I said it was a trap question and she said: "so it means yes". And yes it is yes. But the way she did was very nasty. I felt dirty and shamed. It was abusive to me. If she would have approached it differently, I would have told her all the truth as I did so far.
So I got angry, said that when she asked me yesterday if I felt disrespected sometimes (and already given her examples yesterday), that was an example. I said I had high standards, that I did not tolerate this kind of behaviour. That if she was doing it again it was over (I meant it). She asked me to help her know what was it. I felt it was again gaslighting playing the innocent card. She apologised but it was bad apology (did not meant it, just wanted to calm me down) so it was even worse. I said I did not accept her apologies. I felt dirty now. That I felt like that yesterday and also a week ago. That she was getting the worst part of me: the negative and aggressive part. That I did not want to be with someone who drew the bad in me. I told her that she used a moment of vulnerability to dump her (spiritual) shit on me (it's been years nobody did that to me). I said I did not want to talk to her anymore (I meant "in the moment" at this point). I told her I felt her shit and I did not see why I should. I told her that 1 week ago when we talked until 3 am, it took me 3-4 days to process her emotional/spiritual shit (I still feel it now as I write these words).
I hung up. And right away knew this relationshit was not for me. I blocked her on WA and on my phone. I sent her a text saying that I was cancelling our next 3 events: wine tasting, cirque du soleil and Zurich week-end get away. I sent her the money back for cirque du soleil that she paid me (only part of it since for some reason, I could not send it all in one piece, maybe I have to wait next day or next month, but I'll make sure to send her all the money back. Her account seemed have received too many transactions). Too much bad for such a short amount of time. Too much abuse. It's taking more than it's giving me in my life.
Yes she's beautiful and smart. Yes my friends are envious. Yes I get to have sex and cool conversations. I also get to learn from her.
But all of this is not worth the manipulation, the abuse, the disrespect, the stress, the lack of sleep, the therapy sessions I'm doing with her (while I told her I don't want a therapeutic relationship with her), the judgment, the subtle not so subtle demeaning, the shaming, the guilt tripping, the gaslighting, the cliffhangers (I'll tell you another time), etc.
So no manipulator, thanks. I had my share. I'm sure a guy will be happy to kiss her feet. Not me.
I worked too hard on myself to accept being treated like that.
I'm free again. Now I have new experiences so the next one will be better. I saw the red flags but minimized them as she had lots of good things in her. I did not fall in love with her now I understand why. She was basically using me to feel better about herself. The energy/love I was giving her was healing her inner shit.
And she took advantage of me. Another lesson, another day.
It's not the way I wanted it to have ended. I wanted to have a conversation with her but it was too much in a short amount of time. I felt too abused and disrespected by someone I gave so much. So total abuse disguised as a relationship. I saw my friends and my stepbrother fall into that. I promised myself not to do this no matter what. I'm holding on that promise still.
Her quality is not high enough for me to feel love, supported and understood. So no intimate relationship with her. I lost all trust in her and there's no way I would give her a second chance. 2-3 months of senseless drama is enough. She's got to heal her traumas and I told her.
So no more shit for me, no thank you!

Cheers John.

Not much to say. So I'll leave a quote and some thoughts:

“Gold tests with fire, woman with gold, man with woman.”

I see this situation as a test of strength ,maybe you do too. You put yourself and the mission before a "quarrelsome" woman, you prioritised your higher self before the status, sex and company that a beautiful woman gives.

And to me, a man that is able to do that has my admiration and respect, and many, including myself, aspire to be like that one day too.

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#89 · January 16, 2024, 10:28 pm

Gracias hermano.

Estoy escribiendo esto en español. Escribiste el mensaje de arriba desde tu corazón. Este lo escribo desde el mío.

Tu mensaje tocó mi alma. No tengo nada más que añadir. A veces las palabras no pueden transmitir lo suficiente lo que sentimos.

Tu amigo,

John.

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#90 · January 16, 2024, 11:58 pm

Merci, mon frère 🙂

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